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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I don’t understand.  I think I need help.  You see.  Every time I smile, my eyes crossed.  I’ve tried holding my face straight.  I’ve tried closing my eyes and opening them at the last minute.  I’ve tried even holding my breath.  Nothing works.  This is the look I get every single time.  What in the world am I doing wrong?  Can you help?  Signed Happy Cross Eyes.

Dear Happy Cross Eyes – You know my friend, sometimes life throws us twists and turns. It’s how we handle these mountains and curves that makes us who we are.  Instead of dwelling on your look, embrace it my friend.  Not everyone can look as happy as you.  I would market that look – just think of your face and smile on coffee cups, calendars, posters – the possibilities are endless – and so is the money.  Make it work my friend. And do me a favor when you hit it big – remember this little oinker that believed in YOU!


Dear Bacon – Do you need a kiss?  Cause I’m here for YOU my sexy little piggy.  When my human asked me what I wanted to be this year for Halloween, I knew.  A kiss just for YOU.  You help all of these people in the world and I want to help you.  What do you say?  You wanna dress up with me?  Signed Chocolate Kisses

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Dear Chocolate Kisses – What can I say?  That’s a proposition that I just can’t turn down.  And why would I, right?  So I tell you what I’m going to do.  I’m going to get mommy to dress me up as a giant peanut butter cup … cause you know chocolate and peanut butter go together, right?  I’ll keep you posted on my outfit okay.  Until then, Happy Halloween..


Dear Bacon – There we were hanging out in the house having a great time while the humans were away.  Yaki – he might have drunk too much.  That brother of mine – he can’t hold his milk like he used to do in the old days.  This is how the humans found us.  Of course, they thought exactly what you are thinking, that I was dunking his head in the throne.  Nah, I wouldn’t do that to Yaki.  I was holding his ears back while he was throwing up.  See, I’m the nice guy.  Signed Teri and Yaki

Dear Teri and Yaki – I am shocked and somewhat astonished – perhaps even surprised.  I will admit it.  I did think you were baptizing him in the water.  I was wrong for sure.  That is very nice of you to help your brother out of a bad situation.  I say bravo and well done.  I think you may even get the big brother of the year award..


Dear Bacon – Aaww crappers!  There I was sunning myself in the open air minding my own business. I must have fell asleep.  I was so warm and content.  Then when I woke up, I was stuck on a rock and was in a hard place.  The water had went down and I literally was wobbling there.  The only thing I could move were my feet and head.  I wobbled forward.  I wobbled backwards.  Finally, I rocked enough that I fell into the water.  Trust me – you don’t want to do this.  Signed Wobbles

Dear Wobbles – oh my friend.  I’m so glad you were finally able to wobble off that rock.  I can just imagine how you would feel stuck there.  And you are right – this pot belly does not want to be stuck on a rock and hard place.  Take care my friends.


Dear Bacon – Why do humans want to dress us anipals up this time of the year?  Can you answer that for me please.  I mean I get it that they want to dress up, go door to door and have parties.  But, why us anipals?  Why do we have to get pulled in to their hysteria?  Let us stay at home alone and do our thing.  Cause what the humans don’t understand it that we will party our own way, am I right?  Signed Ted in Disguise

Dear Ted in Disguise – AMEN!  You said it perfectly.  Yes I agree that the humans don’t understand that we will celebrate this Halloween holiday in our own right.  Let them go out and do their thing – we will do our thing.  Take for instance me.  This little oinker has worked all month long on my 31 Days of Spook.  By Halloween, I’m going to be exhausted and barely moving.  When the humans go out for the night, I’m hitting the big bed, turning on the big television, setting the Select Comfort to around 65 and that’s where you will find me snoozing and snoring.  Is it Halloween yet?  Have fun on your night my friend.  And let me tell you something – I think you are dressed up enough with those glasses.  I love them!

 

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Posted by on October 17, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Boo! House in the Woods

Today I have a question for you.  You see this house off in the woods.  It’s raining something fierce.  You need shelter because you don’t have a raincoat let alone an umbrella.  The storm is getting worse and now lightning is ripping across the sky and thunder is booming and echoing in the woods.  So the question is my pretty’s – do you go into this house for shelter waiting for the storm to pass?  Oh and let me add a little twist to the equation.  This house is reputed to be haunted.  So what do you say?  Are you up for a little adventure my friends?

