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Dear Bacon

20140111-195437.jpgDear Bacon – It’s so hot!  I mean really HOT.  I can’t take it anymore.  I don’t even have the stamina to look for nuts.  I can’t even move from this limb.  Can you help a squirrel out?  Signed Hot in Atlanta

Dear Hot in Atlanta – I feel for you my friend.  It is so H.O.T. here in Atlanta.  I moved from my bedroom to the living room and was almost sweating.  I need winter back.  Come on over to the Hotel Thompson.  You can crash with Journalist Rocky the Squirrel in his air conditioned treehouse in the backyard.


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 Dear Bacon –  There is always that *one* family member that you just roll your eyes.  This is us trying to take a serious family picture for our dad for Father’s Day.  Do you see how well that worked out?  Stupid on the end has to make faces.  What to do my friend?  Signed Classy

Dear Classy – Snorts.  You know your dad might just appreciate that look on your siblings face.  I mean if he is the family clown – him looking serious might not be a fun picture.  I say go for it my friends.  It’s better to laugh than cry!


 20140111-195456.jpgDear Bacon – Rosie was having a bad day so I offered her a shoulder to cry on to get past her woes.  That was three hours and now she is asleep.  I don’t dare wake her but my shoulder – I can’t feel it anymore.  It’s past the tingling stage.  It’s now at the do-I-even-have-an-arm-there-anymore stage.  Have you ever been stuck like this?  Signed Big Brother

Dear Big Brother – You are the man my friend.  That was so thoughtful of you to have a leaning shoulder not only to cry on but to sleep on.  Of course, you can’t wake her.  After what she has been through – whatever that might be – a leaning shoulder from big brother will make all of the bad go away.  I’ve done it a time or two with Mouse Girl.  Awesome job my friend!


20140111-195508.jpgDear Bacon – There I was my fellow pig.  Eating my carrots and minding my own business.  That’s when it happened.  I heard the refrigerator door open.  You know that sound, right?  The sound of freedom. The sound that says the store is open.  Squeals!  There’s so many good things in that cold box.  Don’t you feel the same?  I couldn’t help but suck in air and squeal.  I wanna go shopping in that place!  What about you?  Signed Bandit

Dear Bandit – I feel you my fellow pig and squealer.  I love that huge cold box.  It has such mysteries of delights stored in it – from cold stuff to frozen stuff.  Once I opened the freezer and was sucking on ice cubes when mom busted me.  Why ice cubes?  Why not.  They tasted so delicious and were so cold in my piggy tummy!  Let me know if you get to go shopping in there.

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20130531-230700.jpgDear Bacon – Summer really stinks.  It’s totally hot and uncomfortable.  All I can do is stand in front of the fan and let the breeze overtake me.  I just have to do something to cool me down.  Signed Flappy

Dear Flappy – Hey pal, whatever you need to do to keep you cool I say go for it!  Momma is a firm believer in her fan in this hot summer.  Can’t we just skip over that season?  I’m all for it.  Let’s start a petition.  What do you think?


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Dear Bacon – Hubba hubba little man.  I find you so fascinating.  I can’t believe a pig like you is still single.  What do you say we fix that problem?  Signed I Do

Dear I Do Don’t – Not that I’m totally not appreciative or anything but I’m just not ready to settle down like that.  You’re totally beautiful and I think you will find the perfect pig one day.  Don’t give up my friend.


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Dear Bacon – You talk about that Houdini at the Hotel Thompson a lot of different times.  I just want you to know that I think I’m more spoiled than he is.  My humans actually dress me up too.  It’s a pain in the rump area but hey it makes them laugh.  You ever think about dressing up?  Signed Prissy

Dear Prissy – First off – you look adorable in your little outfit.  Your face doesn’t *look* like you’re enjoying it but hey if the humans are happy, right?  Second off – Houdini is a fussy little character.  He is strictly a mommy’s boy and I just don’t see him letting me ‘dress’ him.  I on the other hand let mom dress me up from time to time.  Like you said, it makes the humans happy and smile.  That’s our jobs!


20130531-230749.jpgDear Bacon – Have you ever heard of the Red Hat Society?  I’m a member and they have monthly meetings.  I think you need to look it up in your area and do a posting on it.  I think it would be fascinating.  Signed  Fun Times

Dear Fun Times – I’ll do that!  I’ve heard mom talk about it with her friends.  There’s also purple hats, right?  🙂 See, I do pay attention even though sometimes mom doesn’t think so.  You wear that hat with pride and look forward to a posting in the future my friend.

