Yep – I said that and you read correctly – Men Twerking. I know my buddy Fozzie is going to laugh when she sees this sign that me and mom saw in our adventures. Someone added a few letters and now men are twerking – snorticles and rolls around laughing. I wonder if the guys knew why people were pointing and laughing at them as they drove by? Maybe that explains why some of their pants were so low you could see sunset crack? Maybe – just maybe – the guys were the ones that did this to the sign. No Fozzie – it wasn’t me honestly. Looks innocently around. Really I was in the back of Albert, mom’s Smart car. I wouldn’t do that. Snorts and squeals.
Tag Archives: smart car
That’s right. I said it. I didn’t stutter when I typed. Albert, mom’s Smart car, is a bully. You don’t believe me do you? You think, “Aaww, that cute little blue Smart car can’t be a thug.” Snorts – you just don’t know Albert very well. Let me tell you a story about sweet old Albert.
The other day, mom and dad took me for a spin around town. We were stopped at a red light when this car pulled up beside us. It was a rocking red sports car – the top was down and it was smoking hot. That’s when it happened. Albert persuaded mom to roll down her window, get the peeps attention in the smoking red sports car and ask them if they wanted to race. The nerve of Albert! Of course after the nice folks stopped laughing, the light changed. They got stuck in traffic at the next light as Albert rolled up next to them, honked his horn and we kept rolling.
See, I told you. Albert is a bully.
Oh dear piggy heavens!? Should we be afraid? Should we call an exorcist? Mommy got into Albert, her Smart car, this morning and she was greeted with this on her trip odometer. Is it a sign of what’s to come for the day?
Oh my friends – say a little prayer for my mom and send her good vibes. 666 is not a great way to start the day.
Happy Spooky Day my friends!
Journalist Rocky the Squirrel Here –
Keeping my paws on the nuts of the world!
Today, October 2 is Name Your Car Day. Whoever knew that there was actually a day to name your car. Most people are in their car everyday, some several times a day. What better way to give your car some character by naming it. I mean why not? People name their boats – why not name your car. You have to admit that your car has personality. Find a name fitting for its performance.
Bacon’s mom has named her cars over the years. Here’s just a few of her names that she has used with the models:
Smart Car named Albert
Chevrolet Equinox named Tank
Dodge Omni named Squeaky
Plymouth Sundance named Cheetah
Chevrolet Tracker named Landi
Mazda 626LX named Jinx
Pontiac G6 GT named Streak
My mom – she is definitely different. I think she swims to her own tune – trust me on that one. You know that she has the Smart car Albert but she also has another car. She has an Equinox called Tank. Most of the time, she drives Albert but there are the days that she wants to drive a bigger car – like Tank.
Here’s the problem. If she parks them in the driveway back to back, then she has to move them around when she wants to take one over the other. Cause you know, there’s no parking on the grass – rolls piggy eyes. We can’t hurt that dreadful grass. Ideally, it would be awesome to get the driveway extended out a bit. That’s what daddy would love to do. But until then, the problem persists.
So mom, she came up with a solution as you can see from the picture below. She parks Albert sideways and parks Tank straight in the driveway. That way, she can take either one without having to play hopscotch cars. How original is that? Of course, she has to drive Albert on the grass on the other side of Tank but there are actually bricks on the yard on that side that you can’t see with this picture.
But you want to hear the funny thing about mom’s originality? She’s been doing this for a while and it’s catching on in the neighborhood. Now you can see other households doing the same thing. Snorts.
Last night was awesome here at the Hotel Thompson. We had take out because nobody wanted to cook here. I got to go with mom/dad to the local restaurant. We went in Albert, mom’s Smart car, and went in the drive thru. Squeal! This is one of my favorite things in the entire world! AND, I scored.
When the lady saw me at the window to take the money, she had to call over everyone else to see me. Of course, I put on a little show and snorted here and there. It paid off. They gave me french fries of my very own. Shake your pig tails – happy oinker right here! Of course, as soon as we got home, mom let me have *my* french fry order. Thanks McDonalds!
My mom and dad – shakes piggy head. Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud. It’s the truth. I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble. I will never learn. But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.
