Travels in the South

I’ve told you before my friends.  My mom and dad have lost it. Totally.  This past weekend was one of “those” adventures – snorts.  They were looking for some adventure and wanted to try a place they had never been to before.  So they took off in Albert, mom’s little Smart car, and hit the highway.  Almost sounds like a song huh – snorts.

They ended up at this place called Mellow Mushroom – it’s a pizza joint which was right up dad’s alley.  He ❤ pizza.  Mom was somewhat reluctant.  First off because they sat right beside exhibit A to the left.  Pardon me while I say this but does that ‘mushroom’ look psychedelic?  It was kind of disturbing in a weird sense of direction.  Mom couldn’t take her eyes off of it.  There was just something about it that was just plain weird.

 That’s when mom got up to take a closer look at the psychedelic mushroom.   

It’s not all its cracked up to be – double snorts.  You get it – cracked up.  It really is around the head area.  What kind of restaurant is this place?  Mom shook her head, snapped a couple of pictures and sat down preparing herself for a psychedelic adventure.

P.S.  If you are ever out and about and see some crazy lady taking pictures at a restaurant, just call her mom.  That will probably be my crazy mom – she takes pictures of *everything* as you will soon see in this post.

Shakes piggy head.  At least it’s not all about me now.

.

Mom has been on this DIEt thing lately.  It’s going okay. As she says, it’s all about choices.  So today she choose a Greek salad to start her meal.

Exhibit B to the left here.  She says if she starts with a good salad, it fills her so she doesn’t eat too much of a bad thing.

Which is good – I guess if you are living a DIEt kind of life.  Mom did say that this salad was delicious!  It had everything she loves – lettuce, mushrooms (which didn’t look scary like exhibit A), olives, peppers and feta cheese.

.

Dad on the other hoof, went with a cheese covered pretzel.  See exhibit C here to the right.  Not only was it delicious and cheesy, they served it with a beer cheese dipping sauce.  It must have been great because daddy licked the cheese sauce dry and there were no crumbs left from the pretzel.

 Which is good because mommy kept watching him waiting for something to drop.  So much for eating a nice decent sensible salad huh?

.

Now came the main course.  Mom and dad can never agree upon toppings for their pizza.  There solution is to always get a pie 1/2 and 1/2.  That way mom can have what she wants and dad can have what he wants.  May I present to you exhibit D to the left.  Drum roll – tongue hanging out – deliciousness.

Mom got the top side.  She ❤ white pizza with cheese, garlic and tomatoes – what’s not to love right?

Dad on the other hoof got the bottom side.  He gets the works… something this little piggy can’t discuss and think about.  But it looks good.  Of course a lot of pizza made it’s way home for lunch the next day.

You have to admit though, mom had hesitation at first with seeing the psychedelic mushroom – or maybe it was because of the psychedelic mushroom – the food was delicious!

 

I’ve Created a New Season – Happy Sprinter

This picture is from Wikipedia.  It shows the typical seasons – Spring, Summer, Fall and then Winter.  That’s the way it’s suppose to fall.  But this year, dear old Mother Nature is not playing fairly.  Mommy says she needs hormone shots and daddy says she needs more dates with Father Time.  I’m not sure which one is right.  I just know that maybe she needs a kick in the butt.  Yep, I said.  I kick right smack in the middle of her captains quarters.

You see, this weekend is what I’m talking about.  Saturday here at the Hotel Thompson we get up and it is beautiful.  There’s no other way to put it.  The birds are chirping (and that’s a story for another time – snorts), the sun is out, the wind is just right and the temperatures are in the 60’s.  You couldn’t ask for a more gorgeous day.

Our neighbor Big Daddy had cut our yard and the back yard was spectacular.  Thanks Big Daddy!  We went out there and ran for a while.  Mommy says it was for me to get some sun and I said I understood.  Secretly I knew she wanted me to run some excess Winter weight off so I would sleep more deeply tonight.  I’m good with that.  I just wonder why she didn’t make daddy do the same.  Double snorts.

It was a wonderful day.  Lots of running, loving and snuggles.

Then BAM!  What a change Sunday.  Sunday brought us rain, cool weather and strong winds.  We could actually sit inside and hear the winds!  We all got up and had breakfast together.  It was so damp and yuck outside that after breakfast, we all went back to bed.  Now, I’m not hating days like this because usually, like this day, when we go back to bed we all get on the Select Comfort for a siesta.  It was great.

