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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  It is that time of the year to celebrate graduations.  Here I am with my pup who just graduated from the top of his training class.  I told him we would go out for Mexican and a little Samuel Adams for the pop if you know what I mean.  These classes don’t come cheap.  But only the best for my son.  I told little Bubba that we would take a selfie to remember this moment forever.  They are only young once and grow so fast.  If I close my eyes, he might be driving next week!  Signed Big Bubba.

Dear BB – Now that is so awesome my friend.  What a way to celebrate the moment at paw.  And you are right.  The little tykes grow up so fast.  At first I had a little rolling stone and now he travels so much I have no clue where he is this week – snorts with piggy laughter.  Enjoy the little minutes friend!


Dear Bacon – There I was minding my own business playing in the hood.  The master called me and I came willing.  That’s when he started spelling words.  Really?  We can spell you know.  Then I heard the letters to that God forsaken place – gulps – the V.E.T.  I was like, “Whatcha talkin bout Willis?” Yep, I call my human by his first name when he says that three lettered bad word.  As if anyone wants to go and get felt up by the V.E.T.  Do your humans do this?  Signed Arnold

Dear Arnold – The man has some nerve.  Humans forget we are smart anipals for sure.  Of course we can spell! We can do all kinds of things the humans don’t know about it when they are not looking.  Of course, that’s a post for another day – snorts!  I think you should ignore the human.  Who really *needs* to go get felt up?… well maybe if there is a cute poodle involved and that is a strong maybe!


Dear Bacon – Do you ever wonder why the earth move sometimes?  No not like around orbit or anything.  I mean like you are in the house and you hear a huge bang or a rumble on the streets.  It’s not what you think.  You may *think* that it’s maybe a thunder storm or a big truck.  Nope it’s not.  It’s us Super Squirrels letting pooches know who really is in charge – us.  This is a picture of me fixing to rock a dog’s world.  Just imagine what the dog looked like when he saw me in mid-strike.  HA!  Signed Super Squirrel

Dear Super Squirrel – OMP!  It all makes sense now.  This is why Australia doesn’t have squirrels.  Possibly – and I stress possibly – all the continents were united and you Super Squirrels took force like the Marvel comics and broke everything apart.  Tell me my friend, am I on the right track?  Try to keep your strikes down okay.  We don’t need anymore continental drifts – snorts.


 

Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  I’m not amused.  First up my human goes into hysterics when he looks at me and calls me Scooby.  He is always offering me Scooby snacks and asking me if I’m ready for a mystery.  The line was drawn when he got me this new collar.  I think my human has went over the fine line of sanity.  I really do.  Can you help my human out?  His name is Shaggy and he is even talking about taking me to something called DragonCon this year.  What the heck is that?  Barks – Scoob

Dear Scoob – Oh dude, your owner is just having a lot of fun for sure.  I can see Scooby Doo in you.  Scooby Doo is like a happening pooch that is great at solving mysteries and he even belongs to a gang.  Of course the gang is called Mystery Inc.  It’s not a bad thing at all my friend.  And this DragonCon thing is a huge convention where you can meet so many new friends.  Heck, you might even meet someone that looks like you.  What a blast it would be.  Maybe Houdini can come dressed as Scrappy?  Look Scrappy up – it would be a blast!


Dear Bacon – Do you ever feel like you are being made the butt of all your staff’s jokes?  My staff put these glasses on me and have not stopped laughing since.  Heck, the mommy almost made water down her leg from laughing so hard.  Who says that us anipals are the ‘kids’ these days.  Really!  Signed Googly

Dear Googly – Shaking my head.  I understand completely.  My humans are two of the biggest kids ever here in the south.  I don’t trust them to leave the house by themselves.  Trouble doesn’t find them.  They find trouble.  It’s so embarrassing.  You just keep your eye on the situation my friend.

 

 
14 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Please make my humans stop.  It rains a lot where we live.  They insisted on getting me this raincoat.  I see nothing funny.  Yet, my humans laugh their butts off every time they put it on me.  I don’t get it.  Signed Sluggo

Dear Sluggo – Shaking my head.  Pal, I have to say that raincoat says it all, especially with knowing your name now.  You humans have a wicked sense of humor indeed.  I wouldn’t be upset with them.  Go with it and have a blast in your raincoat.  Now, if they start laying down some salt where you walk, that’s where I would draw the line.  Snorts with piggy laughter – yeah – draw the line.


Dear Bacon – I went on Pet Harmony and signed up for some adventure in my life.  I don’t think this is what I had in mind for adventure.  I was thinking a little cat calling at night, maybe some fence walking, trash can tipping and singing to the Cat Gods.  I don’t think for some reason my user name helped me out with what I wanted.  Where did I go wrong?  Signed Chick Magnet

Dear Chick Magnet – Oh friend.  I think you might want to rethink that user name.  I think some of your fellow anipals to it too literally.  But then again, you can’t claim false advertising.  You are a chick magnet.  Who knew you could get that many chicks on top of you.


