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Dear Easy – Special Edition

September we have been highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s last special edition is by my brother Easy.  If you don’t know Easy, you *must* go visit him and check him out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

 

 

 IMG_9425.JPGDear Easy,
Last night was great. My human dropped a pill on the floor. The next thing she knew, I ate it. I’m not sure what it was but I want more. I was so happy. So giggly. So alive! What do you think it was? Signed Feeling No Pain

Dear Feeling No Pain,
I bet it was a blue pill with a rhombic shape… they are the pills that lift anything up… really anything and anybody…. Those kind of pills you can buy when you check your spam folder. No worries that you could be fooled by a hoax, the offers start always with “Dear Friend…” and friends never fool you, right?

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Dear Easy,
I think we may be related. Can’t you see the resemblance? The eyes? The nose? Maybe the good looks? I think we may even be twins separated at birth. What do you think? Signed Mirror Image

Dear Mirror Image,
It seems you are really my twin… what’s sad, because I’m sick of my singleness… butt maybe that’s just the first impression and there is a chance that we are related butt not by blood? I can see some differences on your right ear and on your nose, what’s missing the scratch I wear . Please check your pedigree and call me immediately!

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Dear Easy,
I’m so pretty. I’m so fun. I’m so exciting on the farm. My human knitted my outfit for me and I love it! Don’t you? What size are you? I can get you one too so we can both have fun, fun, FUN! Signed Pretty in Pink

Dear Pretty in Pink,
Thanks that I have the chance to meet you. You must be the longlost twin of my mom. She wore exactly the same outfit like you, as they brought her home from hospital or wherever they found her.. Do you remember her? She just has no horn, butt probably hers grows inwards… Oh and btw: I’m a size XS…that means xtremely sloshed :o)

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Dear Easy,
They see me rolling and they’re hating. My pops bought me this get up and I highly recommend it. You want to know why? Because it attracts the ladies. What do you wear to attract the ladies? Signed Ladies Pup

Dear Ladies Pup,
You have a very wise Pops. He knows that all girls have a shoe-obsession and that a butt is a good butt in the perfect jeans. Oh and to wear sunglasses your way has something of James Dean, I agree. Girls love rebells, so they will open you their heart and their treat packs. I have to admit that I’m a professed nudist, but maybe that’s the reason that I’m still single?

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Dear Easy,
I got busted. Here’s the proof – thanks to my humans. During the day while they were at work, I got into the garbage can. I thought I was safe until this contraption got stuck on my head. Dude I couldn’t get it off. Any tips for my future escapades? Signed Lid of Shame

Dear Lid of Shame,
Your humans need a garbage can with an automatic lid, called Dive In in carnivore circles. That’s an essential equipment if they share their crib with a dog. Oh and I would remove that thingy before they come home… in worst case, next time they would save the money for a cone and try it with the lid of the treashure can…

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Thank you to all of my guests that helped me host my special editions for September.  Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 09/30/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Canadian Cat – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by my friends Kali and Shoko.  If you don’t know Kali and Shoko , you *must* go visit them and check them out on their blog The Canadian Cats.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Oh dear furry kitty heavens. What has been seen can not be unseen. I saw my humans naked…without a stitch of clothing. Why would they do that? Can you explain that to me? Signed Scarred for Life

Dear Scarred,
Land sakes alive.  The horror, the horror!  I hope the picture you sent is of you and you’re not a kit.  If, you were a kit, you’d need extensive therapy immediately.  As to why they would wander around without their coverings….who knows.  Hoomins are not known for their bashfulness.  Perhaps they were airing out their private parts like we do.  You would think they would lay down and stick their feet in the air if that were the case.  They could have been headed to the watering closet…they take their coverings off for this.  Very curious that they put on stinky coverings after getting clean.  I’m sure they weren’t trying to scare you though.  They just don’t realize how repulsive there bodies are to us.  I suggest in the future, you cover your eyes with your paws and RUN at the first glimpse of their naked bodies..  This is not safe but if you run into a wall your problem is solved.  When you come to you’ll wonder if all this was just a nightmare.  Good luck my friend.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Water is the root of all evils my friends. Cats don’t need baths. We bathe ourselves. Why do the humans insist on dunking us – it’s like they want to baptist us. I don’t get it. Signed Walks on Water

Dear Walks on Water,
Water can be terrifying…especially when its not our idea to be anywhere near it.  Yikes!  I have a theory about hoomins sniffability and our own sensitive sniffer.  They are totally different.  When I am smelling beautiful and allow mom to get a whiff of my exciting scent…she says I stink.  How rude!!I’ll bet she wouldn’t like it if I took a sniff of her and ran away.  Wait!  I do that now.

