Rocky’s Nut Brunch

 Welcome my friends to another edition of Rocky’s Nut Brunch.  This week I want to talk about national animals.  Specifically what is the national animal of Scotland.  I bet you don’t know.  Am I right?   I did some research on this and you will be surprised to know that the national animal of Scotland is – a Unicorn.  Really it is.  You can google it.  Because you know it’s on the web.  Are you wondering why the Unicorn is their national animal?

“Well since the 12th century, a unicorn has been a Scottish heraldic symbol when it was used on an early form of the Scottish coat of arms by William I.”

Strange but interesting tidbit of information, right?  But let’s not stop there.  There are other strange national animals.  The komodo dragon is the national animal for Indonesia.  The phoenix is the national animal for Greece.  Monaco has three national animals – the hedgehog, the rabbit and the wood mouse.

 

 

Finally Found in my Magical Backyard

There you go my friends.  My magical backyard – booyah!  Pictures don’t lie, right?  I mean this would no way be photoshopped.  Nope no way.  I couldn’t get a clearer picture than this.  It was that perfect off of my backyard camera.  Yeah that’s it.  Move over friends.  I can’t give you the exact locations because well you know for obvious reasons – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

 

No Daddy

 

Over the weekend, mom/dad went Christmas shopping.  They wanted a jump start to the season and wanted to look at stuff before it was all picked over… their words.  I’m not sure what they meant.  So they are hitting the shelves and daddy found a new friend. All mom heard was, “Honey I want”.  When mom turned around she saw this… where was daddy?  There was a muffled voice behind the horn faintly saying how much they wanted to come home with us.  Mom of course said no.  It’s too big.  Put it back.

Well, daddy never gives up.  I think we all know that by now, right friends?  A few minutes later, daddy said, “It has to be smaller right?’  Of course mom has her back to daddy and is kind of half listening and trying to shop.  She mumbles, “Yes”.  That’s when daddy gets a grin on his face and says loudly, “Welcome home my new friend.”

Now mom knows before she even turns around that this is not going to be good.  She slowly turns around and sees daddy with a new friend that is half the size of the original.  She puts on her best mom voice and says, “Why?  Why do you need a pink unicorn with a horn?”

Dad says, “Well it’s magical.  I don’t want him.  My inner child wants him.  He never had a magical unicorn.”

Okay, so how can you say no to that?  Well mom did.  Snorts with piggy laughter.  She explained to daddy that we were shopping for ‘others’ in our lives not for ourselves.  And you know, it’s much more fun to buy for others.  That’s when daddy pulled out his trump card and mentioned a certain someone here in blogville that he bet his inner child was wanting one of these special unicorns.  Now Evil Squirrel – I’m sure you would love said awesome unicorn but could you imagine sending this to you?  Heck, it would probably be better if I delivered it in person.. 🙂 right?

So mom had to explain that difficulties it would be in mailing the said wonderful, amazing, magical unicorn with a special horn and dad said he agreed…. especially when mom said if he put it back and behaved the rest of the time, she would buy him a drink after shopping.  Amazing how fickle my daddy can be.  One promised drink and Evil Squirrels unicorn went out the window.  Sorry about that my evil friend.  My mom is a hard-ass when it comes to shopping.  Snorts with piggy laughter.

 

Unicorn Fun

 

Tells You Everything You Need to Know

 

Shakes Piggy Head

Oh friends.  I have to admit that life is *never* boring here at the Hotel Thompson – EVER!  Especially when those two humans of mine that I call parents are involved.  They are always up to trouble when they go out unchaperoned.  This week has been no difference.

First up daddy.  Let me start by saying that Houdini was NOT hurt in dad’s latest antics.  You are already shaking your head aren’t you – snorts.  You see mommy had to run an errand at this party store and daddy went with her.  Daddy wanted to look at the balloons while mom got what she needed.  When she came back to get daddy, he was talking with a store clerk and they were snorting and laughing together.  She knew right then something was up.  Shakes piggy head – you know this can’t go well right?  So mom asks what is going on, what is so funny.  That’s when the store clerk and daddy shook hands, quit laughing and the clerk walked away.  Mom was persistent though and asked daddy what was that all about.  Do you know what he had the nerve to tell her?  Daddy and the clerk were talking about how many helium balloons it would take to make Houdini fly.  What in the world!?  Okay, I admit it.  It would be fun to watch and according to size/weight the number would probably be 6 or 7.  Mom was not so happy about that.  Of course, daddy tried to convince her he wouldn’t do it outside, only indoors, but she wasn’t buying it – snorts.  I wonder why?