Picture this.  A king sized Select Comfort bed with two humans, one purr things, one pooch and a piggy.  Snorts, Me and Houdini are a 65 with mommy on the Select Comfort.  Daddy and Hemi are a 100.  That’s just too hard for this little oinker.  When we got up from our nap, it was still yuck outside.

Now, I’m telling you all of this for a reason.  It’s suppose to be Spring but it still acts like Winter.  I’m suggesting a new season called – Sprinter.  You get it?  Spring with Winter.  So sometime today, tell someone Happy Sprinter.  Then smile and remember my little story here.  🙂

Happy Sprinter my pals!

 

Come Here Spring!

Dearest Mother Nature – Really?  This weather you are throwing at us is outrageous.  One day it’s in the 70’s and the next day it’s in the 30’s.  Daddy says you are going through – what did he call it? – menopause.  He says that’s the only way to explain the vast difference in temperatures.  I can’t tell you what mommy called it – it was a bad word.

Yesterday here it was beautiful.  It was the first day it hasn’t rained.  Which by the way it has rained so much that I think I’m sprouting feathers and quacking now instead of oinking.  Today when mom went to work, it was so dark I thought it was night.  Nope, it was the same time that she usually leaves.  It was dark because it looked like the sky was fixing to fall out with thunderstorms.  Lovely.

 You know there are medicines that you can take for these mood swings.  If they don’t help, maybe you need to see a professional instead of taking this out on everyone in the world.  I’m just sayin’.

 

Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into the Jeep for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when mom challenges the hamsters in the motor to go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.  And of course by this time, Houdini is on play mode intertwining around both of mom’s legs.  Way to go bro!

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂

 

Mommy Smartypants

My mom.  She can be really sneaky when she wants to be.  We all know that.  But no one here was more surprised than daddy when she told him something that she wanted to do.  Something that was new and adventurous.  Between me and you, personally I was done with being adventurous since being at Summer Camp last week – snorts.

Well when sneaky mommy smartypants gets a bird up your hiney (what dad likes to call it), she doesn’t play.  You know how much that woman loves Albert her Smart car.  She would zip and zap all over town in it.  The only down side to Albert was that he didn’t have much support in the suspension department.  I know this first hoof.  When mom would roll over the smallest bump, you would feel it.  The small bump could be the size of a penny, you would know about it.  And let’s not even talk about railroad tracks or bumps in the road.  One time, I thought mom was going to literally fall into the hole – shivers – that was so scary!

And of course,  the Smart car only held two humans and a pig… maybe a dog too at times.  That’s why we also had Tank the Equinox.  Mom used Tank when we had family outings with Nana or vacation.  But being that mom was the only that drives here, the economical sense of having and maintaining two cars just didn’t make sense… so she told me when she picked me up from camp.

So this is where she got the bird up her hiney.  She wanted to trade both cars into the dealership and get an awesome car that she (1) she always wanted; (2) would hold all of us anipals and Nana and (3) would financial be more beneficial to the family.  So what does she do?  She buys a new car.

 She went to the dealership, told them what she wanted and after much paperwork and running around for titles and standing her own for what she wanted, she got what she wanted.  Now do you know where I get my pig-headiness from – snorts?  And of course, mom gets things while still smiling like the Southern gal she is.  She was able to cash in 7 years of extended warranty that she didn’t use on Albert.  She also stood firm for what she wanted for Albert.  AND she was able to stand firm on what she wanted for Tank.  And of course cutting back to only one car in the family, she was able to cut her insurance in half.  AND, she was able to pocket some money for the offer on the vehicles.  That’s the best part cause she can buy me some more Animal Crackers that Scout ate at Summer Camp 🙂

So let me introduce you to our new ride – a Jeep Patriot Latitude.  Mom has named him Casper.

I know – I know Casper is white.  But she says that the blue in the car reminds her of Casper’s beautiful blue eyes.  Shakes piggy head.  My mom is so crazy!

.

