Enough With the Spam!

Are you tired of getting all of this Spam lately?  I just can’t take it anymore.  Stomping piggy hooves!!  Enough already – Spam should be outlawed – snorts.

You thought I was talking about email and blog spam?  Silly humans.. of course not.

I’m talking Spam.  Do you know what this stuff is made out of?  Come closer and I’ll whisper it to you – sshh – pork products.  You do realize what that means, right?  The Spam site explains it this way:

Spam is made of two cuts of the same piggy – the shock of that!  It says that the cuts come from (A) the pork shoulder because of its juiciness, tenderness and flavor and (B) the pig’s rear which is surprise – thick and flavorful.  OMP (Oh my pig!)  It’s bad enough that daddy looks at me sometimes feeling my rump wondering how many biscuits I would make.  The nerve!

I have to stop this insanity.  Why does it have to be pig?  Why can’t it be cow?  Heck, why can’t it be tofu?  Yep, I think personally that’s the way to go – tofu.  🙂

Let’s start a campaign now and take a stand – NO SPAM.  But I do have to say thank you to the Spam peeps – I am jucy, tender and flavorful – sticks tongue out!  Happy Friday my friends!

.

.

.

.

.

Take Note:  This was all in fun jest.  I’m not dishing the Spam makers or eaters.  I was having fun.

 

Jokes from a Cow

Courtesy from Pinterest

 

Donkey Farms

 Picture taken from Pinterest – snorts!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’m not sure about you but my accountant really bites.  He’s got a bad attitude and is always thinking numbers.  I don’t get it.  Why can’t accountants have pleasant personalities – maybe joke around a bit.  I think that would really show a better enthusiasm for their job.  I mean we are talking about my money, it may not be a lot but it is mine.  I thought I would show you a pic of my guy.  I have to admit though, he’s good.  He chomps down and sets to work on that keyboard.  He looks for everything he can find to deduct.  If you ever need a good accountant, let me know okay.  Signed Frogger

Dear Frogger – Well my, my, my.  Your ‘guy’ does look very – how can I say it – professional in what he does. I see what you mean by his serious look.  He does have a stern don’t mess with me kind of disposition.  Maybe the numbers bring it out in him?  Maybe bring him a gift next time – some swamp water or some Lubriderm lotion.  I’ve heard that lotion does wonders for tough skin.

---

Dear Bacon –  My favorite time of the day is in this picture.  It’s early morning and it’s breakfast time!  They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Trust me.  It is.  And you know what.  Milk does a body good.  My little legs will grow strong and my ‘moo’ will be coming out soon.  Cause you know what they say?  You got to moo-moo it.  HA!  I made a funny.  I told you breakfast is important – it starts my day like awesome.  Signed Tina

Dear Tina – Shaking my head.  You are right.  Breakfast is very important not to miss in starting your day.  That’s why every day, I start off with my piggy chow and Cheerios.  I gotta keep my figure in check and my cholesterol down.  This piggy has places to travel!

 

 

---

Dear Bacon  – Don’t you hate it when uninvited solicitors show up at your door?  Take for instance, I was settled down reading my magazines and newspaper.  You know the typical Sunday leisure day.  Then Bob showed up selling God only knows what.  I told him I wasn’t interested in and he kept on roaring.  How rude!  I finally just had to turn and walk away.  Maybe he got the hint then.  Geez, some anipals huh?  Signed Tigger

Dear Tigger – Please don’t send Bob my way.  It’s bad enough when solicitors come into our hood.  They don’t even come to our crib anymore.  Too many times they have showed up and after seeing moi answer the door, they got scared and turned away.  I don’t get it.  I was just in the doorway with daddy answering the door.  Who cares that he was wearing his Sponge Bob underwear.  Shakes head.

---

 

Dear Bacon – Be glad that you don’t have a desk job little piggy.  In this picture, it was a Friday at 4:45 pm – almost time for the weekend to start.  The head guy showed up in my doorway and wanted a report that was going to take at least an hour to finish and he needed it that night.  WTD?  Really?  You waited all day to tell me this at 4:45 pm?  Shakes dog head – some people have no tact.  Signed Bruiser

Dear Bruiser – OMP!  I so understand.  Mom has been done this way a time or two.  I’ll tell you what I tell her when she calls and tells us she is going to be late.  It sucks and it’s unfair!  I hope you got some overtime for staying over my friend.