Walks on, tell your mom how you feel and suggest dry shampoo. Your mom just brushes it in your fur and you’re good to go.  If, she still insists on baptizing you…then baptize her back again with lots of water.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Trust me my friends. Never play in the kitchen when the humans are doing what they call cooking. The dropped a cup of something on me. Now I look like Casper. Help. Signed Cat Ghost

Dear Cat Ghost,
Hahaha….you look funny!  Lighten up Cat Ghost.  You still are cute as a button.  Let’s take a bad situation and turn it around.  This is the time to go “trick or treating”.  You’ll clean up….so to speak.

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Meow. What do I do for fun around the house? I strut around holding the dog treats in my mouth What? I look at it as helping the barky things out with their diet. Yeah. That’s it. Meow. Signed Dog Whisperer

Dear Dog Whisperer,
I like your style.  Up front and in everybody’s face.  My kind of friend.    However, the constant exposure of dog treats is positive reinforcement to your hoomin to get more treats for the dog not you.  This is not what you were aiming for.  So take those puporoni and stash them where no one will find them.  Grab a bag of your favourite treats and walk around the house.  It’s basic psychology my friend.  Now, get ready for lots of treats to come your way!

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Dear Canadian Cats,
Who says us kitties don’t get even. This will teach that dog to mess with me again. Don’t worry. I didn’t cut him. But I did take this picture to threaten him on future escapades. What do you think? Signed Corleone Cat

Dear Corleone Cat,
I’d say you made him an “offer he can’t refuse.”  Look at his eyes CC.  Anyone can tell, he’s learned his lesson well.  So, leave the knife and take his treats.  Put the knife somewhere handy though and let him know he’s padding a thin line.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
24 Comments

Posted by on 09/23/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Dezi – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by my sweet dear purr thing Dezi.  If you don’t know Dezi, you *must* go visit her and check her out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

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Dear Dezi,
My humans forgot to bring me in for the night. Help! I don’t think they hear me or see me hanging on out here. What can I do? Has this ever happened to you? Signed Knock Knock

Dear Knock Knock,
Oh meez sweet furiend yous need new hoomans!!! But ifin yous gunna stay maybe yous oughtta we-fink goin’ outside or get yous hoomans to put in a cat flap. But fur now at least when yous do get inside again, leave them sum luvly hairball designs on their pillows and in their underwear drawer. Bet they don’t soon fur get that. Me made this hairball once that….oh yeah not da purrawlem. Anyways, don’t furget to steal da T.V. remote and giv it to da neighborhood dog.

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Dear Dezi,
I think I’m in trouble here. I got invited to the party. I just didn’t realize I was going to be the main attraction to the party. What am I suppose to do now. Little help here please. Signed Walking Dinner

Dear Walking Dinner,
Yous need to stawt investigatin’ yous dinner invitations and make suwe yous not da main course. After all, yous don’t have to accept evewy invite. Yous know this weminds me of da time….oh yeah, it’s not about me. As fur yous situation, it’s too late now, so just point them in da direction of da neawest golden arches and then stawt flappin’ those wings like nevew afur. Yous life just might depend on it.

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Dear Dezi,
Does the outfit make me look tough? My dad says I have the eye of the tiger but yet my mom says I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. What do you think? Signed Upper Cut

Dear Upper Cut,
Yous do look tuff. Me wuld suwe want yous in meez corner.  Let me tell yous ‘bout….Aw nevew mind, yous worried ‘bout floatin’ like a butterfly and stingin’ like a bee. You know it’s not always looks dat count. There wuz a famous dude once dat floated like butterflies too. Hims wusn’t much to look at, but hims wuz like da heavy weight champ boxer of all time. So it looks like yous followin’ in da wight footsteps. Keep yous chin up and growl a bit, me finks hims did.

