Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
What? Don’t hate. You know you want a hat just like mine so you can play outside with it. Right? Signed Scooter

Dear Scooter,

Yeah, sure. I would absolutely LOVE to have a hat like yours to wear outside and make the funny thing on top go around and around Maybe if it was real windy, I could fly. I like the sound of that! So, yes two please my friend 🙂

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Dear Bacon,
This is just me telling my friends on how to get more seed and nuts from the humans. Any suggestions for us? Signed Cute as Can Be

Dear Cute as Can Be,

Well you can also take tips from Journalist Rocky the Squirrel. He knocks on our back door frequently asking for a cup of nuts for him and his family. Mom even throws leftover bread out to them to help them out. You know, you do what you have to do. This economy has hit us all! Take care my friends. If you are ever near the Hotel Thompson, knock on the back door. 🙂

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Dear Bacon,
I’ve read about your adventures in your magical back yard. Now this is what *I* consider a magical back yard… with drink in hand! You’re mom promised you a pool. Make her pay up pal. Signed Simple Puss

Dear Simple Puss,

I like the way you think my friend! My mommy made a lot of promises to get me outside. Although its only happened once so far, I think I need to make her pay up with one of the promises being a pool. Do you think I would be pushing it to be able to lay in a chair with a drink and food like you have?

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Dear Bacon,
I love to play music. I can bang that keyboard with the best of them. This is me practicing, “Unleashed Melody”. It’s a sad and soothing song to us pooches. Have you ever heard of it? Do you play any musical instruments? Signed Wolfgang Pooch

Dear Wolfgang Pooch,

You do have some talent – way to go my talented young friend. I haven’t heard of that song yet but I will be sure to Google it on the internet and listen to it. I know it has to be amazing! As for this little piglet’s talent. Let me see…. I’m thinking…. mommy says I rip some good ones… but I don’t think she’s referring to a musical instrument for some reason 🙂

I’ll keep thinking about that answer. Take care and maybe we shall see you soon in the Hollywood lights!

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Dear Bacon,

Don’t even say it. I know – I know. Yo Quiero Taco Bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s really funny. Ha Ha. My humans think it’s funny to dress me up as a taco. How would they like it if I dressed them up like a hot dog? BOL (Barking out loud)! Signed TB

Dear TB,

First off, tell me they didn’t name you Taco Bell – TB for short. Now that would be funny. Oh, I’m sorry. But look on the other hand. You are cute. AND, I bet if they took you to a Taco Bell in the drive thru, you would get free food. Free food – that’s good, isn’t it? Be proud little guy. Wear it with pride.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – My mom holds my trunk every time we go out on walks.  It’s so embarrassing.  I like to think that I’m a big elephant now.  I don’t need to hold hands.  Does your mom make you do these things too?  Signed Mommy’s Boy

Dear Mommy’s Boy –  I hate to tell you this my friend but we will always be mommy’s baby regardless if we are two or a hundred and two.  That’s the way it is.  I wouldn’t worry what anyone else thinks of your situation.  One day when your mom is gone, you will wish for these days again.  So I tell you, enjoy your mom holding your trunk.  Love every minute of it and hey why don’t you hold her trunk for a change.  You can tell your friends that’s the case.  You are protecting your mother and helping to guide her.

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Dear Bacon – This means war.  All day every day.  You do know what I’m talking about, right?  I refuse to become a chicken nugget.  I’m a rebel with a cause.  I’m the extreme free range chicken.  Unite with me and stand with the cause.  Signed Rebel with a Cause

Dear Rebel with a Cause – I’m so with you.  I would stand beside you for your cause.  I would even add my cause.  I refuse to be a pork meal in any shape or form from bacon to pork chops and anything in between.  If we don’t stand up for our rights,ele who will?  I say we have a meet up at Old McDonald’s Farm on Highway 42 at midnight to talk about our stand.  I’ll start making posters and hanging them in all of the fast food restaurant bathrooms ASAP.
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Dear Bacon – There we were at the local bar mingling when we ordered a drink called the Blue Calypso.  Were we surprised when it came to the table.  Oh my hamsters – it had a garnish that was alive and swimming.  We didn’t know whether to drink it, play with it or tip it.  What say you?  Signed The Twins – Adam and Bubba

Dear Adam and Bubba – Now *that* is a surprise my friends.  I’m with you.  What to do?  Well, you can’t drink/eat the tyke now.  You’ve been introduced and are on friendly terms now.  And on the other hoof, if you leave him, someone else will take care of your problem in a bad way.  I say, ask him to come home with you to keep him safe.  Wouldn’t that be fun to have an extra room-mate?   He does look kind of cool and just think of how much trouble ya’ll can get into.  I bet he would even be great at charades.

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Dear Bacon – There is always that one person in the hood that is your arch enemy.  So yes I have eaten little more lately than usual.  It’s summer. It’s hot.  There’s nothing else to do but eat.  Maybe perhaps I shouldn’t have eaten that last dog biscuit.  I went outside to take care of some business and while coming back in I got stuck in a compromising position.  I swear someone shrunk my doggy door.  And then there is that one friend-enemy that snuck up behind me and drew a happy face on my butt.  Really?  Don’t push me and help guy out, embarrass him instead.  What an idiot.  When I get out of this position, he is so going to pay.  What do you think?  Signed Two Faced

Dear Two Faced – Give me a second to gain my composure.  I’m not laughing at you.  I’m laughing with you at the situation.  It could very well be this little porker stuck in the doggy door.  While your friend-enemy was drawing on your butt perhaps you should have told him to kiss while he was back there.  At least he wasn’t talking behind your back – snorts.  And don’t worry, I’m sure you will get even.  You know what they say about karma – it goes around  Don’t forget that okay.

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Dear Bacon – Julia Child – nope.  Emeril – nope.  Bobby Flay – nope.  I’m the original Chef Wolf Dog Gang. Since graduating from the CICC (Culinary Institution of Canine Cooking), I can’t stay out of the kitchen.  Not only can I bring home the bacon (sorry pal) but I can cook it up in the pan.  Friends in the hood come from all over to taste some of my creations.  You can often find me shopping in gardens around the house and coming up with such masterpieces as Hot Dog Casserole, Mutt Balls with Brown Rice, Doggy Lasagna and Chicken Backlash.  They are all must haves and I hope to market them soon.  When I get my cooking channel up, I would love for you to be my first guest.  Signed Chef Wolf Dog Gang

Dear Chef Wolf Dog Gang – That is totally awesome that you picked up a hobby that is also a career.  You know what they say about if you enjoy and love your job, you will never work a day in your life.  Keep up the great work and hey can  you send me some Mutt Balls with Brown Rice?  That sounds fantastic!  Oh and I would love to be your first guest as long as well you know… I’m a guest and not the guest of the meal if you know what I mean – snorts.

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REMEMBER my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *YOU*  Keep your pictures and questions coming by sending them to me on my email address.

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