---

Remember my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to email me your letters and pictures ❤ 

 

Dear Bacon

   Dear Bacon – Now listen up little pig.  I read about your antics at different times there at the Hotel Thompson.  You need to nice to those purr things.  Listen to your nana now okay.  Signed Nana Purr Thing

Dear Nana Purr Thing – Ma’am I’m as nice to the purr things as they are to me.  Really – you don’t know how they act to me at times.  They can be devious beyond belief.  And hey thanks for the advice.  I do appreciate it.  And you might want to wash your face – there’s something on it.  Helpful piggy see 🙂

---

Dear Bacon – Help.  I know it’s my birthday but please explain why my humans just can’t give me a dog biscuit or a bond or something.  Why do they have to dress me up in this ridiculous hat ensemble?  Please explain that to me.  Please and help.  Signed Happy Birthday To Me

Dear Happy Birthday To Me – Trust me my friend.  It could always be worse.  Last year for Houdini’s first birthday he got the works.  Mom dressed him up with a similar hat, a t-shirt and even threw him a party with the neighborhood anipals.  Shaking my piggy head.  It was a rough day for him.  Just take it in and smile.  This day should pass.

---

  Dear Bacon – Look at me, I’m a cow.  MOO – MOO – MOO.  Do you think I will pass when I go and interview with the Chick-Fil-A cows this afternoon?  Signed Moo in Disguise

Dear Moo in Disguise – Pass what?  I think you are a lovely cow my friend.  Just be careful out in the fields okay.  I’ve heard that cow tipping is a sport these days and humans love to do it.

---

 Dear Bacon – Oh yes my faithful human.  I’m in a position that I can’t get out of but you go right ahead.  Take a picture, post it on Facebook and share it with your friends.  Make sure the picture shows me in my moment of disgust.  We wouldn’t want you to have a bad picture.  I’ll just sit here with this contraption on my head.  We all know it’s about you and your friends.  I’ll wait patiently sharpening my claws.  You just get back to me as soon as you can okay.  Signed Kitty Waiting for Payback

Dear Kitty Waiting for Payback – Amen my purr thing.  I feel your pain.  Well, not your pain all twisted up in that slinky contraption.  But the pain of the humans taking pictures first and not just any picture – the perfect picture to share on line with everyone.  I think those claws should be sharpened to their finest for a little display of your unhappiness.  Can I send you a file to help you out?  Just let me know okay.

---

REMEMBER my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your letters and pictures to my email.  ♥

 

Donkey Farms

 Picture taken from Pinterest – snorts!

 

Moo Turkey

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – There is *always* that one friend.  You know the one that ‘dares’ you to do something and says, “What are you afraid”?  Why did I have to fall for it.  Can you tell me that?  And then if that wasn’t bad enough, Ethel has to then photobomb me and take a picture for her Facebook account.  Dude, I long for the days before all of this social media.  Signed Jack

Dear Jack – WOW.  I see that you are in a predicament my friend.  I don’t even know Ethel dared you to do but the how the heck did you get out of that funky position?  Of course, for payback and before she photobombed you all you had to do was lift that left leg in a strategic position and that would smack that smirk right off of her face – snorts.  You know friend, this just screams for payback.  And make it GOOD.  I mean really GOOD.  And then post it on your Facebook account… or perhaps get Christmas cards made.  Now that sounds like a plan of destruction.  Keep me posted with the results and don’t take any more dares anytime soon okay.

---

Dear Bacon – HA!  This will teach my humans.  I ran away from home and they have yet to find me.  What do you think?  Am I the master of disguises or what?  Signed Hide N Seek Master

Dear Hide N Seek Master – You are the boss my friend.  I had to take several looks myself to see which ‘rock’ was you.  And your parents haven’t found you yet.  That’s so awesome.  Just remember to come out in time for dinner okay.

---

Dear Bacon – They said I could do and be anything I wanted.  So I decided I wanted to water ski.  And let me tell you something – it is fantastic!  So invigorating.  It makes me feel like I weigh nothing at all.  I highly recommend it my friend.  Signed Weightless

Dear Weightless – You know you have my interest piqued now my friend.  I think I may try this soon… especially since mom/dad are sending me to this awful thing called C.A.M.P.  Stay safe.