Then, I saw this picture on mom’s iPhone.  OMP (oh my pig!) shakes my piggy head.  There really aren’t words here to as what daddy is doing. Is he riding the unicorn, mugging the unicorn or training the unicorn?  God only knows when it concerns my daddy.

Mom tried to explain the picture to me.  She said that daddy saw this pink think in a box and pulled it out.  Yep a pink unicorn – how realistic this time of year huh?  Of course, the unicorn got tired and sat on the floor.  Daddy wanted to ride it – shakes piggy head – why I don’t know.  But giddy up unicorn.

Now here’s what you don’t see in the picture.  Mommy said people started watching and laughing and pointing.  Who wouldn’t right?  And you don’t see in the bottom left hand corner of the picture which I conveniently blocked out was a woman bending over.  Let’s just say that she had more crack showing than a plumber… or a side street.  Snorts – now *that* is what had me cracking up.  Poor lady.

And don’t think that daddy is the only culprit that gets into trouble when out unchaperoned.  Oh no – my mommy fits right into some big shoes – literally.  Do you like her new red shoes for Christmas?  She says that a woman can NEVER have too many shoes.  Okay.  I just don’t know.  Shakes piggy head.

So tell me this my friends.  My humans are not the only ones with these skills for trouble – right?  Snorts.

 

Dear Easy – Special Edition

September we have been highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s last special edition is by my brother Easy.  If you don’t know Easy, you *must* go visit him and check him out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

 

 

 Dear Easy,
Last night was great. My human dropped a pill on the floor. The next thing she knew, I ate it. I’m not sure what it was but I want more. I was so happy. So giggly. So alive! What do you think it was? Signed Feeling No Pain

Dear Feeling No Pain,
I bet it was a blue pill with a rhombic shape… they are the pills that lift anything up… really anything and anybody…. Those kind of pills you can buy when you check your spam folder. No worries that you could be fooled by a hoax, the offers start always with “Dear Friend…” and friends never fool you, right?

.

Dear Easy,
I think we may be related. Can’t you see the resemblance? The eyes? The nose? Maybe the good looks? I think we may even be twins separated at birth. What do you think? Signed Mirror Image

Dear Mirror Image,
It seems you are really my twin… what’s sad, because I’m sick of my singleness… butt maybe that’s just the first impression and there is a chance that we are related butt not by blood? I can see some differences on your right ear and on your nose, what’s missing the scratch I wear . Please check your pedigree and call me immediately!

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Dear Easy,
I’m so pretty. I’m so fun. I’m so exciting on the farm. My human knitted my outfit for me and I love it! Don’t you? What size are you? I can get you one too so we can both have fun, fun, FUN! Signed Pretty in Pink

Dear Pretty in Pink,
Thanks that I have the chance to meet you. You must be the longlost twin of my mom. She wore exactly the same outfit like you, as they brought her home from hospital or wherever they found her.. Do you remember her? She just has no horn, butt probably hers grows inwards… Oh and btw: I’m a size XS…that means xtremely sloshed :o)

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Dear Easy,
They see me rolling and they’re hating. My pops bought me this get up and I highly recommend it. You want to know why? Because it attracts the ladies. What do you wear to attract the ladies? Signed Ladies Pup

Dear Ladies Pup,
You have a very wise Pops. He knows that all girls have a shoe-obsession and that a butt is a good butt in the perfect jeans. Oh and to wear sunglasses your way has something of James Dean, I agree. Girls love rebells, so they will open you their heart and their treat packs. I have to admit that I’m a professed nudist, but maybe that’s the reason that I’m still single?

.

Dear Easy,
I got busted. Here’s the proof – thanks to my humans. During the day while they were at work, I got into the garbage can. I thought I was safe until this contraption got stuck on my head. Dude I couldn’t get it off. Any tips for my future escapades? Signed Lid of Shame

Dear Lid of Shame,
Your humans need a garbage can with an automatic lid, called Dive In in carnivore circles. That’s an essential equipment if they share their crib with a dog. Oh and I would remove that thingy before they come home… in worst case, next time they would save the money for a cone and try it with the lid of the treashure can…

.