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Dear Dezi,
I’m ready for the beach. My flippers are on and I’m ready for some adventure. My favorite shows to watch on the nature channel show seahorses. Do you think I can blend in with them? Signed C.Horse

Dear C.Horse,
Yep yous got yous flippers on alwight. Let’s see…will yous fit in? Well these days yous wuld fit wight in most evewywhere so me dusn’t see why not. Yous might wanna check into an air tank tho’ meez not suwe yous lungs can take all at water. Yous know don’t ya’ dat male sea horses hav da babies? Is dat da kinda adventure yous lookin’ fur? Me dusn’t fink it works dat way ifin so. Yous might get luckier and find mowe adventure in da nearby pasture.

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Dear Dezi,
I don’t get it. Why are my humans laughing at me and taking pictures? Do you get it? If so, please explain to me. Please. Signed Jagger

Dear Jagger,
My what big teef yous hav.  And they be so white. Yous hoomans shuld be fankin’ their lucky staws yous not need dental work. But hoomans do hav a stwange sense of humor and always wiff da flashy box too.  Meez  mommy is always… ah hoo cawes. I fink yous vewy fotogenic and maybe sumday yous will be as pawpular as Lassie or Rin Tin Tin. Hoo ya’ fink’ll be laffin’ then. Yous dude while yous head on down to da local piercin’ shop and buy yous self a 24 kt. gold gwill.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
34 Comments

Posted by on 09/16/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by some wonderful little purr thing friends – Archie, Oscar and Henry. You know them from their blog – mythreemoggies  If you don’t know them, you *must* go visit them and check them out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

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Dear Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry,
My mom said that if I behaved at the flea market, I could ride the merry go round. Bark-bark-bark. As you can see, I got to ride! Bark – it’s so much fun. Bark – can you tell I’m having fun? Signed Happy Bark

Dear Happy Bark,
It looks like you’re going round the twist. You’re barking mad. You can’t carousel on like this!
We know you dogs like to go a little crazy every now and then: chasing your tails, running after sticks, barking at the wind. But this is too much.
You need to be a little more cat… Quit the fairground, find yourself a nice warm bed and grab forty winks. That’s true happiness.
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry,
What the cream cheese! There’s something slimy that confronted me today in my own living room. What the heck is the cast off from Sponge Bob? Have you ever seen this before. I’m not sure what I do with it – play with it, eat it or show it to the door. Thoughts? Signed Escardog

Dear Escardog,

This is a slimy situation you’ve got yourself into. Of course, your first resort to any intruder is to think ‘food’, but this is not Paris notre petit ami. You need to have a word in his shell like and tell him to sling his antennae.

Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry
What!? Haven’t you ever seen a dog turning in for the night? I have to get a good nights sleep so I’m in shape to chase the mailman in the morning. It’s what I do. Come on now – you can admit to me that you sleep like this too. Signed Napdog

Dear Napdog,
This is what we’re meowing about. Sleep like a king our friend!
The importance of a good kip isn’t lost any self respecting moggie, and it’s a relief to see our canine pals finally embracing the power of slumber.  After all, that mailman won’t chase himself.
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry
Ha! I’m the littlest on the farm. The other animals like to horse around and bully me. I do what I do best. I sneak behind the trees and stick my tongue at them. When they chase me, the humans catch them picking on me. What!? Like you’ve never done that before? Signed Horse N Round

Dear Horse N Round,
This is neigh way to behave!
You need to stand up to yourself – are you a horse or a mouse?
Us moggies were brought up on da streets, and the rule there is you never grass. Actually, the rule is you eat the grass but whose letter is this anyway?
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Dear Archie, Oscar and Henry
Hey guys. I need your help. I’m a traveling door to door salesman. For some reason, when I ring door bells no one answers. I don’t get it. Can you help me out? Signed Gator Calling

Dear Gator Calling,
You have an image problem. Smarten yourself up, employ a make over artist and get yourself a nice suit.
These gator-phobes won’t change their attitude unless you make the first move.
Oh, and make it snappy!
Signed Archie, Oscar and Henry

