Destress Friday

Okay friends.  Let’s have a destressful kind of Friday.  Today, let’s let the stress go far, far away…. even if it is just for a few moments.  Today, we will not let stress get to us in any way, shape or form.  Today, we will get it off our chests, breathe with relief and laugh it away.

What has been stressing you lately?  What has you worried you enough that you want to slap/kick or soccer punch someone in the pie hole and tell them to stow it?  Come on my friends.  Let’s let it ALL out today so we can have an awesome weekend.  Be it small or large – let it be no more!

My mom will go first.  Take it away MOM!

◊ Dear next door neighbor.  Believe it or not, there are several companies that come in our neighborhood to take your trash away.  You really don’t have to keep stock piling it in your backyard.  I mean no one can see your backyard but me… how lucky can I be.  But trust me, even if I didn’t see it, I could smell it.  So with that in mind, can you please call one of the local trash companies.  Heck, I’ll even give you a list of their numbers.  Just sayin’

◊ Dear XYZ Company.  If I haven’t called you back in three weeks, there’s a high probability that I’m not interested.  With that being said, there is no need for you to continue calling my residence upwards 2-3 times a day every day.  Just sayin’

◊ Dear husband.  Don’t add to my stress.  Be a good husband, nod your head accordingly and say, “I love you” randomly throughout the day.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’m not sure about you but my accountant really bites.  He’s got a bad attitude and is always thinking numbers.  I don’t get it.  Why can’t accountants have pleasant personalities – maybe joke around a bit.  I think that would really show a better enthusiasm for their job.  I mean we are talking about my money, it may not be a lot but it is mine.  I thought I would show you a pic of my guy.  I have to admit though, he’s good.  He chomps down and sets to work on that keyboard.  He looks for everything he can find to deduct.  If you ever need a good accountant, let me know okay.  Signed Frogger

Dear Frogger – Well my, my, my.  Your ‘guy’ does look very – how can I say it – professional in what he does. I see what you mean by his serious look.  He does have a stern don’t mess with me kind of disposition.  Maybe the numbers bring it out in him?  Maybe bring him a gift next time – some swamp water or some Lubriderm lotion.  I’ve heard that lotion does wonders for tough skin.

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Dear Bacon –  My favorite time of the day is in this picture.  It’s early morning and it’s breakfast time!  They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Trust me.  It is.  And you know what.  Milk does a body good.  My little legs will grow strong and my ‘moo’ will be coming out soon.  Cause you know what they say?  You got to moo-moo it.  HA!  I made a funny.  I told you breakfast is important – it starts my day like awesome.  Signed Tina

Dear Tina – Shaking my head.  You are right.  Breakfast is very important not to miss in starting your day.  That’s why every day, I start off with my piggy chow and Cheerios.  I gotta keep my figure in check and my cholesterol down.  This piggy has places to travel!

 

 

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Dear Bacon  – Don’t you hate it when uninvited solicitors show up at your door?  Take for instance, I was settled down reading my magazines and newspaper.  You know the typical Sunday leisure day.  Then Bob showed up selling God only knows what.  I told him I wasn’t interested in and he kept on roaring.  How rude!  I finally just had to turn and walk away.  Maybe he got the hint then.  Geez, some anipals huh?  Signed Tigger

Dear Tigger – Please don’t send Bob my way.  It’s bad enough when solicitors come into our hood.  They don’t even come to our crib anymore.  Too many times they have showed up and after seeing moi answer the door, they got scared and turned away.  I don’t get it.  I was just in the doorway with daddy answering the door.  Who cares that he was wearing his Sponge Bob underwear.  Shakes head.

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Dear Bacon – Be glad that you don’t have a desk job little piggy.  In this picture, it was a Friday at 4:45 pm – almost time for the weekend to start.  The head guy showed up in my doorway and wanted a report that was going to take at least an hour to finish and he needed it that night.  WTD?  Really?  You waited all day to tell me this at 4:45 pm?  Shakes dog head – some people have no tact.  Signed Bruiser

Dear Bruiser – OMP!  I so understand.  Mom has been done this way a time or two.  I’ll tell you what I tell her when she calls and tells us she is going to be late.  It sucks and it’s unfair!  I hope you got some overtime for staying over my friend.

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Remember my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to email me your letters and pictures ❤ 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Don’t let the humans fool you.  There comes a day that they cut off the nibbles.  They finally told me that I needed to work for my treats.  The nerve!  So I did what I could.  I applied and got a job at the local Home Depot.  The pay sucks.  It’s hot in here and can you believe they trust me with tools?  Shakes kitty head.  Ask for me the next time you are in the store.  Signed What Project Can I Help You With?

Dear What Project Can I Help You With – Well I have to say you look very professional.  And don’t forget about your resume for future jobs.  I would definitely come to you for assistance for sure.  I would be surprised if you don’t start with a big following at your store location.  You just have that “I’m here for you” look.  Really you do.

