Boo! House in the Woods

Today I have a question for you.  You see this house off in the woods.  It’s raining something fierce.  You need shelter because you don’t have a raincoat let alone an umbrella.  The storm is getting worse and now lightning is ripping across the sky and thunder is booming and echoing in the woods.  So the question is my pretty’s – do you go into this house for shelter waiting for the storm to pass?  Oh and let me add a little twist to the equation.  This house is reputed to be haunted.  So what do you say?  Are you up for a little adventure my friends?

 

Pigomon NO!

So here I am this past weekend listening to the news on television about this Pokemon Go craze.  I’m just shaking my head about some of the stupid things that people are ending up doing just to catch a Pokemon.  I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  I overheard mom/dad talking about the craze and they were just shaking their heads too.

So knowing that mom/dad thought it was crazy, I acted like any other kid in America.  I had to try it myself – snorts.  So mom put me to bed last night.  While she and dad were getting ready for bed, I downloaded the Pokemon Go app to my iPad.  Now this is where I have my first issue with Pokemon.  Why don’t you have animal players?  Why do you have to have either boy or girl.  Shame on you.

I finally settled with a boy and of course named myself BaconPigLove.  What else would I name myself, right?  So then I listened at my door intently waiting for mom/dad to go to bed.  In the meantime, I looked around my room.  Nope – Pokemon Monster Free just like I like it.  I snorted – stupid game.

Then I heard mom/dad walk down the hall – awesome.  Now was the time for me to make my move.  I silently pushed open my bedroom door and went down the hall holding my iPad.  Now I was so intent on getting to the doggy door that I didn’t see the stupid monster before I got right on top of him.  This stupid Rattata appeared out of nowhere.  And trust me friends, it’s just like it sounds – a stupid rat of some sorts that’s been eating too many science projects left in the fridge for too long. I didn’t know whether to squeal or take a snort or what.  So I flung this ball at it and it said I captured it.  Thank goodness because that thing could have carried Houdini off.  And speaking of which, I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake him up so he would yip-yap and give me away.

I got to the doggy door and scooted through… okay okay – I wedged my pudgy piggy butt through the door.  And then there I was in my magical backyard.  Surely, nothing would be found in my magical backyard.  I started walking around holding my iPad up looking for these supposed monsters.  Then I saw this thing happened on my iPad like something was jumping in a bunch of leaves. It was weird so of course I carried on towards it.  Slowly I tiptoed on my hooves and then this stupid bird like thing jumped out at me.  I think it said it’s name was Pidgey.  Trust me.  That’s not what I called it.  I caught it with my ball and scored some points.

By this time, I was deep in the woods.  Did I mention all by myself?  Then I saw the leaves moving again on my iPad.  This time it was further back in the woods near the tree line.  So again I tiptoed down the woods silent like the hunter I am – quit laughing.  I turned the corner and jumped out to get what only God knows was next.  That’s when this kid yelled louder than I was squealing.  OMP!  I peed on myself right there in *my* backyard… in *MY* woods and this kid was back there hunter Pokemon too. He yelled pig and I yelled kid and we both took off running in opposite directions.  Trust me it was so much easier getting back into the house through the doggy door.

I’m never going Pokemon hunting again…ever.

 

Singles Ad

You know everyone in the world is looking for love – some in the wrong places for sure – snorts.  This weekend I came across the most perfect singles ad that was posted in our local newspaper, The Atlanta Journal.  Why do you ask?  Read on to see what it said:

“Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.  I’m a very good looking girl that loves to play.  I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pick up truck, hunting, camping, fishing trips and cozy winter nights lying by the fire.  Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.  I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work wearing only what nature gave me.  Call XXX-XXXX and ask for Daisy.”

Sounds sexy enough huh?  Over 15,000 men found themselves calling the number and talking to the Atlanta Humane Society abut an 8 week old black Labrador Retriever.  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

 

You Have Got to be Kidding Me!

 Oh dear friends.  This is just exactly what this oinker needed to hear upon returning home from camping out in the woods all week at Summer Camp.  This is what nightmares are made out of – I’m just saying!

