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Mommy Is So Silly!

My mom is so crazy!  She was driving around in Albert the other day with me and daddy.  She put her car blinker on way before she needed to and daddy asked her why?  That’s when she told him, “At my age, I don’t necessarily use blinkers to let others know where I’m going.  I use them to remind myself where *I’m* going.”

Silly mommy.

 

 
27 Comments

Posted by on 09/23/2014 in Bacon

 

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Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into Albert, mom’s little Smart car, for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when Albert pumps up the volume and makes the hamsters in the engine go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂

 
29 Comments

Posted by on 09/01/2014 in Bacon

 

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Flatua Backfire

Oh dear piggy heavens.  I was on mom’s Facebook page last night and came across the new Flatua Backfire.  What?  You haven’t heard about this new car?  Are you going to be impressed.  This new Flatua Backfire will look familiar.  It looks just like mom’s Smart car but with a twist – snorts – and it is some kind of twist – trust me on that my friends.  And hey here at the Hotel Thompson, I think daddy is ready for this.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on 08/25/2014 in Bacon

 

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By Popular Demand –

IMG_0094.JPGBy popular demand, we have snagged pictures of daddy holding Monkey Man.  You know Monkey Man that was posted last week trying to escape in Albert – mom’s Smart car.

Let me set the scenario up for you my friends.  Mom/dad went grocery shopping in Albert.  Of course after they put all of the groceries in the back ‘hatch’ of Albert, there was no room for Monkey Man.  Monkey Man *always* travels with mom everywhere.

Since there was no room in the back ‘hatch’ area, daddy had to hold Monkey Man in his lap all the way home from the market.  Now, here you go.  You’re driving down the street in your car.  You get stopped at a red light.  You happened to gaze over at this Smart car because it’s so small.  While you are laughing hysterically, something catches your attention to the front passenger side.  That’s when you see it.

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This man is holding a giant sock monkey that is looking out the window.  Now, what do you do?  Do you point?  Do you laugh?  Do you bring out your camera phone to snap a picture?  Do you call the authorities because Monkey Man is not strapped in to his safety belt?  You know I’m waiting until a police officer pulls us over thinking it’s a small child – It will be hilarious!  Snorts.

 

The possibilities are endless my friends.  What would you do?  I took two pictures for your review.  One from the passenger side window and another straight from the front of Albert.

 
47 Comments

Posted by on 08/14/2014 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20131113-093216.jpg Dear Bacon,

Leash training.  Well, it sucks.  I can’t go too far without the human deciding that I shouldn’t be that far.  A pig has to have his freedom!  That’s what I say.  What about you?  Signed Gotta Run

Dear Gotta Run,

Poor little guy.  Mommy *tried* to leash train me.  Let’s just say that I wasn’t a leash kind of pig either.  I’m sure with more practice, I would have adjusted but she didn’t have the will power – snorts.  Look on the other hand my little friend, they are just trying to watch after your safety.  Consider it a gesture of love. 🙂

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20131113-093238.jpgDear Bacon,

HA!  This will make you think twice about stomping in that puddle outside again won’t it?  I just had to share.  You never know where my kind might jump out at you.  Consider us like clowns.  We’ll make you laugh but we are scary as heck to look at sometimes.  Signed Hide N Seek

Dear Hide N Seek,

Shivers to mergatroid!  I will never stomp my little hooves in the puddle outside in my magical backyard EVER again.  Heck, I close my eyes and still see you.  EEWW – you are like clowns – scary!!  I gotta get in therapy.  Thanks.

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Dear Bacon,

You’re not the only cute thing that rides around in your mom’s moving thingy.  I love to settle in the back seat and go for a spin.  It kind of relaxes me and helps me to go to sleep.  I think it helps my mom too to hear me go bbaaww.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

OMP (oh my pig).  Yes you are so right my friend.  You are the most adorable little thing.  I just want to pick you up and cuddle with you!  If my mom saw you, oh goodness, we would so have to adopt you here at the Hotel Thompson!!  Stay safe my little friend.

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Dear Bacon,

I turn my back for one minute and my tail hit my nuts off of the pole.  I think my face tells you everything.  I got make every nut count during these winter months!  Signed Flabbergasted

Dear Flabbergasted,

I’m sorry my friend for laughing but that look is priceless!  Hit me up, I’ll give you some nuts 🙂

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Dear Bacon,

No matter what you do in life, never give up and never surrender.  You don’t know what strengths you have until you try.  Stay strong my friend.  Signed Adam Ant

Dear Adam Ant,

Those are some powerful words my little buddy.  So true and spot on.  I will never give up and never surrender with anything in my life.  Thank you!

.

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Remember friends – keep your pictures and questions coming.  Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com  – thanks for making my Tuesday specials of Dear Bacon just that – very special!

