Marshmallow

 For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been totally into marshmallows. I’m not sure why.  It might be because they are all gooey and yummy?  Because they are just sweet enough for that craving?  I’m not sure.

So when mom/dad went to the grocery store, I pleaded asked for more marshmallows as my bedtime treat.  Was I ever so surprised when mommy said I could only have *one* for a snack before bed.  What I didn’t realize until I went in my room and saw it was that it was the size of an apple!  Look at the delicious bit of yum in dad’s hand?

This sucker was huge!  I chewed and chewed and chewed and chewed.  Have you ever seen anything so glorious – so wonderful – so huge?

 

My Hannah – Swoon

I was a good boy I was. No, really I was. I was on my best behavior yesterday afternoon. My new pig sitter Hannah came over to visit and go over my schedule routine. I admit I wasn’t very snuggly – I’m trying to figure out if it’s time for me to hibernate or run. This weather has me all bent out of shape. But I did lay on the couch and listen to her and daddy. And she did pet my back a little bit. And yes. She stilled smelled like baby powder. Such a great smell!

Daddy went over everything with her – my feeding schedule, what foods I like, what television shows I can watch and my bedtime. He explained that mommy reads me a bedtime story every night and puts a treat on my pillow. You know Hannah laughed at him about that. I’m not sure why. Don’t all little piggies get bedtime stories and turn down service?

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Hannah is suppose to come back to the Hotel Thompson bright and early Saturday morning in time for mom/dad to leave on their vacation. I know they will have fun and they promise to call me every day to check on things. Hannah seems nice enough. She’s just not the mommy. Can you tell I’m already missing mommy?

Of course the purr things here, Hemi and Mouse Girl, say that they are old pro’s at this kind of thing with mommy and daddy leaving. They say that I will get used to it…. I don’t think so. Here are mom’s instructions for Hannah. Do you think she missed anything?

 

Possible “Beach” Time?

Now, understand that my mom has a really drawn out southern accent.  I had to do several double takes when she said, “Possible Beach Time”.  I thought I was going to have to make her put several quarters in the swear jar.  That is until dad said it.  It was a close call for this little pig.  I thought she had finally went over that fine line of insanity… which she says is a close line – snort oink.

I think it would absolutely be a wonderful thing to dip these hooves into the ocean waters and walk on the sand.  There’s just one problem though.  I don’t do nature.  eeww – there’s no telling what little creatures would be hiding out at the beach – like seaweed, stingy fish and fish for that matter. 

 

Seriously, I would not mind the destressing of being a beach pig, lying in the sun and playing in the water.  That could be fun – minus nature.   Heck that would be a hoot.  You know…. the original bacon in the sun.  Then again if I got too hot, we could have a problem Houston.  Everyone would come searching the bacon smell and I could be in trouble.

 

But just think of the beautiful sand castles that me, mom/dad could make at the beach.  My snout is a wicked tool and I could help.  You know, come up with some art like this –

Me + Beach = NOT happening.  So we need to start thinking of who is going to watch this little, sweet, precious, snuggble piggy in October when mom/dad go on vacation.  Any takers – snort.  I don’t require much.  Heck, I practically take care of myself.  I just require a few things:

• WiFi access
• Laptop or iPad
• Television
• Netflix
• Unlimited access to the magical kingdom called a kitchen
• My own bathroom facilities
• Snuggy time
• Toddler bed
• Nightly turn down service with a bedtime story
• Room service
• Maid to clean said room
• Massage therapy

See, it’s not much.  Any takers?  XOXO – Bacon

 

 

Response from the Hotel Thompson

Dear Bacon,

We are in receipt of your letter from yesterday.  We apologize for the way you think the service has fallen on the weekends at the Hotel Thompson.  We appreciate you taking the time to contact us to let us know of our fallen ways.  We have taken great thought to some of your remarks and we have a few of our own, as we should since every story has two sides.