So there we all were this past Sunday, all camped out in the living room of the Hotel Thompson watching the locals news on Fox 5 based out of Atlanta, Georgia.  This story comes up about – wait for it – a snake.  Shivers to mergatroid.  And not just any snake.  They were talking about a Gaboon Viper.

See, this lady Ms. Lora Brown was riding down the street in her vehicle in Milledgeville, Georgia when she saw something in the road in front of of her.  So she did what any of us would do.  Upon passing it, she stuck her camera out of the car window and took a picture.  Makes sense right?  Ms. Lora Brown said it was because of the unique markings that got her attention.  This photograph is the one that was shown on Fox 5 news of what Ms. Brown took.  First up, awesome markings and I applaud you Ms. Brown for taking a picture instead of creating a speed bump.

Ms. Brown contacted the Georgia Department of Natural Resources (DNR) to find out what kind of snake this was.  Do you know what she was told?  It is a Gaboon Viper that originates out of South Africa and are not known to exist in the wild here in Georgia.  They are VERY venomous.  What it is doing in Georgia no one knows.  DNR can’t confirm or disprove that it is even here.  They have been out in the woods looking for it and so far have seen no signs of it.  Then again from the looks of this picture it seems that it would be able to blend very easily with the vegetation in the woods.

Thank goodness I saw this AFTER my Summer Camp.  If I had seen it before leaving, there would be no way come heaven or hell that I would be camping out in the woods.  Shivers – this is a SyFy movie in the making!

 

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  This will be my final letter from camp.  WOW – it’s been a long week in a lot of different ways and on the other hoof a very short week.  I really didn’t want to come but I have to admit that it’s been kind of fun.  I’ve met a lot of great friends – Scott and Piper.  You are probably wondering who the heck is Piper.  Piggy blushes… she was the strawberry that I had dinner with the other night.  She’s sweet and cute and all girly and from the south.  She gave me her phone number and address so we can stay in touch ❤ .  Oh, and so did Scott.

Last night was talent night here at camp.  All of us had to come up with some kind of talent for the show.  Heck, I had to think hard.  I mean what talent do I have besides pounding a keyboard.. which I’m pretty good with cause the last time I checked I was up at 25hpm (hooves per minute).  So I thought about biting into an apple and laying on the floor but I’m not sure how many of the gang would get that one.  Then it hit me.  I would dance and sing a song of my people so I did.

“I’m a little teapot short and stout.  Here is my handle and here is my … handle.  Damn I’m a sugar bowl.”

It got a great snort and got me off of the stage quickly.

So today mom/dad are coming to pick me up.  I can’t wait.  I’m so ready to jump in the back of the Smart car and get home to my kingdom… my castle… my own bed… my air conditioning.  aaww – I miss that life.  I hope you’ve been entertained this week and that my little brother Houdini has done a good job on my blog.  I instructed him before I left to take care of everyone.

See you soon my friends!

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  I gotta admit mom that I thought this Summer Camp thing was a joke.  I really, REALLY didn’t want to come.  But I have to admit that it’s been kind of cool this week.  We went and camped out last night ‘under the stars’.  I gotta admit that laying around the bonfire and watching the sky through the tips of the trees was kind of cool.  It’s amazing how many shooting stars you can see.  That in itself was almost worth the trip.

I also put my Ninja skills into action last night and found the culprit who ate all of my Animal Crackers.  It was a boy named Scout.  Yep, nods piggy head, his name is Scout.  He has stolen a lot of our food here this week at camp.  After everyone went to sleep last night in their tents, someone – looks around innocently – went to his tent and made grunting noises, stomped around a lot and cast huge shadows on the side of his tent.  For a boy that is challenged horizontally, he could run pretty fast.  What’s even better was seeing him wearing his pajama onesie.  Now that was priceless.  He kept saying that he heard Pigman and Goatman in the woods.  Don’t mess with the Ninja pig.

And mom you would be proud of me.  I had dinner with a strawberry (girl) last night.  She’s cool.

 

31 Days of Spook – Mountain Trip to the Unknown

Today, we have a good one my fellow spook lovers. Todays tale is of horror, suspense and screams. This is another true story. This time it’s presented by both mom and dad. You see, many years ago they won a free trip to the great Georgia mountains. It was for four days and three lovely nights. What they don’t tell you is how secluded and how dark those mountain woods really are. They made a date, got directions and ventured out on their little adventure to the Georgia mountains. This picture of the woods is just a short snapshot of the actual long road they went on.