 
21 Comments

Posted by on 11/19/2013 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Facts and Funnies about Mom’s Smart Car Albert

This is Albert.  Albert is mom’s Smart car.  I know. I know.  Mom’s names her cars.  She’s weird like that – snorts.  In this picture, it almost looks like Albert is smiling.  And you know what is worse than mommy naming her cars?  She and dad talk to Albert like a person.  I think that’s just weird.  But hey, she loves her little car.  Have you made the connection yet with mom and her love of small things?  Look at me, I’m small too.  Weird or what huh?

Mom has had Albert for a couple of years now and she loves him as much today as she did when she bought him.  She gets jokes about him every day from friends, family and co-workers.  I thought I would take this time to tell you some myths and facts about Albert.

#1 – Mom has a wicked sense of humor, if you haven’t caught on to that by now – snorts.  Since it is a Smart Car, she named it Albert.  You know after Albert Einstein.  This is a FACT.

#2 – Albert is a gas powered Smart Fortwo Passion.  He is only three cylinders and does great on gas.  Mom fills up about once a month for around $25.00.  This is a FACT. 

#3 – Oil changes are every 10,000 miles!  This is a FACT.  When you get your oil changed, mom ‘resets’ her calculator in the car, it counts down from 10,000 to let her know when it’s time for the next oil change.  She averages getting it changed around once a year.

 #4 – You can go shopping in it.  This is a FACT.  Mommy has been grocery shopping and put over $200.00 worth of groceries in the back of it with no problems!  And, the back is a perfect place for me to hang out when we are driving all around town.

#5 – Having a Smart car is like being in a club.  This is a FACT.  When mommy passes another Smart car, it’s like they’re old friends.  They honk horns and wave at each.  It’s embarrassing when I’m in the car – snorts.

#6 – Yes it is true.  Mommy took Albert to the car wash one weekend with daddy.  It was one of those drive thru places.  They got stuck in the middle because Albert didn’t weigh enough for the track to pick him up.  They learned their lesson on this one – snorts

These are just a few comments mommy has heard about Albert.  I’m not sure which one I feel sorrier for – mommy or Albert – snorts

“Where is the wind up key on that toy?”  This is actually a funny thing because there is a part that you can order to attach to the back of the car to look like a wind up toy.  Mommy has really thought about it.

“Hey, I tripped over your car in the parking lot.”

When there’s a big storm outside and mommy is at work, they will tell her, “Hey, you better go tie down your car, it’s going to get blown away”. OR “You need to put floaties on that car, a storm is a coming.”

“Hey, it looks like they installed a new speed bump in the parking lot.  Oh no, my bad.  It’s just your car.”

“Where do you buy your tires?  Lawn mower section of Home Depot?”

“You know why they named it Smart Car?  Because Golf Cart was already taken.”

“Better make sure a bird doesn’t take a crap on it.  It will total it out.”

“You need to wash your car?  I’ll throw a cup of water on it for you.”

 
39 Comments

Posted by on 09/26/2013 in Bacon

 

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My Friends

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Let me introduce you to some of my traveling buddies. This is Sir Sockalots and Mini-Me Sir Sockalots. They travel with mom in the back of her Smart car all of the time. This back space is also where I ride when I travel with mom around time. Just me and my sock monkey buddies hanging out waving at the peeps in traffic.

I mean, can you imagine (A) a small car rolls up beside you in traffic and (B) up pops a little pig with his buds oinking away at you. It has caught the attention of a few people – snorts. I almost feel like I’m on a parade float waving at the humans. Of course, mommy never gets a picture because she’s driving and her phone and camera are put down for safety. That’s a good mommy – snorts.

So, the next time you see a little blue Smart car pull up beside you, look towards the back and see if you see a little oinker snorting away and having a grand old time!

 
23 Comments

Posted by on 08/11/2013 in Bacon

 

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A Funny Story about Albert –

 

With the other posting about Albert’s update on his physical, I thought I would tell you a funny story about the little car.  To this day, mommy stills laughs about it.

Mommy had only had Albert for a few days and was going to work one morning.  She decided to go through a local drive thru.  There was a car ahead of her driven by an older man.  He kept looking in his rearview mirror at mommy and the car and then would burst out laughing. 

He got up to the drive thru window, talked to the cashier, paid for his order and drove off.  When he was driving off, he beeped his horn and waved at mommy.  Strange, but we live in the south where everyone is friendly so mom smiled and waved back pulling up to the window.

The cashier at the window was laughing.  Okay – something is up.  Mom went to pay and the cashier said she didn’t owe anything.  Now this is strange.  Mom inquired how is that while the cashier was giving her the order.

