Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

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Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

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Dear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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Dear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

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Dear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly,

Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

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Dear Bacon,

The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

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Dear Bacon,

I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher,

Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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Dear Bacon,

I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch,

WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

.

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Dear Bacon,

I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline,

Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

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Remember anipals – keep your pictures/questions coming.  Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 

Dear Chloe – Special Edition

This week we have a great special edition of Dear Bacon.  This week my friend Chloe is stepping in to help me out.   Be sure to check out Chloe’s blog and tell her what a wonderful job she did this week.  I’m telling you – that cow has skills!  Snorts

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Dear Chloe,
HELP! The human thinks it is funny to dress me in between two buns. I feel the need to eat my way out. Can you help a chick out? What can I do? Signed NOT a Chicken Sandwich

Dear NOT a Chicken Sandwich,  I promise I am not trying to lecture you, but have you ever heard something about the color of grass, depending on which side of the fence you are on (I hope that’s not just a cow phrase)? This might be one of those cases…I don’t think they are looking at this as clothing; merely a blanket…cuz you are cold without all your official feathers. So nestle in, little chickie, and enjoy the love.

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Dear Chloe,
The master of the house doesn’t believe me but I got it on film finally! This is how my brother treats me when no one is looking. He’s such a bully. Can you help me out? Signed Tongue Twister.

Dear Tongue Twister,  Eeek! I can tell by the look on your face that your brother’s actions really hurt you. Three words, Twister. Ghost Pepper Powder (ghostpepper.com). Because I can tell you are sensitive, retreat to backyard after you pop some on that outstretched tongue; you don’t want to witness his pain learning curve. I did this once to my sister and we had no further problems. Best thing? She couldn’t tell on me without hanging herself in the process. #ThePerfectCrime

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Dear Chloe,
Did someone say pool time? I’m ready. Went to the pool and the other animals here at Old McDonalds farm said I couldn’t get in. Stomps hooves – why can’t I? Signed Horse Dive

Dear Horse Dive,  You certainly look geared up with all the proper safety equipment! I am flummoxed as to why you wouldn’t be allowed in? It must be one of two reasons. 1) The rules of physics aren’t conducive–the size of the pool must exceed the size of your rear or 2) You have behaved like a donkey. Donkeys are never ever ever allowed in pools, even if the physics work out. Cows, however, always get in.  ;oP

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Dear Chloe,
I think I’ve been had by the stupid dog again. The dog told me there was something good on top of the stove in the pot. I checked. There was nothing. Do you think the dog set me up? Signed Boiling Cat

Dear Boiling Cat,  Uuuum. I don’t even know where to start. You are oh-so-cute, but you have GOT to stop trusting that dog. I would dare say, do the opposite of what he says as a general rule. Also? If he tells you he has Ocean-front property in Arizona, PLEASE tell him you’ve heard that song, already. Please. In fact, if he ever wants you to fork over your allowance or savings, let me know BEFORE your money leaves your precious paw! One last thing, you adorable cuss, you? Move, quick! That nasty smell is called burning hair and it’s YOURS!

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Dear Chloe,
There I was floating on the water minding my own business when this bird thought he was going to pick on me. What he didn’t know was that my mom was underneath me. Ha. That’ll teach him. Have you ever had these problems when you were small? Signed Tiny but Dangerous

Dear Tiny but Dangerous,  Woah! That is one clever trick. I ALMOST feel bad for the bird. Almost. I look at you and wonder exactly at what point you turn from a cutsie little thing to that monster you are riding on? When I was small, my mom did not let me ride on her back (I was not nearly as cute as you!). She did, however, teach me not to eat the rocks, which is probably just as valuable for a cow.

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Thank you so much my friend Chloe!  

