Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.

But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

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Dear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.

Not the one to do that at all my friend.

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Dear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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Dear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.

None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

❤

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

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Dear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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Dear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

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Dear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 

31 Days of Spook – Devil’s Pool

Squeals!  I have another guest submission today from my Auntie Sharon who lives in Australia.  Oh my friends – this is definitely a scary one.  Will someone hold my hoof please?

An Australian Ghost Story.

Aussies are not known for their timid nature or of being easily scared. When you share your home and garden with flesh eating spiders and snakes that can kill in several minutes one tends to get a bit desensitized to the horror side of life.

However there is a place in Australia that the thought of gives me the creeps. There are signs every where advising people not to swim and even have signs with pictures showing how people could drown if they swim.

Alas some people seem to see the “do not swim” because you will get drowned or eaten as a challenge.

Which brings me to the many mysterious deaths at Devil’s pool. Wouldn’t you think a water hole called Devils Pool with signs everywhere would deter people from swimming there? No! People go there in droves and unfortunately, not every one leaves. There is talk of people drowning there WHO WERE NOT SWIMMING at the time??

This story goes way back to the story of our ancestors before European settlement and it seems Devil’s Pool is haunted by a young native girl called Oolana who lures young men to their death as she tries to find her lost love.

The story may or not be true but the drownings are very true.

Tell me, would you risk it a have a swim on a red hot day in this pool?

 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

I don’t get it.  Everyone talked about getting in the pool today and having great fun.  I got ready and showed up.  They laughed at me.  I don’t get it.  Why would they laugh at me?  I don’t like it when the water gets in my eyes when I go under.  What?  It’s really no different than you not liking the grass to touch your hooves.  Right?  Signed Super Swimmer

Dear Super Swimmer,

Look pal.  Do like I do.  Don’t worry about what other people may think.  If it works for you, then do it.  You are in control of your own destiny.  People in my hood make fun of me all of the time when I go outside.  That’s okay.  It’s my business.  Just like that’s your business.  Keep your head up… unless you’re going under the weather.. and bloom how you are planted.

 .

Dear Bacon,

If those little humans can play dress up in the house with their mom’s things, why can’t I?  I know these shoes are big but it really is a bark of a good time walking around in these what do the humans call them – heels – that’s it.  I highly recommend them.  I think they’ve done wonders to the muscle tone in my legs – do you?  Signed Fashionista

Dear Fashionista,

Hubba – hubba.  Bring on the fishnets my friend. (Note: I don’t know what that means.  Daddy said that.)  You look totally amazing.  I would escort you anywhere any day.

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Dear Bacon, WOW!?  What has been seen can NOT be unseen. You’ve heard that before I’m sure.  It’s summer.  It’s hot.  How hot you ask?  I’m glad you asked.  My humans – God only knows what they were doing – came outside wearing nothing.. not a stitch of clothing and went swimming.  OMD – really?!  My eyes!  What to do??  Signed Scared

Dear Scared, WOW!  I feel you my friend.  It’s cool here inside of the Hotel Thompson but I can feel you.  My human dad believes in naked world.  Shakes piggy head.  There is no hope for some humans my friend.  The best thing to do is ignore it.  It doesn’t get any better.  Stay strong. .

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. Dear Bacon, This is my happy face.  There is nothing like laying with your human mommy and having them love on you.  Do you agree?  Signed Happy

 

Dear Happy,

I hear you loud and clear my sweet friend.  That is a look of contentment.  I know it very well.  My human mommy does the same for me – there is nothing like it in this entire world.  Enjoy my friend – enjoy!

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. Dear Bacon,

My humans work from home.  Personally, I don’t think they need to work today.  Today, I think they need to stop and smell the roses.  You know, come and hang out with me and have some fun.  If I sit in their chair long enough with this look, do you think they will take the hint?  Signed Felinefun

Dear Felinefun,

I agree with you 100% my little friend.  With that look, how could your humans possibly say no?  They have to give you some time, cuddle and play with you.  Just you – kind of like a play date, right?  Let me know if it works out for you – have fun!

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Remember my friends.  Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without you.  Please continue to send me your pictures/questions at baconthompson@gmail.com

 

Dearest Daddy

 Dearest Daddy,

You think you are going to win the battle over the pool.  But I have news for you.  I don’t give up.  And I have a secret weapon – MOM.  Yep, I pulled that card.  You wanted specifics of said piggy pool – fine.  I’ve done some research for you.  I’ve come up with two examples of what would be piggy approved for my magical backyard.  You did say you wanted specifics right?  I mean if I need to, I can refresh your memory with exhibit 1 in this post.  You said quote, “Daddy said that I didn’t give him any specifics of what said pool could contain”.  Okay Einstein, here you go.  Here are two recommendations of said pools for your consultation.  

Sample 1 – Dog house pool.  Notice the hydrant with the bone shaped pool.  Neat.  I could go for that.  But, also notice that said pool is attached to a ‘dog house’.  Cute.  I could go for a pig house.  I mean hey, why do things half crapped, right?  You want to send me to college one day – Go Razorbacks – and have me move out.  Why not just build me my own pad in my magical backyard.  I’ll keep the parties down to a minimum.

 

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Sample 2 –  If you decide to go cough snort oink – cheap, here is another sample of goodness.  This one requires less work on your behalf… maybe just a couple of hours, less than a weekend according to how you move.  See the fun in this picture – minus said dogs.  It’s in the shade, it looks like it’s ‘made’ to be there and it’s unique – like me.  

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There you go sweet daddy of mine.  Choices with specifications.  Simple as that.  All you have to do is pick one and go for it.  But let me add, Summer is ticking away.  I do want this Summer of 2014 🙂  Just thought I would throw that out to you… I know how you are on specifics.  🙂  Signed, You’re loving Piggy Son