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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Humans *think* they can get us.  I’ve got a few tricks up my fur.  I’ve created the Slam-o-helmet.  It protects my little noggin so I don’t get hurt.  Cause you know, I gotta have my cheese.  Clever, huh? Signed Smarty Mouse

Dear Smarty Mouse – That is very clever!  I am very proud of you little fellow.  Still, be careful because you know what happens with only ONE wrong move.  It could be a major ouchie!


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Dear Bacon – You’re not the only animal with his own room.  I have my own room too.  In fact, I have a big boy bed and not just some toddler bed.  What do you think?  Signed Billy The King of the Pillow

Dear Billy The King of the Pillow – I am impressed my goat friend.  Those colors are very becoming with the color of your fur.  See, we are totally blessed to have our own space inside of the house.  I’m not hatin – I think it’s fantastic my friend!


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Dear Bacon – We were walking down the street and we saw each other.  We were both like “BRO”.  You know we had to show a little man love.  What?  You never seen two crocs hugging?  It’s the happening thing right now.  Signed Dos Crocs

Dear Dos Crocs – I think it’s great.  I’ve seen women walking down the street clutching croc purses but never two crocs hugging.  I’m sure it freaked a few people out but hey maybe they just needed a hug or two as well.  Love the friendship!


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Dear Bacon – You know being a purr thing is hard.  We run around the house, we protect the humans from crawley things, we get into everything imaginable and look out the window all day.  It’s a hard life.  By the end of the day, there’s nothing much else to do but pass out on a comfortable spot.  But that’s okay, we trust our humans so we can stretch out without fear.  Signed – Sleeping Kitties

Dear Sleeping Kitties – I understand perfectly about taking care of your kingdom.  I do the same.  And I agree.  It’s hard work.  I also have a tendency to stretch and pass out on the couch with mom after a long strenuous day.  I trust her as well when I go belly up and snore.  You look really comfortable my friends.  Continue on!


20130214-082635.jpgDear Bacon – My name is Tiny and I’m in charge.  I have a partner in crime named Sasquatch.  Together, we can not lose.  We run around the neighborhood… okay Sasquatch runs and I ride.  We are invincible.  He is my friend and my protector.  We have a wonderful friendship.  Don’t you agree?  Signed Tiny and Sasquatch

Dear Tiny and Sasquatch – Hey, if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.  I think ya’ll look cute together.  Ride on and have fun!!  Life is too short.

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5 Comments

Posted by on February 20, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I think my face may freeze this way.  I saw my humans naked again – the horrors!  I’m not sure if I can ever face them again.  Have you ever felt this way?  Signed Bub

Dear Bub – That is really the look.  Thankfully, my humans don’t change clothes in front of me.  I think if they did, I would probably look the same!  I mean once something is seen, it can not be unseen and erased from our memory.  I’m so sorry pal!  Maybe ya’ll can come up with a code of some sorts or tell them to shut their door when they change or when they are in the bathroom.  Nobody wants to see a naked human – shivers.


20130214-082840.jpgDear Bacon – It’s embarrassing some of the things I see in the zoo.  Humans only see things from their perspective.  I on the other hand see things that the humans don’t think other people are watching.  It’s really bad.  I’ve got some stories to tell!  Signed Blushing Bear

Dear Blushing Bear – I think you have a future there.  Perhaps you should write a novel – Stories from the Other Side of the Fence; or You’re Not Alone; or better yet Those Crazy Humans.  I would definitely get it and have mom read it to me at night!


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Dear Bacon – I guess the secret is out.  This is how we nip and tuck in the doggy world.  Sigh – it was bound to make the news sooner or later.  Signed Wrinkles R Us

Dear Wrinkles R Us – I wonder if that would help with my rolls of extra skin?  I’m thinking I’m going to have to try that.  Thanks for the ideas and by the way – you’re beautiful regardless!


20130214-082908.jpgDear Bacon – Yeah, you pay the time for the crime and so do I.  My humans make me sit in time out on the couch in the living room.  So humiliating.  At least you get the santuary of your room.  Signed Dog Pound

Dear Dog Pound – WOW – you do look like you’re in a bit of trouble there my friend.  I have to ask though because I don’t know what you did.  Was it worth it?  Try to stay on the right side of the law my friend.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on February 13, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – This is called *the* look.  You know the one that your parents do between themselves when they get all gooey eyed with each other.  I wanted to send it to you so you can practice.  Cause you know love day is coming and you need to market this look to get a date for Valentine’s.  I know you have it in you.  Who could ever resist that little pot belly of yours.  Practice – practice and more practice my friend.  You’re welcomed.  Signed Stud

Dear Stud – OMP.  Thanks my friend!!  I am so going to start practicing this look and marketing it.  I need all of the help I can get with the ladies.  And thank you for calling my pot belly little.  I appreciate that so very much buddy!  I just knew that this pot belly would come in handy one day.  Look at dad.  He has one and he got lucky with mom!  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.


