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Travels in the South

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I’ve told you before my friends.  My mom and dad have lost it. Totally.  This past weekend was one of “those” adventures – snorts.  They were looking for some adventure and wanted to try a place they had never been to before.  So they took off in Albert, mom’s little Smart car, and hit the highway.  Almost sounds like a song huh – snorts.

They ended up at this place called Mellow Mushroom – it’s a pizza joint which was right up dad’s alley.  He ❤ pizza.  Mom was somewhat reluctant.  First off because they sat right beside exhibit A to the left.  Pardon me while I say this but does that ‘mushroom’ look psychedelic?  It was kind of disturbing in a weird sense of direction.  Mom couldn’t take her eyes off of it.  There was just something about it that was just plain weird.

 That’s when mom got up to take a closer look at the psychedelic mushroom.   20140716-201449-72889500.jpg

It’s not all its cracked up to be – double snorts.  You get it – cracked up.  It really is around the head area.  What kind of restaurant is this place?  Mom shook her head, snapped a couple of pictures and sat down preparing herself for a psychedelic adventure.

P.S.  If you are ever out and about and see some crazy lady taking pictures at a restaurant, just call her mom.  That will probably be my crazy mom – she takes pictures of *everything* as you will soon see in this post.

Shakes piggy head.  At least it’s not all about me now.

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20140716-201448-72888070.jpgMom has been on this DIEt thing lately.  It’s going okay. As she says, it’s all about choices.  So today she choose a Greek salad to start her meal.

Exhibit B to the left here.  She says if she starts with a good salad, it fills her so she doesn’t eat too much of a bad thing.

Which is good – I guess if you are living a DIEt kind of life.  Mom did say that this salad was delicious!  It had everything she loves – lettuce, mushrooms (which didn’t look scary like exhibit A), olives, peppers and feta cheese.

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20140716-201454-72894404.jpgDad on the other hoof, went with a cheese covered pretzel.  See exhibit C here to the right.  Not only was it delicious and cheesy, they served it with a beer cheese dipping sauce.  It must have been great because daddy licked the cheese sauce dry and there were no crumbs left from the pretzel.

 Which is good because mommy kept watching him waiting for something to drop.  So much for eating a nice decent sensible salad huh?

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Now cam20140716-201452-72892352.jpge the main course.  Mom and dad can never agree upon toppings for their pizza.  There solution is to always get a pie 1/2 and 1/2.  That way mom can have what she wants and dad can have what he wants.  May I present to you exhibit D to the left.  Drum roll – tongue hanging out – deliciousness.

Mom got the top side.  She ❤ white pizza with cheese, garlic and tomatoes – what’s not to love right?

Dad on the other hoof got the bottom side.  He gets the works… something this little piggy can’t discuss and think about.  But it looks good.  Of course a lot of pizza made it’s way home for lunch the next day.

You have to admit though, mom had hesitation at first with seeing the psychedelic mushroom – or maybe it was because of the psychedelic mushroom – the food was delicious!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 08/08/2018 in Bacon

 

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Southern Home Security System

Life can be hard – really hard.  With as much crime that is going around, I fear for mom/dad in their safety.  I’ve done a LOT of research on this and found the perfect southern home security system.  I saw an advertisement on the internet that was perfect.  And it has to work, right?  I mean everything on the internet is true – snorts.

So, friends fear no more.  This is the perfect plan that was posted.

  1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots.
  2. Place said pair of work boots on your front porch along with a copy of the Guns & Ammo magazine.
  3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
  4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.  Don’t mess with the pit bulls.  They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.  I don’t think Killer took part but it was hard to tell from all of the blood.  Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house.  Better wait outside.  Be right back.

Cooter 

 
12 Comments

Posted by on 01/13/2018 in Bacon

 

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25 Days of Christmas

 
3 Comments

Posted by on 12/15/2017 in 25 Days of Christmas

 

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Boo! Welcome to 31 Days of Spook

    Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!  Thank goodness the first day of October fell on the weekend.  It gives you a relief of some sort – if you look at it that way.  Oh don’t worry.  October won’t be all about pumpkins that can’t hold their beer.  Oh no.  October will be about spooks, things that go bump in the night and oh did I mention certain clowns?  We can’t forget about those clowns.  So my friends… enjoy the pumpkins today.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on 10/01/2017 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

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There Is A New Virus Out Now – Warning

Oh piggy heavens above! Oh my friends.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but there is a deadly virus going around these parts.  You need to protect yourself STAT!  It’s awful and can hit you at any time.