REMEMBER friends we can’t have a Dear Bacon issue without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions at baconthompson@gmail.com

 

This Little Piggy is Just a Tad Jealous

Now, I’m not saying I’m green with envy but I am just a tad bit jealous of Albert, mom’s little Smart car.  Mom/dad took Albert out to swim today with the big kids.  Can you believe that?  He didn’t even have to wear floaties.  Aren’t you shocked?

They said he was big enough now to go out on road trips and it was raining pretty hard today.  They took him for a spin on the highway.  What fun that had to be!  Mom and dad said they got up to 70 miles per hour and Albert was having a ball.

Maybe one day soon when I overcome my anti-nature stance, I can go out and play too in the rain with the big boys?  Ya’ll know I’m playing and just having fun.  Albert’s a cool friend. 

 

Allilgators and Crocodiles Oh My!

 

Alligators and crocodiles just amaze me.  They are such amazing creatures and are so mysterious.  I had a lot of time on my hands last week when mom was sick so I got to surf the net after putting Bashful to bed. 

This picture to the left blew my mind!  Alligators made out of those old recycled tires.  I couldn’t believe when I first looked at the picture.  What a brilliant idea.  Someone had such an amazing thought that they actually brought to life – they look so real!

Could you imagine a couple of these bad boys in your yard just hanging out?  Of course, they might scare me a couple of times.  What am I talking about?  If they were in the yard, this little pigs feet would *never* touch nature!

 

 

Then I found this picture from Australia.  There’s a place called Crocosaurus Cove Park in Darwin that allows thrill seekers to swim face to face with massive salt water crocodiles.  WTP (What the Pig) – let me go use my potty pouch real quick.

Do you see the size of that crocodile compared to that little itty bitty man?  This picture actually made me shake and shiver in fear.  That crocodile could eat me as a snack – heck that little itty bitty man would be a starter meal. 

Shivers – I think I’ll pass swimming in Australia!  You?

 

Shivers to Mergatroid – What a Nightmare! *PG WARNING*

Mom tried to warn me last night. She didn’t think I was ready. I on the other hoove tried to explain to her that I was a big boy and could watch these types of movies with no problems. I mean, I’m 15 months old, I’ve got to start branching out from the cartoons, right? And hey, what’s scarier than Little Red Riding Hood with that big bad wolf or The Three Little Pigs with that big bad wolf. See where I’m going peeps – wolves are BAD animals – BAD! But that’s another blog for another day.

I finally convinced mom to let me stay up for Friday movie night. She popped the popcorn and we settled down for Jaws. Now take in consideration that this is probably my first R rated movie. Steven Spielberg directed this movie in 1975. Mom said she was 6 when it came out. (LOL – you do the math for her age, I didn’t tell you a thing – snort). It was scary for her when she saw it the first time. I’m watching it and I admit there were some scary shark situations. I learned several things from this movie. First of all, don’t go swimming in water that you can’t see the bottom. Heck, these days I don’t even trust a swimming pool. Second, it’s a ‘killer’ shark. You look like bait in that water. Don’t be stupid.

After the movie was over and I was shaking out of control, mom tsked tsked me and told me she thought I was too young. I tried to pig up and be brave but I’m going to tell you something. That was the LONGEST trip down the hall to my bedroom that I have ever done. It was darn right out scary. I don’t have any type of water fountain or pool in my room but I admit it. I flinched and jumped when I tinkled in my potty patch. Just the sound of water had me looking around for a shark. Shivers to mergatroid!

Mom came in, tucked me in and turned on my piggy night light which I *had* to have last night. I even talked her into turning on my piggy radio for a little bit to calm my nerves with baby songs. Everything was going good and I finally drifted off to sleepy land. That’s when it went wrong REALLY quick. I had a nightmare that literally threw me out of the water and sleep land for that matter. I woke up counting hooves and touching body parts to make sure I was okay. I couldn’t let mom know I had a nightmare. She would never let me watch a R rated movie again, you know. So you ask, what did you dream about pig? Take a peak below. Remember, this has a PG warning. Shivers, just to think about it scares me!