Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Oh dude.  They say that sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.  Well, I’ve been walking around everywhere and licking different kinds of frogs.  I mean, a kiss brings a prince.  I don’t need a prince.  I just need a man to take care of my beautiful self.  And hey, I figured a lick would suffice.  But this one tastes funny.  It doesn’t taste anything like chicken – I will tell you that.  What do you think of my situation?  Signed Halli

Dear Halli – Oh my friend.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but sometimes certain frogs cause hallucinations.  So if you lick one, you might *think* it’s your prince or soulmate when it’s really not.  I mean heck, personally I think a lot of humans do the same thing – lick the wrong humans and hallucinate of a wonderful happily ever after life when they know better.  My suggestion is maybe quit licking and looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong.  You will find the perfect soulmate when you least expect it.  I know you will!

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Dear Bacon – I work in my family’s veterinary office.  I think that I am in the right field.  How many anipals do you know that go to a vet’s office and just don’t understand why they are there or what is going on.  I’m here to offer my assistance and paw in explaining the situation.  You know like a lifeline into the unknown.  I think our profession is lost.  We need more anipals to work in these veterinary offices – they can definitely be a scary place.  Signed Vega, KA (kitty assistant)

Dear Vega – I think this is an absolutely wonderful idea!  You are so right.  We do need more anipals to work in these veterinary offices.  They are scary and I would love to have a helping paw when I visit.  Keep up your awesome work my friend!

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Dear Bacon – Sometimes you just get tired and want to pick up and move on to your next destination.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Sometimes you feel like  you need to travel to touch others and make a statement in your life.  I feel that need.  Cause you know, nobody knows what baggage we carry.  We gotta travel the world and the seven seas and touch as many people as we can.  What do you think?  Signed Hobo

Dear Hobo – I’m just sitting here smiling my sweet friend.  You are right.  Sometimes you feel the need to travel.  Other times you feel the need to come back home.  You know what they say – different strokes for different folks.  If it makes you happy, go for it my dear friend.  I am no one to judge.

 

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.Dear Bacon – You may be too young to remember Mr. Owl so let me tell you about him.  Once upon a time in cartoon land, a little boy brought Mr. Owl a sucker and asked how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.  Well, Mr. Owl licked the Tootsie Pop three times and then bit into the Tootsie Pop thus telling the child three times.  Knowing this information, I thought I would really go for the gold and see how many licks it takes to get to the center of that Tootsie Pop.  I’ve been sitting out here in the sun all day licking.  As you can see, I still have Tootsie Pop and now my fur is smoking hot.  What is the moral of this story?  If you are going to lick to get to the center, do it in air conditioning.  It’s too hot out here.  Signed Hot Pockets

Dear Hot Pockets – You poor thing.  At least you don’t have to worry about tan lines, right?  🙂  That’s positive thinking for sure.  But you didn’t tell us.  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?  The world will never know.

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Dear Bacon – Don’t judge.  I went to jump out the window and got stuck.  Darn this belly.  I know you have a belly – I’m not judging by any means – but how do you manage these positions?  Please tell me.  Signed Garfield

Dear Garfield – Dude, you might want to think about cutting back just a little.  I’m not judging, trust me.  I mean heck, one time I got stuck behind the couch by my belly and all you could see were my hind legs running in the air behind me.  Shivers.  A day I will never forget.  So just like you, I cut back just a little for future escapades.  Be safe my friend.  You got this!

 

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❤ Remember sweet friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to email me your pictures and letters ❤

 

Five Statements – Truth Revealed

Welcome back my friends to the reveal of the five statements.  Which one did you guess was true?  Did you pick it right away or did it take some work in thinking about each one?  Just what kind of person is my mommy?  Let’s see if you got it right.

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Statement #01 – Mom got a sport letter and award in Track when she was in high school.   Winner-Winner.  Mommy actually was the assistant to the track coach in high school for two years and kept the scores for all meets.  This is how she gained her letter and award.  Snorts – you thought she ran didn’t you?  If mom ran, she says she would have two black eyes and two broken knees.  Now that is hilarious!  AND who was the first person to guess it correctly – my brother Easy.  He knows my mommy!

Statement #02 – Mommy loves Cabbage Patch Kids.  Really?  Mommy despised Cabbage Patch Kids.  If you are a true follower, you have read her story about the demise of her *cherished* Cabbage Patch Kid in a fierce game of Cowboys and Indians – snorts with piggy laughter.