It curved around corners with nothing to see but woods on the left, right, front and behind you. They were told to buy groceries before going to the ‘cabin’ because at night no one really ventures out much. Heck dad said the translation of that really meant, “It’s a small town and everything ‘shuts’ down at dark.”

But look at these roads and how small they were. Mom was driving her SUV vehicle and thank goodness they didn’t meet anyone coming from the other way. Was that a good thing or bad thing? It did mean one thing though. They were truly going to be isolated in the woods by themselves… well maybe perhaps with a stray bear or too and other living animals of the woods. But, that’s horror story for another time. They eventually found the secluded cabin and it was a good thing too because it was getting dark… and cold.

The cabin was actually up on a hill. Mom said that it actually looked kind of spooky. What do you think? They brought in all of the groceries and tried to settle in for the night. Dad went outside alone to get some firewood. He didn’t stay outside alone for very long. He said he kept hearing rustling in the woods and strange knocking sounds. Was it Bigfoot? A bear? Spooks? He didn’t say anything to mom when he went back inside. He just started a fire in the fireplace and poked around the kitchen putting groceries up.

.

By this time, mom was exploring the upstairs portion of the cabin and found the bathroom of her dreams… or any woman’s dreams is what she told me. An old fashioned claw foot tub off of the master bedroom. She yelled down to daddy that she was going to take a soak. She made a bubble bath and got into the tub to relax. The only problem with this tub was that the headrest was facing the door area of the room so your back is towards the door. It wouldn’t make sense to put your head where the faucet handles were. But on the other hand, it felt kind of strange with your back to the door so she shut the door. After a few minutes, she heard the door open and was just talking away to daddy about how nice and relaxing it was. She didn’t get a reply so she took the washcloth off of her eyes and turned around. No one was there. That bubble bath had to be the quickest in mom’s history. She went downstairs and didn’t say anything to dad knowing how easily he can get spooked.

They fixed their dinner, drunk some wine and put everything away. There was no television in this cabin but daddy had made a really nice fire. They sat on the sofa watching the flames, listening to the embers pop, snuggling and quietly talking. To the left of the fireplace was a small bathroom. They had left the door slightly opened with the light on behind it. Mom saw it first and she didn’t say anything. She saw a dark shadow move under the door. She watched it and after a few minutes she noticed daddy getting really still. Then he saw it. The dark shadow moved from left to right – so fast. Both of them froze and looked at each other not wanting to move. What had they gotten themselves into?

Mom slowly got up from the couch. She tip toed over to the bathroom door, camera in hand just in case she actually caught something mysterious behind the door. She looked at daddy. He held up his hands with three fingers.. slowing moving one down a minute at a time. Mom watched, took a deep breath, aimed the camera, opened the door and clicked away. OMP (oh my pig!) the suspense – Busted!

Let’s just say that it wasn’t Mickey Mouse with the white gloves. But it was a small, tiny, spooky creature of the night – a mouse. Isn’t he just so cute in that picture? I hope he had a good time because he scared the crap out of mom/dad that night. They both decided they had all that they could take that night and went upstairs to bed.

Mom loves old fashioned beds and this was as great as they came. What she didn’t count on was having dad push her on it – snorts. No really, this bed literally sat so high up off the floor – just check out the picture of the bed vs. the nightstand next to it. If you fell out of bed during the middle of the night, you would surely get a concussion… or something worse 🙂 Mommy said that daddy one time went to the other side of the bed and pulled her up on that mountain of a bed. They said their nightly prayers and laid there in that high bed. I didn’t say there was much sleeping going on and no it was anything fun – stop that – it was because they were scared out of their wits! Whatever daddy heard earlier outside started up again. The howling, the knocking and it had started to rain. They could hear the force of the rain hitting against the back window behind their bed. And every once in a while, the thunder would crack and the howling of some tortured animal could be heard vibrating throughout the little cabin. They could hear the pops of tree branches outside their window and the crash of a limb hitting the ground.

