Dear Bacon – Hey dude! With all of the soccer craze going on right now, I thought I would hop along and be a professional athlete as well. I love soccer. There is nothing more relaxing than kicking the ball around. I think I’m just as good as David Beckham or Pelé or even Cristiano Ronaldo. What do you think? Do you think they would count my front feet as hands? Do you ever play ball? Signed A Beautiful Mind
Dear A Beautiful Mind – Awesome. That’s what I say. I think it’s awesome that you love to play soccer as much as you do. I can see you in the Olympics and at the big game. And yes I can see you next to the greats that you mentioned. I myself have snouted a ball around the backyard here from time to time. I think it’s a great way to relief some stress. I don’t care what any other peep thinks, you do what you love my friend. Go score BIG TIME!
Dear Bacon – Can you guess who my hero is? Go ahead guess. I bet you can’t figure it out? I know you can’t! I’ve gotta go now and find my brother Luigi and that gorgeous Princess Peach. Signed Mario
Dear Mario – Snorts! Good one my friend. You are awesome. You look just like that guy. No doubts in my book at all. And yes we guessed right off who you were. You see my mom loves Mario and Luigi and all your friends. She says she grew up with them and gave them a run for their money playing arcades.
I think you need to work your look for as long as you can and make it work for you. Perhaps you can go on a nationwide tour and promote Mario and Friends. Wouldn’t that be fun? If you come to my neck of the woods, I would love to see you in person. Take care and safe travels!
Dear Bacon – I told everyone I would be back and here I am. I’m back and ready to take over the world. This time I’m coming back as a pooch that is deadly… that has secret weapons of destruction. Don’t get in my way. Signed Poochnator
Dear Poochnator – WOW! Does your humans know about this? And I have to ask. Do you know my friend Easy? Are you secretly Easy in disguise? A pig has to know these answers my friend. And hey, does your mother know about your late curfew while you are out saving the world? And my mom says to tell you to remember to wear clean underwear… you know just in case something happens.
Dear Bacon – I’ll do anything for a carrot. I’ve heard you are the same. What would you do for a carrot? Signed Tony “The Pig” Hawk
Dear Tony “The Pig” Hawk – You go my friend. You ride like there is no tomorrow. Hit those decks, do those tails, ride those carves and hit some air. I can see you doing all of these tricks and getting all of the carrots you could wish for. And have I done anything for a carrot? You betcha. I’ve given Mouse Girl here back scratches and washed Hemi’s feet.What? That’s as adventurous as this pig gets!
Dear Bacon – Oh my pussy cats. There I was in the house walking around like I normally do. I went into the bathroom and there was a beautiful bubble bath in the tub. I looked around and no one was there. So I decided to take a little dip thinking that humans left it for me, right? I’m laying back enjoying the suds and then have mercy – the human master walked in naked. What has now been seen can not be unseen. I’ll even be honest with you. I’m not sure which one of us screamed the loudest. Signed Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub
Dear Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub – WOW! Now first up. That is a lovely ‘scared’ picture of you in the suds. It does look like you were enjoying yourself. Second up, I gotta ask. Did you give up your luxurious bubble bath and give it to the human or did you share? Snorts – I know I wouldn’t have gotten out!
FRIENDS – Please remember that Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please email me your pictures and letters 🙂
Tags: adventure, advice, advice column, air, animal, appreciation, arcade, athlete, bacon, Bad, carves, cat, column, comedy, Cristiano Ronaldo, cute, David Beckham, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, decks, devil, dog, entertainment, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, guinea pig, happy, Hemi, Hotel Thompson, humor, I'll be Back, kid, Love, luigi, Mario, miniature pot bellied pig, Mouse Girl, Pelé, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, pooch, priceless, Princess Peach, professional, professional athlete, purr things, secret, skateboard, smart, snorts, soccer, spoiled, tails, Terminator, Tony Hawk, trouble, weaponss
This is me from last night here at the Hotel Thompson. I’m all tuckered out. Why do you ask? I’ll tell you why on this fine day my friends. I’m glad you asked – snorts. See in the picture that thing I’m lying on? Well that is my king sized Egyptian cotton sheet. You know the one that I ‘stole’ from mom. That sheet is awesome. It’s like my security blankie. I do everything with that sheet. I drag it all over the Hotel Thompson, I play with it and I sleep with it. When daddy washes it, I go back/forth from the living room to the laundry room waiting for it to come out of the dryer all nice, clean and smelly. That’s how much I love that blankie.
Last night after dinner, I pulled that sheet to the living room and spread it out on the floor. It had to be just right. You see it’s get a slick silky feel to it. It’s great for sliding – snorts. I then went to my room and ran around, down the hall and into the front room jumping on my sheet and sliding. I did this several times until I slid into the entertainment center – snorts. Then mommy said that was enough.
