RSS

Tag Archives: beer

Southern Home Security System

Life can be hard – really hard.  With as much crime that is going around, I fear for mom/dad in their safety.  I’ve done a LOT of research on this and found the perfect southern home security system.  I saw an advertisement on the internet that was perfect.  And it has to work, right?  I mean everything on the internet is true – snorts.

So, friends fear no more.  This is the perfect plan that was posted.

  1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots.
  2. Place said pair of work boots on your front porch along with a copy of the Guns & Ammo magazine.
  3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
  4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.  Don’t mess with the pit bulls.  They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.  I don’t think Killer took part but it was hard to tell from all of the blood.  Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house.  Better wait outside.  Be right back.

Cooter 

Advertisements
 
12 Comments

Posted by on 01/13/2018 in Bacon

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Image

25 Days of Christmas

 
3 Comments

Posted by on 12/15/2017 in 25 Days of Christmas

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Boo! Welcome to 31 Days of Spook

    Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!  Thank goodness the first day of October fell on the weekend.  It gives you a relief of some sort – if you look at it that way.  Oh don’t worry.  October won’t be all about pumpkins that can’t hold their beer.  Oh no.  October will be about spooks, things that go bump in the night and oh did I mention certain clowns?  We can’t forget about those clowns.  So my friends… enjoy the pumpkins today.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on 10/01/2017 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

There Is A New Virus Out Now – Warning

Oh piggy heavens above! Oh my friends.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but there is a deadly virus going around these parts.  You need to protect yourself STAT!  It’s awful and can hit you at any time.

In fact, the virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you come in contact with the WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest Biological Anxiety Relief (BAR) center to take antidotes known as Working Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE), Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM), Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER) or Vaccine Official Depression Killing Agent (VODKA).

Don’t be a victim my friends – take action NOW!

 
12 Comments

Posted by on 09/09/2017 in Bacon

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon, You gotta help this little pooch out.  Now that the weather has gotten cooler, pumpkins are everywhere doing gross things.  My humans have decorated my pad – including my front porch.  Every time I walk out front into my yard, I see this.  Mr. Pumpkin just can’t hold his beer.  It’s a crying shame these pumpkins.  I think this one needs rehab STAT.  What about you – you coming across this same thing?  Signed FiFi

Dear FiFi – Unfortunately my friend.  It is the time of the pumpkin.  Pumpkins do not have a chance here at the Hotel Thompson. Mom loves them and does all kinds of weird things to them.  And then afterwards, she gives me the pumpkin in the backyard.  Let’s just say that my backyard can be considered a crime scene after I take care of pumpkin.  Did I mention that me and my mom love pumpkins?  Snorts with piggy laughter.

 


Dear Bacon,

Some days when I want to feel like a bad puddy cat, I put on my wig and climb trees.  It freaks out animals, small children and older folks in my neighborhood.  They actually think I’m a lion.  I’m thinking of wearing this for Halloween.  What do you think?  Signed Roar

Dear Roar,

I can’t say much my little friend.  I like to wear a cape around town.  I think it’s original of you to wear your wig.  Somehow I think it really becomes you.  If I was walking down your street and saw you in a tree, I would be afraid.  I’m shaking now as I type this.  Go for it my little man – go for it!


Dear Bacon – Hey dude!  We have started decorating here at our casa.  I wanted to share something we put together in your honor.  We gotta let our pumpkin and love of pigs shine through.  Hope you enjoy it.  Signed The Smiths

Dear The Smiths – Squeals with piggy excitement.  OMP – Now that’s what I’m talking about.  I think that is the coolest thing I’ve seen so far for Halloween.  I love the creativity of your pumpkins as piglets.  Awesome for sure.  Thanks for sharing with me.  Happy Halloween!


Dear Bacon,
I love leather. I love the feel of it against my fur. Can you be honest and tell me if this jacket gives me chicken legs? Signed Biker Chick

Dear Biker CHICK,
So your question is does your leather jacket make you “look” like you have chicken legs? Now that’s a good questions. No, not at all. Your jacket doesn’t give that appearance at all. I think that diamond necklace draws attention to that gorgeous face of yours. Walking off shaking head laughing.


Due to Halloween, we are repeating some of our more hilarious letters.  Hope you enjoy my sweet friends ❤

 
20 Comments

Posted by on 10/04/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Bacon

   Dear Bacon – Oh dude!  What a game that Super Bowl was over the weekend.  OMD!  I dressed up in a disguise – you know like from the Super Bowl commercial – and was able to get a ticket to see football up front and personal.  Cats against horses – you know those Broncos were going to win – Go Peyton Manning!  What did you think of the game bro?  Signed Mr. Waddles

Dear Mr. Waddles – Love your disguise.  I can see how you got in to see the game in person.  And what a game it was!  I was sitting on the edge of my chaise the entire night rooting for the Broncos.  I’m not sure who was happier – me or dad when they won!  Heck, I jumped on the internet and went ahead and bought dad a Super Bowl 50 Bronco hat – of course with his credit card – snorts with piggy laughter.


