Okay – my mom is down deep a blonde. I saw this today and had to share. Why? Because it reminds me of my mom of course – snorts. Hope you enjoy it. Nothing personal to any blondes out there. Really.
A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn’t panic however because she remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.”
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.
And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot. Do you want to follow me over to Best Buy?”
Tis the season to be merry my friends! Today, we have a very special issue of Dear Bacon. I bet a lot of you know my special friend. He’s been hanging (literally) around my house since Thanksgiving. For those that don’t know him, I’ll tell you a little back ground.
The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition came out in 2005 in a children’s book. The little Elf that comes with the book has a job between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. His main job is to watch over the household and report back to the North Pole nightly on if the people are naughty or nice. He comes back to the household by morning. There’s one important thing about the Elf. You don’t touch him as doing so will erase any Christmas magic that has been blessed upon him. Every morning that he comes back from the North Pole, people in the household find him in different places. But remember, it’s all magic!
So in honor of Christmas, we have the Thompson Elf – Don Juan – representing in the Dear Bacon issue. We hope you enjoy. XOXO – Bacon
Dear Don Juan,
You’re a fellow Elf. You know times are hard working for the fat guy. We work once a year. It’s hard to make a living like this. Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do, right? Signed Elf Burglar
Dear Elf Burglar,
Step.away.from.the.pig. Don’t make me call the Elf Union. Elves do not steal in the houses that we are to watch over. Your special Christmas powers can be revoked with a snap of a finger. You know there are other jobs you can work while in the off season. I’ve heard Walmart is looking for door greeters. Or perhaps you can join a traveling circus during down times. Anything but stealing my fellow Elf.
Dear Don Juan,
Last night, the humans they stayed up until the whee hours of the morning making cookies. I just thought I would make my mark. You like? Signed Droopy
I like and I approve. This is what I’m talking about. Good little elves help out around the house not steal. Way to go my friend!
Dear Don Juan,
I’ve read on Bacon’s blog that his human father likes to play Angry Birds. Well, I thought I would share this photo for you to take notes on future escapades. Enjoy my friend. Signed Angry Elf
Dear Angry Elf,
That’s what I’m talking about! Thanks for the idea. I definitely will pursue this one tonight.. perhaps 🙂
Dear Don Juan,
When you have to go, you gotta go. The humans, they caught a picture of me in mid dunk. Thank goodness I was holding on and the humans didn’t see me in action. Signed Pepper Elf
Dear Pepper Elf,
Hey, you’re right. It’s nature. It’s part of life. At least you’re potty trained. Tis the season for magic in all forms.
Dear Don Juan,
What? We get kind of bored at night staying up all by ourselves. Sometimes we get back from reporting in at the the North Pole early. We gotta do something in our spare time for just us. I met this chick named Frankie Stein from Monster High. Dude, she has some moves! Signed Pole Elf
Dear Pole Elf,
Oh dear. This can’t be good. Where did you get that money? And dear Lord, you’re sitting on baby food. There’s a baby in the house. Step away from the pole and tell Ms. Stein to put on some clothing. Shakes head.. I may need to investigate this further. Can you email me Ms. Stein’s telephone number? You know, for my paperwork.
Dear Don Juan,
It’s just a little nick and tuck. What can I say? He was on the naughty list. I had to do something to snap him into reality that this is the Christmas season. Thoughts? Signed Barber Elf
Dear Barber Elf,
Are you insane?! We can’t do that. That poor fellow is going to be scared for life. Listen here you young Elf, report back to the North Pole ASAP. I’ve gotta get this taken care of with the humans. Where’s is that Easter bunny when you need him?
Dear blogville, I hope you enjoyed this special of Dear Bacon – Elf on the Shelf. Remember, tonight is the big night. Make sure you’re extra good and leave out cookies. I’ve heard Santa likes chocolate chip and macadamia. Well, that’s what my human daddy tells me. XOXO – Bacon
Note: Pictures were sent in by friends of mom who emailed them to me with questions.
Information has been received over the afternoon wire reports that the juvenile rolling stone has yet been caught again in another act of mischief. This time, the act took place in a local Toys R Us department store in McDonough, Georgia. Unlike the other two times, the juvenile rolling store was caught in a ‘toy’ buggy rolling down a store aisle singing Joan Jett’s famous song I Love Rock N Roll.
Authorities believe that this is the same juvenile rolling stone that was caught in May at a local Wal-mart store and then again in June at a local Target store. In both of these instances, the juvenile rolling stone was video taped riding a skateboard unlike the current sighting. When authorities were questioned as to thy they think it is the same juvenile stone and why, they replied, “It’s all in his itty bitty shaky eyes. He has the look of a rock gone bad.”
Authorities are also advising the public not to try and apprehend this juvenile delinquent rock by themselves but to please call your local police station. If you have any information on this juvenile rolling stone, please leave a comment here.
Hello my friends! Today’s posting will conclude my fun adventure that I had at Wally World, otherwise known as Wal-Mart. I hope I have expressed how much fun it was! I do hope that you have had a good laugh at my field trip and my experiences. But don’t worry, although my adventure with Wally World… AKA Fun Land USA… is over, my field trips are not done. I am going out more to explore and will post about those trips soon.
Today, we concentrate on education. I really tried hard to broaden my knowledge while at Fun Land USA.
I started first in the book section. Those Dr Seus books are wonderful! Did you know that daddy can almost recite the entire book of Green Eggs and Ham by heart? He loves that one just about as much as I do. You can see me in this picture next to the books reading. I stayed there for as long as mom/dad would let me. They were looking at their books and I was looking at my age appropriate books. It was all good.
Then we moved on to exciting and wondrous things… the electronic department! I was trying so very hard to get mom/dad to buy me my very own iPad. They said I was too young and had to share with Bacon still. Stomps pebbles – but I wanna my own iPad. Darn it all. I love playing on Bacon’s. It’s a lot easier to type, if you know what I mean. Maybe one day when I become a policerock and make my own money, I can get one.
With all of this shopping, I got hungry. I might have strayed off by myself. Mom/dad got scared because they couldn’t find me. They said next time, I have to wear my leash – darn shucks.
I’m not sure why they were so scared, they did eventually find me. I was in the frozen food section licking the strawberry pie box. Tasty – 🙂 Now I know why Bacon loves strawberries. Of course, I tasted it so mom/dad had to buy the pie. They weren’t fussing too much cause they said they were hungry too. It was delicious!
Well, that’s it for today’s field trip. I hope you enjoyed it my friends!