Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon,

Really, it’s not what it looks like.  I kitty swear.  My brother, he was sick.  Yeah, that’s it.  I was holding his hair back.  I know it doesn’t look like that but I was. Really.  I was helping him so he wouldn’t fall in.  I mean, purr, we wouldn’t want him to drown or anything in a toilet, would we.  Nah, then who would I have to pick on by my side?  Signed Freddy

Dear Freddy,

I wouldn’t let that picture get in a court of law my friend.. you know just in case something happens to your poor innocent brother.  I mean, that picture kind of tells a different story.  Even *I* don’t think I could get away with anything like that.  Nope.  You might want to be nice to your brother for a while.  He might use this as proof.  Just sayin’.

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Dear Bacon,

Darn that cow Velma.  She took this picture of me when I was grazing last week.  She started laughing like a hyena.  I didn’t know why until I saw this on the news.  The nerve!  I did not let out “gas of fire” as they reported.  I just wanted to get that straight.  Signed Sue

Dear Sue,

I have to admit that I kind of laughed out loud on that one my friend.  It does look like you had a flame that went on forever.  Snorts.  But I’m with you on this.  You can’t let Velma get away with this.  Why don’t you sign her up on Farm Harmony and set her up with a blind date – snorticles.  That could be really fun.  Have your camera ready this time.

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Dear Bacon,

Isn’t Mad Dog the best?!  He seems really scary to the neighborhood pups but he’s my hero, my lifesaver, my brother.  He protects me and always gives me a nice soft spot to lay on.  I just wanted to give him a shout out.  Signed Sally

Dear Sally,

Mad Dog is the best brother ever!  What an awesome pooch to watch out for you, protect you AND he’s your personal bed.  That’s great!

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Dear Bacon,

We have a security breach.  We spotted him this afternoon.  He knows when he comes out, we are going to be so on him like green on Gumby.  He should know better than to get into our kitty condo.  He doesn’t have an address here.  Signed Kitty Ninjas

Dear Kitty Ninjas,

Tsk-tsk-tsk.  I would sure hate to be that pooch when he finally emerges from that kitty condo home.  What do you call that “breaking and barking?”  Perhaps “pooch assault”.  Or maybe it’s a ‘dog robbery in progress?”  Oh, I kill myself.  Try not to be to hard on him my friends.  I think this picture will be worth the insult to his pedigree.  Perhaps put it on your Twitter or Facebook account.  That I’m sure will be far worse than a kitty beating – snorts.

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 Dear Bacon,

Sure, a solicitor can come in our yard.  No problems.  They just have to get through us first…. after showing credentials, paying an admission fee and leaving some food.  Why not.  Signed #1 and #2

Dear #1 and #2,

I think I’ll pass your house.  Gulp.  Nothing to see there. Nope not at all!

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*Remember friends, send your pictures and questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 

I’m Sorry

There’s no other way to put this.

They say that admission is the first step.  I’m here to tell you the truth first hand before it gets out.  Nylablue please forgive me for I have strayed.  A momentary lapse in judgment was all that it took.

One night when mom and dad went out on their date, I made a few phone calls myself.  I invited a certain lady over and well things got a little too far.  Before I knew it, we were in mom and dad’s room on their Select Comfort bed and Barry White’s It’s Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next Me was playing in the background on the stereo system.

I was hand feeding my lady strawberries and whip cream and she was doing the same for me.  It was really great.  And then things got heavy.

I know I shouldn’t have.  It wasn’t right.  I’m not that kind of pig.  But I guess dad was right in saying that one day I would grow up and step away from mom to be a man pig.  Well I did.  I guess in 114 days, we will have some little Bacon Juniors and Bacon Juniorettes running around the Hotel Thompson.

I’m sorry if you think worse of me.  It is Spring and that time in a little pigs life.

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Of course I didn’t!  Snorts – my mommy raised me better than that!  Love you my friends 😉