Then I did what I do second best. See my Olivia ball in the picture? The one that says “Pretty in Red”. I tried to play ‘soccer’ pushing it around with my snout and kicking it. That was fun too until it went airborne and knocked over dad’s empty glass – Snorts. See, he’s holding me back in my profession soccer ball career.
So after all this play, I was just tuckered out. What’s a pig to do but fall where he is and sleep forty winks. You ever get this tuckered my friends?
Tags: adventure, animal, bacon, Bad, career, comedy, cotton, cute, daddy, egyptian, egyptian cotton, entertainment, exercise, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, growing up, happy, Hotel Thompson, humor, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, Mom, mommy, olivia, Olivia the Pig, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, Pretty, Pretty in Red, priceless, profession, Red, sheet, sleep, smart, snorts, soccer, spoiled, trouble
They say that we can all stand on our heads. I don’t know. I think I may be vertically challenged or maybe my head is not flat enough. I just can’t seem to be able to do it all the way with my back legs straight up. It throws me off balance. Can you do it? Signed Not Happening
Dear Not Happening,
Never dear friend. Sometimes we are just not built to do these weird things that you see the humans partake. I can’t stand on my head. This pot belly of mine knocks me off center every time. And my mom, even though she’s human, she can’t do it either. Don’t try to be like everyone else. Make your own path and be happy – leave the sitting to your bottom.
There’s always that one idiot that has to pop in your picture. Can you relate? I was minding my own business in this shot. I just wanted it to look halfway decent to post on my Pet Harmony dating profile. Signed Available
Yep. I know exactly what you are talking about. Hemi, the purr thing here at the Hotel Thompson, thinks he should be in every camera shot. He is always photo bombing my pictures. Just keep smiling. Pay back can really be tortuous for our sidekicks. Right? Maybe sign up your friend as well on Pet Harmony and post his picture – of course with your picture cropped out. Snort giggles.
It’s a wonderful thing to have such great friends. Out in the pasture, sometimes I just get tuckered out. That’s my good buddy will help me out and let me take a nap. Isn’t that nice of him? Signed Sleepy on the Road
Dear Sleepy on the Road,
That is an excellent friend. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen that kind of friendship before. You are most definitely one lucky little guy!
I coach a soccer team on the weekends. We are always looking for a few new team players. You ever think about playing? I’ve heard that snout of yours can be classified as a deadly weapon. We could use a player like you. What do you say? Signed Coach Jones of Team Anipals
Dear Coach Jones of Team Anipals,
That sounds like a great deal of fun. I’m In to give it a shot. This snout is very wicked and these hooves are very fast!!
I think I need some anti wrinkle cream. Every time I wake up, I have more wrinkles! Soon, you’ll just see one giant sloppy dog. What can a pooch do? Please help. Signed Wrinkles
As Lady Gaga once said, “Just put your paws up, Cause you were born this way, baby”. Embrace the way you are and don’t try to fight it my friend. Be happy in your own wrinkles.
Remember friends – keep sending you pictures and questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com
Tags: animal, bacon, Born This Way, camera, cat, coach, comedy, dating, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, dog, E Harmony, Friends, fun, funny, hooves, horse, Hotel Thompson, humans, humor, Lady Gaga, Love, Mom, pasture, photo bomb, playful, pooch, side kick, snout, soccer, wrinkles, Yoga
When I watch television on the weekends, there’s all kinds of sports going on. Last fall, I watched football with dad. It was fun! I want to play so bad – eyes raised – I just don’t want to be the football if you know what I mean 🙂 . But, I’ve looked around. There are actually some sports out there that my fellow pig friends have played.
I can always be a soccerpig – watch out Beckham. I could rock the world in this game. My snout is a powerful thing. Look at these comrades – matching outfits and everything! These little snouts are powerful – don’t let them fool you!
Track and Pig – man I can run! With enough thrust – I think I can fly. You should see me running through the house. And look, I can even wear a superhero cape. That would be pigawesome!
And WOW – I would love to play football… just as long as I wasn’t the football…if you know what I mean 🙂 wink. I watch this game with dad all of the time. I love the way they run all over the field chasing the little ball and then doing the happy dance when they score. I think I could thrive with this game! Man, I could be making millions. Signing autographs would be a little rough but I think I could just hoove paper for my signature.
What do ya’ll think??
Tags: adventure, baby, bacon, Bad, beckham, comedy, cute, devil, entertainment, football, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, happy, humor, kid, Love, new, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, priceless, soccer, spoiled, track and field