 
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Posted by on June 13, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.


20140330-183833.jpgDear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts


 

20140330-183825.jpgDear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.


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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.


 

20140330-183847.jpgDear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – ssss safety first is what I always hiss.  My human friend sss says the same thing.  You always buckle upsss the important things in your life when you get into the car.  Anipalsssss are no different.  Remember that my friend – ssss safety first.  Signed Mr. Slithers

Dear Mr. Slithers – Gulps – of course.  I agree strongly with you safety first.  That’s why I would *always* let you ride shot gun up front with the human – always.  In fact, I would go as far as saying I would always let you go with the human period.  I’ll just pass on this ride.  I get car sick at times anyway.  Safe travels to you and yours.  Gulps and slowly backs out of this letter.


Dear Bacon – My human must die.  There it is.  Plain and simple.  He put this stupid contraption on me and now I look like a cat.  Really?!  A cat?  That’s as creative as you can get my human?  Just wait until you go to sleep and you will go to sleep sometime.  Signed Jax

Dear Jax – Oh my piggy heavens.  Dude, your owner is very brave to dress you up like that and then to take you out in public and THEN to take your picture.  Clicking my tongue.  Yes you are right.  He must pay tonight.


Dear Bacon – That’s it.  We are ready.  It’s bad enough that we have cats chasing us around the house and inside of the house.  Now when we go out in the field, squirrels are trying to get us too.  This means war.  Bring on the hamster troops.  Cats and squirrels are going down!  Signed Troop End of Destruction

Dear Troop End of Destruction – Pardon me sir but I must ask.  Where do you find those cute little guns and fatigues??  Ok, I know you are trying to look tough but squeals with piggy excitement.  You are just way too cute to be making any havoc out there in the killing fields.  Can’t you solve this war without tragedies?  Come on.  I bet ya’ll can talk this out in a peaceful manner.  Sure  you can!  I have faith.  I can call Dr. Phil for you. I’m sure he can get you on the show.


Dear Bacon – There I was playing with Mr. Spock and all of a sudden his leg started to spontaneously shoot out white stuffing.  I’m not sure what happened but I knew we needed a medic STAT.  That’s where I jumped in with my scrubs and got to work patching up Mr. Spock.  He didn’t feel a thing during the operation.  And look, his leg will be fine in a couple of days.  It was a close call indeed Mr. Spock.  Signed Dr. Kirk

Dr. Kirk – I know that was a tough call my friend.  Thank goodness nothing beamed you up.  That would have been a tight predicament to be in and oh thank goodness you were on call for the surgery.  Can you imagine how Mr. Spock would look if you had to amputate his little leg?  The horror!


Dear Bacon – I have got to quick partying all night with the dogs in the neighborhood.  I’m not sure what people are putting in their commodes anymore.  We all went out for a few drinks and the next thing you know, I woke up like this.  Of course my friends took pictures to blackmail me with in the future.  I’m not sure what happened or what her name is.  I need help.  Really I do.  It was a ruff situation this morning doing the walk of shame.  Signed Fido

Dear Fido – Oh dude.  I would say you need therapy.  You gotta stop drinking the strange stuff in commodes.  You just never know what might be in there.  You don’t want a repeat of this night.  Oh my goodness.  Are you going to call her at least?

 
20 Comments

Posted by on May 30, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  It is that time of the year to celebrate graduations.  Here I am with my pup who just graduated from the top of his training class.  I told him we would go out for Mexican and a little Samuel Adams for the pop if you know what I mean.  These classes don’t come cheap.  But only the best for my son.  I told little Bubba that we would take a selfie to remember this moment forever.  They are only young once and grow so fast.  If I close my eyes, he might be driving next week!  Signed Big Bubba.

Dear BB – Now that is so awesome my friend.  What a way to celebrate the moment at paw.  And you are right.  The little tykes grow up so fast.  At first I had a little rolling stone and now he travels so much I have no clue where he is this week – snorts with piggy laughter.  Enjoy the little minutes friend!


Dear Bacon – There I was minding my own business playing in the hood.  The master called me and I came willing.  That’s when he started spelling words.  Really?  We can spell you know.  Then I heard the letters to that God forsaken place – gulps – the V.E.T.  I was like, “Whatcha talkin bout Willis?” Yep, I call my human by his first name when he says that three lettered bad word.  As if anyone wants to go and get felt up by the V.E.T.  Do your humans do this?  Signed Arnold

Dear Arnold – The man has some nerve.  Humans forget we are smart anipals for sure.  Of course we can spell! We can do all kinds of things the humans don’t know about it when they are not looking.  Of course, that’s a post for another day – snorts!  I think you should ignore the human.  Who really *needs* to go get felt up?… well maybe if there is a cute poodle involved and that is a strong maybe!


