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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.

But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.


20140330-183825.jpgDear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.

Not the one to do that at all my friend.


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Dear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts


20140330-183847.jpgDear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.

None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!


Dear Bacon – 20140330-183858.jpgI double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 06/19/2018 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.


20140330-183833.jpgDear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts


 

20140330-183825.jpgDear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.


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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.


 

20140330-183847.jpgDear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 06/06/2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Jokes with Anipals

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 09/25/2016 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’m not sure about you but my accountant really bites.  He’s got a bad attitude and is always thinking numbers.  I don’t get it.  Why can’t accountants have pleasant personalities – maybe joke around a bit.  I think that would really show a better enthusiasm for their job.  I mean we are talking about my money, it may not be a lot but it is mine.  I thought I would show you a pic of my guy.  I have to admit though, he’s good.  He chomps down and sets to work on that keyboard.  He looks for everything he can find to deduct.  If you ever need a good accountant, let me know okay.  Signed Frogger

Dear Frogger – Well my, my, my.  Your ‘guy’ does look very – how can I say it – professional in what he does. I see what you mean by his serious look.  He does have a stern don’t mess with me kind of disposition.  Maybe the numbers bring it out in him?  Maybe bring him a gift next time – some swamp water or some Lubriderm lotion.  I’ve heard that lotion does wonders for tough skin.


Dear Bacon –  My favorite time of the day is in this picture.  It’s early morning and it’s breakfast time!  They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Trust me.  It is.  And you know what.  Milk does a body good.  My little legs will grow strong and my ‘moo’ will be coming out soon.  Cause you know what they say?  You got to moo-moo it.  HA!  I made a funny.  I told you breakfast is important – it starts my day like awesome.  Signed Tina

Dear Tina – Shaking my head.  You are right.  Breakfast is very important not to miss in starting your day.  That’s why every day, I start off with my piggy chow and Cheerios.  I gotta keep my figure in check and my cholesterol down.  This piggy has places to travel!

 

 


Dear Bacon  – Don’t you hate it when uninvited solicitors show up at your door?  Take for instance, I was settled down reading my magazines and newspaper.  You know the typical Sunday leisure day.  Then Bob showed up selling God only knows what.  I told him I wasn’t interested in and he kept on roaring.  How rude!  I finally just had to turn and walk away.  Maybe he got the hint then.  Geez, some anipals huh?  Signed Tigger

Dear Tigger – Please don’t send Bob my way.  It’s bad enough when solicitors come into our hood.  They don’t even come to our crib anymore.  Too many times they have showed up and after seeing moi answer the door, they got scared and turned away.  I don’t get it.  I was just in the doorway with daddy answering the door.  Who cares that he was wearing his Sponge Bob underwear.  Shakes head.


 

Dear Bacon – Be glad that you don’t have a desk job little piggy.  In this picture, it was a Friday at 4:45 pm – almost time for the weekend to start.  The head guy showed up in my doorway and wanted a report that was going to take at least an hour to finish and he needed it that night.  WTD?  Really?  You waited all day to tell me this at 4:45 pm?  Shakes dog head – some people have no tact.  Signed Bruiser

Dear Bruiser – OMP!  I so understand.  Mom has been done this way a time or two.  I’ll tell you what I tell her when she calls and tells us she is going to be late.  It sucks and it’s unfair!  I hope you got some overtime for staying over my friend.


Remember my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to email me your letters and pictures ❤ 

 
20 Comments

Posted by on 07/05/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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May I Introduce Nana’s New Pet…. Alligator

You see a couple of weeks ago when mom/dad were running loose on Tybee Island, they came across an egg.  A little egg.  Mom said no one was looking so she and dad picked up the egg and took it to Nana.  What could possibly go wrong, right?

So mom gave the strange egg to Nana.  Nana was excited… until she got up one day to find the egg cracked and a mysterious creature was then running wild in her home.  She searched under the couch, in the bedrooms, in the closets, all over you might as well say.  Nana didn’t know what to expect when she found this creature.

Then Nana went into the kitchen to wash her dishes and what did she find?!  An ALLIGATOR sitting in one of her bowls.  OMP!  Nana has a pet alligator?  She was so excited and was on the verge of making birth announcements when mom just happen to show up at her house with Ace Ventura on speed dial.  The gator was so cute – Nana didn’t want to give him up.  So she named him Ralphie and made him a permanent home in her house.  Let’s just hope that she doesn’t get bored with him and flush him down the toilet.  

