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Changing…

Yawns.  What was that noise?  What woke me up?  I lay here in my bed and stretch.  Oh my – either my legs are getting longer or my bed is getting smaller.  What is up with that.  Surely I can’t still be growing.  

Oh yeah…what woke me up?  I opened one eye and looked around.  It’s still dark in here.  Surely it was just my imagination.  That’s when something strange happened.  I had this strong urge – kind of like an internal clock ticking to wake up mom for breakfast.  What?  When did that start happening?  The urge was strong too.  I opened the other eye, sat up and stretched.  Okay – this has to be a dream.  Where the heck am I?  I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and looked around.  No wonder my feet kept hitting the bottom of the bed.  What is this – a toddler bed?  Where am I?  This is not my bedroom.  I look over at a wall – what does that say?  It’s a picture of a pig wearing cow house shoes and states “Moo Shoe Pork Palace”.  Que diable?!

Again, the strong urge to wake up mom.  I don’t wake up mom like this, especially before the birds start singing and it’s still dark outside.  But for some reason the pull is strong to my bedroom door.  That’s when something so weird happened.  I opened my mouth to bark and it didn’t happen.  Instead of a bark it was a squeal and an oink?!  What in the world!  

A few minutes later, my bedroom door opened and I heard a voice say, “Thanks Bacon, time for breakfast.”  Okay, something weird is going on.  First, a cheerful voice telling me it’s breakfast time?  But the voice called me Bacon… then again who cares because they mentioned food.  

I take off down the hallway and stop in my tracks.  What?  Where are my stairs?  There’s nothing here but a long hallway.  I go into the living room and look around but my nose tells me there is food coming from the kitchen.  I poke my head into the kitchen and walk through sniffing.  That’s when the voice tells me, “Hey Sunshine.”  I tell you, I had to look around.  Who is Sunshine?  I’m Easy.  That’s when the voice puts down an amazing looking array of food – eggs?  Oh yeah – I like this room service.  Eggs with spinach and some kind of nuggets.  I quickly snarfed it down and looked up. Now to think of it, the call of nature is like calling big time.  I was at the point of crossing my legs by this time.  Can’t this woman see the whites in my eyes floating?  I need to use the facilities BIG time.  I walk through the kitchen and see the back door.  I brush up against it and plead to this woman.  Finally she gets the drift.  “Oh Bacon, you want to go out and play this early?”  No woman – I need to PEE – let me out – let me out – let the weimaraner out!

I run out the back door and almost fell down the stairs of the porch.  Where am I?  This isn’t my backyard.  Although it does look magical – what is that over in the corner?  Is that a squirrel?  I gotta go meet him and I take off running towards him.  Can you believe the guy doesn’t move.  It’s like he knows me or something.  He even talked!  “Hey Bacon, how’s it going this morning?”  Who is this squirrel?  Before I could say anything he further said, “Well have a great day pig, I gotta go work on some important holidays for your blog.”  What?  Who does he think is, Journalist Rocky the Squirrel – barks atcha my friend.

A talking squirrel – now I’ve seen everything.  I shook myself, marked some territory and went back to the door.  What the heck did I eat last night to give me these illusions?  Those mushrooms had to be psychedelic mushrooms – yeah that’s it.  Remind me to never eat those again – ever!

I went back inside and the woman said, “Time for snuggle time” and kept looking at me.  What?  You think I’m a trained pup or something?  Darn this body – where are these guttural movements coming from?  Before I could stop myself, I jumped up in this woman’s lap and started oinking.  Shaking my head.  I gotta stop eating after 8pm.  It definitely had to be the mushrooms last night?

After a while, she said she had to go to work and did I want my television on in my bedroom?  What a television all to myself in a room all to myself.  You have got to be kidding.  Now this part of the nightmare I could get used to… snorts – I mean barks.  I gotta get my barky thing checked out.  I’m going back to bed.

Something is definitely wrong.

But before I could go back to bed, this man appeared all magically delicious and said, “Hey Bacon, you want a snack?”  What?  I tell you at least my dreams have great room service.  The man gives me this piggy plate full of goodies.

Okay – what is up with this?  I mean there’s all kinds of bacon and piggy stuff.  Sure I know my brother across the pond but why give this kind of stuff to the weimaraner?

If anyone figures out this freaky stuff, please let me know okay and thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 
37 Comments

Posted by on 04/11/2016 in Bacon

 

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Response from the Hotel Thompson

Dear Bacon,

We are in receipt of your letter from yesterday.  We apologize for the way you think the service has fallen on the weekends at the Hotel Thompson.  We appreciate you taking the time to contact us to let us know of our fallen ways.  We have taken great thought to some of your remarks and we have a few of our own, as we should since every story has two sides.

