Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I don’t understand.  I think I need help.  You see.  Every time I smile, my eyes crossed.  I’ve tried holding my face straight.  I’ve tried closing my eyes and opening them at the last minute.  I’ve tried even holding my breath.  Nothing works.  This is the look I get every single time.  What in the world am I doing wrong?  Can you help?  Signed Happy Cross Eyes.

Dear Happy Cross Eyes – You know my friend, sometimes life throws us twists and turns. It’s how we handle these mountains and curves that makes us who we are.  Instead of dwelling on your look, embrace it my friend.  Not everyone can look as happy as you.  I would market that look – just think of your face and smile on coffee cups, calendars, posters – the possibilities are endless – and so is the money.  Make it work my friend. And do me a favor when you hit it big – remember this little oinker that believed in YOU!

---

Dear Bacon – Do you need a kiss?  Cause I’m here for YOU my sexy little piggy.  When my human asked me what I wanted to be this year for Halloween, I knew.  A kiss just for YOU.  You help all of these people in the world and I want to help you.  What do you say?  You wanna dress up with me?  Signed Chocolate Kisses

.

Dear Chocolate Kisses – What can I say?  That’s a proposition that I just can’t turn down.  And why would I, right?  So I tell you what I’m going to do.  I’m going to get mommy to dress me up as a giant peanut butter cup … cause you know chocolate and peanut butter go together, right?  I’ll keep you posted on my outfit okay.  Until then, Happy Halloween..

---

Dear Bacon – There we were hanging out in the house having a great time while the humans were away.  Yaki – he might have drunk too much.  That brother of mine – he can’t hold his milk like he used to do in the old days.  This is how the humans found us.  Of course, they thought exactly what you are thinking, that I was dunking his head in the throne.  Nah, I wouldn’t do that to Yaki.  I was holding his ears back while he was throwing up.  See, I’m the nice guy.  Signed Teri and Yaki

Dear Teri and Yaki – I am shocked and somewhat astonished – perhaps even surprised.  I will admit it.  I did think you were baptizing him in the water.  I was wrong for sure.  That is very nice of you to help your brother out of a bad situation.  I say bravo and well done.  I think you may even get the big brother of the year award..

---

Dear Bacon – Aaww crappers!  There I was sunning myself in the open air minding my own business. I must have fell asleep.  I was so warm and content.  Then when I woke up, I was stuck on a rock and was in a hard place.  The water had went down and I literally was wobbling there.  The only thing I could move were my feet and head.  I wobbled forward.  I wobbled backwards.  Finally, I rocked enough that I fell into the water.  Trust me – you don’t want to do this.  Signed Wobbles

Dear Wobbles – oh my friend.  I’m so glad you were finally able to wobble off that rock.  I can just imagine how you would feel stuck there.  And you are right – this pot belly does not want to be stuck on a rock and hard place.  Take care my friends.

---

Dear Bacon – Why do humans want to dress us anipals up this time of the year?  Can you answer that for me please.  I mean I get it that they want to dress up, go door to door and have parties.  But, why us anipals?  Why do we have to get pulled in to their hysteria?  Let us stay at home alone and do our thing.  Cause what the humans don’t understand it that we will party our own way, am I right?  Signed Ted in Disguise

Dear Ted in Disguise – AMEN!  You said it perfectly.  Yes I agree that the humans don’t understand that we will celebrate this Halloween holiday in our own right.  Let them go out and do their thing – we will do our thing.  Take for instance me.  This little oinker has worked all month long on my 31 Days of Spook.  By Halloween, I’m going to be exhausted and barely moving.  When the humans go out for the night, I’m hitting the big bed, turning on the big television, setting the Select Comfort to around 65 and that’s where you will find me snoozing and snoring.  Is it Halloween yet?  Have fun on your night my friend.  And let me tell you something – I think you are dressed up enough with those glasses.  I love them!