Dear Bacon – Sometimes you are born this way.  There could be a million reasons to make the perfect illusion but that would start a bad romance.  Til it happens to you, don’t hate the paparazzi.  They could make you speechless.  So keep that poker face my friend.  Signed Lady Kitty Kitty

Dear Lady Kitty Kitty – You do remind me of someone.  I just can’t put my hoof on it.  Maybe I’ll just dance and think on it for a while.  I love your look my friend.  It’s you and everyone is an individual.  Wear it with pride always!


Dear Bacon – I’m not sure why my humans woke up from bed, saw me, screamed and passed out.  I don’t get it at all.  They were watching television and fell asleep on the sofa.  I got bored so I crawled up on the ledge of the television stand and took a quick siesta myself.  I woke up and stretched I guess about the same time they did.  For humans, let me tell you, they can scream loud!  Signed The Ringer

Dear The Ringer – Dear Lord have mercy.  I think I would have lost my crap as well kitty.  Don’t you scare people or anipals like that again.  Do you not watch television at all?!  I gotta go now.  I think I tinkled myself.


Dear Bacon – Just wanted to give you a heads up on some sound relationship advice. Sometimes all it takes is one accessory to catch the ladies.  I find that the perfect hat can start a wonderful relationship.  You should try it sometimes my friend.  Signed Cowboy Up

Dear Cowboy Up – Oh my!  This sounds ideal for sure.  I think I will go shopping for some accessories.  How could a little piglet in a hat go wrong?  Thanks for the great relationship help my friend!

 


❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send your letters/pictures to me via email ❤

 
14 Comments

Posted by on May 16, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  There I was swimming around in my home.  You know, minding my own business and keeping to myself.  That’s when I saw this shark bait hanging out in a flimsy cage.  Ha – as if those cages are shark proof.  Shaking my head.  When will the humans learn, right?  Anyway, I was swimming and I saw this human with a camera thing taking pictures of my home.  Then the human did the weirdest thing.  He took one of those selfies that are all the rage over the internet.  Well, you know I thought I would help him out and swam up behind him at just the right moment.  By the looks of his eyes, I think it surprised him.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it did.  The water got cold in our area for a few minutes – ha!  Signed Sharky

Dear Sharky – Oh.my.piggy.heavens!   Dude, I would pee all over myself if you did that to me too!  In fact, that’s where us anipals are smarter than the humans.  There is no way we would put ourselves in these situations.  Shaking my head.  Nope, not at all.  That is one selfie he will not forget anytime soon for sure!


Dear Bacon – My master thinks this is a joke.  There is no joke here.  Just wait until he falls asleep which he has to do at some point.  Just wait.  What?  You aren’t laughing at me too.  Are you?  Putting a peach in front of me and saying there is more fuzz on said peach than my body is a cruel joke.  Just wait until a position that peach near his person.  Will see if his girlfriend thinks it is a joke.  Signed Evil Kitty

Dear Evil Kitty – WOW.  You don’t play do you my friend?  My dad says that this is called Game On and the master gets what he gets for doing something like this to you.  I would love to see his face… and his girlfriend… when you peach him back.  Talk about impeachment.  Snorts with piggy laughter.


Dear Bacon – See my friend sometimes one has to take help when it’s needed.  My girlfriend called and said she was home alone.  Rather than run the 3 miles to her house, I caught a ride in the back of a sweet dumpster truck.  They never saw me and never knew they had a hitchhiker.  Just remember fellow anipals, take help where you need it!  Signed Hitchhiker to the Galaxy

Dear Hitchhiker to the Galaxy – SWEET my friend.  What a brilliant idea to come up with in a time of need.  Of course that would be awesome to hitch a ride to get to your girlfriends house.  Hope you got there quickly!  Take care my friend and remember next time to buckle up!


Dear Bacon – I have made a grand mistake.  Darn this birdseed!  There I was looking at the pretty seed and it was calling my name, “Squirrel come eat me.”  I ran to the top of the cylinder and looked into it blessing my lucky day.  That’s when this stupid bird came up and pushed me over the edge.  Now, I’m stuck in my prison.  It doesn’t matter if I eat all of the seed or not.  I’m stuck until a human sees me in my lockdown.  Why me?  Signed Squirrel in Solitude

Dear Squirrel in Solitude – Darn that bird!  Sometimes they can be so pesky.  I say this first hand seeing some birds in my magical backyard picking on you squirrels.  Wish I was closer.  I would certainly get you out of your predicament.  Hope you weren’t there too long.  It was definitely a catch 22 – you are near the food but trapped at the same time.  Then again, don’t eat too much.  You might not be able to get out!