You see, they out for dinner last night. Nothing wrong with that. They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”. Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore. They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left. Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other. I’m sure you know the one. It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty? It’s a long ride home.” Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.” Famous last words huh?
So they get into Albert, mom’s little Smart car, for the ride home. About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance. Oh you know what I’m talking about. The pee-pee dance. The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush. Yeah right – it never does. This is when Albert pumps up the volume and makes the hamsters in the engine go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’. All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement. Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.
Then daddy goes to the next step to
irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance. He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?” See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that. All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.
So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling. Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point. Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it. Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.
By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in. So I do what I do best. I get excited and start squealing. What? It’s what I do – snorts. Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson. Why? Because she really, REALLY has to go now. If she moves, well you know what will happen.
So she stands there. I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?” Then I jumped on her. Not good. Not good at all in her situation – snorts. Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy. It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes. Now my friends – that is a visual. She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room. I go to the door to listen.
So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble. They do just fine here at home – snorts. And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂
Oh dear piggy heavens. I was on mom’s Facebook page last night and came across the new Flatua Backfire. What? You haven’t heard about this new car? Are you going to be impressed. This new Flatua Backfire will look familiar. It looks just like mom’s Smart car but with a twist – snorts – and it is some kind of twist – trust me on that my friends. And hey here at the Hotel Thompson, I think daddy is ready for this.
I’ve told you before my friends. My mom and dad have lost it. Totally. This past weekend was one of “those” adventures – snorts. They were looking for some adventure and wanted to try a place they had never been to before. So they took off in Albert, mom’s little Smart car, and hit the highway. Almost sounds like a song huh – snorts.
They ended up at this place called Mellow Mushroom – it’s a pizza joint which was right up dad’s alley. He ❤ pizza. Mom was somewhat reluctant. First off because they sat right beside exhibit A to the left. Pardon me while I say this but does that ‘mushroom’ look psychedelic? It was kind of disturbing in a weird sense of direction. Mom couldn’t take her eyes off of it. There was just something about it that was just plain weird.
That’s when mom got up to take a closer look at the psychedelic mushroom.
It’s not all its cracked up to be – double snorts. You get it – cracked up. It really is around the head area. What kind of restaurant is this place? Mom shook her head, snapped a couple of pictures and sat down preparing herself for a psychedelic adventure.
P.S. If you are ever out and about and see some crazy lady taking pictures at a restaurant, just call her mom. That will probably be my crazy mom – she takes pictures of *everything* as you will soon see in this post.
Shakes piggy head. At least it’s not all about me now.
Mom has been on this DIEt thing lately. It’s going okay. As she says, it’s all about choices. So today she choose a Greek salad to start her meal.
Exhibit B to the left here. She says if she starts with a good salad, it fills her so she doesn’t eat too much of a bad thing.
Which is good – I guess if you are living a DIEt kind of life. Mom did say that this salad was delicious! It had everything she loves – lettuce, mushrooms (which didn’t look scary like exhibit A), olives, peppers and feta cheese.
Dad on the other hoof, went with a cheese covered pretzel. See exhibit C here to the right. Not only was it delicious and cheesy, they served it with a beer cheese dipping sauce. It must have been great because daddy licked the cheese sauce dry and there were no crumbs left from the pretzel.
Which is good because mommy kept watching him waiting for something to drop. So much for eating a nice decent sensible salad huh?
Now came the main course. Mom and dad can never agree upon toppings for their pizza. There solution is to always get a pie 1/2 and 1/2. That way mom can have what she wants and dad can have what he wants. May I present to you exhibit D to the left. Drum roll – tongue hanging out – deliciousness.
Mom got the top side. She ❤ white pizza with cheese, garlic and tomatoes – what’s not to love right?
Dad on the other hoof got the bottom side. He gets the works… something this little piggy can’t discuss and think about. But it looks good. Of course a lot of pizza made it’s way home for lunch the next day.
You have to admit though, mom had hesitation at first with seeing the psychedelic mushroom – or maybe it was because of the psychedelic mushroom – the food was delicious!