Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – They are right when they say the eyes are the first to go. These days, I’m having to wear glasses just to get around the neighborhood.

I know other dogs make fun of me and it kind of hurts my feelings. What should I do? Signed Four Doggy Eyes

Dear Four Doggy Eyes – Hey guy, if it helps you to see I wouldn’t care what other dogs think about it. One day, they are going to experience problems as well. They are being doggy bullies and you know what.

Bullying is totally unacceptable in any form in any way – humans or animals.

Hold your head up high my friend. Wear those great looking glasses with pride!

---

Dear Bacon – Around these parts, they call me Sheriff Groucho. I love protecting my house and yard wearing my outfit. Sometimes, the humans even walk me through the neighborhood and so I can protect and serve other animals in the hood. It’s what I do. Signed Sheriff Groucho

Dear Sheriff Groucho – Hey, I like the look. I think it’s great that you are taking care of your neighborhood like that. If only other animals great and small would take charge and take back their own neighborhoods, it would be a wonderful place to live. Almost like Mr. Rogers neighborhood. I could see me living there.

Keep up the great work my friend. I think you deserve a pat on the back and a good job well done!

---

Dear Bacon – You talk about your mommy reading you bedtime stories all of the time. I like to read my own. I especially like Dr Seuss Go Dog Go. Have you read it? Signed Smart Pooch

Dear Smart Pooch – I haven’t heard of that book. I’m going to have to get mom to get a copy so she can read it to me one night. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I love how you hold your book. I only wish my hooves could accomodate that move.

---

Dear Bacon – You know riding a hog is just not for the humans – no pun intended. Sometimes on nice days outside, I like to jump my bike and ride. I like to feel the wind going over my body.

Do you like to ride? Signed Harley the Frog

Dear Harley the Frog – I like that bike. I absolutely love the color. Your legs are a tad bit longer than mine. I have short legs unfortunately.

It would be fun to feel the wind blowing through my hair though. I may have to see what I can do about that. Keep riding my friend and stay safe.

---

Dear Bacon – Some days, it doesn’t pay to even get out of bed. On this day in fact, I went from on top of the bed to under the bed. I just passed out and slept until the world was nicer to me. Do you ever have those days? Signed Pooch in Life

Dear Pooch in Life – I do have days where I go back to my bed until I feel better. It’s not every day. It just seems like some days Mother Nature is out to get you and throws lemons at you. Instead of passing it on to the humans, I sleep it off as well. I don’t have the back sleeping going on like you do but it looks comfortable!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – You talk about having your own room.  All 8 of us have to share a room and this is our kitty bunk beds.  It gets kind of crowded and you really can’t stretch out… let alone snuggling up to any kind of a blanket or pillow.  We even heard that the kitties at the Hotel Thompson sleep in a ‘real’ bed.  Is that true??  Signed Eight is Enough

Dear Eight is Enough – WOW – that is a tall kitty bunk bed there.  I would think that stretching out on the floor would be more freedom than confined to that little compartment.  Is it first come, first served or is everyone assigned their ‘bed’?  Make the best out of it my little purr things!  Enjoy the moments in life where you can.  P.S.  Yes the purr things here get to sleep with mom and dad on their select comfort bed.  Rotten aren’t they?  … like I don’t know nothing about being rotten… snort.

---

Dear Bacon – I hear the “V” word… you know “vet”.  I tried to hide but the master found me like this.  What do you think I should do next time?  Signed Hide N Seek

Dear Hide N Seek – Well first of all, next time hide under something that you can actually ‘hide’ underneath.  Just because you can’t see your master doesn’t mean your master can’t see you.  Follow me?  But hey on the other hand, that is really a cute picture of your captain quarters – snort – LOL.

---

Dear Bacon – Sometimes the best things in life are when we sit back, relax and reflect on life.  You know, don’t sweat the small stuff.  I have a favorite rock that I like to sun myself on and reflect.

It helps me to keep stress free and ponder my life in general.   Signed Pondering Ribbit

Dear Pondering Ribbit – WOW – Well you do look relaxed my green friend.  I tried meditation in my bedroom.  I just couldn’t get my mind to quit focusing on running and eating though.

Perhaps I will try again.  Stay green my friend.

---

Dear Bacon – I’m the sheriff here in these parts.  Bark Bark – you think I fit the part?  I may be small but I’m a force to be reckoned with!  Signed Walking Small with a Big Bark

Dear Walking Small with a Big Bark – I think you can possibly get away with it – you are just too cute with that hat on!!

And those big brown eyes, yeah, I would let you arrest me.  Snort.

P.S. I’ve seen some political people on the television.  I think you have a shot just like everyone else!  Be firm but be fair – that should be your motto.

---

Dear Bacon – My master is always telling me, “Safety first”.  Every time we go on a road trip, she straps me in.  Other dogs don’t get strapped in.  Signed Wanna be Free

Dear Wanna be Free – If all of the other barky things jumped off a cliff, would you?  If they all got taken to the doggy jail…AKA pound… would you want to go too?  Your human cares for you with all of their heart and doesn’t want anything to happen to you.  I say go with it little man.  Enjoy the extra treatment.  P.S.  I’ll try to hide this picture from my mom.  The next thing I know, she will be buckling Houdini into a carseat like this.