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Posted by on October 14, 2017 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

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Boo! Cue Scary Music – It’s Friday the 13th

You know, normally this day would not bother me.  BUT, thanks to daddy I’m a nervous wreck this morning.  For some odd reason, mommy gave him control of the television remote last night thus he picked movie night.  He picked – you got it – Friday the 13th.  Mommy tried to warn me that it wasn’t pig rated and I should go to my room and watch my television.  I didn’t listen because I’m a big pig.  Why didn’t I listen??  After the movie, which I might add is oh so scary!, dad gently reminded me that today is Friday the 13th.  Gee dad, thanks so much for that wonderful and so caring reminder.

Today’s not scary.  It’s just a date, right.  Repeat after me.  It’s just a number.  Numbers are not scary.  Numbers are our friends.  Right?  I’m trying to convince myself you that there is nothing wrong with today being that evil Friday the 13th.  Really… it’s just a date.

There’s lots of Fridays in the month.  There’s a 13th in every month.  It happens every month.  So what’s the big deal?  Who am I trying to convince?  Today is a scary day.  It’s Friday the 13th!  I’ve watched the movie and what has been watched can not be unwatched.

And dad, he is milking this day for all of what it is worth.  He is SO not helping.  I know you are just paying me back for all of the times that I have ‘barked’ and oinked at you.  For all of the times that I wouldn’t share mommy with you.  I know pay back is bad.

But really, I woke up to this mask hanging on my bedroom door.  Are you trying to give this little pig a heart attack so early in the morning?  You knew I was already flipping out with the date and the movie.  Bad daddy – bad!

Then daddy, if you really are my daddy – snorts, you fixed me breakfast this morning.  I should have known you were up to no good by doing that.  You never fix me breakfast – always mommy.  And everyone, you’re probably thinking that was real sweet of ole dad doing that, right?  Until he called me for breakfast.  “Jason, your breakfast is ready.”  Really?  You’ve gone just too far with that one dad of mine.

And then dad said to mom, “Hey, let’s go to Camp Crystal Lake this weekend?”  Thud – piggy down.  Dad, I will pay you back with this date.  Really, I will.

Happy Friday the 13th my friends.  

 

 

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2017 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

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Paw Time with Houdini


Sometimes a pooch just has to do what a pooch has to do.  You know what I mean?  Like for instance sometimes at night I’m ready to go to bed before mom/dad.  So I grabbed Mr. Donkey and went towards my bedroom… AKA mom/dad’s bedroom.  I jumped in the bed with Mr. Donkey, we snuggled in and I went to sleep.  This is how mom found me later on in the evening when she couldn’t find me.  What?  I’m big enough to admit that I like to cuddle when I go to sleep.  Mom/dad weren’t there to cuddle so I made do with Mr. Donkey.  What’s a pooch to do, right?  Yawns… in fact I need to get caught up on some more sleep.  So with that in mind, I leave you with Jokes with Daddy.  Hope you enjoy it my friends.

 
 

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Spotlight Thursday – Meet Sugar

Spotlight Thursday

Welcome my friends to SPOTLIGHT THURSDAY.  This is the time that I will introduce you to one of my fellow anipals so you can get to know them better.  Some of them, you may already know.  We hope that you enjoy this series!


Name:  Sugar (Goffin’s Cockatoo)

Age:   at least 25 years (as a rescue, we’re not sure, but he was born before the import ban of wild-caught birds)

Location:  Colorado

Web/Blog Page:  https://peacewithmylife.com/

What were your first thoughts when you met your new parents?  I was so depressed at the rescue that I didn’t care much if I had new parents or not. The rescue had taken away my mate, and the boy I adored forever (a man, now) didn’t love me anymore. I was too sad to care.

What was the defining moment when you knew you were in your forever home?  When they let me out of my cage to fly around the house, I knew that I wanted to stay and it would all be okay. Flying fixes everything!