 

 

Post Office Adventures

Mom *finally* made it to the post office earlier this week.  The sad thing is that she went on Monday.  Why is that sad?  Because Monday and the post office should never ever be said in the same sentence.  It was so terribly busy.  Mom stood in line what seemed like forever.  At one point she posted on Facebook:

I’m not saying this line at the post office is slow but I think a turtle just passed me.

Yep.  Leave it to mom to find amusement in any situation.  What she didn’t say was that a snail had already passed her.  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

But look at what mom found at the post office.  These are awesome forever stamps – Wonder Woman throughout the years.  Aren’t they the neatest stamps ever?

Do you have any neat stamps that your humans have bought over the years?  Dad has some Marilyn Monroe stamps and Nana has some Elvis stamps.  Cool huh?

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’m getting too old to be the party dog in the crowd.  My friends are trying to have an intervention with me and took this picture.  I really didn’t think I had gotten that bad but pictures don’t lie, right?  Between the beer and the shots of tequila, I was out for the night.  I guess it’s time for me to reach out for help.  What do you suggest?  Signed Boozer

Dear Boozer – You are right my little friend.  Admission is the first step and you have taken that step in the right direction.  There are group meetings that you can attend in your area with AAA (Anipal Alcoholic Anonymous).  Make that phone call my friend and good luck with your recovery.

 

 

---

Dear Bacon – The big thing right now is to Netflix and chill.  I’m all for it.  This is me watching my favorite movie Willard.  If you haven’t seen it, you must watch it.  It’s amazing.  And of course no movie is perfect without the snack of some cheese.  What’s your favorite movie to chill?  Signed Will Jr

Dear Will Jr – Well my friend.  I looked up your movie.  It is what shall I say intriguing for sure.  My favorite movie lately is My Brother the Pig.  This is also an amazing movie.  And I like to watch it with snacks as well – my favorite is popcorn.  You keep chilling little guy!

 

 

---

 

Dear Bacon – Cheap labor.  That’s what I call this.  Our human has a lawn service and dude he puts us to work for kibbles.  We all have our assigned duties from leaf blower, raking and working the riding lawn mower.  It’s unheard of but it does make for some interesting looks when the humans drive by.  I’m hoping that one of the neighborhood ladies will take notice of our skills.  What do you think – we got a chance?  Signed Canine Lawn Care

Dear Canine Lawn Care – Hey, if you were in my hood, I would definitely hire you for sure my friends.  However you get the job done, that’s key in my book.  And once the ladies notice your working skills and the kibbles that you are bringing in, they will have to take numbers at your front door.  Be safe!

---

 Dear Bacon –  Look dude, it was a spider on the ground.  I don’t do spiders.  Nope, not at all.  And it was gigantic.  There was no way I was staying on the ground with that monster.  And those humans – they just walked around it like it was nothing.  They are the strangest people.  You afraid of those creepy crawlers too, right?  Signed Spastic

Dear Spastic – Let me get this right.  You are afraid of spiders but not height.  That’s amazing.  And what’s more amazing is that the humans are just walking by without a care not even paying you any attention.  WOW.  Too bad you can’t act like a bird and drop a little something if you know what I mean – snorts with piggy laughter.  I do understand your arachnophobia.  I myself don’t like the little pests with all of those legs either.  No one blames you for that.  Just be careful getting down off that limb okay bro.

 

---

Dear Bacon – Look at me – I’m a turtle.  Barks!  Okay maybe not a turtle.  Maybe a cute little pooch. Yep that’s who I am – a cute little pooch.  My human is always dressing me up different ways.  I say go for it because they always give me great treats in return.  Do your humans make you do anything stupid for treats?  Signed Michaelangelo

Dear Michaelangelo – Once my mom put me near a carton of eggs and took my picture.  She said I was the bacon and eggs in its original form.  I don’t get it but mom/dad got a great laugh out of it.  And like you as well – I got great treats.  So hey, if it doesn’t hurt us then I say wear it with pride.