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
39 Comments

Posted by on 09/09/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Wallace and Samuel – Special Edition

September we are highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s special edition is by two cute adorable little Scottie brothers – Wallace and Samuel.  If you don’t know Wallace and Samuel, you *must* go visit them and check them out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

IMG_0041.JPGDear Wallace and Samuel,
Help. We have some really nosey and crazy neighbors. They are always trying to find out what is going on in my crib. Today I saw them looking into my window. I thought I would teach them a lesson and let them know what I thought about them. It’s amazing what a good stretch in the direction can tell them. Meow. Any more ideas? Signed Tails Up.

Dear Tails Up,
If your Peeping Tom neighbours don’t get the message after that eyeful of booty we suggest kicking it up a notch, how about treating them to a fine feline operatic performance at say 2am? Alternatively, nothing says “back off” quite like a week old dead mouse bouquet. If all else fails we recommend a good old restraining order.  Good luck!  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I.hate.baths. Can I say that any louder? Can I express that any louder in this picture? Get it over already and baptize me so I can get out of this tub of water. What do you suggest I think about during this torture? Signed Water Logged

Dear Water Logged,
Samuel here – I hear you loud and clear buddy! I too am not a lover of water or baths or baths filled with water. Based on personal experience I suggest you focus on the one of the following: a) the fun towel rub down you’ll get when the water torture is over OR 2) the fun you will have shaking all that water off you and onto your peep *snicker snicker* OR c) the fun you’re going to have rolling in something REALLY stinky first chance you get.  Happy daydreaming!  Sammy (and Wally)

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
My mom says that everyone has a beauty mark somewhere on their body. Mine just happens to be on my snout an looks like a heart. Do you see it? What kind of beauty mark do you have? Signed Heart of Snouts

Dear Heart of Snouts,
How frickin’ adorable are you!!  We got mom to do a full body search of both of us looking for our beauty marks and you know what…she couldn’t find one!! Not one!! We’re not going to lie, this worries us a little and we’ve asked mom to make us an appointment at the tattoo parlor asap so that we can have one made – for some reason she is dragging her paws about making the appointment. We hope we can still be friends…even though we are beauty markless.  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I’m sending you this picture for evidence. It was the last selfie that I took when the boys were chasing me. What? Wouldn’t you have done the same thing? Bad barks are chasing you and you take a selfie with the cell phone? What can I do to make the bad barks quit chasing me? They didn’t catch me this date. I ran into a log that they couldn’t get into. Can you help me out? Signed Faster than Pooches

Dear Faster than Pooches
This is an easy one…STOP TAKING SELFIES!! Seriously dude, put the phone down and walk away. We guarantee you those pooches won’t even sniff you twice if you get rid of the phone and start behaving like an ordinary cat. Nobuddy likes a show off especially a show off who needs to document his every move, meal and meow.  Embrace living off the grid.  Wally & Sammy

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Dear Wallace and Samuel,
I don’t get it. I jumped in this box. My human dad took a pen and did something to the front. Afterward he was laughing hysterically. I don’t get it. Can you help me out? Signed Bat Cat

Dear Bat Cat
What can we say, small things amuse small (hooman) minds. We can see what effect your dad was going for here butt unfortunately it is lost as soon as you climb out of the box. We recommend pushing the box to the nearest mirror…it will all make sense then.  And remember: Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman cat, then always be Batmancat.  And remember: Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman cat, then always be Batmancat.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
47 Comments

Posted by on 09/02/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Forrest – SPECIAL EDITION

 Hello my friends.  Welcome to another great issue of Dear Bacon.  This week, we have another guest helping me out with my issue.  Today, my friend Forrest and Fozziemom are stepping in for me to do a special edition of Dear Forrest.  Be sure to visit them at their blog and check them out – let them know what a great job they did – thanks Forrest and Fozziemom!

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Dear Forrest,
Save a horse, ride a piggy – BOL. This is my gal pal Susie. The other farm animals think we are crazy. We are. Crazy in love! Do you think it’s cool? Signed Sam and Susie

Dear Sam and Susie,
I think the other farm animals are jealous…inter species can work…even if it does seem a bit odd. You loves who you loves so I say go for it! And yes it is way cool!

