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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Sometimes I smell things.  And then I see things.  No, i’m not a ghost.  You see it seems like the yard next to me has it going on with Stacy’s mom.  She’s always grilling and hanging out near the pool.  I just want to go over and play.  The other day, the laughter and the smells were so wonderful.  I stuck my head under the gate to see what was taking place.  I wasn’t really stuck but I acted like it to get everyone’s attention.  They came to the gate and invited me over.  What a party!  Signed Pup of the Party

Dear Pup of the Party – Hey dude, it sounds like you had the plan for the party.  You got an invite – I knew you would with that cute little grin.  Now go and play like a good fellow – tell Stacy’s mom I said hey.


Dear Bacon – My master likes to play in the yard and work the ground for a garden.  Rolls my doggy eyes.  I’ll help to a certain point – especially when he is planting the watermelon.  Who doesn’t love watermelon, right?  This is me helping my master out by holding his tools.  And I always say safety first – wear a hat to keep the sun out of your face.  Signed Garden Patch

Dear Garden Patch – Hey my friend I like the way you think.  Maybe your master should give my mom some lessons on growing watermelons.  I love those big balls of wonder.  They are so tasty – I even like eating the rind.  Licks piggy lips.  Now look what you have done.  My miniature pot-belly is rumbling for the hungry of a watermelon.  Maybe its not too late in the stores for mom to pick me up one?  I love you being a helping paw.  I think the humans could use more of them.  Take care my friend – happy gardening.


Dear Bacon – You *always* have that one sibling that can’t keep their tongue out of your ear.  Purrs in aggravation.  Dory has been ‘grooming’ my ear now for twenty minutes.  Can you please make her go away?  If I screech at her, she’ll run to mommy that I’m not playing nice.  Girls – eeww.  Signed Marlin

Dear Marlin – Girls.  That’s all you had to say my friend.  You can’t live with them and you definitely can’t live without them.  You have nerves of steel to let your sister Dory bother you for that long.  Hopefully, it will be over soon.  If not, perhaps you can stretch and tell her you need a bathroom break.  Just a thought!


Dear Bacon – I am not amused.  Really, I’m not.  The human insisted that I needed a bath.  I could have done my own thank you very much.  But no – the human wanted to give me one.  Help me.  That’s all I gotta say and I’m thinking my look says it all.  Signed Cat in a Shower Cap

Dear Cat in a Shower Cap – Well, wait a minute I need to get a straight face for this, you look all nice and clean.  How ironical that your mom picked out a Tweety Bird towel for you.  It’s kind of fitting.  And that shower cap – OMP – perfect.  No sense in getting water in those cute little perky ears.  Go with it my friend.

.


Dear Bacon –  Some people use dowsing rods to find paranormal activity.  I don’t need those.  Some people even use a sixth sense to find paranormal activity.  I don’t need those either.  Heck, I don’t need to find anything paranormal.  I just need to find food.  And let me tell you, with these ears of mine I can find all of the food I want.  They lead me and I follow.  There’s much to appreciate in letting your ears lead you.  Signed Food on the Run

Dear Food on the Run – I say let it be my friend – let it be!  Lead on to the food and pig out!

 

 

 

 

 

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12 Comments

Posted by on September 19, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Listen fellow swine.  How do you get it made so easily?  I live outside.  I don’t get my own room in the house.  Heck, the closest I get to the house is what they call a dog house.  I don’t get air conditioning or room service…let alone turn down service at night with bedtime stories.  Tell me pig – tell me how you got all that.  Signed Bushwhacked

Dear Bushwhacked – I’m sorry little dude.  My adopted parents didn’t have children and wanted a baby to nurture.  They picked me.  It was the best choice they could have made.  Some of us just get lucky that way.  You have nice things too.  You get to run and play outside and roll in the mud.  It’s not all luxury at Hotel Thompson.  I have to take weekly baths – can you imagine?!  I also have to live with 2 cats.  You think I got it made – those things think they rule the roost here.  I have to keep them in line.  Hang in there dude.  The grass is not always greener on the other side of the railroad tracks.