---

Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please remember to email me your letters and pictures ❤

 

Missing

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I don’t understand.  I think I need help.  You see.  Every time I smile, my eyes crossed.  I’ve tried holding my face straight.  I’ve tried closing my eyes and opening them at the last minute.  I’ve tried even holding my breath.  Nothing works.  This is the look I get every single time.  What in the world am I doing wrong?  Can you help?  Signed Happy Cross Eyes.

Dear Happy Cross Eyes – You know my friend, sometimes life throws us twists and turns. It’s how we handle these mountains and curves that makes us who we are.  Instead of dwelling on your look, embrace it my friend.  Not everyone can look as happy as you.  I would market that look – just think of your face and smile on coffee cups, calendars, posters – the possibilities are endless – and so is the money.  Make it work my friend. And do me a favor when you hit it big – remember this little oinker that believed in YOU!

---

Dear Bacon – Do you need a kiss?  Cause I’m here for YOU my sexy little piggy.  When my human asked me what I wanted to be this year for Halloween, I knew.  A kiss just for YOU.  You help all of these people in the world and I want to help you.  What do you say?  You wanna dress up with me?  Signed Chocolate Kisses

.

Dear Chocolate Kisses – What can I say?  That’s a proposition that I just can’t turn down.  And why would I, right?  So I tell you what I’m going to do.  I’m going to get mommy to dress me up as a giant peanut butter cup … cause you know chocolate and peanut butter go together, right?  I’ll keep you posted on my outfit okay.  Until then, Happy Halloween..

---

Dear Bacon – There we were hanging out in the house having a great time while the humans were away.  Yaki – he might have drunk too much.  That brother of mine – he can’t hold his milk like he used to do in the old days.  This is how the humans found us.  Of course, they thought exactly what you are thinking, that I was dunking his head in the throne.  Nah, I wouldn’t do that to Yaki.  I was holding his ears back while he was throwing up.  See, I’m the nice guy.  Signed Teri and Yaki

Dear Teri and Yaki – I am shocked and somewhat astonished – perhaps even surprised.  I will admit it.  I did think you were baptizing him in the water.  I was wrong for sure.  That is very nice of you to help your brother out of a bad situation.  I say bravo and well done.  I think you may even get the big brother of the year award..

---

Dear Bacon – Aaww crappers!  There I was sunning myself in the open air minding my own business. I must have fell asleep.  I was so warm and content.  Then when I woke up, I was stuck on a rock and was in a hard place.  The water had went down and I literally was wobbling there.  The only thing I could move were my feet and head.  I wobbled forward.  I wobbled backwards.  Finally, I rocked enough that I fell into the water.  Trust me – you don’t want to do this.  Signed Wobbles

Dear Wobbles – oh my friend.  I’m so glad you were finally able to wobble off that rock.  I can just imagine how you would feel stuck there.  And you are right – this pot belly does not want to be stuck on a rock and hard place.  Take care my friends.

---

Dear Bacon – Why do humans want to dress us anipals up this time of the year?  Can you answer that for me please.  I mean I get it that they want to dress up, go door to door and have parties.  But, why us anipals?  Why do we have to get pulled in to their hysteria?  Let us stay at home alone and do our thing.  Cause what the humans don’t understand it that we will party our own way, am I right?  Signed Ted in Disguise

Dear Ted in Disguise – AMEN!  You said it perfectly.  Yes I agree that the humans don’t understand that we will celebrate this Halloween holiday in our own right.  Let them go out and do their thing – we will do our thing.  Take for instance me.  This little oinker has worked all month long on my 31 Days of Spook.  By Halloween, I’m going to be exhausted and barely moving.  When the humans go out for the night, I’m hitting the big bed, turning on the big television, setting the Select Comfort to around 65 and that’s where you will find me snoozing and snoring.  Is it Halloween yet?  Have fun on your night my friend.  And let me tell you something – I think you are dressed up enough with those glasses.  I love them!