In fact, the virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you come in contact with the WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest Biological Anxiety Relief (BAR) center to take antidotes known as Working Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE), Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM), Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER) or Vaccine Official Depression Killing Agent (VODKA).

Don’t be a victim my friends – take action NOW!

 
12 Comments

Posted by on 09/09/2017 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon, You gotta help this little pooch out.  Now that the weather has gotten cooler, pumpkins are everywhere doing gross things.  My humans have decorated my pad – including my front porch.  Every time I walk out front into my yard, I see this.  Mr. Pumpkin just can’t hold his beer.  It’s a crying shame these pumpkins.  I think this one needs rehab STAT.  What about you – you coming across this same thing?  Signed FiFi

Dear FiFi – Unfortunately my friend.  It is the time of the pumpkin.  Pumpkins do not have a chance here at the Hotel Thompson. Mom loves them and does all kinds of weird things to them.  And then afterwards, she gives me the pumpkin in the backyard.  Let’s just say that my backyard can be considered a crime scene after I take care of pumpkin.  Did I mention that me and my mom love pumpkins?  Snorts with piggy laughter.

 


Dear Bacon,

Some days when I want to feel like a bad puddy cat, I put on my wig and climb trees.  It freaks out animals, small children and older folks in my neighborhood.  They actually think I’m a lion.  I’m thinking of wearing this for Halloween.  What do you think?  Signed Roar

Dear Roar,

I can’t say much my little friend.  I like to wear a cape around town.  I think it’s original of you to wear your wig.  Somehow I think it really becomes you.  If I was walking down your street and saw you in a tree, I would be afraid.  I’m shaking now as I type this.  Go for it my little man – go for it!


Dear Bacon – Hey dude!  We have started decorating here at our casa.  I wanted to share something we put together in your honor.  We gotta let our pumpkin and love of pigs shine through.  Hope you enjoy it.  Signed The Smiths

Dear The Smiths – Squeals with piggy excitement.  OMP – Now that’s what I’m talking about.  I think that is the coolest thing I’ve seen so far for Halloween.  I love the creativity of your pumpkins as piglets.  Awesome for sure.  Thanks for sharing with me.  Happy Halloween!


Dear Bacon,
I love leather. I love the feel of it against my fur. Can you be honest and tell me if this jacket gives me chicken legs? Signed Biker Chick

Dear Biker CHICK,
So your question is does your leather jacket make you “look” like you have chicken legs? Now that’s a good questions. No, not at all. Your jacket doesn’t give that appearance at all. I think that diamond necklace draws attention to that gorgeous face of yours. Walking off shaking head laughing.


Due to Halloween, we are repeating some of our more hilarious letters.  Hope you enjoy my sweet friends ❤

 
20 Comments

Posted by on 10/04/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

   Dear Bacon – Oh dude!  What a game that Super Bowl was over the weekend.  OMD!  I dressed up in a disguise – you know like from the Super Bowl commercial – and was able to get a ticket to see football up front and personal.  Cats against horses – you know those Broncos were going to win – Go Peyton Manning!  What did you think of the game bro?  Signed Mr. Waddles

Dear Mr. Waddles – Love your disguise.  I can see how you got in to see the game in person.  And what a game it was!  I was sitting on the edge of my chaise the entire night rooting for the Broncos.  I’m not sure who was happier – me or dad when they won!  Heck, I jumped on the internet and went ahead and bought dad a Super Bowl 50 Bronco hat – of course with his credit card – snorts with piggy laughter.


Dear Bacon – Dude, you have never experienced life until you stretch out in a hammock and just relax the day away.  In fact, I think your humans should buy you a piggy hammock.  I bet you would enjoy it.  Signed Swinger

Dear Swinger – WOW – you do look really comfy there my friend.  I’m thinking that this Spring/Summer here at the Hotel Thompson, mom/dad might just need to get me a hammock for my magical backyard.  They can put it on the back deck so I can over look new discoveries.  Thanks for the heads up my friend.  Keep on swinging!