First of all, Sunday cleaning day.  Everyone at the Hotel Thompson pulls their weight around here at this establishment.  Just be glad that you don’t get the bathroom detail – that goes to Princess Mouse Girl and she doesn’t complain.  And Hemi with his huge paws, he gets dusting detail – he doesn’t complain.  You in fact my dear, are a little pig headed.  You like to fight clean day.  Let’s talk about bath nights at the Hotel Thompson.  You neglected to tell everyone how bull headed you are in taking your bath.  You don’t mind stripping down to naked world and running through the house but you try to avoid the tub like there’s no tomorrow.  We’re not asking for a bath every week, but once a month on bath night perhaps you can be so kind to actually help and not cause a fuss.  Sometimes it sounds like we are killing you here and what would the neighbors think then?  I’ll tell you what they will think.  That you are a wussy.  Yep, we said it little man.  Bath up okay.

Second of all, do you know how much you enjoy mommy/piggy time?  Well, daddy likes to enjoy mommy/daddy time too.  It’s only fair since mommy gets shared with all of you – you, Hemi and Mouse Girl.  Daddy deserves some time as well.  Especially since he keeps you in the life that you are accustomed.  If mom and dad want to go out and have a ‘date night’, then they should.  And before you go eeeww, just remember one day you will be dating too.  You have to do everything to keep it fresh and romantic.

Third of all, Bacon sweet Bacon – you have more mood swings sometimes than a pharmacist has pills.  Not that *we* are complaining.  We take the good – we take the bad – it’s the facts of life.  Regardless of your behavior, we still love you and cater to your every little need.  You seem to be the apple of your mom’s eyes.

Fourth of all, you may have less snacks on the weekends, but tell the truth about your meals.  You actually get cooked to order pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit and actual tacos or pizza on the weekends.  WOW – figure that.  Less snacks but more home cooked meals.  And you always get a treat on your pillow during turn down service.  You’ve never go to bed hungry.

Therefore let’s discuss your accomodations here at the Hotel Thompson shall we. 

  • You have free roam of the facility.  You have air conditioning and heat in a temperature controlled environment. 
  • You are guaranteed 3 meals and usually 2 snacks during the week.  Sometimes on the weekends, it might be 3 meals and possibly 1 snack. 
  • You have your very own bedroom…. all to yourself.  Not even the purr things here go into your room unless you invite them in.
  • You have your own television, DVD and Netflix account in your very own bedroom.
  • You get mommy/piggy time on the sofa in the front room watching television.
  • You get piggy massages and rub downs.
  • You have your very own piggy toys.
  • You have your very own pet – Bashful.  He should keep you company now on the weekends when mom and dad have date night.
  • AND, you have your very own computer with internet access.

Needless to say Bacon, we think here at the Hotel Thompson you need to re-evaluate your issues with us.  It seems to the management, that you have it made my friend.  I don’t believe other piggies that live in nature have it made like you do.  But, if you have anymore complaints, please feel free to write.

Sincerely,

Management – Hotel Thompson

 
11 Comments

Posted by on 03/26/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Management at the Hotel Thompson

20130319-122440.jpgDear Management of the Hotel Thompson,

It is with great sadness that I feel the need to write this letter.  Room service and snacks have been a great disappointment on the weekends.  It seems to me that the entire weekend service has gone down.  During the week, I have no issues.  It is strictly on schedule and you know how I am about my little piggy routine.  On the other hand, the weekends seem to have no routine.

I’m fine with breakfast being late.  Heck, we all like to sleep in a little on the weekends.  However, it seems that with a late breakfast, there is no room service of a mid morning snack.  The shock of that!  My little piggy system can’t take a missed meal.  With this rate, I’m going to shrivel up to nothing soon. 

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And with weekends, I’m suppose to get a lot of piggy/mommy time.  What’s up with leaving this pig all alone for a couple of hours?  Am I going to have to report this establishment to PFACS (Pig Family and Children Services).  I don’t think I’m old enough to be left all alone.  What if something happens?  My hooves don’t help me when I need to push buttons on the telephone.  Maybe you need to get me a lifeline medical alert just in case something happens and I need to push a button.  What if I fall and can’t get up? 

Also, what’s up with this manual pig labor on Sundays?  I’m being made to help ‘clean’ my room.  I thought that was what turn down service was all about.  I actually have to pull my blanket to the laundry room to be washed.  The horrors of that.  That’s free piggy labor.  I don’t even get an allowance or anything. 

Please management of the Hotel Thompson, can you please address these issues and take them to heart.  Just make a few changes?

Signed, You’re well behaved pig – you’re favorite pet – you’re baby, Bacon

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 03/25/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Room Service at Hotel Thompson

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Room service at the Hotel Thompson is really a great and wonderful luxury for this little piggy. When you go to fine hotel, most of the time you get turn down service and a mint on your pillow. Not here at the Hotel Thompson. It’s even better than that!

I have a schedule that I like to stick to and I try to get in bed by 9:00 every night. I need my beauty sleep and a structured schedule works really well for me. I called for room service to be delivered around 9:10 – this gives me plenty of time to do my business and brush my teeth.

Room service arrives and it’s a party in my tummy. Instead of a mint on my pillow, I get one of the most delicious treats in the entire world. Tonight I ordered my favorite, bananas and eggs. It may not sound like a great combination but to me it’s like steak and caviar. Mmm – yummo!

After my snack, room service (AKA mom) stays to tuck me in and read me a story. Hey, I’m set in my ways. I’ve grown accustomed to this at the Hotel Thompson. Snort chuckles.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on 01/15/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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