Dear Bacon – I double pig bet you that you can’t do this.  In fact, I just *know* you can’t.  See sometimes I try to mess with my humans and stand on my back paws.  Meows.  It keeps them guessing what I will do next.  I just want to see them doing this too.  Signed Twinkle Toes

Dear Twinkle Toes – That is a given talent my sweet dear friend.  There is no way this little piglet could do that for sure.  Heck with this pot belly, I can barely see my back feet.


Dear Bacon – Wassup!?!  Never fear if you see me hanging under your fence.  Just wanted to see wassup and whatcha parents cooking on that grill.  It smells good from here.  Can I have a bite or dozen?  Signed Voyeur

Dear Voyeur – Hilarious bro!  I love the way you think of hanging out to see what’s going on in the hood.  Pop over anytime…. or should I say pop under?  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.  And hey, mom/dad were grilling hamburgers on the grill.  If one falls, it’s free game to us anipals.  Come on over.  I’ll share.


Dear Bacon – Come on dude.  Let’s “fly” some air outside and do some jumps.  It’s a happening thing and you will love the air in your hair… or wings.  I’ve heard some oinkers have wings.  Call me and we will have a skate date.  Signed Hawk Fly

Dear Hawk Fly – Dude, I think it would be fly to soar through the air weighless.  I just don’t think (A) there’s a skateboard big enough for my pot belly and (B) my pot belly could ever take flight unless someone shoved me off of a cliff or the top of the house.  On second thought, forget I said that.  Dad might read it and get ideas.  Have fun Hawk Fly!


Dear Bacon – The New York City subway is a strict bus service.  Dogs can’t walk on buses.  They have to be carried, in strollers, etc.  My human created me a good one – a skateboard.  Hey, I put on a hat and headset and nobody even knows I’m a pooch.  Really!  And hey, we are not breaking any rules whatsoever.  So go us, right?  Signed Disguised Celebrity

Dear Disguised Celebrity – My friend, do I have someone you need to get in touch with!  See Hawk Fly above.  Ya’ll could fly around the bus services like you wouldn’t believe together.  Just think of the possibilities of fun!  Just remember – safety first!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on February 6, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon


Dear Bacon – These chickens are forever pestering the heck out of me when I’m in the yard.  I don’t care where I go, they follow me around like pesky dogs pecking at everything.  I can’t even use the giant scratch box outside anywhere in private without them being there to disturb me.  Well I think I finally got one up on them.  They can’t get through the front door.  The can look like like peeping chickens but not get in.  So I did something just to tick them off.  I stretched out on the floor and was blowing butt biscuits their way.  Eventually the smell hit them.  Rolls and purrs with kitty laughter.  Maybe they will leave me alone now.  You think?  Signed Butt Biscuits

Dear Butt Biscuits – OMP!  I usually call them food ghosts but I think I like butt biscuits from now on.  Those chickens need to understand there is  a line to be drawn of leaving fellow anipals alone.  We have some chicks next door to us.  They fly everywhere – even in my magical backyard.  They drive me nuts too.  Just wait until the next time I’m out there.  I’m going to throw them a butt biscuit – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!


Dear Bacon – Sometimes one just knows when their humans are not having a great day.  It could be from the sighs they make when they come through the doorway, the dismantled look they have with their clothes or it could be the fact that they kick their shoes off – or already have them off – by the time they come through the threshold.  Whatever the reason it is, sometimes us anipals need to make sure we step up and have the home front ready for them.  Take for instance this case, my human daddy had a very rough day.  I put on my finest attire and had a glass of wine waiting for him.  I think it brightened his day.  So much so that he didn’t notice my new jewels on my neck.  We’ll save that part of telling him when he gets the credit card bill.  Barks! Signed Tiffany

Dear Tiffany – I like the way you think.  I need to do this for mom the next time she comes home all disheveled from doing monthly statistics.  Sometimes when she does this, she can’t even remember her name.   Your awesome!  And when your dad gets the credit card bill, blame it on the poodle next door.


Dear Bacon – It’s embarrassing.  Really it is.  No it’s not the scarf or the clothes.  It’s not even the hair.  It’s embarrassing that my human can’t pick a better place to take my picture than leaning against this tree.  I mean dude, look there is a rink behind me.  I could be ice skating and showing off my skills for a picture of a lifetime.  But no… the human thinks this trees adds to my dimension.  What an idiot.  Signed Much More

Dear Much More – I believe it!  I really do.  I know you are much more than just a gorgeous face.  Maybe hire someone on the side to help you out with your photo shoots.  Just think of the money you could make showing off those awesome skills!  Get to work.  I can’t wait to see them.