The cashier told mommy that the man in front of her had paid for her breakfast that morning.  Why you ask?  He told the cashier that apparently mommy couldn’t afford to pay for an entire car so apparently she couldn’t afford breakfast either.  It did make mommy’s day.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on 06/28/2013 in Bacon

 

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Way To Go Albert!

Some of you remember mommy buying her little Smart Car last Spring. This is it in the picture to the right. She just loves that little car. Can you understand her miniature phase? Miniature pot bellied pig – miniature car. Yep, mom is hooked – snorts.

It is a small car. Mom named it “Albert”. Do you get it? It’s a Smart car and Albert Einstein was smart thus she named it Albert. Funny how mom’s brain works that way, right? Double snorts.

 

It’s really bigger than you think on the inside. It doesn’t ‘drive’ small. It drives like a big car. This is the back of Albert opened up. See, lots of space in there. AND, the bottom part of the ‘trunk’ opens up for storage. The back part is just big enough for me to sit in and oink while mom rides me around town. I love that! There’s also enough space back there that mommy feels it up when she goes to the grocery store.

 

And this picture shows you the inside of Albert. It’s really not bad. Mom/Dad get in it and put around on the weekends all of the time. Now, the downside is that Albert is only a 3 cylinder. Yep, I said THREE cylinder. So, power is not the upmost when mom goes back and forth from the worky place.

 

 

And the best part is in this picture. There is a mat that rolls back so you can let the sun shine inside. It’s great to feel that sun on my little piggy body when we are driving. But don’t get me wrong. Albert has a great air conditioner/heater, radio, etc.

 

I tell you all of this because Albert turned 1 last week. Mommy has had him an entire year. Albert had to go in for his first physical and oil change – oil changes are only done every 10,000 miles! It took mom an entire year to get there.

He passed with flying colors! Way to go Lil Albert! Sniff – sniff, he’s growing up. I think him and our other car, Tank, (he’s a Equinox) had a little party in the driveway. They’re close like that.

But do you know what is funny? When mom comes home from the worky place, sometimes the kids in the neighborhood try to ‘race’ her down the street to our house. Now, she could beat them if she wanted to but she doesn’t. She lets them win every single time. Isn’t she the best?

 
17 Comments

Posted by on 06/28/2013 in Bacon

 

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Facts About ME – Little Ole Me – Snort

I get emails that often ask me questions.  I thought I would take a minute to explore some of them with you 🙂

I am slightly spoiled at the Hotel Thompson.  Okay, I admit it.  Fully spoiled at the Hotel Thompson.  But that’s fine.  As long as everyone knows that my needs come first, all is good – snort.

Nope, mom and dad do not have the two legged variety of children, just me and the two purr things (Mouse Girl and Hemi).  So yes, they give us a lot of attention and we act like their ‘children’ per say.  Well, almost like regular children… we don’t ask for money, the car keys and the happening clothes.  But, we do suck money out of them in terms of toys, room accessories, food, and in my part – a laptop, Netflix, television, etc. – SNORT PLOL (pig laughing out loud)

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I am a real, genuine pig.  In fact, I am a miniature pot bellied pig.  Mom adopted me at 3 weeks old.  I weighed a mere ONE pound when she got me.  I was a little runt.  Hard to image this handsome body being that small huh?

Mom turned one of the guest rooms at the Hotel Thompson into my room – the Sweet and Sour Pork Pad.  I have it decorated accordingly.  I have a flat screen television in my room connected to cable.  I have a DVD player and I also have a Netflix account.  Yes, I love watching television.  It helps to calm my inner beast.

Mom tucks me into my bed every night.  She then reads me a story, sings me to sleep or we watch a short cartoon together.  My favorite sheet that I drag everywhere and sleep with every night is a king size Egyptian cotton sheet.  I love that sheet!  What – this pig deserves nice things too.  It’s soft on my little belly and comforts me. 

When mom goes to the worky place, dad takes care of me.  He stays at home to tend to my needs and trust me I can be the King of Needs – snort.  No, really dad is really a good guy.  He is visually impaired and I keep trying to talk him into getting me to be his seeing eye pig but I don’t think he’s going to go for it.  I’ll never stop trying though!

A lot of people ask me about mom.  Who is she.  What does she look like.  Is she nice.  Does she really love me.  Well, I have her wrapped right around my hooves where I want her.  She is mine.  We have a special bond and have since the day we both saw each other for the first time.  She knows me.  She knows what each grunt means.  She knows what foods I like.  She knows exactly where that one spot is on my belly to make me fall down and get loving.  And I know her.  I know the tone of her voice and when she means business.  I know her smell.  And, I know the sound of that little engine in her Smart car so I know when she’s in the driveway.  So, I’m going to share a picture of my mommy.  I love you mom!

 

 
15 Comments

Posted by on 03/23/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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