Information has been received over the wire reports this morning that the juvenile rolling stone has been caught in another act of random mischief. This time, the act took place in a local Target department store in the south. The juvenile rolling stone was caught on store security riding a tan in color skateboard down the sporting goods aisle. In one part of the video, you can actually see where the skateboard goes around a human wearing orange clogs and then runs into a display shaking his little pebble head from the impact.
One witness who wishes to remain anonymous, we’ll call him Mr. Smith, stated the juvenile rolling stone was acting like “he didn’t have a care in the world“. Mr. Smith stated he told him at one time to put the skateboard away so that he would not get hurt. The juvenile rolling stone stuck his tongue out and told the employee, “Make me”, before he took down another aisle riding the board. Mr. Smith followed him and inquired where his parents were. The juvenile rolling stone replied, “Papa was a rolling stone” before laughing hilariously.
This goes to show that the juvenile rolling stone is becoming more mischievous.
Last month, authorities reported that the juvenile rolling stone created havoc by riding a blue skateboard carelessly throughout the Walmart department store. He was observed skateboarding down aisles of the store in the toy department in between humans feet. He was even overheard shouting at the Walmart workers, “Whee, whee, whee!” and “Catch me if you can”.
Authorities have released a video from the security camera at Target of the juvenile rolling stone perpetrator showing his disturbance. Authorities are asking you not to approach the juvenile rolling stone in case he casts the first pebble. If you recognize this juvenile, please comment in the postings. All postings will be confidential.
Dear Bacon – Yo dude, we want to tell you something. Don’t think that Tony Hawk and humans are the only one’s that can move a board. We want you to know that us anipals can too. This is me and my bro using our boards on the bathroom sink – which is an awesome area to do some rims off the side. It’s way too cool dude. You only have to make sure that you don’t do the rim on the toilet side cause if it goes over, ka-plunk into the depths of the tidy bowl friend. So dude, the next time you go out on your deck or what have you, take in some air. You won’t regret it! Signed Mike and Ike
Dear Mike and Ike – Oh my piggy heavens. That’s what I’m talking about! Find the freedom of fun where you can. I like the way you two think for sure. I say burn those boards my friends and keep flying high… just watch out for the tank.
Dear Bacon – Shaking my head. You always have that one brother that just doesn’t know how to act or fit in. I’m sure you can relate with those two in your home. Here we are and our human wanted to take pictures. I’ve said time and time again, “Bro, don’t look at the camera.” And what does he do? Looks at the camera and grins like an idiot. Shaking my head. How can we be from the same family? Signed I’m with Stupid
Dear I’m with Stupid – I know only too well of this problem my friend. It seems like our brothers never want to do what we tell them – ever! Houdini is the same way here. He *always* has to turn on his baby charm and smile. It’s really disgusting. He’s such a camera hog – snorts with piggy laughter.
Dear Bacon – They say that admission is the first step. Okay here it goes. I admit it. I can’t hold my kibble. I overate. Why? Because it was there and my belly grumbled for some. Yes, I know it’s going to be there every day but you never know when the kibble will run dry and there won’t be anymore. You never know – honestly! I knew when I finished that I made a grave error of my ways. My tummy started rumbling and I got the talk back to… you know when air escapes and makes sound out of your bum. Those are weird. Then I ran to the bathroom and threw my head into the throne… to bad that wasn’t the end it wanted to come out of. My bad. Have you ever felt this way? Signed Overeaters Anonymous
Dear Overeaters Anonymous – Oh my friend. I’m a hog. I always feel like I should clean my bowl and eat some more. But mom, she makes sure I don’t overdo it like you did. And those sounds coming out of your bum – I like to refer to them as food ghosts coming back to haunt us…. then I blame them on my daddy. Hey, it works. Hope you feel better soon.
Dear Bacon – There is this show on television that I always have to watch every single week. It’s called Bad Dog! If you haven’t seen it, you have to check it out. It’s all about dogs that don’t have it together, that don’t know what side of their bread is buttered. Do you know what I mean? Well every week, I gather my favorites together – cheese – and watch my show. I try to get my humans to watch with me. So they will know what a wonderful pet I actually am. You know to let them know how lucky they are to have me. You get it. So do you have to remind your humans that they are lucky to have you? Signed Cheese Head
Dear Cheese Head – Yes. Us anipals always need to remind our humans how lucky they are to have us and how they can’t live without us. It’s the law of anipals… well it should be if it isn’t. Without us, who would keep the humans in line. Right? I say carry on my friend and enjoy those cheese doodles… one of my favorites.
❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to email me your pictures and letters. ❤
Dear Bacon – Hey dude! With all of the soccer craze going on right now, I thought I would hop along and be a professional athlete as well. I love soccer. There is nothing more relaxing than kicking the ball around. I think I’m just as good as David Beckham or Pelé or even Cristiano Ronaldo. What do you think? Do you think they would count my front feet as hands? Do you ever play ball? Signed A Beautiful Mind
Dear A Beautiful Mind – Awesome. That’s what I say. I think it’s awesome that you love to play soccer as much as you do. I can see you in the Olympics and at the big game. And yes I can see you next to the greats that you mentioned. I myself have snouted a ball around the backyard here from time to time. I think it’s a great way to relief some stress. I don’t care what any other peep thinks, you do what you love my friend. Go score BIG TIME!
Dear Bacon – Can you guess who my hero is? Go ahead guess. I bet you can’t figure it out? I know you can’t! I’ve gotta go now and find my brother Luigi and that gorgeous Princess Peach. Signed Mario
Dear Mario – Snorts! Good one my friend. You are awesome. You look just like that guy. No doubts in my book at all. And yes we guessed right off who you were. You see my mom loves Mario and Luigi and all your friends. She says she grew up with them and gave them a run for their money playing arcades.
I think you need to work your look for as long as you can and make it work for you. Perhaps you can go on a nationwide tour and promote Mario and Friends. Wouldn’t that be fun? If you come to my neck of the woods, I would love to see you in person. Take care and safe travels!
Dear Bacon – I told everyone I would be back and here I am. I’m back and ready to take over the world. This time I’m coming back as a pooch that is deadly… that has secret weapons of destruction. Don’t get in my way. Signed Poochnator
Dear Poochnator – WOW! Does your humans know about this? And I have to ask. Do you know my friend Easy? Are you secretly Easy in disguise? A pig has to know these answers my friend. And hey, does your mother know about your late curfew while you are out saving the world? And my mom says to tell you to remember to wear clean underwear… you know just in case something happens.
Dear Bacon – I’ll do anything for a carrot. I’ve heard you are the same. What would you do for a carrot? Signed Tony “The Pig” Hawk
Dear Tony “The Pig” Hawk – You go my friend. You ride like there is no tomorrow. Hit those decks, do those tails, ride those carves and hit some air. I can see you doing all of these tricks and getting all of the carrots you could wish for. And have I done anything for a carrot? You betcha. I’ve given Mouse Girl here back scratches and washed Hemi’s feet.What? That’s as adventurous as this pig gets!
Dear Bacon – Oh my pussy cats. There I was in the house walking around like I normally do. I went into the bathroom and there was a beautiful bubble bath in the tub. I looked around and no one was there. So I decided to take a little dip thinking that humans left it for me, right? I’m laying back enjoying the suds and then have mercy – the human master walked in naked. What has now been seen can not be unseen. I’ll even be honest with you. I’m not sure which one of us screamed the loudest. Signed Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub
Dear Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub – WOW! Now first up. That is a lovely ‘scared’ picture of you in the suds. It does look like you were enjoying yourself. Second up, I gotta ask. Did you give up your luxurious bubble bath and give it to the human or did you share? Snorts – I know I wouldn’t have gotten out!
FRIENDS – Please remember that Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please email me your pictures and letters 🙂
Information has been received over the wire reports this morning that a random act of mischief has taken place at a local Walmart in Rocksville. A juvenile rolling stone was caught causing mayhem by riding a blue skateboard throughout the store carelessly. The juvenile rolling stone was overheard shouting, “Whee, whee” and “Catch me if you can”. The rolling stone was observed skateboarding down aisles of the store in the toy department in between humans feet. No one was harmed but authorities are looking for the juvenile rolling stone for counseling. Skateboarding throughout the aisles of the Walmart is greatly frowned upon for the safety of its customers.
A video has been released of the juvenile rolling stone in his time of mishief. If you recognize this juvenile rolling stone, please comment on this posting. All comments will be strictly confidential. Thank you for your help in this grave matter.