Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
I’ve read your column recommending yoga and how everyone thinks its the best thing since sliced bread. I’m not a fan. I’m not sure what this position was suppose to be but it’s not natural. I guess it’s not meant for everyone.

Signed Pretzel

Dear Pretzel,
Well, you do look like you’re a little tied up there. What’s it like to be able to kiss your own butt? Snort

---

Dear Bacon,
So I walked into a bar and ordered a beer. What’s wrong with that? I’m of age. Why not think its strange that the bartender served me?

Why does it have to be me with a problem?

Signed Cheers

Dear Cheers,

I don’t see a problem with that. If you can (A) walk into a bar; (B) order your own beer; (C) sit at the bar and (D) drink it, I say you deserve it. I salute you!

---

 

 Dear Bacon,
Do you ever have one of those days that you don’t know if your coming/going? If you need to eat or go wizzy? I had a moment and of course my dad had to take a picture. Who knows where it will show up next on the Internet. Signed Two Birds With One Stone

Dear Two Birds With One Stone,
Hey little man, no worries. Sometimes life happens. You’re hungry and you have to go. I’ll tell you a little secret. At times when I go wizzy for mom on my piggy pad, she will feed me a carrot while I’m going. Hey, whatever you gotta do my friend for food, do it.

---

Dear Bacon,
I’m like you. I have a short leg challenge. There’s lots of things I can’t do either because of those challenged little legs. I found the perfect solution – stilts. They do take some getting used to but hey no more short legs. You gotta get a pair of these things and try them. Signed Vertically Challenged

Dear Vertically Challenged,
You do look a lot taller. Mine would have to be taller. You know, to make room for my garage of a belly. 🙂 snort They do look like fun. I’m wondering if I could get mom to make me some for fun? I’ll keep you posted.

 

 

 

Epilogue’s

There will be a day that comes that we will be finished here on this Earth.  Mom/dad have told me all about the facts of life and what happens with the process.  It can kind of be overwhelming to think of this situation without your loved ones.  But here lately, I’ve been watching a lot of television.  Who would have guess that, right?  I *had* to get caught up from being at Summer Camp with no television for the week.

So as you’ve probably guessed with some of my blogs this week, there is a new trend on epilogues.  Daddy was watching a sports talk show on television and I was curious so I jumped on the sofa to watch it with him.  They were talking about this new trend of epilogues – being as short as possible.  One guy was 93 years young when he passed.  In his epilogue they wrote, “Finally golfed his age.”  Another guy’s epilogue was, “Finally caught the ball”.  See, short and to the point.

I understand new trends.  But in epilogues, could you really go short talking about your life?  So here is my challenge to you my friends, what would YOUR short epilogue be? 

I can’t tell you some of the ones that daddy told me he would write about me.  The man has no filter between his brain and mouth – mom tells him that all of the time – snorts. But I did think of some for me:

Finally found food heaven.

Finally with the ones that passed before me.

Finally has the perfect body.

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  This will be my final letter from camp.  WOW – it’s been a long week in a lot of different ways and on the other hoof a very short week.  I really didn’t want to come but I have to admit that it’s been kind of fun.  I’ve met a lot of great friends – Scott and Piper.  You are probably wondering who the heck is Piper.  Piggy blushes… she was the strawberry that I had dinner with the other night.  She’s sweet and cute and all girly and from the south.  She gave me her phone number and address so we can stay in touch ❤ .  Oh, and so did Scott.

Last night was talent night here at camp.  All of us had to come up with some kind of talent for the show.  Heck, I had to think hard.  I mean what talent do I have besides pounding a keyboard.. which I’m pretty good with cause the last time I checked I was up at 25hpm (hooves per minute).  So I thought about biting into an apple and laying on the floor but I’m not sure how many of the gang would get that one.  Then it hit me.  I would dance and sing a song of my people so I did.

“I’m a little teapot short and stout.  Here is my handle and here is my … handle.  Damn I’m a sugar bowl.”

It got a great snort and got me off of the stage quickly.

So today mom/dad are coming to pick me up.  I can’t wait.  I’m so ready to jump in the back of the Smart car and get home to my kingdom… my castle… my own bed… my air conditioning.  aaww – I miss that life.  I hope you’ve been entertained this week and that my little brother Houdini has done a good job on my blog.  I instructed him before I left to take care of everyone.

See you soon my friends!

 

Spring is Here – YAY!

So I saw this little jingle with the cute little kitty doing a dance and I thought, why not?  It is finally Spring and I am feeling so frisky – in a good way.  I don’t want you to start thinking of me like that.  Nope, no way, not going to happen.  I’m talking frisky as in wanting to run.  You see during the winter months, I have a tendency to just want to sleep and eat… kind of like a hibernation of sorts.  I just don’t feel like running – it’s way too cold for me.

So this weekend, I was on a roll.  I ran around the back yard in my magical kingdom.  I played with mom and we rolled around in the clovers.  We sat for a long time and basked in the sun.  We just ‘hung out’ together and had a great time.

Later in the day, daddy even got the grill out to cook some dinner.  I might have or might have not begged for some chicken.  Hey, it’s what I do.  And by the way, it was delicious.

But then later, we all went inside of the Hotel Thompson.

I remembered the picture of the kitty singing his song so I ran through the front room singing it too.. well what I thought was the words.  Can you believe when I did it, mom and dad almost fell off the sofa because they were laughing so hard?  The nerve of them, huh?  I can’t help it that I resemble my song.  You want to hear it too?  Okay, don’t laugh – pinky promise okay.  Here it goes:

.

 

“I’m a little teapot short and stout;

Here is my handle, here is my … handle

Darn, I’m a sugar bowl.”.