Dear Bacon – All it took was this one picture for my human to see and pass out.  I thought it was simply brilliant.  Really I do.  By quickly glancing at the picture, did you also think I was broken in half?  I got you, didn’t I?  HA – Barking my head off.  I think this is priceless.  Call me a magician for sure.  Signed Sawed in Half

Dear Sawed in Half – I have to admit it, you got me.  At first glance, I thought oh my goodness this dog is broken.  Even my dad saw it and thought the same thing.  Awesome job in fooling everyone for sure.  You should enter this in some kind of contest for sure.  Thanks pal now keep it together – snorts with piggy laughter.

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Just chilling here in the jungle having my snack of bamboo.

It’s so bright here in my life that I have to wear shades.

Do you wear shades?  Signed Care Bear

Dear Care Bear – You know you do look awfully cool wearing those shades.

I’m going to have to see if mom can find me a pair for me to sport around.


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Dear Bacon – Hello man.  This is the picture from my pet annual that my mom got me this year from dog school.

Do I look like I’m a chilling here in this picture?  Because, I was like the happening pooch this year.  Signed Uptown

Dear Uptown – I like the look.  I could so easily see it catching on here in the neighborhood.

You ought to give P-Diddy a run for his money and come out with your own clothing line.  I bet it would be hot!


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Dear Bacon – Do these glasses make me all Sally Jessy Raphael or do they give me a classical smart look?  Signed Princess Tink Tink

Dear Princess Tink Tink – Well, honestly they do remind me of Ms. Raphael.

But, on the other hand they have a little more pink in them than hers that have more red.

I think you look classical with a touch of smart emphasis.  Vogue baby and wear those specs!


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Dear Bacon – Sometimes at the zoo when people aren’t looking, we can let our hair down and be ourselves.

Visitors don’t get to see the real ‘us’.  If they did, can you image what they would think?  Signed Caesar

Dear Cesar – I think it would be hoot if I went to the zoo and got to see the ‘real’ ya’ll.  It would be hilarious.

I bet you would have more people coming back to the zoo for visits.  I think you need to see if you can get the rules at the zoo changed.


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Dear Bacon – Hey little dude.  I’m from Hollywood and my owner walks me around all of the time with him everywhere we go.

A lot of people will walk up to me and tell my human that I remind them of someone but they can’t quite put their finger on it.  I’m not sure who in the world it would be.  Signed Spike

Dear Spike – I’m not really sure.  I think you are working the outfit though.  And hey, I’m sure you fit right in at the Hollywood hills.  Just keep enjoying the attention my friend.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on May 2, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Who says that the natural order of things in nature have to be that we don’t get along?  My name is Gull and this is my close pal Gator.

We’re like two peas in a pod.  We often play in the water like this.  Gator protects me from other things in the water and we have fun.  Can you believe that it actually blows peoples minds when they see us like this?  Signed Born to be Different

Dear Born to be Different – Hey my friends.  I think that is absolutely wonderful to have that kind of friendship.

I’m sure the other animals in the water look at you like a two piece snack from KFC but as long Gator is there to protect you – awesomesauce!


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Dear Bacon – The humans.  They will pay for this get up.  I feel totally ridiculous.  The nerve to dress me up as some kind of twisted frog.  I think the look on my face tells you everything you need to know.  Do you have any ideas on how I can get the humans back?  Signed Feeling Froggy

Dear Feeling Froggy – WOW!  Now that is some sort of predicament my friend.  I feel you 100%.  Your humans really did have some nerve in dressing you like a Kermit want to be.  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry with you on that get up.  As far as pay back – evil piggy snorts.

The humans they do have to sleep at some point.  I’m sure you can think of so many different ways to bring down the wrath of Froggy upon them.  Just act innocent in whatever you decide.

P.S.  Can I borrow that outfit for Halloween?  Maybe I can snatch Miss Piggy with it.


Dear Bacon – 20131208-211436.jpgTalk about animal labor laws.  I often read about your life at the Hotel Thompson and how they make you ‘work for your food’ in a way.  Never complain again my friend.  My humans put me to work out in nature in concrete.  It’s a hard and tedious job… especially in this get up.  Help me please.  Signed Mason

Dear Mason – Oh snap.  Your humans weren’t playing any games were they my friend?  Bless your little heart.  Not only did they dress you but you have to wear those indestructible construction boots.  Shakes piggy head.  I’m so sorry pal.  I will *never* again complain about having to bring my dirty stuff to the laundry room.  Ever.

P.S.  Dad needs some help expanding the driveway.  When you get done with that project, can you help a human out?