Dear Bacon – Do you ever wonder why the earth move sometimes?  No not like around orbit or anything.  I mean like you are in the house and you hear a huge bang or a rumble on the streets.  It’s not what you think.  You may *think* that it’s maybe a thunder storm or a big truck.  Nope it’s not.  It’s us Super Squirrels letting pooches know who really is in charge – us.  This is a picture of me fixing to rock a dog’s world.  Just imagine what the dog looked like when he saw me in mid-strike.  HA!  Signed Super Squirrel

Dear Super Squirrel – OMP!  It all makes sense now.  This is why Australia doesn’t have squirrels.  Possibly – and I stress possibly – all the continents were united and you Super Squirrels took force like the Marvel comics and broke everything apart.  Tell me my friend, am I on the right track?  Try to keep your strikes down okay.  We don’t need anymore continental drifts – snorts.


 

Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  I’m not amused.  First up my human goes into hysterics when he looks at me and calls me Scooby.  He is always offering me Scooby snacks and asking me if I’m ready for a mystery.  The line was drawn when he got me this new collar.  I think my human has went over the fine line of sanity.  I really do.  Can you help my human out?  His name is Shaggy and he is even talking about taking me to something called DragonCon this year.  What the heck is that?  Barks – Scoob

Dear Scoob – Oh dude, your owner is just having a lot of fun for sure.  I can see Scooby Doo in you.  Scooby Doo is like a happening pooch that is great at solving mysteries and he even belongs to a gang.  Of course the gang is called Mystery Inc.  It’s not a bad thing at all my friend.  And this DragonCon thing is a huge convention where you can meet so many new friends.  Heck, you might even meet someone that looks like you.  What a blast it would be.  Maybe Houdini can come dressed as Scrappy?  Look Scrappy up – it would be a blast!


Dear Bacon – Do you ever feel like you are being made the butt of all your staff’s jokes?  My staff put these glasses on me and have not stopped laughing since.  Heck, the mommy almost made water down her leg from laughing so hard.  Who says that us anipals are the ‘kids’ these days.  Really!  Signed Googly

Dear Googly – Shaking my head.  I understand completely.  My humans are two of the biggest kids ever here in the south.  I don’t trust them to leave the house by themselves.  Trouble doesn’t find them.  They find trouble.  It’s so embarrassing.  You just keep your eye on the situation my friend.

 

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Please make my humans stop.  It rains a lot where we live.  They insisted on getting me this raincoat.  I see nothing funny.  Yet, my humans laugh their butts off every time they put it on me.  I don’t get it.  Signed Sluggo

Dear Sluggo – Shaking my head.  Pal, I have to say that raincoat says it all, especially with knowing your name now.  You humans have a wicked sense of humor indeed.  I wouldn’t be upset with them.  Go with it and have a blast in your raincoat.  Now, if they start laying down some salt where you walk, that’s where I would draw the line.  Snorts with piggy laughter – yeah – draw the line.


Dear Bacon – I went on Pet Harmony and signed up for some adventure in my life.  I don’t think this is what I had in mind for adventure.  I was thinking a little cat calling at night, maybe some fence walking, trash can tipping and singing to the Cat Gods.  I don’t think for some reason my user name helped me out with what I wanted.  Where did I go wrong?  Signed Chick Magnet

Dear Chick Magnet – Oh friend.  I think you might want to rethink that user name.  I think some of your fellow anipals to it too literally.  But then again, you can’t claim false advertising.  You are a chick magnet.  Who knew you could get that many chicks on top of you.


Dear Bacon – Sometimes you are born this way.  There could be a million reasons to make the perfect illusion but that would start a bad romance.  Til it happens to you, don’t hate the paparazzi.  They could make you speechless.  So keep that poker face my friend.  Signed Lady Kitty Kitty

Dear Lady Kitty Kitty – You do remind me of someone.  I just can’t put my hoof on it.  Maybe I’ll just dance and think on it for a while.  I love your look my friend.  It’s you and everyone is an individual.  Wear it with pride always!