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Dear Bacon – Welcome to the wild side.  I’m a wild crab.  I like to party.  I like to boogey.  What say you come to the beach and let your wild side down for a change.  Signed Crabby Cakes.

Dear Crabby Cakes – Uumm, no.  You really shouldn’t smoke dude.  It stunts your growth.  Look at yourself in the mirror.  Thanks for the offer though.  I respect your lifestyle.  I’m just not a party pig.


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Dear Bacon – I hear you talking about your two purr brothers all of the time.  I would love to meet them.  They could take Catarate with me.  This is one of my moves that won me a medal at the CatOlympics.  I could probably even teach you a couple of new tricks.  Signed Catarate the Puss

Dear Catarate the Puss – Never underestimate my two purr brothers, especially Hemi.  I think they would definitely enjoy your classes.  I just don’t think *I’m* ready for the outcome of those classes… if you know what I mean.  Congratulations on your medal at the CatOlympics.  Keep up the hard work.  By the way, I’m digging your outfit.

 

❤ Snorts with piggy laughter ❤


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Dear Bacon – I’m a heavy metal squirrel rocker.  Down to my squirrel collar and earring.  I’m bad to the bone.  When I’m in the neighborhood hunting nuts, people just hand them over to me.  That’s how bad I am.  Maybe we can come up with a look for you little man.  What do you think – punk pig?  Signed Punk Squirrel

Dear Punk Squirrel – Okay, I’ve seen it all now.  I do appreciate your Mohawk.  I sport one myself from time to time.  As for the ear ring – I leave those to mom.  The squirrel collar, I don’t care for.  I don’t like anything around my neck.  My mom learned that a long time ago.  The look is cute though.  You can lose the cigarette and still look punking.  Why burn down your home in the tree with all of that smoke?  Rock on!

 

 
18 Comments

Posted by on September 12, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – We love to battle. We were made to battle. We’re actually pets too and not food. People don’t look at us as cute but we actually do have a sense of humor. We may not be cuddle buddies but people do look at us with this wondrous look on their face. Signed Lobster Buds

Dear Lobster Buds – I hate to be the piggy of bad news. That wondrous look is probably people salivating at the thought of you in their belly. I know I had my moment. People have a lot if different pets. Perhaps a bit of advice? Drop the utensils in battle. You’re just giving people ideas… Like you come with eating utensils.



Dear Bacon – I was watching a nature show at the zoo. What? Of course bears watch television. Anyway, it was about frogs. I’m fascinated on everything about them. I especially like the way they sit. I think it’s awesome. I also think I have perfected it. What do you think? Signed Crouching Frog Bear

Dear Crouching Frog Bear – Perhaps you need to change that channel to Dr Phil, Dr Oz or some other doctor show. You’re a bear. Bears are suppose to be … well bears not frogs. If you want to play frog, do it after the zoo closes. While the zoo is open, let your inner bear shine.



Dear Bacon – Me and my friend Bird have a wonderful game that we play. He comes down from the majestic sky, we grab on to each other and then I kitty dive. It’s a blast! We have so much fun. Next time you’re in town, come fly with us. Signed Flying Puss

Dear Flying Puss – Hey if this is your favorite pastime and you two trust each other, go for it. As far as flying pig, I’ll pass. There are downfalls to me flying. One thing, I weigh a lot more. Another thing, I think others world look at me as food. 🙂 happy flying.

 

 
14 Comments

Posted by on September 5, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
They say that we can all stand on our heads. I don’t know. I think I may be vertically challenged or maybe my head is not flat enough. I just can’t seem to be able to do it all the way with my back legs straight up. It throws me off balance. Can you do it? Signed Not Happening

Dear Not Happening,
Never dear friend. Sometimes we are just not built to do these weird things that you see the humans partake. I can’t stand on my head. This pot belly of mine knocks me off center every time. And my mom, even though she’s human, she can’t do it either. Don’t try to be like everyone else. Make your own path and be happy – leave the sitting to your bottom.