 
37 Comments

Posted by on 06/15/2016 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  No.  That’s right No.  Our doorbell rung in the middle of the day.  We weren’t expecting anyone so mom looked out the peep hole.  She didn’t see anyone.  We all sat back down and again the doorbell rung once again.  Mom went to the door, looked out the peep hole and nothing.  So she opened the door… of course keeping the security chain on the door.  Then mom squealed – I’m sure she squealed louder than you.  This is what she saw.  What in the world?  He wanted to borrow a cup of chicken – as if.  Mom told him that she wasn’t the local Kroger and to take a hike.  Have you ever had guests like this wanting to borrow food?  Signed Uninvited Guests

Dear Uninvited Guests – Oh dear piggy heavens have mercy!  Now we all believe in neighborly hospitality here at the Hotel Thompson.  Journalist Rocky the Squirrel often knocks on our back door asking for a cup of nuts.  And once, the neighbor asked to borrow a cup of milk.  But *never* have we had such a guest wanting a cup of chicken.  Did your friend leave?  I mean who you goin’ to call in this circumstance?  Be safe my friend – and keep that door LOCKED.


 Dear Bacon – I scored BIG time for Christmas.  I asked Jolly St. Nick for a cool pair of bunny slippers.  And let me tell you something, he delivered!!  I am jumping all over my crib in bun-bun delight.  Aren’t they the cutest things you have ever seen my friend?  Signed Bunny Times Two

Dear Bunny Times Two – You are *almost* right my sweet dear friend.  Those slippers are *almost* as cute as you.  I think you are pretty darn cute to begin with and YOU make those slippers even cuter.  Wear them with pride and stay warm my little friend!

 


 Dear Bacon – I’m sorry.  I couldn’t wait and had to go.  And I hear my mom tell my dad all of the time, “Better out than in.”  I think this is what she was meaning.  I’m sorry.  But what better way says I’m sorry than to leave my poo in a heart shape, right?  Surely mom wouldn’t be upset over that on your new rug… you know of course add in my pleading don’t-be-made look.  What do you think?  Signed You Gotta Go – You Gotta Go

Dear You Gotta Go – Well dear, my mom says there is no way she would be mad if I made that mistake and left something in a heart shape.  Like you said, sometimes crap happens.  Keep being cute and give mom extra snuggles today – she will forgive you.


 Dear Bacon – You see, we got new neighbors over the weekend.  We heard that she’s a cute little poodle.  We were just trying to take a peak and see.  That’s when our master caught us.  Can you say busted?  Signed Caught in the Act

Dear Caught in the Act – One question my friends.  Did you see her?  Was it worth it?  Why have you not gone over with some biscuits and welcomed her to the hood.  I think that would be a grand gesture from the both of you.  You know, meet her first before anyone else does.  Let me know how it works.


 Dear Bacon –  No one and I mean no one will ever be this cool.  How cool?  Me a mere lizard standing on some good stuff in a posture that just screams, “I’m the lacertilia!”  Ha!  Now, I need to pour me another and get this party started!  Signed Fred

Dear Fred – Well I must say you do know how to party my friend.  And well I have to admit.  I did have to look up the word lacertilia to see what it meant – snorts with piggy laughter.  You are one of few words.  Loved it my friend.  Now remember something important.  Don’t drink and drive.  Stay home to party and keep it at home.  Have a great time and oh – don’t forget my invitation.  But I’ll take some koolaid on ice – no alcohol in mine okay.

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REMEMBER my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please remember to keep sending me your letters and pictures via my email.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 12/29/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Alligator Mosquito

  That’s right I said it – ALLIGATOR MOSQUITO.  Here in the south, we have large vultures that we call mosquito’s.  But this year, it seems worse.  These little vultures seem like alligators and are very aggressive in nature.  I’m tired of them.  I think they need to go somewhere else and bug someone else.

Heck, mommy says that instead of sucking blood – why can’t they suck fat?  By the way they have been acting lately, she would be a size zero!

