Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

❤

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

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Dear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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Dear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

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Dear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 

Paw Time with Houdini

Awesomesauce – yep I said it – AWESOMESAUCE.  Last week I told you that I think I was going to the V.E.T.  Remember?  Well I was wrong – barks!  And that’s a great and wonderful thing.  Nope, mom and dad took me for a walk in my stroller instead.  Now that I can deal with any day of the week.  We went up the street to a football stadium and we walked all over the parking lot.  Mom said it was for exercise for her and dad.  I was good with that.  I got pushed around and enjoyed the sun and air outside.  And did I mention the people we ran into that went all goo-goo all over me?  That was awesome!  Mom/dad thought I needed some time with them outside.  Afterwards, I played in my back yard for a while with Bacon.

I have an admission to make this week.  They say that admission is the first step to owning up to something that you did.  So here it goes.  I’m a pillow chewer.  Sigh – it’s out there now.  You see, I’ve destroyed three pillows off of the couch.  Not all at one time.  Oh no, that would be wrong.  I took my time one pillow at a time.  You see they have zippers – zippers that are all shiny and calling my name.  So when dad doesn’t look or pay me any attention, the pillows attack me.  I have to protect myself, right?  So I chew the zippers out.  One.pillow.at.a.time.  Mom is not happy to say the least.  She said that she is going to have to sew those pillows without zippers.  And don’t think I didn’t get in trouble.  I did.  Mommy ignored me and put me in timeout.  Can you imagine that?  Being ignored with no cuddles?  Mom told me she loved me but destroying pillows is a major NO-NO…. especially she said when I have so many toys.  Shaking puppy head.  I was wrong.  I know that now.  So my friends, what can I do to get back on mom’s good side?  Suggestions?

Well that’s all for me my friends – yawns – I hope you had a wonderful week as well.  Happy weekend!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly,

Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

.

.

Dear Bacon,

The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

.

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Dear Bacon,

I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher,

Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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.

Dear Bacon,

I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch,

WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

.

.

Dear Bacon,

I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline,

Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

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Remember anipals – keep your pictures/questions coming.  Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 

Texts from Bacon

What can I say?  Sometimes this sweet Bacon has an alternative side that comes out that mom refers to as deviled ham.  I know – those days are tough.  Last night, we went to a local carnival.  Mom called before hand to ask if I could go.  They were all for it.  Me, mom and dad went and was having a really good time.  I’ve never been petted so much in my entire life!  Things got a little carried away though towards the end and deviled ham came out.  Shuffles hooves and puts head down – it happened and I can’t take it back.  So you know when we got back to the Hotel Thompson, I had to serve time for the crime.  Here’s a text between me and mom.  My texts are in blue and moms are in gray.  Enjoy my friends.

 

 

 

Dear Bacon –

Dear Bacon,

Do you see anything familiar in this picture?  My humans taught me to sit in a different way than normal doggies.  They thought it was so original that they had it documented in paint for all eternity.  Cute?  Signed Corki

Dear Corki,

That is really original.  I absolutely love it!  I’m thinking that dad needs to get me painted so that mommy will always have me.  Love your house too.  So nice.  I think I could slide everything on that floor.  It would be a hoot!

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Dear Bacon,

I think my face may freeze this way.  I saw my humans naked again – the horrors!  I’m not sure if I can ever face them again.  Have you ever felt this way?  Signed Bub

Dear Bub,

That is really the look.  Thankfully, my humans don’t change clothes in front of me.  I think if they did, I would probably look the same!

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Dear Bacon,

It’s embarassing some of the things I see in the zoo.  Humans only see things from their perspective.  I on the other hand see things that the humans don’t think other people are watching.  It’s really bad.  I’ve got some stories to tell!  Signed Blushing Bear

Dear Blushing Bear,

I think you have a future there.  Perhaps you should write a novel – Stories from the Other Side of the Fence; or You’re Not Alone; or better yet Those Crazy Humans.  I would definitely get it and have mom read it to me at night! 

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Dear Bacon,

I guess the secret is out.  This is how we nip and tuck in the doggy world.  Sigh – it was bound to make the news sooner or later.  Signed Wrinkles R Us

Dear Wrinkles R Us,

I wonder if that would help with my rolls of extra skin?  I’m thinking I’m going to have to try that.  Thanks for the ideas and by the way – you’re beautiful regardless!

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Dear Bacon,

Yeah, you pay the time for the crime and so do I.  My humans make me sit in time out on the couch in the living room.  So humiliating.  At least you get the santuary of your room.  Signed Dog Pound

Dear Dog Pound,

WOW – you do look like you’re in a bit of trouble there my friend.  I have to ask though because I don’t know what you did.  Was it worth it?  Try to stay on the right side of the law my friend.