Dear Bacon – Dude, you have never experienced life until you stretch out in a hammock and just relax the day away.  In fact, I think your humans should buy you a piggy hammock.  I bet you would enjoy it.  Signed Swinger

Dear Swinger – WOW – you do look really comfy there my friend.  I’m thinking that this Spring/Summer here at the Hotel Thompson, mom/dad might just need to get me a hammock for my magical backyard.  They can put it on the back deck so I can over look new discoveries.  Thanks for the heads up my friend.  Keep on swinging!


    Dear Bacon – I think I partied way too much during the Super Bowl game.  I remember eating some snacks.  I remember chugging some beer after playing beer pong.  That’s it.  Afterwards, the next morning I woke up with a cold one still in my paws.  Shaking my doggy head – I gotta quit partying like this.  Signed Born to be Wild

Dear Born to be Wild – Dude, when you stop remembering your actions from the night before, it’s way past time to stop drinking.  Just be lucky you didn’t wake up with someone else in your bed.  Oh my – can you imagine that?  Shaking my piggy head.  Safety first my friend.  You might need to reach out to DAA (Doggy Alcoholics Anonymous).  I’m sure they can help you.


Dear Bacon – OMD OMD OMD.  Sometimes this little red light laser thingy gets the cats going on here at my crib.  But tonight, that crazy red light kept popping up on the ceiling in my kitchen.  I couldn’t have that unidentified red light breaching my food.  So I did what any dog would do, I jumped up at it to catch and destroy the red light.  I must have caught it because it went away.  Have you ever seen this red light?  Signed White Dogs Can Jump

Dear White Dogs Can Jump – Look at you my friend!  I’d say you took care of that red dot.  I’ve seen it before too here at the Hotel Thompson.  It’s very mysterious when it shows up and then disappears for what seems like weeks.  Do you think it’s an alien trying to impersonate us anipals?  It’s so weird!


Dear Bacon –  A gal can only take so much from her man.  Mr. Endless Nagging kept going on and on about such nonsense – I couldn’t take it anymore and lost myself in the moment.  I don’t think he will bother me for a while – do you?  Signed That’ll Teach You

Dear That’ll Teach You – Heck woman – it taught me not to nag you – snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever happened to if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?  Cause, trust me your man needs to learn that little tidbit of information.  And hey – you got a great right by the looks of it.


REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Remember to send me your letters and pictures to my email.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on 02/09/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

31 Days of Spook – The Wood Pile Devil

Welcome my friends to the first day of my 31 Days of Spook!  We love this time of year here at the Hotel Thompson.  It’s one of my busiest months trying to keep all of you my friends in blogville just at the right amount of teeth chattering, sitting on the edge and being scared of your own shadow.  I hope that you stay with me all month and enjoy my 31 Days of Spook.  Today, I start off my tales from a special scary story from my brother Easy.  What exactly was seen that can not be unseen in the middle of the night?  Read the story to find out and be sure to let Easy know your thoughts.  Now, lock the doors and shut the windows… you might even want to turn on a light – boo!

It happened many moons ago to the boyfriend of my mommas friend. That boyfriend had a granny who lived in a small village behind the 7 mountains near Nowheresville. Every year in Shocktober, the people there celebrated a kind of a harvest festival, called Kirmes.  That year, the guy invited his girlfriend and my momma to visit that fest and his granny agreed to let them stay over night.

They celebrated with the people of the small village and the booze ran like the Niagara Falls. After they were well filled, my mom and her friend walked to the home of that granny, placed the empty popcorn buckets next to their bed and fell asleep, while the boyfriend found no end and was glued to the beer-fountain.

In the early morning, they woke up by flashing lights and hullaballoo in front of the house. It was caused by the boyfriend who called the police…

BECAUSE:

As he went home plastered like the yellow brick road, he saw a movement next to a wood pile on the yard of his granny. And he swore by the sun and the moon and the stars and by all brewsky of slice earth that he saw the face of the devil what peeked around that wood pile. He could describe every part of the devilish face and he gave the pawlice all details that they could make a fabulous composite sketch.

Butt the pawlice was eggstremely farouche and they refused to start a dragnet operation. They brought no dogs and hey refused to pulverize the woodpile with machine guns and silver bullets nor would they throw grenades on that pile – Come on pawlice! That’s denial of assistance in an emergency case… and hey, that’s YOUR CHANCE to save the world from the evil.

Sadly the pawlice wasn’t keen to earn endless fame and famousness and after some dingy comments about barflies and drunkards they left the crime scene.  And that pawlice actually had the nerve to send a bill for the pawlice operation… 170 bucks… for nothing.


Yes, I know… if more alcohol than blood runs in our veins, it happens that we see “things”… but this guy was scared to death and he was sober with fear immediately. And also the next day he swore that he saw His Diabolic Majesty in the furs… and even as my mom met him by chance some years later, he told her the same story… and he swore again that he saw the devil….

We don’t know what or whom this guy saw that night, but with his detailed description I made an identikit, just in case you walk home once from a harvest festival …
VIOLA… here we have it …

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,