First of all, Sunday cleaning day.  Everyone at the Hotel Thompson pulls their weight around here at this establishment.  Just be glad that you don’t get the bathroom detail – that goes to Princess Mouse Girl and she doesn’t complain.  And Hemi with his huge paws, he gets dusting detail – he doesn’t complain.  You in fact my dear, are a little pig headed.  You like to fight clean day.  Let’s talk about bath nights at the Hotel Thompson.  You neglected to tell everyone how bull headed you are in taking your bath.  You don’t mind stripping down to naked world and running through the house but you try to avoid the tub like there’s no tomorrow.  We’re not asking for a bath every week, but once a month on bath night perhaps you can be so kind to actually help and not cause a fuss.  Sometimes it sounds like we are killing you here and what would the neighbors think then?  I’ll tell you what they will think.  That you are a wussy.  Yep, we said it little man.  Bath up okay.

Second of all, do you know how much you enjoy mommy/piggy time?  Well, daddy likes to enjoy mommy/daddy time too.  It’s only fair since mommy gets shared with all of you – you, Hemi and Mouse Girl.  Daddy deserves some time as well.  Especially since he keeps you in the life that you are accustomed.  If mom and dad want to go out and have a ‘date night’, then they should.  And before you go eeeww, just remember one day you will be dating too.  You have to do everything to keep it fresh and romantic.

Third of all, Bacon sweet Bacon – you have more mood swings sometimes than a pharmacist has pills.  Not that *we* are complaining.  We take the good – we take the bad – it’s the facts of life.  Regardless of your behavior, we still love you and cater to your every little need.  You seem to be the apple of your mom’s eyes.

Fourth of all, you may have less snacks on the weekends, but tell the truth about your meals.  You actually get cooked to order pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit and actual tacos or pizza on the weekends.  WOW – figure that.  Less snacks but more home cooked meals.  And you always get a treat on your pillow during turn down service.  You’ve never go to bed hungry.

Therefore let’s discuss your accomodations here at the Hotel Thompson shall we. 

• You have free roam of the facility.  You have air conditioning and heat in a temperature controlled environment. 
• You are guaranteed 3 meals and usually 2 snacks during the week.  Sometimes on the weekends, it might be 3 meals and possibly 1 snack. 
• You have your very own bedroom…. all to yourself.  Not even the purr things here go into your room unless you invite them in.
• You have your own television, DVD and Netflix account in your very own bedroom.
• You get mommy/piggy time on the sofa in the front room watching television.
• You get piggy massages and rub downs.
• You have your very own piggy toys.
• You have your very own pet – Bashful.  He should keep you company now on the weekends when mom and dad have date night.
• AND, you have your very own computer with internet access.

Needless to say Bacon, we think here at the Hotel Thompson you need to re-evaluate your issues with us.  It seems to the management, that you have it made my friend.  I don’t believe other piggies that live in nature have it made like you do.  But, if you have anymore complaints, please feel free to write.

Sincerely,

Management – Hotel Thompson

 

Dear Management at the Hotel Thompson

Dear Management of the Hotel Thompson,

It is with great sadness that I feel the need to write this letter.  Room service and snacks have been a great disappointment on the weekends.  It seems to me that the entire weekend service has gone down.  During the week, I have no issues.  It is strictly on schedule and you know how I am about my little piggy routine.  On the other hand, the weekends seem to have no routine.

I’m fine with breakfast being late.  Heck, we all like to sleep in a little on the weekends.  However, it seems that with a late breakfast, there is no room service of a mid morning snack.  The shock of that!  My little piggy system can’t take a missed meal.  With this rate, I’m going to shrivel up to nothing soon. 

And with weekends, I’m suppose to get a lot of piggy/mommy time.  What’s up with leaving this pig all alone for a couple of hours?  Am I going to have to report this establishment to PFACS (Pig Family and Children Services).  I don’t think I’m old enough to be left all alone.  What if something happens?  My hooves don’t help me when I need to push buttons on the telephone.  Maybe you need to get me a lifeline medical alert just in case something happens and I need to push a button.  What if I fall and can’t get up? 