 

 

 

 

Tank vs Albert – The Results

Hello my friends.  Hope everyone had a most excellent weekend.  We all did here at the Hotel Thompson.  Us anipals got plenty of snuggles and rest.  Mom and dad completed the Tank vs Albert challenge and I’m here today with the results from them.  And just so you know, mom took daddy with her so that the results were not one-sided.  Do you think you know who won out in the competition of who is the most fun?  Do you think mommy gets treated differently when she drives the other vehicle?  You don’t have to wait any longer – here we go.

First up for the challenge – Tank.  Mom/dad went out riding in Tank on Saturday around the area.  Now, remember the challenge was to do the following:

• Wave at two cars that are similar in make and see what people do.
• Let two people in front of her at different times to see what people do.
• Go through a drive thru and pay for the breakfast behind her to see what people do.

Mom saw another car right off similar to Tank on the boulevard.  She waved at the woman driver.  The woman driver did a double take as if who are you waving at.  So much for being friendly huh?  Later on, mom saw another car similar to Tank with another woman driver.  She waved.  The lady at least smiled at mom – no wave but a smile.

At a red light, there was a man coming out of a shopping center.  Mom stopped to let him out.  He came out like there was no tomorrow without even a glance back.  Later, another stop light and restaurant.  Mom waved to let the woman out.  Again, no acknowledgement.

Mom and dad then proceeded to a drive thru later on in the day.  The lady behind them was buying a Happy Meal for her child so mom decided to buy it for her.  Mom pulled up to see the woman’s reaction.  Nada.  Nothing.  Not even a wave of thank you.

Results in Tank – Okay not very friendly.  Mom did get a wave from another similar driver of a Chevrolet Equinox. Other than that, nothing.  How crappy huh?

---

Sunday, mom/dad decided to take out Albert for the test.  They drove in different areas than they did Tank the day before.  Now, Smart cars are harder to find on the roads here – not a lot of people have them so they had to really look.

After a while, mom spotted one like a great white in the ocean.  She moved towards it.  She didn’t even have to honk first – the guy did in his Smart car.  He beeped his horn and waved like crazy at mom.  Of course, she acted equally as crazy and waved back.

The next spotting was a two-for.  She was sitting at a light and a Smart car was coming out of a restaurant.  She not only let the Smart car out, but they waved like crazy, rolled down their window and shouted to mom, “We love your car!”  Go figure huh?

Later on in the day, mom/dad were sitting at another light and a car was coming out of a motel.  Mom motioned them.  Do you believe what they did – they waved and laughed.  Awesome!

Now the kicker – to do a drive thru and pay for someone’s meal behind them.  They hit the nearest drive thru, ordered their food and paid for the car behind them.  Mom pulled up a bit to see what would happen.  The car behind them pulled up, you could see the conversation taking place and then they started beeping their horn and waving.  SCORE!

So what does this challenge teach you… other than mom/dad have a lot of time on their hands to do random psychiatric testing on people that don’t even know it – snorts.  This challenge teaches you something that women have known for centuries – are you ready for this – SIZE MATTERS!  No really, think about it.  This works not only in cars but in real life with humans.  The smaller you are, the more accepting people are to you and go out of their way to be nicer.  You know it’s true.  It’s profiling at it’s basic power.  Think about it.   Until people accept that we are all individuals in all different shapes and sizes, this will continue.  Bullying is a powerful weapon that happens in all forms of life.  This is a time to make a stand my friends.

SAY NO TO BULLYING!! 

 

Bacon’s Tales of Terror

Welcome my friends to my monthly Bacon’s Tales of Terror.  

Today we have a great one for you.  You see this is something that I saw.  Me and mom were going through some neighborhoods in her Smart car.  You know just driving around hoping that the flow of the car would make us sleepy.  What?  Yes we do that.  Mommy needs help sleeping sometimes – snorts.

So there we were on a back street and that’s when I saw this.  I started snorting… of course after I ducked down from being scared.  What the heck was that?  Mom had to make a circle and come back for a second look.  That’s when she saw it.  She would have ducked too but being in the Smart car there wasn’t much room.  So then we had to make a third circle.  You know to get it on camera.

What the heck were these people thinking?  What the heck is that?  A bird bath?  A head?  A head in a bird bath? Who lives at the house – Satan?  The Munster family?  The Adams Family?  Do birds really “drink” from that fountain?  All great questions.  What would YOU do or feel if that was in your neighborhood?  Would you walk by the house during the day?  What about night?  Would you be brave enough to walk to the door on Halloween?