Dear Bacon – My humans love me so much that they had me a special blanket made just for me.  And everyone should know that this blanket is mine and only mine.  What do you think about it?  You want one too, don’t you?  Signed Sexy and I Know It

Dear Sexy and I Know It – YES! YES! YES!  I want one too.  I think it is absolutely gorgeous.  It just shows how special you are and nobody can say it’s not your blanket.  Use it with pride sweet friend!

 
10 Comments

Posted by on January 23, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Baconsss – My humansss say sssafety first.  I’m a truess believer in that.  Whenever we goesss out for a ride, I alwaysss buckle up.  You never knowss when you might have to make a quick stopsss.  Do you wearsss a sssafety belt during your travelsss?  Signed Seymour

Dear Seymour – Gulps.  Yes.  I do practice safety first.  But I have to say if I was traveling down the street and you pulled up next to me, I would probably also pee on myself.  I’m just being truthful.  Double Gulps.

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Dear Bacon – The human must suffer.  It’s not bad enough that they dressed me up in cardboard but to dress me up as a cat as well.  Shaking my doggy head.  No.  They will suffer.  I foresee chewed up slippers and/or poop in said slippers in their future.  And of course this ridiculous cardboard box will be torn to shreds upon me getting it off.  That’s a promise.  Signed Pissed Pooch

Dear Pissed Pooch – Shaking my head.  OMP – I so feel you my friend.  What was your humans thinking?  Honestly – were they eating mushrooms?  Who dresses their dog up as a cat?  Looks at my mother – don’t even dare!


Dear Bacon – Okay I admit it.  Maybe – and that’s stretching maybe a long way – I watch too many war movies.  But really, who doesn’t?  It’s usually what’s on television when the humans leave to go make money to keep me in nibbles.  Some of these movies are totally awesome.  I’ll also admit that some of them can be like really scary with all of that blowing up things and loud noises.  But I digress.  So maybe I take it a little too far these days with my outfit.  But hey, why can’t us hamsters dress up too, right?  Signed Rambo

Dear Rambo – Dude, now *that* is a picture that is priceless.  I love it!  Look at you in all of your combat.  You are like the happening hamster ever!  I say there is nothing wrong with watching war movies.  And hey, if you get a little scared, there’s always crawling under a blanket or jumping on the mute button.


Dear Bacon – Humans play doctor.  Why can’t I?  That’s what I thought so I did something about it.  I put on my scrubs and got out my doggy and went to town playing.  He has a tibial shaft fracture but it is stable.  He he will survive.  Healing will take some time but he will be up and running in no time for sure.  Hey if you got it, you got it.  Do you ever play doctor Bacon?  Signed Dr. Hottie Pants

Dear Dr. Hottie Pants – Well you go there my friend.  You look better than any doctor I know for sure.  You have skills.  Everyone plays doctor.  Sometimes I still hear daddy playing doctor with mom.  It’s weird at their age though.  Keep that in mind.

 

 
14 Comments

Posted by on January 16, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon,  I’m in hiding.  That pesky mutt keeps chasing me and grabbing my tail.  I picked the perfect spot.  Now he can’t find me.  Meows – I knew we were the better animal.  Signed Hide and Seek

Dear Hide and See – I hate to be the one to tell you but I can see you.  Really, the table leg hides you somewhat but I can see you.  Maybe stand sideways.  That might help.  Hey, maybe even get on top of the table.  Then I know the dog couldn’t see you… of course the humans can then though.

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Dear Bacon – The humans get to eat the most amazing things AND they don’t want to share.  There I was sitting on the dark side underneath the table and I smelled heaven above in the form of a delectable cookie.  Well when the human walked away, I made my move.  They will never miss it, right?  Signed Paws to the Dark Side

Dear Paws to the Dark Side – Good move my friend.  Very subtle.  Slide that cookie down to the dark side and eat it before anyone notices.  I think I would do the same thing!

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Dear Bacon – They call me Ninja Kitty.  The humans and other anipals here think they can get anything and everything over on me.  They can’t.  I’m always watching – always.  And they never know where I might turn up and be looking at them.  I was silently watching from the sofa area and then I heard a cheese wrapper.  Of course, I had to check it out.  That’s what any good Ninja Kitty would do – evil meows.  Signed Ninja Kitty

Dear Ninja Kitty – Dude you have skills!  That is amazing skills to have – silent and sneaky.  I only wish I could get away with some of those moves.  You go Ninja Kitty!