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Dear Forrest,
Since they added the word “selfie” to the dictionary, we thought we would try it. We think it’s a work in progress. Have you tried this? Signed Say Cheese

Dear Cheese,
I must say I have tried selfies myself and it always ends up with booger shots..or drool. I think you have the crazy eye down pat though. Keep it up.   I have seen some pretty bad human ones BOL BOL

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Dear Forrest,
They say you can be anything you want. I wanted to be a pineapple. What kind of fruit would you be? Signed Piney

Dear Piney,
Well if you want to look like Camen Miranda then I say I like it veryyyy much.  As for me, if I had to be a fruit I would be a banana.  Then I could split whenever it got too much BOL BOL

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Dear Forrest,
Dude. The beach is so totally awesome. The water is rad. Do you hang five bro? Signed Surfer Bark

Dear Surfer Bark,
Man you are hangin’ more than five my friend.  You might take off if them ears get any more steam behind them BOL.  I hang 5 in the dam. It’s usually followed by mum landing flat BOL …wonder what that counts as BOL

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Dear Forrest,
I look fat. Maybe it’s my ears? Maybe it’s that bunny tail? Maybe it’s the beer talking from another bottle down? Can you help out a bunny? What do you think? Signed Fatbun

Dear Fatbun,
I think you are standing in front of the wrong mirror my friend. You look fine to me..nice and plump and round and delish…oops I mean fine. Sorry, I get side tracked by bunnies. I think if you were here at my place I could help you exercise..do you like to run? BOL

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Thanks to Fozziemom and Forrest for another great issue.  Remember my friends, these Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without you 🙂  Remember to send your pictures and questions to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
30 Comments

Posted by on 07/01/2014 in Dear Bacon, Uncategorized

 

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Dear Tigerlino and Roxy – SPECIAL ISSUE

Greetings my dear friends!  This week, we have another great and wonderful guest helping us out with my Dear Bacon issue.  This week, my sweet friends Tigerlino and Roxy are stepping in for me to do a special edition of Dear Tigerlino and Roxy.  Be sure to visit them at their blog and check them out – let them know what a great job they did – thanks Tigerlino and Roxy!!

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Dear Tigerlino and Roxy,
Uh-oh. This doesn’t appear to be how the humans lay in this contraption. Sparky is underneath checking out what happened. Secretly I think he’s laughing at me. I jumped on top of this trickery and my legs continued south. Can you help a dog out? Signed Stuck

Dear Stuck,
um… we’re not sure what that thing is for but you’re absolutely right… that’s probably not how you use it. But hey, look on the bright side. If you get tired now, you won’t have to lie down to take a nap… you can just hang in there. And yes, it does look as if Sparky is secretely laughing at ya! But maybe you can get even by asking him to join you on that thing??? He won’t be laughing anymore once he’s stuck there too!  As for helping you out… we’re not sure what advice to give you. Hmmm… are you, by any chance, ticklish? Maybe if Sparky tickles your paws, you’ll jump up so high that you’ll fly right out of your trap? On second thought, that’s probably not the best idea. You’d probably fall right back down on that thing and get stuck again. But don’t despair, buddy… we’re trying to figure something out, okay? So just hang on…xoxo Tigerlino & Roxy

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Dear Tigerlino and Roxy,
Do you know what is more fun than rolling around in the mud? Of course it would be playing in a bundle of straw. I love hiding in the straw and then jumping out snorting to humans that pass my way. Some of them can jump pretty high. Have you ever done this? Signed Pop Goes the Piggy

Dear Pop Goes the Piggy,
We’ve never done this before but it sounds like a lot of fun! Do you think that works with dogs too? We’d love to give the neighbor’s dogs a fright. Do you think they can jump as high as the humans? Or even higher??? 😉  xoxo Tigerlino & Roxy

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Dear Tigerlino and Roxy,
Oh it’ll be fun he said. Just look over the edge at the crawly thing. You can’t possibly get hurt. Yep those were his last words before he pushed me over the edge like Humpty Dumpty. How can I get even. Can you help me out with that? Signed Too Close to the Edge