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Dear Bacon,
There’s always that one idiot that has to pop in your picture. Can you relate? I was minding my own business in this shot. I just wanted it to look halfway decent to post on my Pet Harmony dating profile. Signed Available

Dear Available,
Yep. I know exactly what you are talking about. Hemi, the purr thing here at the Hotel Thompson, thinks he should be in every camera shot. He is always photo bombing my pictures. Just keep smiling. Pay back can really be tortuous for our sidekicks. Right? Maybe sign up your friend as well on Pet Harmony and post his picture – of course with your picture cropped out. Snort giggles.


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Dear Bacon,
It’s a wonderful thing to have such great friends. Out in the pasture, sometimes I just get tuckered out. That’s my good buddy will help me out and let me take a nap. Isn’t that nice of him? Signed Sleepy on the Road

Dear Sleepy on the Road,
That is an excellent friend. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen that kind of friendship before. You are most definitely one lucky little guy!


20130618-013210.jpgDear Bacon,
I think I need some anti wrinkle cream. Every time I wake up, I have more wrinkles! Soon, you’ll just see one giant sloppy dog. What can a pooch do? Please help. Signed Wrinkles

Dear Wrinkles,
As Lady Gaga once said, “Just put your paws up, Cause you were born this way, baby”. Embrace the way you are and don’t try to fight it my friend. Be happy in your own wrinkles.

 
19 Comments

Posted by on August 29, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20130618-013318.jpgDear Bacon,
What? Don’t hate. You know you want a hat just like mine so you can play outside with it. Right? Signed Scooter

Dear Scooter,

Yeah, sure. I would absolutely LOVE to have a hat like yours to wear outside and make the funny thing on top go around and around Maybe if it was real windy, I could fly. I like the sound of that! So, yes two please my friend 🙂


20130618-013334.jpgDear Bacon,
This is just me telling my friends on how to get more seed and nuts from the humans. Any suggestions for us? Signed Cute as Can Be

Dear Cute as Can Be,

Well you can also take tips from Journalist Rocky the Squirrel. He knocks on our back door frequently asking for a cup of nuts for him and his family. Mom even throws leftover bread out to them to help them out. You know, you do what you have to do. This economy has hit us all! Take care my friends. If you are ever near the Hotel Thompson, knock on the back door. 🙂


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Dear Bacon,
I’ve read about your adventures in your magical back yard. Now this is what *I* consider a magical back yard… with drink in hand! You’re mom promised you a pool. Make her pay up pal. Signed Simple Puss

Dear Simple Puss,

I like the way you think my friend! My mommy made a lot of promises to get me outside. Although its only happened once so far, I think I need to make her pay up with one of the promises being a pool. Do you think I would be pushing it to be able to lay in a chair with a drink and food like you have?


 

20130618-013414.jpgDear Bacon,
I love to play music. I can bang that keyboard with the best of them. This is me practicing, “Unleashed Melody”. It’s a sad and soothing song to us pooches. Have you ever heard of it? Do you play any musical instruments? Signed Wolfgang Pooch

Dear Wolfgang Pooch,

You do have some talent – way to go my talented young friend. I haven’t heard of that song yet but I will be sure to Google it on the internet and listen to it. I know it has to be amazing! As for this little piglet’s talent. Let me see…. I’m thinking…. mommy says I rip some good ones… but I don’t think she’s referring to a musical instrument for some reason 🙂

I’ll keep thinking about that answer. Take care and maybe we shall see you soon in the Hollywood lights!


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Dear Bacon,

Don’t even say it. I know – I know. Yo Quiero Taco Bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s really funny. Ha Ha. My humans think it’s funny to dress me up as a taco. How would they like it if I dressed them up like a hot dog? BOL (Barking out loud)! Signed TB

Dear TB,

First off, tell me they didn’t name you Taco Bell – TB for short. Now that would be funny. Oh, I’m sorry. But look on the other hand. You are cute. AND, I bet if they took you to a Taco Bell in the drive thru, you would get free food. Free food – that’s good, isn’t it? Be proud little guy. Wear it with pride.

