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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I don’t understand.  I think I need help.  You see.  Every time I smile, my eyes crossed.  I’ve tried holding my face straight.  I’ve tried closing my eyes and opening them at the last minute.  I’ve tried even holding my breath.  Nothing works.  This is the look I get every single time.  What in the world am I doing wrong?  Can you help?  Signed Happy Cross Eyes.

Dear Happy Cross Eyes – You know my friend, sometimes life throws us twists and turns. It’s how we handle these mountains and curves that makes us who we are.  Instead of dwelling on your look, embrace it my friend.  Not everyone can look as happy as you.  I would market that look – just think of your face and smile on coffee cups, calendars, posters – the possibilities are endless – and so is the money.  Make it work my friend. And do me a favor when you hit it big – remember this little oinker that believed in YOU!


Dear Bacon – Do you need a kiss?  Cause I’m here for YOU my sexy little piggy.  When my human asked me what I wanted to be this year for Halloween, I knew.  A kiss just for YOU.  You help all of these people in the world and I want to help you.  What do you say?  You wanna dress up with me?  Signed Chocolate Kisses

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Dear Chocolate Kisses – What can I say?  That’s a proposition that I just can’t turn down.  And why would I, right?  So I tell you what I’m going to do.  I’m going to get mommy to dress me up as a giant peanut butter cup … cause you know chocolate and peanut butter go together, right?  I’ll keep you posted on my outfit okay.  Until then, Happy Halloween..


Dear Bacon – There we were hanging out in the house having a great time while the humans were away.  Yaki – he might have drunk too much.  That brother of mine – he can’t hold his milk like he used to do in the old days.  This is how the humans found us.  Of course, they thought exactly what you are thinking, that I was dunking his head in the throne.  Nah, I wouldn’t do that to Yaki.  I was holding his ears back while he was throwing up.  See, I’m the nice guy.  Signed Teri and Yaki

Dear Teri and Yaki – I am shocked and somewhat astonished – perhaps even surprised.  I will admit it.  I did think you were baptizing him in the water.  I was wrong for sure.  That is very nice of you to help your brother out of a bad situation.  I say bravo and well done.  I think you may even get the big brother of the year award..


Dear Bacon – Aaww crappers!  There I was sunning myself in the open air minding my own business. I must have fell asleep.  I was so warm and content.  Then when I woke up, I was stuck on a rock and was in a hard place.  The water had went down and I literally was wobbling there.  The only thing I could move were my feet and head.  I wobbled forward.  I wobbled backwards.  Finally, I rocked enough that I fell into the water.  Trust me – you don’t want to do this.  Signed Wobbles

Dear Wobbles – oh my friend.  I’m so glad you were finally able to wobble off that rock.  I can just imagine how you would feel stuck there.  And you are right – this pot belly does not want to be stuck on a rock and hard place.  Take care my friends.


Dear Bacon – Why do humans want to dress us anipals up this time of the year?  Can you answer that for me please.  I mean I get it that they want to dress up, go door to door and have parties.  But, why us anipals?  Why do we have to get pulled in to their hysteria?  Let us stay at home alone and do our thing.  Cause what the humans don’t understand it that we will party our own way, am I right?  Signed Ted in Disguise

Dear Ted in Disguise – AMEN!  You said it perfectly.  Yes I agree that the humans don’t understand that we will celebrate this Halloween holiday in our own right.  Let them go out and do their thing – we will do our thing.  Take for instance me.  This little oinker has worked all month long on my 31 Days of Spook.  By Halloween, I’m going to be exhausted and barely moving.  When the humans go out for the night, I’m hitting the big bed, turning on the big television, setting the Select Comfort to around 65 and that’s where you will find me snoozing and snoring.  Is it Halloween yet?  Have fun on your night my friend.  And let me tell you something – I think you are dressed up enough with those glasses.  I love them!

 

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8 Comments

Posted by on October 17, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’ve made a grave mistake.  There was a hole in the back of this contraption.  I crawled in and when I did, it shut closed.  Now I’m stuck… I feel like a squirrel on display for the world to see.  The birds are pointing and laughing at me.  What am I to do?  Help?  Signed Mannequin Squirrel

Dear Mannequin Squirrel – WOW!  What can I say?  You do look awesome with your mannequin display.  I can say perhaps you should enjoy what you can… maybe take a seat and a quick bite of that delightful feed.  By the time you get done with your dinner, maybe the owner of the house will see you in your tight spot and help you out.  If not, can you jump and push the top off for a quick escape?  And don’t worry about the birds pointing and laughing.  Might you remind them that you have plenty of food to eat while you wait unlike them – snorts.