Dear Bacon – You know us cats love bags and boxes.  OMC – give us a bag or a box and we will play with it for hours.  Give us a toy and we will toss it to the side after a few minutes.  Why?  Because that’s what we do.  The human put this bag on the chair.  The bag jumped on the floor – honestly it did.  Of course I had to check it out… and while I’m checking it out, I’m also checking you out through the handle.  Priorities right?  Signed Mischievous

Dear Mischievous – OMP – You are so getting it my friend.  I don’t think there is a bag big enough for me to crawl into and hide without the humans knowing.  Darn this pot belly!  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.  Have fun my friend!


Dear Bacon – Do you remember the water bucket challenge?  I like to call this the kitty cat challenge.  Get in position and wait for an unsuspected human to walk out of the door and then slowly drop onto their shoulders.  You know wrap those paws around their neck and hold on for the ride.  You are sure to have some jumping around and trust me some of those humans can jump high.  Not meaning anything hurtful to the human – just testing their reflexes.. yeah that’s it.  Tell Hemi about it and see what he thinks.  I’m sure it will be fun.  Signed Reflexology

Dear Reflexology – OMP.  I can just see Hemi doing this to daddy at the front door of the Hotel Thompson.  He would se pee on himself… which could be hilarious to watch for sure. I wasn’t going to tell Hemi but I might just do it now.  Snorts with piggy laughter.  Thanks for the fun!

 
17 Comments

Posted by on January 9, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

 

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 Dear Bacon – Who says that the grown ups get to have all of the fun in this world?  I asked for a little game system and guess what?  I got one!  AND it wasn’t even my birthday or Christmas.  My humans got it “Just Because”.  I love that day.  Have you ever had a “Just Because” day?  Signed Hammy

Dear Hammy – I think a “Just Because” day is most excellent to celebrate.  Sometimes mom treats all of us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson to that kind of day.  You know – Just Because they love us.  Those are awesome reminders of their love for us.  Maybe we should do a “Just Because” thing for them too.  If you come up with some ideas, let me know and I’ll be sure to share.


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Dear Bacon – Nope.  Not going to happen.  No way. I am not getting in the water.  Please make it go away.  Suggestions – can you help me out?  Signed Stuck in a Corner

Dear Stuck in a Corner – Sometimes one just has to do what one has to do my friend.  Sometimes all of the licking and cleaning in the world can’t get cleaned what water and bubbles can.  I was once like you – didn’t want to be near the water.  Then I found out how much fun it can be.  I say let the humans have their way.  Before you say no in defiance, let me explain.  After bath time, you usually get extra treats and perhaps something special for dinner.  You just have to.  It’s an unwritten rule in the anipal kingdom.  If it doesn’t happen, then you can torture your human in other ways.  Just sayin’.


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Dear Bacon – I have a sick human.  Really I do.  Let me tell you what these balloons are and then you can decide.  I’m a turtle.  Sometimes my human can’t find me.  Therefore, he ties these balloons around my shell to always know where I am.  Told you – shakes head.  He’s sick. Signed Humiliated

Dear Humiliated – You know my friend that’s kind of genius.  Really.  Your human always knows where you are so he knows where to feed you.  And hey, did you ever see the movie “UP”?  Maybe you can take flight with enough air in those balloons.  Happy sailing and do buckle up.


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Dear Bacon – Help us please.  The humans locked us up in the bathroom while they went somewhere.  When they got back home, they were upset over the room.  I don’t get it.  They set the room up with lots of things for us to play.  Why would they be upset?  Signed Kitty Troubles

Dear Kitty Troubles – Snorts my friends.  I’ll tell you a secret.  Those silly humans LOVE that white stuff A LOT!  They go beserk when they don’t have it in their scratch box and if we play with it here – shivers.  I say push everything in the corner.  Just leave one happy mess for your humans next time.  And don’t play with the priceless white stuff.

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Dear Bacon – My human went all teary eyed and off the edge when I got out of the box.  I don’t get it.  Why is she making such a big deal?  I went pee.  Do you see this look on my face?  I mean she went over the edge with oohh and aahhh.  Signed Mystified

Dear Mystified – I have to admit it, that’s adorable.  No really.  Not the look on your face.  Look in your scratch box.  Your ‘pee’ looks like a shape of a heart.  That’s what happened my friend.  You got your human right in the heart.  They always cry when they see hearts.  It’s cute.  I’ll have to remember that the next time I take a wizzy.  I wonder if I can make a heart?  Happy tinkling!

.

.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on January 2, 2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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