    Dear Bacon – I think I partied way too much during the Super Bowl game.  I remember eating some snacks.  I remember chugging some beer after playing beer pong.  That’s it.  Afterwards, the next morning I woke up with a cold one still in my paws.  Shaking my doggy head – I gotta quit partying like this.  Signed Born to be Wild

Dear Born to be Wild – Dude, when you stop remembering your actions from the night before, it’s way past time to stop drinking.  Just be lucky you didn’t wake up with someone else in your bed.  Oh my – can you imagine that?  Shaking my piggy head.  Safety first my friend.  You might need to reach out to DAA (Doggy Alcoholics Anonymous).  I’m sure they can help you.


Dear Bacon – OMD OMD OMD.  Sometimes this little red light laser thingy gets the cats going on here at my crib.  But tonight, that crazy red light kept popping up on the ceiling in my kitchen.  I couldn’t have that unidentified red light breaching my food.  So I did what any dog would do, I jumped up at it to catch and destroy the red light.  I must have caught it because it went away.  Have you ever seen this red light?  Signed White Dogs Can Jump

Dear White Dogs Can Jump – Look at you my friend!  I’d say you took care of that red dot.  I’ve seen it before too here at the Hotel Thompson.  It’s very mysterious when it shows up and then disappears for what seems like weeks.  Do you think it’s an alien trying to impersonate us anipals?  It’s so weird!


Dear Bacon –  A gal can only take so much from her man.  Mr. Endless Nagging kept going on and on about such nonsense – I couldn’t take it anymore and lost myself in the moment.  I don’t think he will bother me for a while – do you?  Signed That’ll Teach You

Dear That’ll Teach You – Heck woman – it taught me not to nag you – snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever happened to if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?  Cause, trust me your man needs to learn that little tidbit of information.  And hey – you got a great right by the looks of it.


REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Remember to send me your letters and pictures to my email.

 
18 Comments

Posted by on 02/09/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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31 Days of Spook – The Wood Pile Devil

Welcome my friends to the first day of my 31 Days of Spook!  We love this time of year here at the Hotel Thompson.  It’s one of my busiest months trying to keep all of you my friends in blogville just at the right amount of teeth chattering, sitting on the edge and being scared of your own shadow.  I hope that you stay with me all month and enjoy my 31 Days of Spook.  Today, I start off my tales from a special scary story from my brother Easy.  What exactly was seen that can not be unseen in the middle of the night?  Read the story to find out and be sure to let Easy know your thoughts.  Now, lock the doors and shut the windows… you might even want to turn on a light – boo!

It happened many moons ago to the boyfriend of my mommas friend. That boyfriend had a granny who lived in a small village behind the 7 mountains near Nowheresville. Every year in Shocktober, the people there celebrated a kind of a harvest festival, called Kirmes.  That year, the guy invited his girlfriend and my momma to visit that fest and his granny agreed to let them stay over night.

They celebrated with the people of the small village and the booze ran like the Niagara Falls. After they were well filled, my mom and her friend walked to the home of that granny, placed the empty popcorn buckets next to their bed and fell asleep, while the boyfriend found no end and was glued to the beer-fountain.

In the early morning, they woke up by flashing lights and hullaballoo in front of the house. It was caused by the boyfriend who called the police…

BECAUSE:

As he went home plastered like the yellow brick road, he saw a movement next to a wood pile on the yard of his granny. And he swore by the sun and the moon and the stars and by all brewsky of slice earth that he saw the face of the devil what peeked around that wood pile. He could describe every part of the devilish face and he gave the pawlice all details that they could make a fabulous composite sketch.

Butt the pawlice was eggstremely farouche and they refused to start a dragnet operation. They brought no dogs and hey refused to pulverize the woodpile with machine guns and silver bullets nor would they throw grenades on that pile – Come on pawlice! That’s denial of assistance in an emergency case… and hey, that’s YOUR CHANCE to save the world from the evil.

Sadly the pawlice wasn’t keen to earn endless fame and famousness and after some dingy comments about barflies and drunkards they left the crime scene.  And that pawlice actually had the nerve to send a bill for the pawlice operation… 170 bucks… for nothing.