Also, what’s up with this manual pig labor on Sundays?  I’m being made to help ‘clean’ my room.  I thought that was what turn down service was all about.  I actually have to pull my blanket to the laundry room to be washed.  The horrors of that.  That’s free piggy labor.  I don’t even get an allowance or anything. 

Please management of the Hotel Thompson, can you please address these issues and take them to heart.  Just make a few changes?

Signed, You’re well behaved pig – you’re favorite pet – you’re baby, Bacon

 

Mom, I’m Ready for My Close Up

Mom has been pretty cool in letting me decide when I’m ready for bed lately.  I guess it started with the holidays.  She was off several days from the worky place which got my piggy schedule off a little.  Believe me though, I took full advantage of our mommy/piggy time.  I’m sure that we will get back into our normal routine soon.  I need that… really I do.

Last night after dinner, I snuggled with mom on the couch for a long time.  We were watching television together, some of her favorite Wednesday shows.  (Mom’s going to have to get a picture of me watching television for you).   I started yawning and mom told me to go get ready for bed.  I jumped down off of the couch, went to my bedroom to get ready for bed and still no mom.  I came back to the living room and she was still on the couch watching her show.  I walked over to her and she took this picture of me.  I was like mom come on, you told me to go get ready for bed.  Usually when she tells me this, she also gets ready for bed.

Don’t think I can’t put myself to bed.  I can.  It’s just that I have a little routine that I’ve grown accustomed to at the Hotel Thompson.  I kept taking my snout and rubbing it against mom’s legs and she finally got the message I was ready for bedtime.  I can’t believe she couldn’t tell from my droopy eyes and staggered walk that I was sleepy.  Sometimes humans are so dense! 

Finally mom got my bankie in the picture and we walked down to my bedroom.  Mom walked in first while I closed the door and sat in front of it.  I watched her walk around the room putting my toys up and putting my bankies on the floor.  See, mom plays this little game at night that she doesn’t think I notice when she’s doing it but I do.  While she is picking up my toys and putting them in my toy box and putting my bankies down, she’s also hiding treats for me to find during the middle of the night.  Isn’t that freaking fantastic – Mom thinks of everything!  So that way, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can root around and find my special treats.  They are usually animal crackers, frosted mini wheats, pretzels or carrots.  I absolutely love it!

So mom got finished and sat down on the floor on my bankie.  I walked over to her and climbed in her lap.  Yes, I still waddle in her lap – it’s a piggy thing.  She then either tells me a story, sings me a song or we watch a short cartoon together.  Last night, she told me the story about the Three Little Pigs again.  I love that story!  When she got finished she told me to snuggle in my bankies.  I got up and walked over to the door instead.  Mom told me to move and bed down but I wouldn’t budge.  I wasn’t ready for mommy to leave me.  I kept sitting in front of the door ‘talking’ to her by making different sounds. 

She finally started laughing and said okay.  She sat back down and patted my bankie.  I walked over to it and she wrapped me up in it – the original piggy in a bankie – snort LOL.  She then rubbed my back, my snout and talked softly to me until she saw me drift off.  She then turned the big light off, turned on my piggy night light and left me in my sanctuary to dream about fun things. 

See the bedtime routine at the Hotel Thompson is a must have!  They have exceptional turn down service!

 

My Love…

Every since I was a piglet, mom has fed me strawberries.  I absolutely love those things.  When they are in season, mom leaves me one on my pillow at night when she turns down my bed.  I like them small, medium, large or extra large.  I just love putting my little mouth around them and squashing them.  Strawberry juice goes all in my mouth and it is so yummy!  I’ve caught mommy eating them too.

 

 

 

Sometimes, she dunks them in chocolate for herself.  They are probably one of the best treats that I get.

Can you imagine finding this strawberry on your pillow at night?  Oh thud – I would be in pig heaven!