---

Dear Bacon – Have you ever just had one of those days that you needed a little something to take the edge off?  This was me last weekend.  I just couldn’t take chasing the postman anymore… or tying up and blaming the cat for everything.  I needed a little liquid refreshment in a place where everyone knew my name and it was a fun place.  And hey, this wine is awesome.  Have you ever felt like this?  Signed Stud at the Bar

Dear Stud at the Bar – Oh yes indeed.  There are days that I feel the world is overcoming me… especially this past weekend.  We could have met up my friend.  Perhaps split a bottle of Francis Ford Coppola wine and whined on each other’s shoulders or downfalls in life in general.  I’m sure it would have been a blast.  Call me next time okay.

---

Dear Bacon – I’m not sure my son gets the full effect of my look here.  This is my what.do.you.mean.you.want.to.stay.out.all. night.long.partying.look.  Does it work for you?  Do I need to change something for more of an effect?  Any suggestions?  Signed Dad in Charge

Dear Dad in Charge – I think you have the look down pact.  Did you follow it with, “Not while you are living under my roof?” and “While you are living under my roof, you will obey my rules”?  That usually works when my dad uses them on us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson.  Maybe take away his allowance.  That *always* hurts this little oinker where it counts.  Good luck with your son my friend.  Just think of these as his teenage rocky years.

---

Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your letters and pictures to my email address.  🙂

 

 

Black Belt

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – What can I say?  I’m a happy camper.  I know your dislike for a certain frog but hey can’t we be buds?  Not all of us frogs are all green and taking your woman.  I understand completely.  Does this look like a face of a frog that would take your Miss Piggy?  I think not.  Signed Can’t We Be Friends

Dear Can’t We Be Friends –  Aaaww my new pal.  I would love to be your friend.  And you are right.  I only dislike one certain green frog who thinks he is God’s gift to my woman… Kermit.  When he decides to leave my Goddess alone, then we might possibly be friends as well.  Kermit if you are listening – call me okay.

.

---

Dear Bacon – I know how your mom loves the mouse with white gloves, Mickey Mouse.  I’m a fan of the other one – Minnie Mouse.  My humans know how much I love her so they bought me this head gear to wear so I could be her.  What do you think?  Am I missing anything?  Signed The New Minnie Mouse Dog

Dear The New Minnie Mouse Dog – You look amazing my friend.  I absolutely ❤ it!  My mom would be so envious in all of your glory.  Do you know what would really set off your outfit?  White gloves.  Oh squeals.  That would have all of the Mickey Mouse Club knocking on your door.  You rock my new friend!  Wear those ears with pride!

.

.

---

Dear Bacon –  Don’t fear.  This is not a scary movie or a remake of Jurassic Park.  We are real.  We live and roam in the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador.  Wouldn’t it be a hoot to play together?  Of course, you might run a smidgen faster than us but we would enjoy the company.  If you are ever in these parts, call us okay.  Signed Aldi and Gang

Dear Aldi and Gang –  WOW!  Ya’ll are awesome.  I bet we would have a heck of a great time playing together.  Do you think I could piggy back on one of ya’ll?  Instead of the tortoise and the hare stories, we could make the tortoise and the Bacon stories – snorts and rolls with laughter.

---

Dear Bacon – Sure, pick on the cow.  My so called friends dared me to get up here on this contraption.  Said it would be fun and exciting.  Yeah, it’s fun and exciting alright.  Can you get me off of this thing pig?  Signed Betsy

Dear Betsy, Oh dear piggy heavens my friend.  You are in a pickle.  I’ll call Farmer McDonald to come save you.  Just don’t bounce okay.  It might be a few minutes.

---

 

Dear Bacon – The humans they are fickle.  I bought my human a gift.  Something I worked hard on getting to repay them for their kindness in giving me my forever home.  What do I get in return?  A screech so loud that I think they heard it on the other side of the world.  I really think I heard glass breaking somewhere in the house.  Then the human did something even weirder.  They jumped on the table and wouldn’t come off until I took their gift outside.  Really?  Fickle humans.  Signed The Great Hunter

Dear The Great Hunter – Snorts.  You see my friend.  Humans like their food cooked… and only certain kinds of food.  I don’t think mice are on their listed foods they eat.  Yet, it was such a wonderful gift to give to them.  You are the great hunter, so gifted. Maybe the next time though hunt some cow.  I’ve heard they like cow…. a LOT.  Carry on and safe hunting.

---

REMEMBER FRIENDS – We can’t have Dear Bacon issues without YOU.  Keep your pictures and questions coming to me via email 🙂

---