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Health Warning!!

20140112-001151.jpgDo NOT wash your hair in the shower!  I found this warning on line for mom and it explains everything my friends.  It’s so good to finally get a health warning that is totally useful!

Mom is always shampooing her hair in the shower and now this explains what has happened to her.  When she washes her hair, the shampoo runs down her entire body and printed very clearly on the bottle it says:

FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME

No wonder she has gained weight!  From now on, she is going to use Dawn Dishwashing Soap.  It’s label reads:

DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.

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14 Comments

Posted by on 03/03/2018 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’ve made a grave mistake.  There was a hole in the back of this contraption.  I crawled in and when I did, it shut closed.  Now I’m stuck… I feel like a squirrel on display for the world to see.  The birds are pointing and laughing at me.  What am I to do?  Help?  Signed Mannequin Squirrel

Dear Mannequin Squirrel – WOW!  What can I say?  You do look awesome with your mannequin display.  I can say perhaps you should enjoy what you can… maybe take a seat and a quick bite of that delightful feed.  By the time you get done with your dinner, maybe the owner of the house will see you in your tight spot and help you out.  If not, can you jump and push the top off for a quick escape?  And don’t worry about the birds pointing and laughing.  Might you remind them that you have plenty of food to eat while you wait unlike them – snorts.


Dear Bacon – We like to put the warning out there for the humans.  If you cross the metal gates leading into our kingdom, be warned.  You will experience a death like no other from the ankles down.  We may be small and short but we have sharp teeth like a shark.  Just sayin’.  Does your little brother do the same?  Signed Harley and Davidson

Dear Harley and Davidson – Awesome idea my friends.  Truth is in the advertising.  If peeps are dumb enough to cross that warning, their ankles deserve what they get.  And yes.  Houdini has the sharpest teeth that I’ve ever felt.  That’s right – I said felt.  I feel them when he tries to hang off of my piggy tail and swing back and forth like I’m an amusement park.  The little guy has no respect for this pig – he thinks I’m his personal jungle gym.


Dear Bacon –  Honestly.  I was asleep the entire time that the master was away.  Really I was.  When I woke up, the front room cushions exploded.  I didn’t hear a thing!  Exploded I tell you.  Of course, I’m getting the blame.  But really it wasn’t me.  Signed Lab Shredder

Dear Lab Shredder – Darn those dust bunnies for striking again!  I believe you my friend.  I really do.  Dust bunnies sound cute and look kind of cute but all alone they can be little vultures that wreak havoc all over the house blaming us anipals.  Shakes and shivers from fear.  They can’t be trusted at all.  No way!  I say you need to hunt them down one by one and take care of them.  As far as you getting the blame for this.  If it wasn’t on video and there is nothing concrete showing you did it, I say they have to let you walk my friend.  No evidence means NOT GUILTY.  Lowers my hammer in my court room and says dismissed.


 Dear Bacon – It’s really not what it looks like.  Me and my friend were playing leap frog.  We see frogs do it all of the time and we thought we would try it.  We turned on the camera and started.  We posted this on Instagram and everyone went crazy saying that we were multi-flying.  No honestly we weren’t.  We were just playing a game.  What do you think?  Signed Doris and Rock

Dear Doris and Rock – Snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever you kids are calling it this day, sure.  Just be safe my friends.

 

 
17 Comments

Posted by on 10/10/2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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There Is A New Virus Out Now – Warning

Oh piggy heavens above! Oh my friends.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but there is a deadly virus going around these parts.  You need to protect yourself STAT!  It’s awful and can hit you at any time.

In fact, the virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you come in contact with the WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest Biological Anxiety Relief (BAR) center to take antidotes known as Working Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE), Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM), Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER) or Vaccine Official Depression Killing Agent (VODKA).

Don’t be a victim my friends – take action NOW!

 
12 Comments

Posted by on 09/09/2017 in Bacon

 

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Warning – Human/Bear Encounters

 
11 Comments

Posted by on 07/08/2017 in Bacon

 

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Health Warning!!

20140112-001151.jpgDo NOT wash your hair in the shower!  I found this warning on line for mom and it explains everything my friends.  It’s so good to finally get a health warning that is totally useful!

Mom is always shampooing her hair in the shower and now this explains what has happened to her.  When she washes her hair, the shampoo runs down her entire body and printed very clearly on the bottle it says:

FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME

No wonder she has gained weight!  From now on, she is going to use Dawn Dishwashing Soap.  It’s label reads:

DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.

 
35 Comments

Posted by on 02/10/2015 in Bacon

 

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Quote

Oh piggy heavens above! Oh my friends.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but there is a deadly virus going around these parts.  You need to protect yourself STAT!  It’s awful and can hit you at any time.

In fact, the virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you come in contact with the WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest Biological Anxiety Relief (BAR) center to take antidotes known as Working Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE), Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUM), Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER) or Vaccine Official Depression Killing Agent (VODKA).

Don’t be a victim my friends – take action NOW!

31 Days of Spook – Active VIRUS!

 
18 Comments

Posted by on 10/17/2014 in 31 Days of Spook

 

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Warning Label

20140715-091346-33226721.jpgWOW – Go ahead.  What would your warning label say?  I’ve thought about our family here and I’ve come up with some of these.  What would yours be?

Mine: Warning – Do not eat food in front of pig 

Mom:  Warning – No talkie before coffee

Dad:  Warning – Will make you laugh until you pee

Mouse Girl:  Warning – Cute but cuddly

Hemi:  Warning – Carries a big paw

 
48 Comments

Posted by on 07/23/2014 in Bacon

 

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