All of this with sounds of bumping in the bottom part of the cabin was just too much. Heck, neither one of them were going to go downstairs and investigate things that were bumping in the middle of the night. They both said their little friend the mouse could handle it all himself. There wasn’t much sleep had that night… unless you count clinging to each other out of fear as sleep. And that lovely rain that hit the window all night, it turned into snow. The next morning there was three inches of snow outside.

Needless to say those four days and three lovely nights turned into one overnight trip never to be forgotten. They left first thing the next morning leaving groceries and all. I think they set the world’s record and getting a car warmed up and snow off it to get off that mountain. Mom/dad learned a lot of lessons from this ‘free’ trip.

Lesson 1 – When something is free, it’s not really free if it includes spooks, strange noises and a mouse that doesn’t wear white gloves.

Lesson 2 – Never go to the mountains to a ‘secluded’ cabin in the middle of January.

Lesson 3 – The more the merrier on trips like this. Next time they win a ‘free’ trip that has two bedrooms, invite another couple. Why be scared witless by themselves?

Lesson 4 – This is the most important lesson learned – mom/dad learned that they are not so much mountain people. They much prefer the beach… with people…. hopefully living people at that.

 

31 Days of Spook – House in the Woods

Happy 31 Days of Spook my friend.  

I’m glad to see that you are surviving this month with me.  Today I have a question for you.  You see this house off in the woods.  It’s raining something fierce.  You need shelter because you don’t have a raincoat let alone an umbrella.  The storm is getting worse and now lightening is ripping across the sky and thunder is booming and echoing in the woods.  So the question is my pretty’s – do you go into this house for shelter waiting for the storm to pass?  Oh and let me add a little twist to the equation.  This house is reputed to be haunted.  So what do you say?  Are you up for a little adventure my friends?

 

 

Texts from Bacon

See during the day when mommy is at the worky place, I have a lot of time on my hooves.  I do maintain a schedule of certain items – like pampering myself, an eating schedule, certain shows I just have to watch and then there’s time…. lots of time.  I do a lot of thinking when I’m walking around the Hotel Thompson and overlooking my kingdom in my magical back yard.  Since Tiny my Bigfoot went missing over the winter months, there’s not a lot going on in the woods behind my house.  By the way – if you see Tiny please ask him to come back home – I miss him.

Here’s another great text between me and mom.  Mine are in blue and mom’s are in gray.  Enjoy my friends.

  UPDATE!

My brother Easy suggested the Mankini of Borat.  OMP (oh my pig) – my eyes!  Humans really wear this contraption – in public?!  Oh the nerve they must have!  All I can show you here is what the mankini looks like.  If you want to see it on a human, google it.  But I warn you, what has been seen can not be unseen – snorts.

 

 

31 Days of Spook – Day 17

Today, we have a good one my fellow spook lovers. Count Baconula here ready to tell a tale of horror, suspense and screams. This is another true story. This time it’s presented by both mom and dad. You see, many years ago they won a free trip to the great Georgia mountains. It was for four days and three lovely nights. What they don’t tell you is how secluded and how dark those mountain woods really are. They made a date, got directions and ventured out on their little adventure to the Georgia mountains. This picture of the woods is just a short snapshot of the actual long road they went on.

It curved around corners with nothing to see but woods on the left, right, front and behind you. They were told to buy groceries before going to the ‘cabin’ because at night no one really ventures out much. Heck dad said the translation of that really meant, “It’s a small town and everything ‘shuts’ down at dark.”

But look at these roads and how small they were. Mom was driving her SUV vehicle and thank goodness they didn’t meet anyone coming from the other way. Was that a good thing or bad thing? It did mean one thing though. They were truly going to be isolated in the woods by themselves… well maybe perhaps with a stray bear or too and other living animals of the woods. But, that’s horror story for another time. They eventually found the secluded cabin and it was a good thing too because it was getting dark… and cold.

The cabin was actually up on a hill. Mom said that it actually looked kind of spooky. What do you think? They brought in all of the groceries and tried to settle in for the night. Dad went outside alone to get some firewood. He didn’t stay outside alone for very long. He said he kept hearing rustling in the woods and strange knocking sounds. Was it Bigfoot? A bear? Spooks? He didn’t say anything to mom when he went back inside. He just started a fire in the fireplace and poked around the kitchen putting groceries up.

