Oh my friends – lowers my puppy head. How was your week? Me, well as you can see from exhibit A – barks! – I’ve been a bad boy. You see, I’ve been taking correspondent lessons on toy destruction from Easy across the pond. I’ve been trying really, REALLY hard to get my timing down just right in how long it takes for my toys to blow up all over the place. It’s a work in progress.
Well, mommy came home from the worky place one day this week to this picture. Before she would even pet me, she had to take this picture and have a prayer meeting with me. I mean it wasn’t anything important that I destroyed. It was my toy football. You can see it – that yellow thing towards the bottom of the picture. I think I did a pretty good job in making it pay for its evil ways. What do you think?
That’s it for this week my friends – take care and have an awesome weekend!
Oh – and this weeks Jokes with Daddy. Oh my friends, I have a classic for you. This is really good. I hope you enjoy it!
Dear Bacon – Oh dude! What a game that Super Bowl was over the weekend. OMD! I dressed up in a disguise – you know like from the Super Bowl commercial – and was able to get a ticket to see football up front and personal. Cats against horses – you know those Broncos were going to win – Go Peyton Manning! What did you think of the game bro? Signed Mr. Waddles
Dear Mr. Waddles – Love your disguise. I can see how you got in to see the game in person. And what a game it was! I was sitting on the edge of my chaise the entire night rooting for the Broncos. I’m not sure who was happier – me or dad when they won! Heck, I jumped on the internet and went ahead and bought dad a Super Bowl 50 Bronco hat – of course with his credit card – snorts with piggy laughter.
Dear Bacon – Dude, you have never experienced life until you stretch out in a hammock and just relax the day away. In fact, I think your humans should buy you a piggy hammock. I bet you would enjoy it. Signed Swinger
Dear Swinger – WOW – you do look really comfy there my friend. I’m thinking that this Spring/Summer here at the Hotel Thompson, mom/dad might just need to get me a hammock for my magical backyard. They can put it on the back deck so I can over look new discoveries. Thanks for the heads up my friend. Keep on swinging!
Dear Bacon – I think I partied way too much during the Super Bowl game. I remember eating some snacks. I remember chugging some beer after playing beer pong. That’s it. Afterwards, the next morning I woke up with a cold one still in my paws. Shaking my doggy head – I gotta quit partying like this. Signed Born to be Wild
Dear Born to be Wild – Dude, when you stop remembering your actions from the night before, it’s way past time to stop drinking. Just be lucky you didn’t wake up with someone else in your bed. Oh my – can you imagine that? Shaking my piggy head. Safety first my friend. You might need to reach out to DAA (Doggy Alcoholics Anonymous). I’m sure they can help you.
Dear Bacon – OMD OMD OMD. Sometimes this little red light laser thingy gets the cats going on here at my crib. But tonight, that crazy red light kept popping up on the ceiling in my kitchen. I couldn’t have that unidentified red light breaching my food. So I did what any dog would do, I jumped up at it to catch and destroy the red light. I must have caught it because it went away. Have you ever seen this red light? Signed White Dogs Can Jump
Dear White Dogs Can Jump – Look at you my friend! I’d say you took care of that red dot. I’ve seen it before too here at the Hotel Thompson. It’s very mysterious when it shows up and then disappears for what seems like weeks. Do you think it’s an alien trying to impersonate us anipals? It’s so weird!
Dear Bacon – A gal can only take so much from her man. Mr. Endless Nagging kept going on and on about such nonsense – I couldn’t take it anymore and lost myself in the moment. I don’t think he will bother me for a while – do you? Signed That’ll Teach You
Dear That’ll Teach You – Heck woman – it taught me not to nag you – snorts with piggy laughter. Whatever happened to if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all? Cause, trust me your man needs to learn that little tidbit of information. And hey – you got a great right by the looks of it.
REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Remember to send me your letters and pictures to my email.
Let’s have some fun shall we? Since mom *thinks* she is getting old, let’s make her laugh… hopefully she won’t break any ribs or fall out of her chair – snorts.
What is your “Band Name”?
I’ll go first. Looks down at my underwear – snorts. I’m not wearing any so I’ll go with black. The last thing I ate was chicken. Call my band – Black Chicken – PLOL (piggy laughing out loud). Sounds kind of like hard rock to me.
Dad’s up next. I’m peaking at his underwear. They’re gray – sorry dad. There’s no privacy here at the Hotel Thompson. The last thing he ate was steak. His band – Gray Steak. Sounds tough – no pun intended.
Mom’s next. This was a hard one. I had to go sneak a peak. She has on her Wonder Woman underoos. They are blue and white. The last thing she ate was fries. Her band – Blue and White Fries. Sounds country to me – you?
Hey, I’m just trying to help out here around the house. The humans said I don’t pull my weight. That’s all I’m doing – trying to help out with the everyday chores. I thought I would help out with dinner. I’m sure it will taste like chicken – evil bark. Signed Chef Boy Ring Dog
Dear Chef Boy Ring Dog,
Step away from the stove my friend. Purr things are not made for eating. They are made for loving. Trust me, they do not taste like chicken. I’ve licked our purr things here at the Hotel Thompson. They taste nothing like chicken. Not even good. You don’t want any of that. Go find you some kibbles. Now that’s a meal.
I know you have a lot of horsey friends. Can I be your friend to? I think we have some similar markings. I’m hoping that you can help me out with a problem I have. Am I a black horse with white spots or am I a white horse with black spots? Signed Confucius Spots
Dear Confucius Spots,
I would love to be your friend! I’m so touched that you asked. As for your problem. Does it really matter? All that *does* matter is that you know you are beautiful either way. I mean that from the heart – You are stunning – just stunning my new friend.
What can I say, I’m a thrill seeker. Anything to get my heart pumping, I just LOVE to do. I know it drives Old McDonald over the edge here at the farm. I can’t help it though. Don’t you just love the excitement? Signed Evil Cowknivel
Dear Evil Cowknivel,
My friend, there is excitement and then there is excitement. Personally, I find it exciting just walking to the front room from my bedroom without getting the wrath of Hemi slapping my hind quarters. But, each to their own ways. Try not to give Old McDonald a heart attack in some of your activities. And heck, if you are going to take a risk, start charging admission so at least you can help the farm out. You know? Carry on my friend.
I’m trying to ‘bulk’ up. My friends say I’m skinny and scrawny. Do you think it’s working? Signed Squirt
Oh little guy, give it some time. You will grow into all of that fur. You don’t need to lift weights to do that. And tell your friends to quit bullying you. There is no room for bullying in this time and age – NONE WHATSOEVER. You are just fine the way you are.
Who says that skateboarding is just for guys and the humans. If I want to burn the roads up, why can’t I? Everyone says it’s just a guy sport. Why? Who makes up these rules? Chicks rule – we should make up the rules, right? Signed Atonia Hawk
Dear Atonia Hawk,
I’m not arguing with that, really I’m not. I’ve seen my human mom do some amazing guy things. I say if you are good at, then practice makes perfect. Don’t take any flack – show them whatcha got my furry friend!