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Dear Bacon – Where is it written that only dogs can be used for protection?  I’m just saying that there are other anipals out here that will serve and protect what is rightfully theirs.  You see me in the picture, right?  Look to the left midways.  That is my kingdom.  My backyard.  I will chase unwanted guests out of my kingdom… you know like the meter reader guy, squirrels, kitties and those pesky pooches.  I let them get in the yard fully and then it’s on like Donkey Kong.  My humans had to put this sign on the gate because some peeps complained.  Can you believe that?  Signed Killer

Dear Killer – Shakes and Shivers.  You scare me my friend.  I believe you when you say what is yours well is YOURS.  That’s the way I feel about my magical backyard  It has *my* smells – it doesn’t need anything else.  I say you continue to do what you do.  No one needs to be in your domain at all.

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Dear Bacon – My human laughs at me.  But I gotta tell you, this position is my favorite kitty hanging down yoga position.  It helps the blood flow all the way through your body – even your tail.  I highly recommend it.  Signed Kitty Hanging Down

Dear Kitty Hanging Down – WOWZER!  I’ll have to take your word about this favorite position of yours my friend.  I’m not sure if it would really work for this oinker.  You see I have what they call a pot belly and trust me I’ve worked hard on that pot belly.  I don’t think it would let me ‘hang’ like you do.  But you enjoy my friend!

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Dear Bacon – Do you think people realize when they knock on our door that we enforce a strict no solicitation rule here at our crib?  We mean business.  Unless you are delivering pizza – oh YES – then go to the house next door please.  They have a cute little poodle who lets everyone in.  Signed Four Amigos

Dear Four Amigos – I get it.  I really do.  Oh my pigs – you have the ‘look’ down pact with don’t mess with us and we are the first means of getting through this door.  I bet you don’t get a lot of door to door sales people.  I commend you on that.  When I visit, I will definitely bring pizza.

Stay strong my friends!

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Dear Bacon – It might have been the beer.  It might have been the tequila.  It might just have been the fact I stayed up all night and partied.  Shakes head slowly because the world is still moving in this position.  I’m never drinking again.  Signed Wobbly

Dear Wobbly – Oh my friend.  When you drink and fall down, you need help.  Perhaps I can give you the number to your local K9 AA meeting in your area.  Admission is the first step so you are half way there.

 

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REMEMBER friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions via email.

 

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon,

Really, it’s not what it looks like.  I kitty swear.  My brother, he was sick.  Yeah, that’s it.  I was holding his hair back.  I know it doesn’t look like that but I was. Really.  I was helping him so he wouldn’t fall in.  I mean, purr, we wouldn’t want him to drown or anything in a toilet, would we.  Nah, then who would I have to pick on by my side?  Signed Freddy

Dear Freddy,

I wouldn’t let that picture get in a court of law my friend.. you know just in case something happens to your poor innocent brother.  I mean, that picture kind of tells a different story.  Even *I* don’t think I could get away with anything like that.  Nope.  You might want to be nice to your brother for a while.  He might use this as proof.  Just sayin’.

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Dear Bacon,

Darn that cow Velma.  She took this picture of me when I was grazing last week.  She started laughing like a hyena.  I didn’t know why until I saw this on the news.  The nerve!  I did not let out “gas of fire” as they reported.  I just wanted to get that straight.  Signed Sue

Dear Sue,

I have to admit that I kind of laughed out loud on that one my friend.  It does look like you had a flame that went on forever.  Snorts.  But I’m with you on this.  You can’t let Velma get away with this.  Why don’t you sign her up on Farm Harmony and set her up with a blind date – snorticles.  That could be really fun.  Have your camera ready this time.

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Dear Bacon,

Isn’t Mad Dog the best?!  He seems really scary to the neighborhood pups but he’s my hero, my lifesaver, my brother.  He protects me and always gives me a nice soft spot to lay on.  I just wanted to give him a shout out.  Signed Sally

Dear Sally,

Mad Dog is the best brother ever!  What an awesome pooch to watch out for you, protect you AND he’s your personal bed.  That’s great!

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Dear Bacon,

We have a security breach.  We spotted him this afternoon.  He knows when he comes out, we are going to be so on him like green on Gumby.  He should know better than to get into our kitty condo.  He doesn’t have an address here.  Signed Kitty Ninjas

Dear Kitty Ninjas,

Tsk-tsk-tsk.  I would sure hate to be that pooch when he finally emerges from that kitty condo home.  What do you call that “breaking and barking?”  Perhaps “pooch assault”.  Or maybe it’s a ‘dog robbery in progress?”  Oh, I kill myself.  Try not to be to hard on him my friends.  I think this picture will be worth the insult to his pedigree.  Perhaps put it on your Twitter or Facebook account.  That I’m sure will be far worse than a kitty beating – snorts.

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 Dear Bacon,

Sure, a solicitor can come in our yard.  No problems.  They just have to get through us first…. after showing credentials, paying an admission fee and leaving some food.  Why not.  Signed #1 and #2

Dear #1 and #2,

I think I’ll pass your house.  Gulp.  Nothing to see there. Nope not at all!

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*Remember friends, send your pictures and questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com