Dear Bacon – ssss safety first is what I always hiss. My human friend sss says the same thing. You always buckle upsss the important things in your life when you get into the car. Anipalsssss are no different. Remember that my friend – ssss safety first. Signed Mr. Slithers
Dear Mr. Slithers – Gulps – of course. I agree strongly with you safety first. That’s why I would *always* let you ride shot gun up front with the human – always. In fact, I would go as far as saying I would always let you go with the human period. I’ll just pass on this ride. I get car sick at times anyway. Safe travels to you and yours. Gulps and slowly backs out of this letter.
Dear Bacon – My human must die. There it is. Plain and simple. He put this stupid contraption on me and now I look like a cat. Really?! A cat? That’s as creative as you can get my human? Just wait until you go to sleep and you will go to sleep sometime. Signed Jax
Dear Jax – Oh my piggy heavens. Dude, your owner is very brave to dress you up like that and then to take you out in public and THEN to take your picture. Clicking my tongue. Yes you are right. He must pay tonight.
Dear Bacon – That’s it. We are ready. It’s bad enough that we have cats chasing us around the house and inside of the house. Now when we go out in the field, squirrels are trying to get us too. This means war. Bring on the hamster troops. Cats and squirrels are going down! Signed Troop End of Destruction
Dear Troop End of Destruction – Pardon me sir but I must ask. Where do you find those cute little guns and fatigues?? Ok, I know you are trying to look tough but squeals with piggy excitement. You are just way too cute to be making any havoc out there in the killing fields. Can’t you solve this war without tragedies? Come on. I bet ya’ll can talk this out in a peaceful manner. Sure you can! I have faith. I can call Dr. Phil for you. I’m sure he can get you on the show.
Dear Bacon – There I was playing with Mr. Spock and all of a sudden his leg started to spontaneously shoot out white stuffing. I’m not sure what happened but I knew we needed a medic STAT. That’s where I jumped in with my scrubs and got to work patching up Mr. Spock. He didn’t feel a thing during the operation. And look, his leg will be fine in a couple of days. It was a close call indeed Mr. Spock. Signed Dr. Kirk
Dr. Kirk – I know that was a tough call my friend. Thank goodness nothing beamed you up. That would have been a tight predicament to be in and oh thank goodness you were on call for the surgery. Can you imagine how Mr. Spock would look if you had to amputate his little leg? The horror!
Dear Bacon – I have got to quick partying all night with the dogs in the neighborhood. I’m not sure what people are putting in their commodes anymore. We all went out for a few drinks and the next thing you know, I woke up like this. Of course my friends took pictures to blackmail me with in the future. I’m not sure what happened or what her name is. I need help. Really I do. It was a ruff situation this morning doing the walk of shame. Signed Fido
Dear Fido – Oh dude. I would say you need therapy. You gotta stop drinking the strange stuff in commodes. You just never know what might be in there. You don’t want a repeat of this night. Oh my goodness. Are you going to call her at least?