 
19 Comments

Posted by on August 22, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

After reading your column last week about a cat that does yoga, I thought what the heck. My master has a room for meditation so I tried it.

This position is called my sitting dog pose. I really does work on calming your nerves. Thanks little pig. Signed Peaceful Pal

Dear Peaceful Pal,
I’m glad it worked out for you. You do look really grounded in that picture. Keep up the great work!


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Dear Bacon – hiccup,

My humans tell me that – slurred – I’m spending too much time with my close friend Jose. Hiccup. They don’t complain about me catting around on the streets anymore. They just don’t like my choice of friends. Hiccup. What should I do. Can they pick my friends? Signed Frisky Fiesta

Dear Frisky Fiesta,
You do understand that your friend Jose is not really ‘real’, right? Instead of having a problem with your choice of ‘friends’, you’re humans might want to look into some classes for you… With TAA (Tomcats Alcohol Anonymous). Perhaps you should lose the hat, get a new friend and start listening to the humans. Take care my friend.


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Dear Bacon,

Are baths really necessary? They freak me out. Signed Wet Purrbie

Dear Wet Purrbie,
I love baths. They’re very relaxing. Especially when mom puts bubbles in the water. Instead of fighting it, embrace it. My purr things here love the water. We all do. After a bath, we all get our hair done – that is heaven. Find your happy place during bath time and learn to enjoy it.


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Dear Bacon,

Just wanted to let you know man that we enjoy your posts. Happy Friday. Signed Don’t Worry Be Happy

Dear Don’t Worry Be Happy,
Thanks so much. It takes support and encouragement from fans like you to keep it going. I appreciate that. Happy Friday back to you.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on August 15, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
One of my characters is Harry Potter. I’ve read all of his books and seen all of the movies multiple times. Do you think it’s weird of me to dress like this? Signed Harry Trotter

Dear Harry Trotter,
We can have our idols too. I favor Spiderman AKA Spiderpig. It doesn’t hurt anyone so why not? You trot my man – you trot!

 

 

 


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Dear Bacon,
The other kitties in the house make fun of me because I pray every night. They say animals can’t do this. I say they can. What do you think? You never know until you ask, right?  Signed Praying Puss

Dear Praying Puss,
If He moves in your heart to pray, go for it. Don’t let others judge or try to change you. Pray on my friend.

 


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Dear Bacon,
I need help. I just can’t smile. This is my happy face. I’m a rough and tumble kind of pooch.  I take no crap.  I protect the house.  I protect the master.  I can’t afford to smile.  A dog has to do what a dog has to do.  Any suggestions?  Signed Canine Exposed.

Dear Canine Exposed,

I understand wanting to protect the house, master and what is rightfully yours.  I’m going to assume that you are single.  You need to relax the lips and teeth sometimes and let someone close.  You can smile and still be a strong dog in charge.  Just know when to show the teeth and when not to.  Good luck!


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Hey Pig,

Two people can play this game.  I borrowed your computer earlier and surfed the net.  You’re not the only one with skills.  Just wait until you find out where I’ve been using your log in.  HEE HEE – Signed Hemi the Master

Dear Hemi the You Think You Are The Master,

Stay out of my room.  I’m going to tell mom on you.  Keep your claws off what is not yours.  Just remember – all is fair in love and war.  I have the proof in the picture that you were using my toys again.  Be afraid.


Dear Bacon,

We think you’re handsome!  We all take turns driving a pink Corvette.  You would look awesome in it.  If you are ever in Dallas, come see us.  Signed Charlies Bunnies

Dear Charlies Bunnies,

Thanks for the invite girls.  You rock!

 
12 Comments

Posted by on August 8, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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