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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  There I was swimming around in my home.  You know, minding my own business and keeping to myself.  That’s when I saw this shark bait hanging out in a flimsy cage.  Ha – as if those cages are shark proof.  Shaking my head.  When will the humans learn, right?  Anyway, I was swimming and I saw this human with a camera thing taking pictures of my home.  Then the human did the weirdest thing.  He took one of those selfies that are all the rage over the internet.  Well, you know I thought I would help him out and swam up behind him at just the right moment.  By the looks of his eyes, I think it surprised him.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it did.  The water got cold in our area for a few minutes – ha!  Signed Sharky

Dear Sharky – Oh.my.piggy.heavens!   Dude, I would pee all over myself if you did that to me too!  In fact, that’s where us anipals are smarter than the humans.  There is no way we would put ourselves in these situations.  Shaking my head.  Nope, not at all.  That is one selfie he will not forget anytime soon for sure!


Dear Bacon – My master thinks this is a joke.  There is no joke here.  Just wait until he falls asleep which he has to do at some point.  Just wait.  What?  You aren’t laughing at me too.  Are you?  Putting a peach in front of me and saying there is more fuzz on said peach than my body is a cruel joke.  Just wait until a position that peach near his person.  Will see if his girlfriend thinks it is a joke.  Signed Evil Kitty

Dear Evil Kitty – WOW.  You don’t play do you my friend?  My dad says that this is called Game On and the master gets what he gets for doing something like this to you.  I would love to see his face… and his girlfriend… when you peach him back.  Talk about impeachment.  Snorts with piggy laughter.


Dear Bacon – See my friend sometimes one has to take help when it’s needed.  My girlfriend called and said she was home alone.  Rather than run the 3 miles to her house, I caught a ride in the back of a sweet dumpster truck.  They never saw me and never knew they had a hitchhiker.  Just remember fellow anipals, take help where you need it!  Signed Hitchhiker to the Galaxy

Dear Hitchhiker to the Galaxy – SWEET my friend.  What a brilliant idea to come up with in a time of need.  Of course that would be awesome to hitch a ride to get to your girlfriends house.  Hope you got there quickly!  Take care my friend and remember next time to buckle up!


Dear Bacon – I have made a grand mistake.  Darn this birdseed!  There I was looking at the pretty seed and it was calling my name, “Squirrel come eat me.”  I ran to the top of the cylinder and looked into it blessing my lucky day.  That’s when this stupid bird came up and pushed me over the edge.  Now, I’m stuck in my prison.  It doesn’t matter if I eat all of the seed or not.  I’m stuck until a human sees me in my lockdown.  Why me?  Signed Squirrel in Solitude

Dear Squirrel in Solitude – Darn that bird!  Sometimes they can be so pesky.  I say this first hand seeing some birds in my magical backyard picking on you squirrels.  Wish I was closer.  I would certainly get you out of your predicament.  Hope you weren’t there too long.  It was definitely a catch 22 – you are near the food but trapped at the same time.  Then again, don’t eat too much.  You might not be able to get out!


Dear Bacon – All it took was this one picture for my human to see and pass out.  I thought it was simply brilliant.  Really I do.  By quickly glancing at the picture, did you also think I was broken in half?  I got you, didn’t I?  HA – Barking my head off.  I think this is priceless.  Call me a magician for sure.  Signed Sawed in Half

Dear Sawed in Half – I have to admit it, you got me.  At first glance, I thought oh my goodness this dog is broken.  Even my dad saw it and thought the same thing.  Awesome job in fooling everyone for sure.  You should enter this in some kind of contest for sure.  Thanks pal now keep it together – snorts with piggy laughter.

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on 05/09/2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – Thank goodness for Pokemon GO!  While everyone is out looking for Pokemon, me and my bros are practicing our battle Corgi skills on an empty beach.  Talk about fun in the sun.  No one to watch us work our magic.  Corgi’s will rule one day !  We might even let you in on our team since your’e a cool pig.  Signed Corgi’s Unite!

Dear Corgi’s Unite – Oh my piggy heavens!  Look at ya’ll with your swords and everything.  Dudes, ya’ll have skills.  I just know I could fit in.  I have a powerful snout.  Trust me on that.  I put my head down and snout out and CHARGE!  Keep practicing and keep me posted okay.

 


 Dear Bacon – Hey.  You definitely need to join us for a drink the next time you are in our area.  We know this bar where everyone knows your pet and human name.  The tab is endless – they just bill our charges to the human folks when they come in – good deal, huh?  So the next time you are our way, stop in for a bowl of milk or popcorn or a pint… of ice cream that is.  Signed, Coon, Pug and Mutt

Dear Coon, Pug and Mutt – Now you are talking my language.  A anipal friendly bar where they know our names and don’t bill us but our humans.  I am so in on this fun ride.  Save me a pint please cause I’m off to map you on my Waze app.