Dear Too Close to the Edge,
Why that little traitor! Let’s give him a taste of his own medicine. Why don’t you tell him that that crawly little thing was in fact a super yummy tuna treat and that you have found even more of them hidden in a mound?! And that you’d be happy to lend a helping *cough cough* pushing *cough cough* paw to explore the mound (housed by angry fire ants just waiting to take him on for disturbing their home…) How about that?! 😉  xoxo Roxy & Tigerlino

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Dear Tigerlino and Roxy,
Don’t you love my new shirt? You want one don’t you? Signed Bark Humor

Dear Bark Humor,
Oh My Gosh! Why are you not wearing any pants? Did the cat rip them apart? Or did you lose them in a poker game or something? But hey, don’t worry! If you smile big enough, no one will notice that you’re… um… nude… down there…  xoxo Roxy & Tigerlino

P.S. Where can we get one of those shirts???

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Dear Tigerlino and Roxy,
Meow. That should fix the humans for not giving me any snacks before they went to bed. Just wait until they go to potty now. Meow. Signed Payback

Dear Payback,
Yep, that’s purrfect… for a start. You could also shred the drapes, or the couch, or the carpet, or the wallpaper. And if the humans have a fit, tell them that you were just doing a little redecorating. Nothing wrong with that, right?  Oh, and you could also put a nice hairball on the human’s pillow…that’s pretty fun too! If you need more advice on how to get even with the humans, just let us know. Our „Get Even with the Humans Revenge List“ is endlessly long and getting longer as we speak…Have fun, sweetie! Meow!  xoxo Tigerlino & Roxy

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Remember friends – keep sending your letters/pictures to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

We can’t do this without you!!

 
34 Comments

Posted by on 06/24/2014 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Stuart – SPECIAL ISSUE

This week, we have a wonderful guest helping out with our Dear Bacon issue.  This week, my pal Stuart is stepping in for me to do a special edition of Dear Stuart.  Be sure to visit him at his blog and check him out – let him know what a great job he did – thanks Stuart!

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Dear Stuart,
My brother never misses a photo opportunity. People think he’s so happy. What they don’t realize is that during these happy times, he is letting out gas. Sometimes they’re SBD’s (silent but deadly). What’s a dog to do on the receiving end of this happiness? Signed Not So Happy

Dear Not So Happy,
Relish in the smells of life my friend!  You never know what funny memories you might conjure up as the four-legged ones try to figure out whodunit.  Just be sure they don’t think it’s YOU who’s passing along these little morsels of love.  Think of it this way:  perhaps Pharrell passed gas when he was H-A-P-P-Y.  That made him lots of money.  Smile along with your brother and maybe pass some gas of your own!  That’s what I do and I don’t even have a brother!  ArOOO, Stuart

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Dear Stuart,
Is it safe? My human was riding their electronic broom around the house again. You know what I’m talking about. It makes a lot of noise and they say they are cleaning. I’m afraid if I get too close it will suck me up. Are you afraid of that thing? Any tips for me. Signed Scared in Black

Dear Scared in Black,
Be afraid.  Very afraid.  The electric broom goes by many aliases – Vacula, Vacooom, The Bad Machine…. they call it these things for a reason.  It WILL suck you up.  Steer clear.  I do.  Vrooom, Vrooom Stu

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Dear Stuart,
They see me rolling and they’re hating. Can’t help it that my humans trust me behind the wheel. It’s a great way to pick up chicks. Do you know of any other way? Signed Boat Magnet

Dear Boat Magnet,
Well now, you’re looking mighty macho there Boat Magnet. Sweet. Too bad I’d sink like a bag of cement if I were to accompany you on your maritime hook-up runs. One wrong move and I’d be overboard. And not in a good way. Otherwise, I’d be right there beside you. Helping you navigate toward the more demure of the feminine species.   Funny you ask if I know of any other way to attract the fair sex. Well, actually, my Shepherd friend, I don’t have to do anything at all. Just be me. That’s all there is to it. Try it. You’d be surprised. Just show your belly and they come running. Let me know how it works for you, K?  Your friend, Chick Magnet Stuart