 

I’ve Created a New Season – Happy Sprinter

This picture is from Wikipedia.  It shows the typical seasons – Spring, Summer, Fall and then Winter.  That’s the way it’s suppose to fall.  But this year, dear old Mother Nature is not playing fairly.  Mommy says she needs hormone shots and daddy says she needs more dates with Father Time.  I’m not sure which one is right.  I just know that maybe she needs a kick in the butt.  Yep, I said.  I kick right smack in the middle of her captains quarters.

You see, this weekend is what I’m talking about.  Saturday here at the Hotel Thompson we get up and it is beautiful.  There’s no other way to put it.  The birds are chirping (and that’s a story for another time – snorts), the sun is out, the wind is just right and the temperatures are in the 60’s.  You couldn’t ask for a more gorgeous day.  Mom and me went out to wash her Smart car Albert.  It only took less than five minutes by throwing a cup of water at it – snorts.  I kill myself.

Our neighbor Big Daddy had cut our yard and the back yard was spectacular.  Thanks Big Daddy!  We went out there and ran for a while.  Mommy says it was for me to get some sun and I said I understood.  Secretly I knew she wanted me to run some excess Winter weight off so I would sleep more deeply tonight.  I’m good with that.  I just wonder why she didn’t make daddy do the same.  Double snorts.

It was a wonderful day.  Lots of running, loving and snuggles.

Then BAM!  What a change Sunday.  Sunday brought us rain, cool weather and strong winds.  We could actually sit inside and hear the winds!  We all got up and had breakfast together.  It was so damp and yuck outside that after breakfast, we all went back to bed.  Now, I’m not hating days like this because usually, like this day, when we go back to bed we all get on the Select Comfort for a siesta.  It was great.

Picture this.  A king sized Select Comfort bed with two humans, two purr things and a piggy.  Snorts, I’m a 65 with mommy on the Select Comfort.  Daddy and the purr things are a 100.  That’s just too hard for this little oinker.  When we got up from our nap, it was still yuck outside.

Now, I’m telling you all of this for a reason.  It’s suppose to be Spring but it still acts like Winter.  I’m suggesting a new season called – Sprinter.  You get it?  Spring with Winter.  So sometime today, tell someone Happy Sprinter.  Then smile and remember my little story here.  🙂

Happy Sprinter my pals!

 

Come Here Spring!

Dearest Mother Nature – Really?  This weather you are throwing at us is outrageous.  One day it’s in the 70’s and the next day it’s in the 30’s.  Daddy says you are going through – what did he call it? – menopause.  He says that’s the only way to explain the vast difference in temperatures.  I can’t tell you what mommy called it – it was a bad word.

Yesterday here it was beautiful.  It was the first day it hasn’t rained.  Which by the way it has rained so much that I think I’m sprouting feathers and quacking now instead of oinking.  Today when mom went to work, it was so dark I thought it was night.  Nope, it was the same time that she usually leaves.  It was dark because it looked like the sky was fixing to fall out with thunderstorms.  Lovely.

And let me tell you about Albert, mom’s Smart car.  Mommy has not driven him in 8 days.  Why?  Because with your winds, your rain, your up and down temperatures, dad thought mom would be safer in Tank, the other car.  So you see now Mother Nature you are ticking off Albert.  He wants to run and he can’t.

 You know there are medicines that you can take for these mood swings.  If they don’t help, maybe you need to see a professional instead of taking this out on everyone in the world.  I’m just sayin’.

 

Happy Weekend

HAPPY WEEKEND my dear friends.  Do you have anything planned?  What are you doing?  I think we have errands to run tomorrow.  I’m going to see if I can persuade mom if I can tag along for some of them.  It should be a blast.  So if you see a little blue Smart car in a drive thru or on the road somewhere, check the back for me.  I’ll be the piggy oinking and snorting.  I would wave but you know I have short legs – snorts.

But I do want to leave you with something to think about this weekend. I saw this in the kitchen the other day and snagged a picture.  Mommy said it was milk.  Let me tell you something – I want to see the size of the cow that filled these little cups with milk.  OMP (oh my pig!)  Do you see the size of this milk bottle?  That’s about the right size of it too in the picture.  Was it a mini-cow?  And how long did it take to fill those cups? Remind me that I don’t want *that* job.

Have an awesome day and weekend!!