Dear Bacon – I don’t understand. I think I need help. You see. Every time I smile, my eyes crossed. I’ve tried holding my face straight. I’ve tried closing my eyes and opening them at the last minute. I’ve tried even holding my breath. Nothing works. This is the look I get every single time. What in the world am I doing wrong? Can you help? Signed Happy Cross Eyes.
Dear Happy Cross Eyes – You know my friend, sometimes life throws us twists and turns. It’s how we handle these mountains and curves that makes us who we are. Instead of dwelling on your look, embrace it my friend. Not everyone can look as happy as you. I would market that look – just think of your face and smile on coffee cups, calendars, posters – the possibilities are endless – and so is the money. Make it work my friend. And do me a favor when you hit it big – remember this little oinker that believed in YOU!
Dear Bacon – Do you need a kiss? Cause I’m here for YOU my sexy little piggy. When my human asked me what I wanted to be this year for Halloween, I knew. A kiss just for YOU. You help all of these people in the world and I want to help you. What do you say? You wanna dress up with me? Signed Chocolate Kisses
Dear Chocolate Kisses – What can I say? That’s a proposition that I just can’t turn down. And why would I, right? So I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to get mommy to dress me up as a giant peanut butter cup … cause you know chocolate and peanut butter go together, right? I’ll keep you posted on my outfit okay. Until then, Happy Halloween..
Dear Bacon – There we were hanging out in the house having a great time while the humans were away. Yaki – he might have drunk too much. That brother of mine – he can’t hold his milk like he used to do in the old days. This is how the humans found us. Of course, they thought exactly what you are thinking, that I was dunking his head in the throne. Nah, I wouldn’t do that to Yaki. I was holding his ears back while he was throwing up. See, I’m the nice guy. Signed Teri and Yaki
Dear Teri and Yaki – I am shocked and somewhat astonished – perhaps even surprised. I will admit it. I did think you were baptizing him in the water. I was wrong for sure. That is very nice of you to help your brother out of a bad situation. I say bravo and well done. I think you may even get the big brother of the year award..
Dear Bacon – Aaww crappers! There I was sunning myself in the open air minding my own business. I must have fell asleep. I was so warm and content. Then when I woke up, I was stuck on a rock and was in a hard place. The water had went down and I literally was wobbling there. The only thing I could move were my feet and head. I wobbled forward. I wobbled backwards. Finally, I rocked enough that I fell into the water. Trust me – you don’t want to do this. Signed Wobbles
Dear Wobbles – oh my friend. I’m so glad you were finally able to wobble off that rock. I can just imagine how you would feel stuck there. And you are right – this pot belly does not want to be stuck on a rock and hard place. Take care my friends.
Dear Bacon – Why do humans want to dress us anipals up this time of the year? Can you answer that for me please. I mean I get it that they want to dress up, go door to door and have parties. But, why us anipals? Why do we have to get pulled in to their hysteria? Let us stay at home alone and do our thing. Cause what the humans don’t understand it that we will party our own way, am I right? Signed Ted in Disguise
Dear Ted in Disguise – AMEN! You said it perfectly. Yes I agree that the humans don’t understand that we will celebrate this Halloween holiday in our own right. Let them go out and do their thing – we will do our thing. Take for instance me. This little oinker has worked all month long on my 31 Days of Spook. By Halloween, I’m going to be exhausted and barely moving. When the humans go out for the night, I’m hitting the big bed, turning on the big television, setting the Select Comfort to around 65 and that’s where you will find me snoozing and snoring. Is it Halloween yet? Have fun on your night my friend. And let me tell you something – I think you are dressed up enough with those glasses. I love them!