Thank you to all of my guests that helped me host my special editions for September.  Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 

Snorts – Yeah Okay Mom – Sure Thing

 

One of “Those” Nights

Last night started off like it normally does.  Mom ran around the house getting everything ready for Monday – the start of another glorious week – rolls piggy eyes.  She told me to get ready for bed and I did.  Mom then came in and gave me a strawberry and told me a short bedtime story.  You know – the normal things for this little piggy.  After my story, she kissed me on the forehead, told me good night, she loved me and left my room.

I wasn’t all the way asleep yet though.  I tried to go to sleep.  I closed my eyes tight and dreamed about my sweet purr thing.  I dreamed about chasing sheep over fences.  I even tried to focus on my counting skills.  But nope – nothing.  Sleep just wouldn’t come.

So I did what all little piggies do.  I pulled up my Egyptian cotton sheet around me and let the silk rub against my piggy skin.  It was nice and cozy!  Then out of the blue – BAM – it hit me.  I had to tinkle.  Why do you do that nature?  Why when you get the most comfortable surroundedby your silk sheets do you hit us and we have to go tinkle?  Explain that.

So you get up, stumble over to your wee-wee pad and take a wizzle.  And yes for the first time I will show you a picture of me wizzing.  Why?  Because that mother of mine doesn’t know about BOUNDARIES.  That’s right mom.  Sometimes a pig needs PRIVACY.  Hint – hint.

But do notice my techniques.  Tail up in the back, legs stretched out.  I think it’s a great form and I would give myself a ten – snorts.  And notice the light in the picture.  I didn’t turn on the light.  This light is from a piggy nightlight that my cousin Sammy sent me a while back.  I ❤ that nightlight.  Thanks cousin!

So you take care of “When Nature Calls” and then you are in a pickle.  I mean, mommy already tucked me in and now she’s asleep.  I’ve done my business but I need some mommy loving.  I do what I do best.  I pitter patter over to my bedroom door and call for her by snorting and stomping.  This concerns her so she rushes to me.  I think I have her trained… you think?

So mommy came back in my room to tuck me back into bed.  But now I’m thirsty – go figure.  I am a kid at heart – snorts.  I convince her that I need a drink and just a little snack before bed… again.  We walk to that heavenly place that I like to call a kitchen and get some water and Animal Crackers.  See, mommy *thinks* she has me trained.  Don’t tell her it’s the other way around okay.

Then when go back to my bedroom where she tucks me back in to bed and wraps my Egyptian cotton sheet all around me like the original piggy in a blanket.   Aaaww – that feels good.

But not only does mom wrap me up and tuck me in, she talks to me and pets me until I go back to sleep – for good this time.  Can you say contented little man?  Yep, that would be me friends.  Contentment shows in this picture.  And believe it or not, this time Mother Nature didn’t interfere.

Mommy waited until I was fast asleep and could feel my tummy going up and down in a pattern before she left my room.  In fact, I don’t remember her leaving because I was asleep dreaming.  Dreaming about my magical backyard… my friends out in the yard – Rocky the Squirrel, my Unicorn and my Bigfoot.  We were all playing and chasing each other.  Nice dream.

So have you ever had difficulties like this in getting to sleep?

 

Texts from Bacon

See during the day when mommy is at the worky place, I have a lot of time on my hooves.  I do maintain a schedule of certain items – like pampering myself, an eating schedule, certain shows I just have to watch and then there’s time…. lots of time.  I do a lot of thinking when I’m walking around the Hotel Thompson and overlooking my kingdom in my magical back yard.  Since Tiny my Bigfoot went missing over the winter months, there’s not a lot going on in the woods behind my house.  By the way – if you see Tiny please ask him to come back home – I miss him.

Here’s another great text between me and mom.  Mine are in blue and mom’s are in gray.  Enjoy my friends.

  UPDATE!

My brother Easy suggested the Mankini of Borat.  OMP (oh my pig) – my eyes!  Humans really wear this contraption – in public?!  Oh the nerve they must have!  All I can show you here is what the mankini looks like.  If you want to see it on a human, google it.  But I warn you, what has been seen can not be unseen – snorts.