 

Rolls Piggy Eyes

Oh my friends – who says that daddy is the only one at the Hotel Thompson who can tell a joke.  Because this morning I have a great one for you.  Really I do.  Something I heard and just simply can’t resist sharing.  I know it may be weak but after you read it you have to admit it is kind of funny.

❤

A frog goes into the bank and approaches the teller.  He can see from her name plate that her name is Patty Whack.  “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.  The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.  The frog says, “Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.  She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who says his dad is Mick Jagger, who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 AND he wants to use this as collateral.”  She then holds up the tiny pink elephant.  “I mean what the heck is this?”

The bank manager looks backs at her and says without missing a beat, “It’s a knickknack Patty Whack.  Give the frog a loan.  His old man’s a rolling stone.”

(I won’t tell anyone that you’re singing that last line – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!)

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Who says that the natural order of things in nature have to be that we don’t get along?  My name is Gull and this is my close pal Gator.

We’re like two peas in a pod.  We often play in the water like this.  Gator protects me from other things in the water and we have fun.  Can you believe that it actually blows peoples minds when they see us like this?  Signed Born to be Different

❤

Dear Born to be Different – Hey my friends.  I think that is absolutely wonderful to have that kind of friendship.

I’m sure the other animals in the water look at you like a two piece snack from KFC but as long Gator is there to protect you – awesomesauce!

---

.

Dear Bacon – The humans.  They will pay for this get up.  I feel totally ridiculous.  The nerve to dress me up as some kind of twisted frog.  I think the look on my face tells you everything you need to know.  Do you have any ideas on how I can get the humans back?  Signed Feeling Froggy

Dear Feeling Froggy – WOW!  Now that is some sort of predicament my friend.  I feel you 100%.  Your humans really did have some nerve in dressing you like a Kermit want to be.  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry with you on that get up.  As far as pay back – evil piggy snorts.

The humans they do have to sleep at some point.  I’m sure you can think of so many different ways to bring down the wrath of Froggy upon them.  Just act innocent in whatever you decide.

P.S.  Can I borrow that outfit for Halloween?  Maybe I can snatch Miss Piggy with it.

---

Dear Bacon – Talk about animal labor laws.  I often read about your life at the Hotel Thompson and how they make you ‘work for your food’ in a way.  Never complain again my friend.  My humans put me to work out in nature in concrete.  It’s a hard and tedious job… especially in this get up.  Help me please.  Signed Mason

Dear Mason – Oh snap.  Your humans weren’t playing any games were they my friend?  Bless your little heart.  Not only did they dress you but you have to wear those indestructible construction boots.  Shakes piggy head.  I’m so sorry pal.  I will *never* again complain about having to bring my dirty stuff to the laundry room.  Ever.

P.S.  Dad needs some help expanding the driveway.  When you get done with that project, can you help a human out?

---

Dear Bacon – What?  Haven’t you ever seen a hamster with his lady working the pole?  Blondie is one of the best pole dancers out there.  I suggest this kind of get up for your bedroom pig.  You might get some girlfriends then.  HA!  Signed Boris

Dear Boris – OMP (oh my pig!)  My eyes!  What has been seen can not be unseen.  We really don’t need to see this my friend.  Although daddy was interested in that pole action, me and mom are not – snorts.  Ya’ll carry on in the privacy of your bedroom.  And don’t worry about me and girlfriends.  I have one 🙂

.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Oh dude.  They say that sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.  Well, I’ve been walking around everywhere and licking different kinds of frogs.  I mean, a kiss brings a prince.  I don’t need a prince.  I just need a man to take care of my beautiful self.  And hey, I figured a lick would suffice.  But this one tastes funny.  It doesn’t taste anything like chicken – I will tell you that.  What do you think of my situation?  Signed Halli

Dear Halli – Oh my friend.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but sometimes certain frogs cause hallucinations.  So if you lick one, you might *think* it’s your prince or soulmate when it’s really not.  I mean heck, personally I think a lot of humans do the same thing – lick the wrong humans and hallucinate of a wonderful happily ever after life when they know better.  My suggestion is maybe quit licking and looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong.  You will find the perfect soulmate when you least expect it.  I know you will!

---

Dear Bacon – I work in my family’s veterinary office.  I think that I am in the right field.  How many anipals do you know that go to a vet’s office and just don’t understand why they are there or what is going on.  I’m here to offer my assistance and paw in explaining the situation.  You know like a lifeline into the unknown.  I think our profession is lost.  We need more anipals to work in these veterinary offices – they can definitely be a scary place.  Signed Vega, KA (kitty assistant)

Dear Vega – I think this is an absolutely wonderful idea!  You are so right.  We do need more anipals to work in these veterinary offices.  They are scary and I would love to have a helping paw when I visit.  Keep up your awesome work my friend!

