Don’t worry mom. I’m here to protect you – even in here. I think we all know where here is, right friends? Who knows what could happen to our humans when they enter their litter box. There is a lot of things in there that could hurt them. I mean what if the flushy thing swallows them up and they disappear. Where would we be then in getting our own food? You do see the worried look on my face, right? I gotta go in there with mom just to make sure she’s okay…. and that there are no monsters living in the tub. Have you checked that place out lately my friends? We can never be too careful! I’m off to patrol again with daddy this time. Be safe!
Here lately, it seems like there is always a controversy going on what seems like daily on bathrooms. They tell you now that you can go into the bathroom that you relate to – can you see any problems coming from that? We are all for equal rights here at the Hotel Thompson but sometimes you have to draw a line somewhere. But recently, mom/dad found the coolest bathroom sign at a restaurant. They found it so comical, they had to get a picture of it to share. I think this covers everything – you think? Snorts with piggy laughter.
My mom and dad – shakes piggy head. Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud. It’s the truth. I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble. I will never learn. But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.
You see, they out for dinner last night. Nothing wrong with that. They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”. Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore. They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left. Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other. I’m sure you know the one. It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty? It’s a long ride home.” Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.” Famous last words huh?
So they get into the Jeep for the ride home. About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance. Oh you know what I’m talking about. The pee-pee dance. The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush. Yeah right – it never does. This is when mom challenges the hamsters in the motor to go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’. All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement. Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.
Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance. He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?” See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that. All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.
So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling. Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point. Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it. Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.
By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in. So I do what I do best. I get excited and start squealing. What? It’s what I do – snorts. Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson. Why? Because she really, REALLY has to go now. If she moves, well you know what will happen. And of course by this time, Houdini is on play mode intertwining around both of mom’s legs. Way to go bro!
So she stands there. I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?” Then I jumped on her. Not good. Not good at all in her situation – snorts. Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy. It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes. Now my friends – that is a visual. She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room. I go to the door to listen.
So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble. They do just fine here at home – snorts. And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂
Dear Bacon – I don’t get it. Really I don’t. The humans come into this special room, sits on what they call the throne and then what? I don’t get it. Is something suppose to happen in here? Why do they sit on this thing with water in it? I almost fell in. Shaking my kitty head. Signed Mystified
Dear Mystified – Well my friend I’m here to tell you the secret. You see, I have learned from my staff here that this is *the* room. It’s where the humans do the most thinking. Yeah – it’s true. Sometimes dad refers to it as the ‘library’. My mom has even called it the powder room which is weird because I’ve never seen her with powder in there. But take it from me, it’s *the* room of the house because when the humans come out, it’s like their steps are lighter. Weird huh?
Dear Bacon – We ALL hate picture day. Doofus here wouldn’t smile for the camera. I was tired of being out in the hot sun on the hot pavement. Take the picture and let’s adios peeps. If this dog doesn’t smile soon, I’m going to let the claws of hell out and strategically place them on his derriere ever so gently. I’m just saying! Signed Too Hot for Pics
Dear Too Hot for Pics – Give me a second my friend. I’m making a note to self – never take pictures with Too Hot for Pics. Claws of Hell huh? I think I’ve seen them here at the Hotel Thompson. Maybe Doofus – is that his real name? – just wanted to feel your paws on his head gently massaging his temples. Maybe he has a headache from the heat too. Maybe he’s as tired as you are. Here – eat Snickers. You’re never yourself when you’re hungry 🙂
Dear Bacon – What in the heck is my owner thinking? Please tell me has he lost his everlasting feeble mind? It’s not bad enough that I have to wear the Cone of Shame that can almost pick up channels from Tokyo, but he has to sit me on top of his snowboard. Really? Signed Rolling My Eyes Although You Can’t See
Dear Rolling My Eyes Although You Can’t See – Now would be the time to leave him something in his shoes, near the bed or in the kitchen. You can always say you couldn’t find your litter box through your Cone of Shame. That’s what I’m thinking. Next thing you know, he’ll have you skates. Oh WOW – I’m so sorry for that suggestion – snorts out of comments….
Dear Bacon – What is up with this contraption? I feel like it’s a booby trap of some sort and now I’m stuck in it and can’t get out. How and why do girls wear these things. They can’t be comfortable – not by a long shot. Signed Tortured
Dear Tortured – I don’t know the girls wear them but if other girls are like my mom, it flies off at the end of the day almost striking anyone in the near vicinity. I guess you can call them deadly weapons. Be safe my friend.
Dear Bacon – That pussy cat is going to wake up with one bad heck of a headache. I was tired of him putting his paws through my front door and trying to grab at things in my house. Don’t worry – he’s okay. I’m just using him as a rug for a while and walking all over him for a change. Maybe that will teach the guy to knock first. Signed Jerry Mouse
Dear Jerry Mouse – Well I do hope that Tom Cat is okay. He looks a little flat – what did you do take a sledgehammer to the guy? I know if I was knocked out like that, I would definitely be showing you some respect. Enjoy your newspaper. I’m sure the fireworks will be blasting soon enough.
REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue sending me your questions and letters to my email address ❤
Mark your calendars my friend. Bacon’s Show and Tell for January is scheduled for Friday, February 26th, 2016.
This month – the job was for us anipals in finding an embarrassing picture of our humans. Oh my friends – I think I found the topper of all embarrassing pictures – one of my daddy.
And let’s just say that I could not have planned this one even if I tried. O.M.P. When I saw it, I couldn’t believe it. I snorted so loud and said, “Pig, this is the ONE”.
You see, mom/dad went to a family restroom at our local Sam’s Warehouse. Of course, the call of nature hit both of my humans at the same time. Mom got the grown up facility while dad was forced to use the little one… and I do mean little one.
Now you do realize with the showing of this picture, that I may have to go into hiding or back to camp. Then again, maybe we should all just chuckle to ourselves and not tell daddy of his embarrassing call of nature – snorts with piggy laughter.
Happy day my friends – can’t wait to see what you found on your humans 🙂 ❤
Bless dad’s heart. This is how he found his toothbrush this morning in the bathroom. Don Juan. What can I say? That rouge elf is a crime to society just waiting to happen. Daddy reached for his toothbrush and found this little squirt taking advantage of it. I gotta tell you. That little guy is FAST.
He jumped off of the sink, onto the floor and slithered away before any of us could catch him. And I really thought Mouse Girl was going to get him this time too. I tell you. If he ever gets captured, it’s going to be a satisfying moment to sit back and watch whatever happens to him.
Oh and don’t worry. Daddy decided to skip the brushing this morning and is electing to get a new toothbrush sometime today. He mumbled something about elf cooties and such and not knowing where that evil snot has been.
But on a brighter note, at least he wasn’t picking on mom or any of us anipals, right? Snorts with piggy laughter.