---

REMEMBER my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please keep sending your letters and pictures to my email address. 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – There is *always* that one friend.  You know the one that ‘dares’ you to do something and says, “What are you afraid”?  Why did I have to fall for it.  Can you tell me that?  And then if that wasn’t bad enough, Ethel has to then photobomb me and take a picture for her Facebook account.  Dude, I long for the days before all of this social media.  Signed Jack

Dear Jack – WOW.  I see that you are in a predicament my friend.  I don’t even know Ethel dared you to do but the how the heck did you get out of that funky position?  Of course, for payback and before she photobombed you all you had to do was lift that left leg in a strategic position and that would smack that smirk right off of her face – snorts.  You know friend, this just screams for payback.  And make it GOOD.  I mean really GOOD.  And then post it on your Facebook account… or perhaps get Christmas cards made.  Now that sounds like a plan of destruction.  Keep me posted with the results and don’t take any more dares anytime soon okay.

---

Dear Bacon – HA!  This will teach my humans.  I ran away from home and they have yet to find me.  What do you think?  Am I the master of disguises or what?  Signed Hide N Seek Master

Dear Hide N Seek Master – You are the boss my friend.  I had to take several looks myself to see which ‘rock’ was you.  And your parents haven’t found you yet.  That’s so awesome.  Just remember to come out in time for dinner okay.

---

Dear Bacon – They said I could do and be anything I wanted.  So I decided I wanted to water ski.  And let me tell you something – it is fantastic!  So invigorating.  It makes me feel like I weigh nothing at all.  I highly recommend it my friend.  Signed Weightless

Dear Weightless – You know you have my interest piqued now my friend.  I think I may try this soon… especially since mom/dad are sending me to this awful thing called C.A.M.P.  Stay safe.

---

Dear Bacon – Have you ever just had one of those days that you needed a little something to take the edge off?  This was me last weekend.  I just couldn’t take chasing the postman anymore… or tying up and blaming the cat for everything.  I needed a little liquid refreshment in a place where everyone knew my name and it was a fun place.  And hey, this wine is awesome.  Have you ever felt like this?  Signed Stud at the Bar

Dear Stud at the Bar – Oh yes indeed.  There are days that I feel the world is overcoming me… especially this past weekend.  We could have met up my friend.  Perhaps split a bottle of Francis Ford Coppola wine and whined on each other’s shoulders or downfalls in life in general.  I’m sure it would have been a blast.  Call me next time okay.

---

Dear Bacon – I’m not sure my son gets the full effect of my look here.  This is my what.do.you.mean.you.want.to.stay.out.all. night.long.partying.look.  Does it work for you?  Do I need to change something for more of an effect?  Any suggestions?  Signed Dad in Charge

Dear Dad in Charge – I think you have the look down pact.  Did you follow it with, “Not while you are living under my roof?” and “While you are living under my roof, you will obey my rules”?  That usually works when my dad uses them on us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson.  Maybe take away his allowance.  That *always* hurts this little oinker where it counts.  Good luck with your son my friend.  Just think of these as his teenage rocky years.

---

Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your letters and pictures to my email address.  🙂

 

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – What can I say?  I’m a happy camper.  I know your dislike for a certain frog but hey can’t we be buds?  Not all of us frogs are all green and taking your woman.  I understand completely.  Does this look like a face of a frog that would take your Miss Piggy?  I think not.  Signed Can’t We Be Friends

Dear Can’t We Be Friends –  Aaaww my new pal.  I would love to be your friend.  And you are right.  I only dislike one certain green frog who thinks he is God’s gift to my woman… Kermit.  When he decides to leave my Goddess alone, then we might possibly be friends as well.  Kermit if you are listening – call me okay.

.

---

Dear Bacon – I know how your mom loves the mouse with white gloves, Mickey Mouse.  I’m a fan of the other one – Minnie Mouse.  My humans know how much I love her so they bought me this head gear to wear so I could be her.  What do you think?  Am I missing anything?  Signed The New Minnie Mouse Dog

Dear The New Minnie Mouse Dog – You look amazing my friend.  I absolutely ❤ it!  My mom would be so envious in all of your glory.  Do you know what would really set off your outfit?  White gloves.  Oh squeals.  That would have all of the Mickey Mouse Club knocking on your door.  You rock my new friend!  Wear those ears with pride!