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Dear Stuart,
I’m just not that kind or monkey. I don’t like to get wet. I wanted sushi and thought I could use this bamboo stick. Is there anything you don’t like that’s typically normal? Signed Sushkey

Sushkey! Stay outta those trees! Squirrels fall from trees sometimes where I live. I’d hate to have you take a tumble and hurt yourself. Nothing’s worth that my near-human-mammal-furiend. Not even sushi. Which I don’t like, by the way. I’m more of a vegetarian. Like you. Perhaps we should dine together in the near future? Since I don’t travel from limb to limb, you’ll have to do the Tarzan thing and swing over to my place. Green beans all the way around!  To answer your question….I typically don’t like things that others do. Guess I’m not a normal scottie?  ArOOO, Stuart

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Dear Stuart,
Why? Why does this happen to me every single time. The cat takes my bed and leaves me with something I can barely put my fanny in. What’s a pooch to do? Help please. Signed Distressed Doggy

Oh Distressed Doggy,

I feel your pain. When I have visitors sometimes, I get pushed out of my own comfort spots. But, here’s what I do. I let the intruders know that I’m NOT HAPPY. Bark at them. Nip at them. Stuff like that. The idea is, to get your peeps to think you’re going t devour the cat. And you know that’s not gonna happen. Then, you’ll get your bed back. Trust me. And if that doesn’t work? Then, well, then really eat the cat. ArOOOO! Stuart

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Remember friends – send your pictures and questions to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

We can’t have a weekly Dear Bacon issue without YOU!

 
36 Comments

Posted by on 06/17/2014 in Dear Bacon, Uncategorized

 

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Dear Cocco – Special Edition

 My great friend Cocco at http://myminipetpig.com/ has stepped in to do a special edition of Dear Cocco.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  That little Cocco is a very pigtalented little oinker.  I think together, we could rule the world.  Big thanks out to Cocco and his mom Katie for this special edition!  We hope that you will do it again in the future ((HOGS AND KISSES))

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Dear Cocco,

We know you piggies are considered the fourth smartest animals around but did you know that we hamsters are very talented?  We have formed a musical band and we are pretty sure you and your piggy friends couldn’t do that.  Signed The Musical Trio

Dear Musical Trio,

We actually don’t need to form a band.  We are a nonstop one-man band kind of animal.  We can squeal, screech, snort, bark and kiss.  We are innately musical so we don’t even require any instruments.  Ha.

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Dear Cocco,

Did you know that cats can dance?  We are extremely graceful and actually invented several moves.  We are wondering if you can guess what dance we are doing.  Signed The Stealthy Cats

Dear Stealthy Cats,

Why thank you for enlightening me.  I wasn’t thinking you were dancing at all.  I was thinking you were in the midst of a cat fight.  Now that I know you were dancing, I am quite sure you were doing the Cha Cha.

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20130326-133702.jpgDear Cocco,

Us dogs know revenge.  My humans went on a walk and didn’t think I could make it the whole duration since I’m “getting old” so they left me home.  Their mistake was leaving dinner to cool on the counter.  These old bones jumped up and gobbled it all down.  I’m feeling pretty smug.  Signed One Smug Pug

 

Dear One Smug Pug,

I say good for you.  You put your humans in their place.  I bet you taught them a lesson and they will take you along next time!

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20130326-133650.jpgDear Cocco,

Hippos love having their teeth cleaned.  Trainers think we are just naturally obedient when it comes to teeth cleaning but the truth is our teeth love the massage.  They squirt the water in, tickle our gums and then tell us “good job”.  Did you know we hippos eat as much muddy grass as we can just to get those silly humans to give us a tooth massage?  Signed The Toothy Hippo

Dear Toothy Hippo,

A tooth massage sounds like good clean fun.  I’ll avoid one at all costs though and leave the enjoyment to your kind.  The only kind of massage I like is of the belly variety.

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Dear Cocco,

These wild flowers are making me a wweeeee bit giddy!  Hehehe, come have a sniff.  You’ll be feeling silly in no time!  Signed Goofy Giggler

Dear Goofy Giggler,

I’m on my way, save some flowers for me!

 
5 Comments

Posted by on 03/28/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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