What has been your biggest “Oh no, now I’ve done it” moment so far in your home?  Probably the time I bit mom so deeply that she bled a lot, cursed a little, and had to go to get a tetanus shot. I’ve got a powerful beak, you know. I’d bitten everyone by then, and no one liked me; I thought they were going to send me away like the boy did (*hangs head in shame*). I’m so happy they kept me. I don’t bite anymore. Much.

Who do you have wrapped around your paws more – mom or dad – and why? Definitely Mom! I spend a lot of time on her shoulder, and I supervise all her work on the computer. We usually eat together, too, which I just love! I test everything she eats!

What’s the biggest misconception that humans think about you?  They think that just because I’m old, I’m grown up. What are they thinking? I’m a cockatoo! We never really grow up!



Hope you enjoyed meeting my friend – check back next week for another Spotlight edition!

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2017 in Spotlight Thursday

 

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Travels in the South

Have you ever tasted something that was so wrong but yet so rightfully delicious?  Mom was just so glad that she got daddy to eat his vegetables.  What vegetables you ask?  Well, we are here in the south where if you stay in one place for too long, they will deep fry you.  Okay maybe not you personally but anything food wise.

At this particular restaurant, they have breaded deep fried crispy green beans.  You heard that right.  Deep fried green beans.  They serve these magnificent veggies with a cucumber wasabi ranch sauce.  You get a little spice with a little veggie with a little breaded goodness.  Have you ever tried fried green beans?

 

 
 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’ve made a grave mistake.  There was a hole in the back of this contraption.  I crawled in and when I did, it shut closed.  Now I’m stuck… I feel like a squirrel on display for the world to see.  The birds are pointing and laughing at me.  What am I to do?  Help?  Signed Mannequin Squirrel

Dear Mannequin Squirrel – WOW!  What can I say?  You do look awesome with your mannequin display.  I can say perhaps you should enjoy what you can… maybe take a seat and a quick bite of that delightful feed.  By the time you get done with your dinner, maybe the owner of the house will see you in your tight spot and help you out.  If not, can you jump and push the top off for a quick escape?  And don’t worry about the birds pointing and laughing.  Might you remind them that you have plenty of food to eat while you wait unlike them – snorts.


Dear Bacon – We like to put the warning out there for the humans.  If you cross the metal gates leading into our kingdom, be warned.  You will experience a death like no other from the ankles down.  We may be small and short but we have sharp teeth like a shark.  Just sayin’.  Does your little brother do the same?  Signed Harley and Davidson

Dear Harley and Davidson – Awesome idea my friends.  Truth is in the advertising.  If peeps are dumb enough to cross that warning, their ankles deserve what they get.  And yes.  Houdini has the sharpest teeth that I’ve ever felt.  That’s right – I said felt.  I feel them when he tries to hang off of my piggy tail and swing back and forth like I’m an amusement park.  The little guy has no respect for this pig – he thinks I’m his personal jungle gym.


Dear Bacon –  Honestly.  I was asleep the entire time that the master was away.  Really I was.  When I woke up, the front room cushions exploded.  I didn’t hear a thing!  Exploded I tell you.  Of course, I’m getting the blame.  But really it wasn’t me.  Signed Lab Shredder

Dear Lab Shredder – Darn those dust bunnies for striking again!  I believe you my friend.  I really do.  Dust bunnies sound cute and look kind of cute but all alone they can be little vultures that wreak havoc all over the house blaming us anipals.  Shakes and shivers from fear.  They can’t be trusted at all.  No way!  I say you need to hunt them down one by one and take care of them.  As far as you getting the blame for this.  If it wasn’t on video and there is nothing concrete showing you did it, I say they have to let you walk my friend.  No evidence means NOT GUILTY.  Lowers my hammer in my court room and says dismissed.


 Dear Bacon – It’s really not what it looks like.  Me and my friend were playing leap frog.  We see frogs do it all of the time and we thought we would try it.  We turned on the camera and started.  We posted this on Instagram and everyone went crazy saying that we were multi-flying.  No honestly we weren’t.  We were just playing a game.  What do you think?  Signed Doris and Rock

Dear Doris and Rock – Snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever you kids are calling it this day, sure.  Just be safe my friends.

 

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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