.

.

---

Dear Bacon –  Don’t fear.  This is not a scary movie or a remake of Jurassic Park.  We are real.  We live and roam in the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador.  Wouldn’t it be a hoot to play together?  Of course, you might run a smidgen faster than us but we would enjoy the company.  If you are ever in these parts, call us okay.  Signed Aldi and Gang

Dear Aldi and Gang –  WOW!  Ya’ll are awesome.  I bet we would have a heck of a great time playing together.  Do you think I could piggy back on one of ya’ll?  Instead of the tortoise and the hare stories, we could make the tortoise and the Bacon stories – snorts and rolls with laughter.

---

Dear Bacon – Sure, pick on the cow.  My so called friends dared me to get up here on this contraption.  Said it would be fun and exciting.  Yeah, it’s fun and exciting alright.  Can you get me off of this thing pig?  Signed Betsy

Dear Betsy, Oh dear piggy heavens my friend.  You are in a pickle.  I’ll call Farmer McDonald to come save you.  Just don’t bounce okay.  It might be a few minutes.

---

 

Dear Bacon – The humans they are fickle.  I bought my human a gift.  Something I worked hard on getting to repay them for their kindness in giving me my forever home.  What do I get in return?  A screech so loud that I think they heard it on the other side of the world.  I really think I heard glass breaking somewhere in the house.  Then the human did something even weirder.  They jumped on the table and wouldn’t come off until I took their gift outside.  Really?  Fickle humans.  Signed The Great Hunter

Dear The Great Hunter – Snorts.  You see my friend.  Humans like their food cooked… and only certain kinds of food.  I don’t think mice are on their listed foods they eat.  Yet, it was such a wonderful gift to give to them.  You are the great hunter, so gifted. Maybe the next time though hunt some cow.  I’ve heard they like cow…. a LOT.  Carry on and safe hunting.

---

REMEMBER FRIENDS – We can’t have Dear Bacon issues without YOU.  Keep your pictures and questions coming to me via email 🙂

---

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I need help.  My humans came home from their night out and caught me in the act.  I couldn’t help it.  Really.  There was a kitty thingy outside of the window taunting me.  It got me all worked up because the only thing separating us was this window pane and stupid blinds.  I think I took care of the blinds.  Signed Busted

Dear Busted – WOW!  You see my friend the entire thing about trying to get away with something is not messing up the something so that you get caught in the middle of it – like your picture.  I see hours – if not days – of making up with your humans on this one.  And really…. tell me the truth.  Was the cat really worth it?  He’s probably laughing at you now.

---

 Dear Bacon – Who says my poop or farts stink?  I fart the rainbow – and I have proof now!  Purrs and laughs at the ‘inside’ joke.  Signed Rainbow Brite

Dear Rainbow Brite –  I’m actually at a loss of words with this one pal.  The proof is in the carpet and the colors are vibrant.  You are touched with the rainbow.  Carry on.

---

 

 Dear Bacon – One of my hatchlings is bigger then the normal and furrier.  I think I may need to call Guinness Book of World Records.  I think I might have the biggest boy on earth.  What do you think?  Signed Tired Mom

Dear Tired Mom – Somehow, and I may be wrong, but I don’t think that is your baby.  I think perhaps if you look closer, you will see *your* baby next to you.  Look to your right.. a little bit more.  Now you see your chick that looks like you?  Now looks at your “big baby”.  See how different he looks?  In fact, I would go as far as to say that he might not chirp but may bark instead.  Go ahead, poke him a little to see.  Test my theory my friend.  I think you’ve been played by a pooch.

---

Dear Bacon – It’s so hard to find good help these days.  I hailed a taxi and got this ridiculous slow guy.  Doesn’t he know it’s all about speed?  Dude I hope he charges by the mile and not the time – I would owe a fortune!  Signed Hare

Dear Hare – I hope you packed a lunch, a book and perhaps your cell phone.  You can probably get a lot done by the time you get to your ‘destination’.  Good luck with that and don’t forget to tip.