---

 

Dear Bacon – Sometimes you just get tired and want to pick up and move on to your next destination.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Sometimes you feel like  you need to travel to touch others and make a statement in your life.  I feel that need.  Cause you know, nobody knows what baggage we carry.  We gotta travel the world and the seven seas and touch as many people as we can.  What do you think?  Signed Hobo

Dear Hobo – I’m just sitting here smiling my sweet friend.  You are right.  Sometimes you feel the need to travel.  Other times you feel the need to come back home.  You know what they say – different strokes for different folks.  If it makes you happy, go for it my dear friend.  I am no one to judge.

 

---

.Dear Bacon – You may be too young to remember Mr. Owl so let me tell you about him.  Once upon a time in cartoon land, a little boy brought Mr. Owl a sucker and asked how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.  Well, Mr. Owl licked the Tootsie Pop three times and then bit into the Tootsie Pop thus telling the child three times.  Knowing this information, I thought I would really go for the gold and see how many licks it takes to get to the center of that Tootsie Pop.  I’ve been sitting out here in the sun all day licking.  As you can see, I still have Tootsie Pop and now my fur is smoking hot.  What is the moral of this story?  If you are going to lick to get to the center, do it in air conditioning.  It’s too hot out here.  Signed Hot Pockets

Dear Hot Pockets – You poor thing.  At least you don’t have to worry about tan lines, right?  🙂  That’s positive thinking for sure.  But you didn’t tell us.  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?  The world will never know.

---

 

Dear Bacon – Don’t judge.  I went to jump out the window and got stuck.  Darn this belly.  I know you have a belly – I’m not judging by any means – but how do you manage these positions?  Please tell me.  Signed Garfield

Dear Garfield – Dude, you might want to think about cutting back just a little.  I’m not judging, trust me.  I mean heck, one time I got stuck behind the couch by my belly and all you could see were my hind legs running in the air behind me.  Shivers.  A day I will never forget.  So just like you, I cut back just a little for future escapades.  Be safe my friend.  You got this!

 

---

❤ Remember sweet friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to email me your pictures and letters ❤

 

Frog Parking

OMP I so promise my dad didn’t come up with this… although it sounds right up his ally?  Am I right?  Snorts with piggy laughter!

 

Rolls Piggy Eyes

Oh my friends – I do hope you had a wonderful weekend and that you are well rested.  Because this morning I have a great one for you.  Really I do.  Something I heard and just simply can’t resist sharing.  I know it may be weak but after you read it you have to admit it is kind of funny for a Monday.

A frog goes into the bank and approaches the teller.  He can see from her name plate that her name is Patty Whack.  “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”  

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.  The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.  

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.  The frog says, “Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.  

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.  She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who says his dad is Mick Jagger, who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 AND he wants to use this as collateral.”  She then holds up the tiny pink elephant.  “I mean what the heck is this?”  

The bank manager looks backs at her and says without missing a beat, “It’s a knickknack Patty Whack.  Give the frog a loan.  His old man’s a rolling stone.”

(I won’t tell anyone that you’re singing that last line – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!)

 

Kermit Gone Bad

Dear Miss Piggy,

Kermit is bad for you.  Look at this drunken amphibian.  Getting drunk – taking selfies and posting them on Facebook.  All of this when he should be spending quality time with the Goddess that you are.

Any time you are ready for a better life and to be treated like you should – call me okay.

Your Loving Future Piggy Husband – Bacon

 

Oh Boy – It’s Moms Day Out

Oh my friends.  It’s February 14th.  Do you know what that means – besides Valentine’s Day?  It means that today – the sweetest day of the year – mom gets to go to the movies (dad’s treat) and she gets to pick what movie she wants to see.  And here at the Hotel Thompson – we ALL know exactly what that movie is going to be – Fifty Shades of Grey.  Has your human read this book?  Rolls piggy eyes – oh dear piggy heavens.  Help us.  Really help us.

Mom didn’t hope the Grey train until late.  She finally got a special on her phone where she could purchase all four books.  Let me tell you my friends.  That was a bad mistake.  I don’t care where mom went – to the dentist, waiting in line, at a restaurant, even sometimes at work – she would whip that fun out, start reading and fanning herself.

 She has been waiting and waiting for the movie to come out, checking the calendar until the D date.  Of course daddy has been watching her calendar and shaking his head because he knows he has to take her today.

In honor of sweet dad and mom, I thought I would share with you some other Fifty Shades I have found that I personally think would be funny.  What about you?

 

Dear Miss Piggy

Dear Miss Piggy,

I am the right oinker for you.  I bet you didn’t know that Kermit was sighted out on the town having a big night without you.  He gave Miley Cyrus a run for her money – that’s for sure!  Any time you are willing to date and meet a real piggy that will worship your hooves, I’ll be waiting here for you my love.  Love, Bacon

P.S. I’m attaching the evidence picture of Kermit’s night out for your review.  What is he going to try next? Twerkin?  PLOL (Piggy laughing out loud).

P.S.S.  If he tries twerkin, I can beat him at that too.  I’ve been practicing.