Yes, I know… if more alcohol than blood runs in our veins, it happens that we see “things”… but this guy was scared to death and he was sober with fear immediately. And also the next day he swore that he saw His Diabolic Majesty in the furs… and even as my mom met him by chance some years later, he told her the same story… and he swore again that he saw the devil….

We don’t know what or whom this guy saw that night, but with his detailed description I made an identikit, just in case you walk home once from a harvest festival …
VIOLA… here we have it …

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Don’t let the humans fool you.  There comes a day that they cut off the nibbles.  They finally told me that I needed to work for my treats.  The nerve!  So I did what I could.  I applied and got a job at the local Home Depot.  The pay sucks.  It’s hot in here and can you believe they trust me with tools?  Shakes kitty head.  Ask for me the next time you are in the store.  Signed What Project Can I Help You With?

Dear What Project Can I Help You With – Well I have to say you look very professional.  And don’t forget about your resume for future jobs.  I would definitely come to you for assistance for sure.  I would be surprised if you don’t start with a big following at your store location.  You just have that “I’m here for you” look.  Really you do.

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Dear Bacon – Where is it written that only dogs can be used for protection?  I’m just saying that there are other anipals out here that will serve and protect what is rightfully theirs.  You see me in the picture, right?  Look to the left midways.  That is my kingdom.  My backyard.  I will chase unwanted guests out of my kingdom… you know like the meter reader guy, squirrels, kitties and those pesky pooches.  I let them get in the yard fully and then it’s on like Donkey Kong.  My humans had to put this sign on the gate because some peeps complained.  Can you believe that?  Signed Killer

Dear Killer – Shakes and Shivers.  You scare me my friend.  I believe you when you say what is yours well is YOURS.  That’s the way I feel about my magical backyard  It has *my* smells – it doesn’t need anything else.  I say you continue to do what you do.  No one needs to be in your domain at all.

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Dear Bacon – My human laughs at me.  But I gotta tell you, this position is my favorite kitty hanging down yoga position.  It helps the blood flow all the way through your body – even your tail.  I highly recommend it.  Signed Kitty Hanging Down

Dear Kitty Hanging Down – WOWZER!  I’ll have to take your word about this favorite position of yours my friend.  I’m not sure if it would really work for this oinker.  You see I have what they call a pot belly and trust me I’ve worked hard on that pot belly.  I don’t think it would let me ‘hang’ like you do.  But you enjoy my friend!

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Dear Bacon – Do you think people realize when they knock on our door that we enforce a strict no solicitation rule here at our crib?  We mean business.  Unless you are delivering pizza – oh YES – then go to the house next door please.  They have a cute little poodle who lets everyone in.  Signed Four Amigos

Dear Four Amigos – I get it.  I really do.  Oh my pigs – you have the ‘look’ down pact with don’t mess with us and we are the first means of getting through this door.  I bet you don’t get a lot of door to door sales people.  I commend you on that.  When I visit, I will definitely bring pizza.

Stay strong my friends!

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Dear Bacon – It might have been the beer.  It might have been the tequila.  It might just have been the fact I stayed up all night and partied.  Shakes head slowly because the world is still moving in this position.  I’m never drinking again.  Signed Wobbly

Dear Wobbly – Oh my friend.  When you drink and fall down, you need help.  Perhaps I can give you the number to your local K9 AA meeting in your area.  Admission is the first step so you are half way there.

 


REMEMBER friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions via email.

 

 
9 Comments

Posted by on 08/25/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

I have to give a shout out to my little brother Houdini for helping out last week in my Dear Bacon issue.  Who knew that the pooch had it in him to give such great advice?  Awesome job little guy – thanks so much!!


 

Dear Bacon – Sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.  I’m just saying.  There we were at the kennel – just the two of us because our parents decided to go on a trip without us.  How could they?  Neither one of us could believe that they put us up in a kennel while they had a great time in the sun.  What’s worse?  They forgot my teddy bear.  So I did what I had to do.  I used the dog as my teddy bear.  Have you ever been in this kind of situation?  Signed Lost in Vacation

Dear Lost in Vacation – Have I ever my friend?  Like you said, sometimes you have to do what you have to do to make it work.  There was no problem in using your brother as your teddy bear.  Doesn’t look like he cared the least.  In fact, it probably made him feel better knowing that you were there with him while your parents were having fun.  I say you made the best out of the situation friend.  And I know how you feel.  Last week at camp, mom forgot my king size Egyptian cotton sheet.  It was horrid not having my blankie with me all week.  It was the first thing I went to when I came home Saturday night.  I know exactly how you feel!