---

 Dear Bacon – Sometimes when the wife gets mad at you, you just know she’s mad.  Take for instance this picture.  We were outside this morning watching the sun came up.  I might have said something stupid.  I’m thinking at least the wife did cause the next thing I new she was telling me to kiss it where the sun doesn’t shine.  Why?  Can you explain women to me?  Signed Paw in Mouth

Dear Paw in Mouth – There are no words or instruction manuals my friend.  As someone smart once told my father, “You can be right in your relationship or you can be happy.  You can’t be both.”  Those my friends are words to live by.  I think you have a job to do now.  🙂

---

Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without your letters and pictures.  Please keep sending them to me 🙂

 

Dear Bacon

 

 Dear Bacon – Who says that the grown ups get to have all of the fun in this world?  I asked for a little game system and guess what?  I got one!  AND it wasn’t even my birthday or Christmas.  My humans got it “Just Because”.  I love that day.  Have you ever had a “Just Because” day?  Signed Hammy

Dear Hammy – I think a “Just Because” day is most excellent to celebrate.  Sometimes mom treats all of us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson to that kind of day.  You know – Just Because they love us.  Those are awesome reminders of their love for us.  Maybe we should do a “Just Because” thing for them too.  If you come up with some ideas, let me know and I’ll be sure to share.

---

Dear Bacon – Nope.  Not going to happen.  No way. I am not getting in the water.  Please make it go away.  Suggestions – can you help me out?  Signed Stuck in a Corner

Dear Stuck in a Corner – Sometimes one just has to do what one has to do my friend.  Sometimes all of the licking and cleaning in the world can’t get cleaned what water and bubbles can.  I was once like you – didn’t want to be near the water.  Then I found out how much fun it can be.  I say let the humans have their way.  Before you say no in defiance, let me explain.  After bath time, you usually get extra treats and perhaps something special for dinner.  You just have to.  It’s an unwritten rule in the anipal kingdom.  If it doesn’t happen, then you can torture your human in other ways.  Just sayin’.

---

Dear Bacon – I have a sick human.  Really I do.  Let me tell you what these balloons are and then you can decide.  I’m a turtle.  Sometimes my human can’t find me.  Therefore, he ties these balloons around my shell to always know where I am.  Told you – shakes head.  He’s sick. Signed Humiliated

Dear Humiliated – You know my friend that’s kind of genius.  Really.  Your human always knows where you are so he knows where to feed you.  And hey, did you ever see the movie “UP”?  Maybe you can take flight with enough air in those balloons.  Happy sailing and do buckle up.

---

Dear Bacon – Help us please.  The humans locked us up in the bathroom while they went somewhere.  When they got back home, they were upset over the room.  I don’t get it.  They set the room up with lots of things for us to play.  Why would they be upset?  Signed Kitty Troubles

Dear Kitty Troubles – Snorts my friends.  I’ll tell you a secret.  Those silly humans LOVE that white stuff A LOT!  They go beserk when they don’t have it in their scratch box and if we play with it here – shivers.  I say push everything in the corner.  Just leave one happy mess for your humans next time.  And don’t play with the priceless white stuff.

.

---

 

Dear Bacon – My human went all teary eyed and off the edge when I got out of the box.  I don’t get it.  Why is she making such a big deal?  I went pee.  Do you see this look on my face?  I mean she went over the edge with oohh and aahhh.  Signed Mystified

Dear Mystified – I have to admit it, that’s adorable.  No really.  Not the look on your face.  Look in your scratch box.  Your ‘pee’ looks like a shape of a heart.  That’s what happened my friend.  You got your human right in the heart.  They always cry when they see hearts.  It’s cute.  I’ll have to remember that the next time I take a wizzy.  I wonder if I can make a heart?  Happy tinkling!

.

.

Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue sending your letters and pictures to me at my email 🙂