Dear Bacon – We like to put the warning out there for the humans.  If you cross the metal gates leading into our kingdom, be warned.  You will experience a death like no other from the ankles down.  We may be small and short but we have sharp teeth like a shark.  Just sayin’.  Does your little brother do the same?  Signed Harley and Davidson

Dear Harley and Davidson – Awesome idea my friends.  Truth is in the advertising.  If peeps are dumb enough to cross that warning, their ankles deserve what they get.  And yes.  Houdini has the sharpest teeth that I’ve ever felt.  That’s right – I said felt.  I feel them when he tries to hang off of my piggy tail and swing back and forth like I’m an amusement park.  The little guy has no respect for this pig – he thinks I’m his personal jungle gym.


Dear Bacon –  Honestly.  I was asleep the entire time that the master was away.  Really I was.  When I woke up, the front room cushions exploded.  I didn’t hear a thing!  Exploded I tell you.  Of course, I’m getting the blame.  But really it wasn’t me.  Signed Lab Shredder

Dear Lab Shredder – Darn those dust bunnies for striking again!  I believe you my friend.  I really do.  Dust bunnies sound cute and look kind of cute but all alone they can be little vultures that wreak havoc all over the house blaming us anipals.  Shakes and shivers from fear.  They can’t be trusted at all.  No way!  I say you need to hunt them down one by one and take care of them.  As far as you getting the blame for this.  If it wasn’t on video and there is nothing concrete showing you did it, I say they have to let you walk my friend.  No evidence means NOT GUILTY.  Lowers my hammer in my court room and says dismissed.


 Dear Bacon – It’s really not what it looks like.  Me and my friend were playing leap frog.  We see frogs do it all of the time and we thought we would try it.  We turned on the camera and started.  We posted this on Instagram and everyone went crazy saying that we were multi-flying.  No honestly we weren’t.  We were just playing a game.  What do you think?  Signed Doris and Rock

Dear Doris and Rock – Snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever you kids are calling it this day, sure.  Just be safe my friends.

 

 
17 Comments

Posted by on October 10, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – There.  I’m ready for Winter.  Bring it on Mother Nature.  I’m ready to get rid of the heat and welcome the cooler weather.  My scarf is ready and I’m waiting.  Tap.tap.tap.  That’s my paws tapping while I’m waiting.  When is this winter suppose to get here pal?  Signed Scarf Dog

Dear Scarf Dog – Oh my friend.  I agree with you about weather.  And you do look so very sharp in your scarf – you will be ready for it when Mother Nature decides to play nice.  Now, we have had some cooler days and I can tell with my piggy senses that it’s coming.  But winter is still a far piece away.  Autumn will be here September 23.  Winter is not officially here until December December 21.  So we do have some time.  But Autumn does bring cooler weather too.  And this little oinker can’t wait!  Until then, stay cool my friend.

 


Dear Bacon – Sometimes you just need a sleep buddy to hold on to to keep the nightmares away.  It’s always better knowing someone is there for you.  Do you have a sleep buddy?  Signed Ginger Twins

Dear Ginger Twins – I think that’s a fabulous idea my friends.  Mom and dad go to sleep holding hands.  They say that otters do the same thing so they don’t float away from each other in the water.  You see, lots of anipals do this and I do believe it’s a wonderful way to fall off to sleep knowing someone has your paw.  Sometimes I sleep with mom/dad and get close to them.  Other times, Houdini or Mouse Girl will bunk with me and lay real close.


Dear Bacon – It’s not bad enough that I have to wear the cone of shame.  Oh no.  I should have known something was up when my human dad wanted to hold me for a second.  I could feel him doing something to my cone of shame but didn’t know what.  That is until I met up with the mirror and saw his creation.  Really dad?  Perhaps I should get you a cone of shame?  Signed Bat Cat

Dear Bat Cat – I have to admit it my friend but that cone of shame is priceless.  How many other purr things do you know that can say their cone of shame was made just for them.  I say wear it with pride and hey give your human daddy some slack.  His creativity could make you ‘the cat’ of the neighborhood.  Give it a test and see what I mean.  Others will be so jealous!