Dear Bacon – Sometimes you have just had that kind of day.  You know the one.  The one where you can’t catch the squirrel.. or the mailman.. or that loud car that vrooms-vrooms up/down the street all day taunting you..or that pesky purr thing.  Shakes head.  Today was that day.  The cat ate all of my food.  Mom forgot to give me water before her and dad left for work.  I was thirsty.  I couldn’t even get to the toilet in the bathroom because the purr thing shut the door.  That purr thing really has it out for me.  So, when dad finally got home.  I had to have a cold one.  It was screaming my name.  Have you ever felt this way?  Signed Cold Brewsky

Dear Cold Brewsky – In a word, YES.  I have felt that way at times.  You should try living here at the Hotel Thompson with a pooch and two purr things. The pooch I can handle most of the time.  It’s those two pesky purr things.  They are conniving.  And yours shut the bathroom door on purpose and drunk all your water.  WOW!  I think that calls for a major payback.  Nods head and looks innocent – not that I sponsor that kind of thing in this world where we all need to get along.  I’m just sayin’ though when the purr thing isn’t looking maybe you should turn their drinking water yellow if you know what I mean.  Let them know what it’s like not to have fresh water all day.  Take care of yourself little guy!


Dear Bacon – That damn dog. Yep I said it.  I know you don’t like to hear things like that but look what that stupid Brewsky did to me!  He dared me to go out on this stupid flimsy looking float.  Okay maybe with that dare was a piece of cat treat that he strategically placed on the floaty thing.  What can I say – my stomach rules me.  I got on this piece of floating crap and he pushed it out into the water.  I’m stuck!  Call PETA.  Call Animal Control.  Call someone.  I’m stuck on an island of hate.  You just wait until I get that creepy little dog!  Signed Island of Claws and Hisses

Dear Island of Claws and Hisses – Give me a second to pick myself off of the floor from laughing.  Why don’t you give Brewsky a break.  If I read his letter correctly above, did you not drink all of HIS water and shut the bathroom door so he went without water all day?  At least he gave YOU water.  I’m just sayin’.  Can I get you anything?  A pillow, some tea or a biscuit?  Snorts with piggy laughter.  Don’t worry, I’ll call your parents…. in a couple of hours.  Give the dog a bone and put those claws in… you wouldn’t want to get a hole in your floaty thing.


Dear Bacon – Oh have mercy to the doggy heaven.  What has been seen can not be unseen.  Shakes head.  I do believe that my eyes are stuck this way.  The humans they scare me.  If you ever hear your humans say something about going skinny dipping – don’t walk – RUN!  There we were last night outside near the pool.  The only light we had was from the blue moon.  The humans were laughing like they do sometimes and talking about skinny dipping.  Let me just tell you that there is no skinny or dipping involved.  They took off their clothes and jumped in the pool.  That’s right – without anything on.  Oh.my.eyes!  Signed Shocked for Life

Dear Shocked for Life – Oh my piggy heavens!  That look – I was so hoping that you just had a Botox injection and not was scarred for life.  I so hope my humans don’t dare this.  First off because my piggy pool wouldn’t hold my dad’s foot let alone the both of their bodies.  And running naked in my backyard under the moon with just the two of them, I think the earth would just suck me up right there and then.  I hope your look goes away soon my friend.


Dear Bacon – What?  I’m sure you have heard of the saying piggy back ride.  That’s what we were doing here.  The humans had went to work. We drew straws and I got to go first.  What?  Don’t all dogs do this?  It’s kind of fun.  Why should you piggies have all of the fun with this neat ride?  Signed Harley and Davidson

Dear Harley and Davidson – Well guys I gotta say it is fun.  Sometimes the little guy here, Houdini, gets on my back for a piggy back ride.  And hey let me tell you something.  Piggy back is not just for anipals.  I saw daddy giving mommy a piggy back ride the other day.  It’s a fun game – what can I say?  Carry on and don’t worry my friends.  I’m not hating!

.

.


 

Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU!  Please keep sending your pictures and questions to my email. 

 
16 Comments

Posted by on 08/04/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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