 
25 Comments

Posted by on 08/08/2015 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon – Me and my friend Hazel were just out running around the hood minding our own business.  We crossed the street.  There I said it!  We crossed the street!  Humans went all weird on us and started snapping pictures.  I don’t get it.  What’s the big deal?  Signed Two Chicks

Dear Two Chicks – I don’t get it either my friend.  Shakes piggy head.  I look forward to that day where the motives are not questioned of two chicks out for a good time crossing the road and humans not going all wild laughing and pointing.  I do feel for you.  Just chill and carry on is what I say my friends…. oh and stay out of traffic might be more advice 🙂


20131208-212523.jpgDear Bacon,  I don’t get it.  I honestly don’t get it.  You see I work in a conservatory park.  Humans come by on boat rides to see us gators out in the wild.  There was this one guy that was leaning a little too far over the boat and his sunglasses fell off his head.  I was just trying to do the right thing.  I got them and was swimming closer to the boat for him to get them.  Do you know he wouldn’t reach out and get them?  What a thank you huh?  Signed The Manners of a Gator

Dear The Manners of a Gator – How ungrateful. You mean to tell me the human would not reach over the boat, into the river, onto your head and get his glasses?  What was he thinking?  Oh doh!  Maybe – and this is just a stretch here – maybe he thought you might be like one of those other gators.  You know the ones who like to bite the hand that touches them.  I’m just guessing that.  Maybe you can leave the sunglasses on the bank of the river for him to retrieve after the trip.  I’m sure he will appreciate that. Awesome job my friend!


20131208-212625.jpgDear Bacon – HA!  You see I’m there in the front – the white pooch.  We were all standing around at my buddies house telling jokes.  Who would have thought the guys would take one of my jokes so personal.  You know how us guys can be with the boys.  Someone happened to say that I wasn’t the great lover like they were.  When I told them that their mother didn’t think the same thing, they all got personal and started chasing me.  Who would have thought huh?  Signed Who Let the Dogs Out

Dear  Who Let the Dogs Out – Shakes piggy head.  Boys will be boys talking smack and getting into trouble.  You know what I say my friend?  If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.  Some people just have no room for jokes and having fun.  Keep running out first though – 🙂


20131208-212652.jpgDear Bacon – You should have been here pal!  We all planned our weekly play date at the beach with our humans.  While they talked and drunk their Starbucks coffee, we sat on the sand.  We held hands, sung kumbaya and talked about our humans.  It was great fun.  We would have loved if you could have joined us!  Signed The Great Foursome

Dear The Great Foursome – oh WOW!  That looks like so much fun my friends.  The next time I’m out your way, count me in!

 


REMEMBER FRIENDS – Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without YOUR pictures and letters.  Remember to email them to me for my weekly Tuesday Dear Bacon issues.  Snorts and thanks!

 
24 Comments

Posted by on 04/21/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20131208-213049.jpgDear Bacon, Do you recognize this look my friend?  You know the doorbell rings but you are running around in your birthday suit.  You answer it from the corner wondering, “Who would come over without calling first” kind of look in your face.  You are secretly wishing it’s a girls scout selling cookies but oh no – it’s only someone selling something.  You give them this eat crap and die look before shutting the door.  No offense solicitors but unless you have thin mints, go to the neighbors house.  Signed Don’t Bother

Dear Don’t Bother,  YES I recognize that look.  Once all of the humans have settled into the Hotel Thompson, it’s a no bother zone unless you phone first – especially after dark. Shivers – I’ve seen too many shows on the Investigative Discovery channel.  No way am I opening the door.  And you are right… unless they have thin mints.  They could be someone from a horror show but if they are selling thin mints, I’m grabbing the boxes


20131208-213126.jpgDear Bacon,  You know sometimes I really hate my siblings.  They tell me that I chase butterflies too often grinning like the Cheshire cat and singing Disney songs. What’s it to them?  Who’s a happy gator – this guy!  Can’t we all just be happy and get along?  Signed Chomp

Dear Chomp,  I’m with you my bud.  I’m singing Hakuna Matata right now in my head.  It’s such a happy song all about no worries for the rest of your lives.  If you don’t know it, I highly recommend you looking it up and playing it.  It’s great and perky – just a song for chasing butterflies.  Be yourself and don’t let your siblings bully you into something you’re not!


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 Dear Bacon, I’ve called this meeting here today to talk to you about your little brother Houdini.  You know us dogs have skills.  We can be your allies or we can be your enemies.  You don’t want us to be your enemies.  I’m just saying.  This face may look all cute and everything but my inner dog is 500 pounds just like Houdini’s.  You might want to rethink your relationship with the little guy.  We can come in handy for a lot of things.  Signed Fluffy

Dear Fluffy,  Oh my friend, there is no doubt about the skills of you pooches.  Houdini is my little buddy.  Sometimes I even let him sleep with me in my bed at night.  He’s a great guy and helps me out with the purr things here all of the time.  Especially that Hemi who uses my butt like a slapping post.  No worries – I know ya’ll rule!