Dear Bacon – Okay I let the humans sleep in on the weekend.  I didn’t pounce on them and wake them up.  I showed respect and refrained from barking my head off.  But this is where I draw the line.  It is now noon and my bowl is empty.  I’m going to start wasting away soon without my food.  Darn these paws.  If I had fingers, I could get my own food out of the bag and refrigerator.  Humans – WAKE UP.  Signed Hungry Jack

Dear Hungry Jack – WOW – noon huh?  That is total control on your part my friend.  Perhaps pull the humans blankets off of them?  They will wake up quickly with that.  And this picture is priceless for them.  Perhaps email or text it to their magical cell phones.  They wake up pretty quick when those things ring too.  Hope you get fed soon 🙂

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on October 3, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Ask a Stupid Question Day

  Journalist Rocky the Squirrel here –

Keeping my paws on the nuts of the world!

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Today, September 28th is an awesome day.  It’s Ask a Stupid Question Day.  Finally a day that we can ask all of those silly questions and not have anyone look at us a strange way.  Speak up my followers – ask all of those questions you were afraid to ask today that you have been wondering about all year long.

 I interviewed the occupants here at the Hotel Thompson.  They came up with some great questions that I’m going to share.  They’ll start so you can feel better about your questions.  Remember no one is going to laugh at your question – maybe the answer but not the question – chitter chatter

“Why is Grape Nuts cereal called Grape Nuts when it has neither grapes or nuts?”

“If the Professor on Gilligan’s Island could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn’t he fix a small hole in the side of the boat?”

“Why does Goofy always stand up on two legs yet Pluto remains on all four legs?  Aren’t they both dogs?”

“Why do banks leave their doors wide open but chain their pens to the counter?”

“How come when the battery goes dead on the television remote, you think it will work if you press the buttons harder?”

“If a cat always lands on its feet and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of the cat?”

“What color would a Smurf turn if you choked it?”

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2017 in Bacon, Journalist Rocky the Squirrel

 

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Remember Me Thursday

Today September 22nd is Remember Me Thursday.

This is a very important date to remember all of the lost animals that didn’t find their forever homes.  Each year, animals are euthanized because they are unwanted.

Today, let’s light a candle and keep it going to remember them.  It takes all of us to do our part in making sure animals get as much love as they need and find their forever parents.  Did you adopt your current anipal into their forever home or did they adopt YOU?  Maybe today, lean a paw at your local shelter and/or make a donation to help.

Hold your babies tight today and say a little prayer my friends.  Continue the light and be their voice!  It takes all of us doing our part.  Thanks my friends!

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – What?  Us reindeer can’t make a living only working one time a year at Christmas.  So what do we do for part time gigs?  Well I myself go from flea market to flea market taking pictures with the humans. Sometimes just for fun, I’ll stick my tongue out.  For some reasons, the humans love that.  Hey – it’s a living in between working for the fat dude.  Signed Donner

Dear Donner – You know I really never did think about what ya’ll did for the rest of the year.  I guess you would have to make some money during the year.  And hey, why not stick your tongue out?  I bet you make more money doing that, right?  Way to go my friend.  If you are ever near these parts, stop in for some treats.


Dear Bacon – What has been seen can not now be unseen.  Why do the humans think they can run naked throughout the house when other humans are not around?  Are we not considered family?  Nobody wants to see that – put some clothes on.  And let me just say, just because other humans aren’t around, we don’t want to smell your farts either.  My gosh – what was that a motor boat??  Signed Shocked

Dear Shocked – WOW – it must have been a vision that can not be erased from your memory.  The look on your face tells me everything. And the run by motor boat, it had to be your dad, wasn’t it?  Shakes piggy head.  My dad does that too and then tries to blame it on me when mom walks in the room.  Dude, they ought to bottle that stuff up for hazardous materials!


 Dear Bacon – For some reason, I don’t think that humans are suppose to get up and then fall over.  I saw my mistress working at her desk, stand up and then fall over and go boom.  Her eyes were shut and everything.  I just sat here and watched… and waited.  Is it normal?  Do you humans just get tired like this?  Signed Watcher

Dear Watcher – Shakes head no.  I don’t think that is normal my friend.  Did she finally get up?  Maybe she was looking at the family budget.  Sometimes my dad’s eyes will roll to the back of his head when he looks at the budget at the end of the month.  Yeah – maybe that’s it.  For some reasons, numbers do that to humans.  I don’t get it either.  I mean what’s to budget for?  Just our food is important.


Dear Bacon – What?  Haven’t you ever seen a kangaroo with his rabbit?  This is my buddy Hopper – he’s my pal.  He never talks back and goes everywhere I do.  Sure my friends talk about me behind my back but they’re just jealous.  Don’t you have a friend too?  Signed Hopper Times Two

Dear Hopper Times Two – Who are other people to judge?  If you want Hopper around with you all of the time, so be it.  I have little friends around the Hotel Thompson that I count as my friends.  It’s no different.  You be your own kangaroo and don’t worry about what people say behind your back.  They are just jealous that they don’t have a close friend like yours.  Hop on and take care!