Dear Bacon – I’m not sure why my humans woke up from bed, saw me, screamed and passed out.  I don’t get it at all.  They were watching television and fell asleep on the sofa.  I got bored so I crawled up on the ledge of the television stand and took a quick siesta myself.  I woke up and stretched I guess about the same time they did.  For humans, let me tell you, they can scream loud!  Signed The Ringer

Dear The Ringer – Dear Lord have mercy.  I think I would have lost my crap as well kitty.  Don’t you scare people or anipals like that again.  Do you not watch television at all?!  I gotta go now.  I think I tinkled myself.


Dear Bacon – Just wanted to give you a heads up on some sound relationship advice. Sometimes all it takes is one accessory to catch the ladies.  I find that the perfect hat can start a wonderful relationship.  You should try it sometimes my friend.  Signed Cowboy Up

Dear Cowboy Up – Oh my!  This sounds ideal for sure.  I think I will go shopping for some accessories.  How could a little piglet in a hat go wrong?  Thanks for the great relationship help my friend!

 


❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send your letters/pictures to me via email ❤

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  There I was swimming around in my home.  You know, minding my own business and keeping to myself.  That’s when I saw this shark bait hanging out in a flimsy cage.  Ha – as if those cages are shark proof.  Shaking my head.  When will the humans learn, right?  Anyway, I was swimming and I saw this human with a camera thing taking pictures of my home.  Then the human did the weirdest thing.  He took one of those selfies that are all the rage over the internet.  Well, you know I thought I would help him out and swam up behind him at just the right moment.  By the looks of his eyes, I think it surprised him.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it did.  The water got cold in our area for a few minutes – ha!  Signed Sharky

Dear Sharky – Oh.my.piggy.heavens!   Dude, I would pee all over myself if you did that to me too!  In fact, that’s where us anipals are smarter than the humans.  There is no way we would put ourselves in these situations.  Shaking my head.  Nope, not at all.  That is one selfie he will not forget anytime soon for sure!


Dear Bacon – My master thinks this is a joke.  There is no joke here.  Just wait until he falls asleep which he has to do at some point.  Just wait.  What?  You aren’t laughing at me too.  Are you?  Putting a peach in front of me and saying there is more fuzz on said peach than my body is a cruel joke.  Just wait until a position that peach near his person.  Will see if his girlfriend thinks it is a joke.  Signed Evil Kitty

Dear Evil Kitty – WOW.  You don’t play do you my friend?  My dad says that this is called Game On and the master gets what he gets for doing something like this to you.  I would love to see his face… and his girlfriend… when you peach him back.  Talk about impeachment.  Snorts with piggy laughter.


Dear Bacon – See my friend sometimes one has to take help when it’s needed.  My girlfriend called and said she was home alone.  Rather than run the 3 miles to her house, I caught a ride in the back of a sweet dumpster truck.  They never saw me and never knew they had a hitchhiker.  Just remember fellow anipals, take help where you need it!  Signed Hitchhiker to the Galaxy

Dear Hitchhiker to the Galaxy – SWEET my friend.  What a brilliant idea to come up with in a time of need.  Of course that would be awesome to hitch a ride to get to your girlfriends house.  Hope you got there quickly!  Take care my friend and remember next time to buckle up!


Dear Bacon – I have made a grand mistake.  Darn this birdseed!  There I was looking at the pretty seed and it was calling my name, “Squirrel come eat me.”  I ran to the top of the cylinder and looked into it blessing my lucky day.  That’s when this stupid bird came up and pushed me over the edge.  Now, I’m stuck in my prison.  It doesn’t matter if I eat all of the seed or not.  I’m stuck until a human sees me in my lockdown.  Why me?  Signed Squirrel in Solitude

Dear Squirrel in Solitude – Darn that bird!  Sometimes they can be so pesky.  I say this first hand seeing some birds in my magical backyard picking on you squirrels.  Wish I was closer.  I would certainly get you out of your predicament.  Hope you weren’t there too long.  It was definitely a catch 22 – you are near the food but trapped at the same time.  Then again, don’t eat too much.  You might not be able to get out!


Dear Bacon – All it took was this one picture for my human to see and pass out.  I thought it was simply brilliant.  Really I do.  By quickly glancing at the picture, did you also think I was broken in half?  I got you, didn’t I?  HA – Barking my head off.  I think this is priceless.  Call me a magician for sure.  Signed Sawed in Half

Dear Sawed in Half – I have to admit it, you got me.  At first glance, I thought oh my goodness this dog is broken.  Even my dad saw it and thought the same thing.  Awesome job in fooling everyone for sure.  You should enter this in some kind of contest for sure.  Thanks pal now keep it together – snorts with piggy laughter.

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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