Dear Bacon – 20131208-211508.jpgWhat?  Haven’t you ever seen a hamster with his lady working the pole?  Blondie is one of the best pole dancers out there.  I suggest this kind of get up for your bedroom pig.  You might get some girlfriends then.  HA!  Signed Boris

Dear Boris – OMP (oh my pig!)  My eyes!  What has been seen can not be unseen.  We really don’t need to see this my friend.  Although daddy was interested in that pole action, me and mom are not – snorts.  Ya’ll carry on in the privacy of your bedroom.  And don’t worry about me and girlfriends.  I have one 🙂

.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on April 25, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

My master thinks he is so smart – bark bark.  He put things on the couch in order to make sure “I” wouldn’t get on the couch.  He forgot one thing though.  There is always the back of the couch – HA!  I’m not sure who was more surprised when he found me there – his face was priceless!  Signed One Smart K9

Dear One Smart K9,

That is too funny.  You are really smart.  I don’t know why the humans just don’t cater to us.  They know we are going to figure out the ways – You go pooch!


20130415-093732.jpgDear Bacon,

Does this look pitiful enough on my face?  This is my plead for, “Can you spare a cup of nuts my friend?”  It seems to work at times.  What do you think?  Signed Nut Collector

Dear Nut Collector,

AAWW that look is precious.  I know if you came to my door, my mom would let you have a cup of nuts… possible a safe dry place as well.  Bashful my pet rock gets that look sometimes when he wants things.  There’s just no way you can say no.


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Dear Bacon,

A lot of people are scared of me and I can’t understand why.  Don’t I have a likeable face?  I even try to smile more to make myself more personable.  Signed Smiling Liz

Dear Smiling Liz,

Your beautiful my friend.  It’s their loss if they can’t see that inner and outer beauty.  Keep smiling and doing your thing my friend!


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Dear Bacon,

Do you ever spend time in front of the mirror after you brush your teeth checking yourself out?  I just can’t help it.  This is my time when I practice my smile and winking my eyes.  Signed Vanity the Cat

Dear Vanity the Cat,

You know I do spend some time in front of the mirror.  I think we all need to at times.  I like to personally watch how I move my tail up and down and sideways.  You know cats move their tails with such elegance and I try to practice that to impress the purr things here.  Carry on!


20130415-093913.jpgDear Bacon,

Trouble in 3, 2 and 1.  The master caught us playing on the bed and thought it was hilarious.  You see, I’m not the one that initiates the trouble in this household – it’s the cat.  Always has been.  Do your cats cause this much trouble at the Hotel Thompson?  Signed Innocent Pooch

Dear Innocent Pooch,

Well, yes they do.  They are definitely the little instigators here at the Hotel Thompson.  They like to wiggle those long tails right in front of me to get my attention and then whine if I pull it.  And that Hemi with his extra digits, he likes to run by me and slap my little pig hiney.  Oh yeah, I can definitely relate to the trouble makers – snort.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on April 18, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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What can I say? I’m a chick magnet. Every time I go through the park, the chicks follow me around. It kind of makes me feel like the Pied Piper but with chicks – bark. Signed The Dog

Dear The Dog,
Snorts. I have to admit that you are the dog my friend. Not only one or two chicks – you got the entire clan. Way to go. Don’t walk – strut – you are the dog!


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Oh surprise. Do you think the kids here will be able to guess what their new toy is? Rolls kitty eyes. This is only the beginning of the torture I’m in for. It’s time to get the nails out. Signed Surprise

Dear Surprised,

Let me start by saying yes it is awful that they ‘wrapped’ the kids new toy. But then again on the other hoof, that is so funny and cute. Just think how surprised the kids will be! Snorts. But I have to tell you, you have the patience unknown to me. They even wrapped your tail! You can’t really blame the humans. I mean, you did sit still long enough and allowed them to do this to you. Snorts


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Dear Bacon,
Meow. The humans have this game called Twister. They are in awe of it. What’s funny is the woman human bought this rug from the front room thinking it was just darling and it is. But all I can do is think of their Twister game. Purr thing on blue. Just wait until I stretch to the yellow or red dots. Insert evil purr. Signed Cat Twister

Dear Cat Twister,
OMP (Oh my pig!) You are so right. That rug does look like Twister in an off strange way. That is so cool. I think you should call in the dog, the humans and others in the neighborhood to play with you. It would be outrageous!


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Dear Bacon,
You’re really not the only one with skills my friend. Sometimes when the humans leave up their laptop, I jump on for a few. These humans are twisted. I saw a picture of them on line and I guess my face shows you what I think. My eyes are burning. Signed Shocker

Dear Shocker,

Snorts. Sometimes my friends you should just simply leave things alone when the humans are involved. What is seen can not be unseen.

.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on April 11, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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