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 Dear Bacon, Score for the little dog!  I’ve been watching the humans and where they get my food.  Oh barks!  One day when they weren’t looking, I was able to get into the bag of heaven and SCORE!  Oh dude – I was in puppy heaven for a while until the master caught me.  But by that time, I had eaten half of the bag.  I was so fat I couldn’t walk.  I was rolling around with a silly happy grin on my face.  You ever done this before?  Signed Rolly Polly

 Dear Rolly Polly,  Snorts!  I ❤ this my friend.  I’ve never gotten into the bag before.  But once when I was Nana’s, I ate so much that I couldn’t even squeak I was so pudgy.  I was uncomfortable for a while but like you – it was so worth it!


 

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Dear Bacon,  I hate it when the humans make me dress up.  We had to go to a wedding this past weekend and they insisted on me wearing a tux.  Really?  I’m a dog.  Rolls doggy eyes.  Tell me they don’t make you dress in this ridiculous outfit.  Signed Mister Doggy in the Wedding

Dear Mister Doggy in the Wedding – I have to admit pal that you make that tux look good.  Really you do.  Sometimes we have to do things that we really don’t want to do but need to do.  That was probably one of those situations.  I don’t particular have to dress up… yet.  But can you believe Houdini here has a tux. 🙂  It happens to the best of us.  Wear it with pride!


Remember my friends – we can’t have Dear Bacon without your letters and pictures.  Please keep sending them to me – snorts and thanks!

 
15 Comments

Posted by on 04/07/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by some wonderful little purr thing friends – Archie, Oscar and Henry. You know them from their blog – mythreemoggies  If you don’t know them, you *must* go visit them and check them out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

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Dear Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry,
My mom said that if I behaved at the flea market, I could ride the merry go round. Bark-bark-bark. As you can see, I got to ride! Bark – it’s so much fun. Bark – can you tell I’m having fun? Signed Happy Bark

Dear Happy Bark,
It looks like you’re going round the twist. You’re barking mad. You can’t carousel on like this!
We know you dogs like to go a little crazy every now and then: chasing your tails, running after sticks, barking at the wind. But this is too much.
You need to be a little more cat… Quit the fairground, find yourself a nice warm bed and grab forty winks. That’s true happiness.
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry,
What the cream cheese! There’s something slimy that confronted me today in my own living room. What the heck is the cast off from Sponge Bob? Have you ever seen this before. I’m not sure what I do with it – play with it, eat it or show it to the door. Thoughts? Signed Escardog

Dear Escardog,

This is a slimy situation you’ve got yourself into. Of course, your first resort to any intruder is to think ‘food’, but this is not Paris notre petit ami. You need to have a word in his shell like and tell him to sling his antennae.

Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry
What!? Haven’t you ever seen a dog turning in for the night? I have to get a good nights sleep so I’m in shape to chase the mailman in the morning. It’s what I do. Come on now – you can admit to me that you sleep like this too. Signed Napdog

Dear Napdog,
This is what we’re meowing about. Sleep like a king our friend!
The importance of a good kip isn’t lost any self respecting moggie, and it’s a relief to see our canine pals finally embracing the power of slumber.  After all, that mailman won’t chase himself.
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry
Ha! I’m the littlest on the farm. The other animals like to horse around and bully me. I do what I do best. I sneak behind the trees and stick my tongue at them. When they chase me, the humans catch them picking on me. What!? Like you’ve never done that before? Signed Horse N Round

Dear Horse N Round,
This is neigh way to behave!
You need to stand up to yourself – are you a horse or a mouse?
Us moggies were brought up on da streets, and the rule there is you never grass. Actually, the rule is you eat the grass but whose letter is this anyway?
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry
Hey guys. I need your help. I’m a traveling door to door salesman. For some reason, when I ring door bells no one answers. I don’t get it. Can you help me out? Signed Gator Calling

Dear Gator Calling,
You have an image problem. Smarten yourself up, employ a make over artist and get yourself a nice suit.
These gator-phobes won’t change their attitude unless you make the first move.
Oh, and make it snappy!
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
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Posted by on 09/09/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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