.

By this time, mom was exploring the upstairs portion of the cabin and found the bathroom of her dreams… or any woman’s dreams is what she told me. An old fashioned clawfoot tub off of the master bedroom. She yelled down to daddy that she was going to take a soak. She made a bubble bath and got into the tub to relax. The only problem with this tub was that the headrest was facing the door area of the room so your back is towards the door. It wouldn’t make sense to put your head where the faucet handles were. But on the other hand, it felt kind of strange with your back to the door so she shut the door. After a few minutes, she heard the door open and was just talking away to daddy about how nice and relaxing it was. She didn’t get a reply so she took the washcloth off of her eyes and turned around. No one was there. That bubble bath had to be the quickest in mom’s history. She went downstairs and didn’t say anything to dad knowing how easily he can get spooked.

They fixed their dinner, drunk some wine and put everything away. There was no television in this cabin but daddy had made a really nice fire. They sat on the sofa watching the flames, listening to the embers pop, snuggling and quietly talking. To the left of the fireplace was a small bathroom. They had left the door slightly opened with the light on behind it. Mom saw it first and she didn’t say anything. She saw a dark shadow move under the door. She watched it and after a few minutes she noticed daddy getting really still. Then he saw it. The dark shadow moved from left to right – so fast. Both of them froze and looked at each other not wanting to move. What had they gotten themselves into?

Mom slowly got up from the couch. She tip toed over to the bathroom door, camera in hand just in case she actually caught something mysterious behind the door. She looked at daddy. He held up his hands with three fingers.. slowing moving one down a minute at a time. Mom watched, took a deep breath, aimed the camera, opened the door and clicked away. OMP (oh my pig!) the suspense – Busted!

Let’s just say that it wasn’t Mickey Mouse with the white gloves. But it was a small, tiny, spooky creature of the night – a mouse. Isn’t he just so cute in that picture? I hope he had a good time because he scared the crap out of mom/dad that night. They both decided they had all that they could take that night and went upstairs to bed.

Mom loves old fashioned beds and this was as great as they came. What she didn’t count on was having dad push her on it – snorts. No really, this bed literally sat so high up off the floor – just check out the picture of the bed vs. the nightstand next to it. If you fell out of bed during the middle of the night, you would surely get a concussion… or something worse 🙂 Mommy said that daddy one time went to the other side of the bed and pulled her up on that mountain of a bed. They said their nightly prayers and laid there in that high bed. I didn’t say there was much sleeping going on and no it was anything fun – stop that – it was because they were scared out of their wits! Whatever daddy heard earlier outside started up again. The howling, the knocking and it had started to rain. They could hear the force of the rain hitting against the back window behind their bed. And every once in a while, the thunder would crack and the howling of some tortured animal could be heard vibrating throughout the little cabin. They could hear the pops of tree branches outside their window and the crash of a limb hitting the ground.

All of this with sounds of bumping in the bottom part of the cabin was just too much. Heck, neither one of them were going to go downstairs and investigate things that were bumping in the middle of the night. They both said their little friend the mouse could handle it all himself. There wasn’t much sleep had that night… unless you count clinging to each other out of fear as sleep. And that lovely rain that hit the window all night, it turned into snow. The next morning there was three inches of snow outside.

Needless to say those four days and three lovely nights turned into one overnight trip never to be forgotten. They left first thing the next morning leaving groceries and all. I think they set the world’s record and getting a car warmed up and snow off it to get off that mountain. Mom/dad learned a lot of lessons from this ‘free’ trip.

Lesson 1 – When something is free, it’s not really free if it includes spooks, strange noises and a mouse that doesn’t wear white gloves.

Lesson 2 – Never go to the mountains to a ‘secluded’ cabin in the middle of January.

Lesson 3 – The more the merrier on trips like this. Next time they win a ‘free’ trip that has two bedrooms, invite another couple. Why be scared witless by themselves?

Lesson 4 – This is the most important lesson learned – mom/dad learned that they are not so much mountain people. They much prefer the beach… with people…. hopefully living people at that.