Dear Bacon – I’m just a sexy little feline trying to pay her way through cat school.  They only way I can make some money is buy working the poles.  I practice at home on the legs to any table I can find at home during the day.  Then at night, I hit the club and work my magic.  What do you think about this move?  Sexy enough for you?  Signed Magic Kitty

Dear Magic Kitty – Well, um, what can I say?  You have the moves like Jagger?  You can get into positions that I’ve never seen before.  But I gotta ask…. where do they put the money?

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 Dear Bacon – My mother thinks I’m always too mean towards my little brother and that I need to show him how much I really love him.  I can do that, I said, so I decided to give him this great big hug.  Do you believe he had the nerve to stick his tongue out at me and tell Mommy I was still being mean to him?  Apparently hugging gets you put in time out these days…. it’s not fair, I tell you!  Signed Cat Hugger

Dear Cat Hugger – You hugged him and still got time out?  The nerve of your human.  I mean look at the little guy – he is sticking his tongue out at you?  What about that?  Did your humans not see that?  You being all nice and him showing you the tongue.  I say this means war… of course don’t get caught again – snorts

 

 

 

 
21 Comments

Posted by on September 26, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Sometimes I smell things.  And then I see things.  No, i’m not a ghost.  You see it seems like the yard next to me has it going on with Stacy’s mom.  She’s always grilling and hanging out near the pool.  I just want to go over and play.  The other day, the laughter and the smells were so wonderful.  I stuck my head under the gate to see what was taking place.  I wasn’t really stuck but I acted like it to get everyone’s attention.  They came to the gate and invited me over.  What a party!  Signed Pup of the Party

Dear Pup of the Party – Hey dude, it sounds like you had the plan for the party.  You got an invite – I knew you would with that cute little grin.  Now go and play like a good fellow – tell Stacy’s mom I said hey.


Dear Bacon – My master likes to play in the yard and work the ground for a garden.  Rolls my doggy eyes.  I’ll help to a certain point – especially when he is planting the watermelon.  Who doesn’t love watermelon, right?  This is me helping my master out by holding his tools.  And I always say safety first – wear a hat to keep the sun out of your face.  Signed Garden Patch

Dear Garden Patch – Hey my friend I like the way you think.  Maybe your master should give my mom some lessons on growing watermelons.  I love those big balls of wonder.  They are so tasty – I even like eating the rind.  Licks piggy lips.  Now look what you have done.  My miniature pot-belly is rumbling for the hungry of a watermelon.  Maybe its not too late in the stores for mom to pick me up one?  I love you being a helping paw.  I think the humans could use more of them.  Take care my friend – happy gardening.


Dear Bacon – You *always* have that one sibling that can’t keep their tongue out of your ear.  Purrs in aggravation.  Dory has been ‘grooming’ my ear now for twenty minutes.  Can you please make her go away?  If I screech at her, she’ll run to mommy that I’m not playing nice.  Girls – eeww.  Signed Marlin

Dear Marlin – Girls.  That’s all you had to say my friend.  You can’t live with them and you definitely can’t live without them.  You have nerves of steel to let your sister Dory bother you for that long.  Hopefully, it will be over soon.  If not, perhaps you can stretch and tell her you need a bathroom break.  Just a thought!


Dear Bacon – I am not amused.  Really, I’m not.  The human insisted that I needed a bath.  I could have done my own thank you very much.  But no – the human wanted to give me one.  Help me.  That’s all I gotta say and I’m thinking my look says it all.  Signed Cat in a Shower Cap

Dear Cat in a Shower Cap – Well, wait a minute I need to get a straight face for this, you look all nice and clean.  How ironical that your mom picked out a Tweety Bird towel for you.  It’s kind of fitting.  And that shower cap – OMP – perfect.  No sense in getting water in those cute little perky ears.  Go with it my friend.

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Dear Bacon –  Some people use dowsing rods to find paranormal activity.  I don’t need those.  Some people even use a sixth sense to find paranormal activity.  I don’t need those either.  Heck, I don’t need to find anything paranormal.  I just need to find food.  And let me tell you, with these ears of mine I can find all of the food I want.  They lead me and I follow.  There’s much to appreciate in letting your ears lead you.  Signed Food on the Run

Dear Food on the Run – I say let it be my friend – let it be!  Lead on to the food and pig out!

 

 

 

 

 

 
19 Comments

Posted by on September 19, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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