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Dear Bacon – Issue 5

09 Jul

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Dear Pig,
Some people look at me and just assume that I’m bad. I’m not bad. Deep inside I have the heart of a cute innocent puppy. My master just dresses me like him. Don’t tell anyone. He is as sweet as I am. What can I do to get people to look past the cover of the book and to read the pages within?
Signed Bowser

Dear Bowser,
I love the look. You look like trouble with an attitude. Let me tell you a secret. Poodles love that bad boy image. Meet a nice girl and be her bad boy. And by the way, between the ear ring and the cigar, too much. Drop the smoke. Live long and prosper.

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Dear Bacon,
Help! I’m really self conscious about my ears. I know it’s part of me but I can’t get a date. I trip over my ears they are so long. I can actually use them as a blanket. People are just mean talking about my ears. They tell me to flap them and I could fly. That’s just silly. Dogs can’t fly. What am I to do. Signed Floppy

Dear Floppy,
You need to get your master to show you this fabulous Walt Disney movie called Dumbo This is a great story about an elephant that has your problem and yes he can fly. Don’t look at your gorgeous ears as a curse but more as a blessing. It’s what makes you stand out. When you accept them and feel good about yourself, you’ll be accepted because it won’t matter to you what other people think.

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Dear Bacon,
I’m usually a good pup but the other night I went out with the wrong crowd. They dared me to whiz on a cop. I got busted. Before I knew it, he had me against the wall and was frisking me. I gotta do community service. Will this be held against me the rest of my life? Signed One Time Wrong

Dear One Time Wrong,
If this is your first time, perhaps when you get done with doggy community service, you can fall under the doggie first offender clause. Don’t let it happen again dude. You don’t want to go to jail. When you run with the bad dogs, you get fleas or worse. Turn your life around. If MC Hammer can do it, you can too.

 
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Posted by on 07/09/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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This piggy would love to snort with you :)

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