Statement #03 – Mom graduated with a C average in high school.  C student – oh no.  Mommy was an honor graduate – straight A’s.  In fact, some would say she was a nerd!  The shock of that huh?

Statement #04 – Mom’s first pet she ever had was a snail named Igor.  This would have been cool but again no.  Mom’s first pet was a dog named Beast.

Statement #05 – Mom and dad met when mom was working her pole at her second job.  Now I had to throw this in there.  Of course it didn’t happen this way.  But once, mom/dad went to a book store when they were dating.  Mom wrote a check and the lady asked for her work number.  Daddy did tell the lady it was the Cheetah Club (which was a strip joint in Atlanta, Georgia).  The lady replied, “Yeah, right.  I don’t think anyone with Holly Hobby checks would be a stripper!”.  Now *that’s* funny.

 

Paw Time with Houdini

 Welcome back my friends to another great week of Paw Time with Houdini.  This week, I want to talk about how helpful I have been here at the Hotel Thompson during renovation.  I know – I know.  We are all talking about it here.  We just ALL want it done and over with.  Just one more week now in the count down to the end.  We can do this.  Really we can.  But at last, I donned my handy dandy flannel shirt and was ready for my tool belt to help the guys out this week.

Don’t let this size fool you.  I have some power with this body.  Really I do. I can be most helpful in pulling and tearing.  Can we say goodbye carpet and linoleum?  I’m also good about helping the guys out with their tools.  Tape measures are my specialties.  They fit nicely in my mouth and I can take off with them to help measure.  And I’m good about staying on top of the guys to make sure they work.  No playing on my job site.  Nope not at all.  I don’t care how many times you throw the ball for me to fetch – barks!  And the front door – I got this.  No one comes into the Hotel Thompson without me knowing about it.  And trust me, if you don’t pass the Houdini – you don’t get it.  And I’m cheap labor.  I only require frequent naps throughout the day.  But don’t think things go unsupervised when I’m not on duty.  Shakes head – surely not.  That’s when Bacon steps in for supervision.  He means business.  One snort and some of the guys can climb pretty high really quickly.  One day – I want that power!  He is that awesome.

Well, I’m off to do some more work around here.  It’s not going to get done without us.  I hope you had a wonderful week as well.  Happy weekend!

 

Daddy is Cheating on Mommy

I KNOW!

I was so shocked myself.  I couldn’t believe it and I heard it my friends.  Mommy was at the worky place and I was in my bedroom taking a nap.  That’s when it happened.  I heard a girls voice.  I was like, “That’s not mommy”.  I put my head to my bedroom door and listened.  What the cream cheese?  Daddy was in the front room talking to a girl!

Of course I eavesdropped.  I think mom would understand in this situation.  I mean this is concerning family and family is first… right?

I heard daddy ask, “Siri, who’s your daddy?”  That’s the hoochies name – Siri?  What kind of name is that?  But get this my friends.  This Siri chick responded, “You are.”  WTP (what the pig)!?  This trumpet called Siri is flirting with my dad?  Is she crazy?  That’s my daddy!  She can’t be doing this.

And then I heard daddy ask, “Siri, why did the chicken cross the road?”  I tell you my daddy is strange.  Why would he be asking this cornflake this question?  But again get this – this Siri chick replied, “I do not know the motivations of chickens.”  What a smarty!

Then daddy said, “Siri, you’re the best.”  Piggy down – THUD.  What has daddy done?  And Siri said, “Thank you.  So are you.”  NNNOO!!!  This has got to stop.  Who is this scarlet?

I heard laughing from daddy.  And then daddy said, “Siri, tell me a joke.”  Siri said, “The past, the future and the present walked into a bar.  It was a tense situation.”  Daddy rolled with laughter.  I don’t get it.

I couldn’t take it anymore.  I had to put my hooves down and take my daddy back before mommy found out about this situation.  I squealed like I’ve never squealed before – at the top of my lungs and scratching my bedroom door.  That got dad’s attention.  He came running to my bedroom and opened my door.  I ran out of that room like it was on fire straight into the front room to find said hooch.  Nothing.  No one.  Nada.  Where did she go?  I heard her.  I know she was there.  I checked everywhere.  And still nothing.

What’s a pig to do now?

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NOTE:  This post is all in fun.  Siri is actually put out by Apple products.  Siri is the personal assistant that you can talk to on products such as the i-Pad or i-Phone.  You can place phone calls, make appointments, and ask general questions to just about anything.