 

 


Dear Bacon – You do realize that by the human dressing me up in this garb, taking my picture and then laughing like a jackass, there will be punishment repaid.  How embarrassing huh?  The human is even talking about me wearing this ridiculous outfit for Halloween in a couple of months.  Please make this stop.  What can I do?  Signed Oscar (and yes that’s my name – rolls kitty eyes)

Dear cough-cough Oscar – Dude, you have to admit the brilliance of your outfit.  I know – I know.  But look at you.  You are rocking the Oscar the Grinch outfit and it is priceless in the second picture.  I think you would definitely be a blast at Halloween in that costume.  But just say for pay back, maybe you can leave a fur ball on your humans favorite chair or on their pillow.  I think that would be plenty sufficient cause trust me.  In the end, you are the STAR!


 Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  These Air Jordans are suppose to make you be able to jump and fly and dunk.  I can’t do any of these things still.  I say this is false advertisement.  I should sue that human.  What do you think?  Signed Skippy

Dear Skippy – Snorts my friend.  First off, I think in order to “jump and fly” you would actually need some on your back feet as well.  And then running with a little thrust, you might just be able to fly.  And hey, it might help if you lace them up.  I’m just saying.  You don’t want to be mid-air and lose your shoe.  But until then, maybe you should watch this movie called, “White Men Can’t Jump”.  You know just for research purposes.  You might be able to make some money on the side if you take careful notes.  Let me know okay and I can be your manager one day.


 Dear Bacon – I win again this year!  This is me in my championship picture of hide and go seek.  Awesome huh?  Every year in my county, they have a contest with anipals hiding in their environment.  I won again!  That’s two years back to back.  So, you got any wonderful hide and seek pictures?  Signed Winner

Dear Winner – OMP – I had to take a double look there to find you my friend.  You do blend – very well!  I say conpigulations on your win.  And it’s never too early to start working on next year’s winning picture.  I just know you can make it three years in a roll!  You go!

 

 

 


REMEMBER FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please keep emailing me your pictures and letters.

 

 
21 Comments

Posted by on 08/02/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Evil Squirrel – Special Edition

This week we have a Special Edition of Dear Bacon.  This week my good friend Evil Squirrel is going to fill in for me.  Be sure to visit him and let him know what a wonderful job he did my friends!

 

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Dear Evil Squirrel,
Sshh – don’t tell the owner. She hasn’t had her eyes checked in some time and still thinks I’m her kitty. I have it made until she gets new glasses. Any suggestions on how to maintain this trick? Signed Kitty in Disguise

Dear Kitty in Disguise,  I have to commend you for pulling the wool over the human’s eyes using nothing more than a cheap eye mask.  I thought that stuff only worked in Bugs Bunny cartoons.  If you’ve managed to fool her for this long, I think you can probably succeed over the long haul.  Just remember to keep sulking and taking 23 hour long naps like every other kitteh does so she doesn’t get suspicious.  Oh, and keep the rabies to yourself… you may be able to fool your owner, but I don’t think your local animal control officers are gonna buy that disguise.

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Dear Evil Squirrel,
Hey when the humans are away the snake will play. I got hungry for a hot pocket. What I learned though was I need some fingers. Any suggestions? Signed Hotss Pocketss

Dear Hotss Pocketss,  I will personally unwrap and microwave all of the Hot Pockets you want at your request.  All I ask in return is that you don’t get hungry for something exotic like…. oh… squirrel.  You’re not a tree climbing snake, are you?  That picture is going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life!

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Dear Evil Squirrel,
You may enter and use my throne. Make it quick though. I have plans to make and households to overtake. Signed King George

Dear King George,  Bad kitteh!  Bad!  Do your humans perch themselves on top of your litter box and watch as you do your business?  The bathroom is the most important room in the house to two-footers, and I fear that is one throne you are going to be forced to abdicate.  Besides, you don’t really want to be hanging around when your subjects are parting with that chili they had for dinner.

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Dear Evil Squirrel,
Me up to no good? Surely you are joking. What would give you that kind of idea that I’m into trouble? Signed Smirky

Dear Smirky,  Up to no good?  Ha!  We squirrels know a thing or two about being up to no good, and I can assure you, the perfect “up to no good” face looks a lot more dastardly than that.  No, I just assumed you found your human’s bottle of Prozac and helped yourself to some happiness.  I know saying a dog looks happy seems to be pretty redundant, but you seem to be what my good pal George Carlin liked to call “more than happy”.  When Edie Brickell sung about a “smile on a dog,” she had to be thinking of you!  Keep smiling, Smirky.  Keep smiling…

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Dear Evil Squirrel,
Darn those ghosts! I’m so close to getting a high score on Pac Man. I know I can do it. Have you played? Signed Wonka Cat

Dear Wonka Cat,  I was quite the video gaming expert back in my day.  I spent more acorns than I care to think about outrunning ghosts, leaping barrels, shooting aliens, and blasting centipedes.  At least you have the luxury of unlimited continues, so all I can say is keep practicing.  And if Pac Man gets too frustrating, switch to Super Mario Brothers and take it out on the turtles.

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Thank you so much to my good friend Evil Squirrel  for stepping in for me this week.

Remember my friends – this Dear Bacon issue can’t happen without YOU.  Keep sending your pictures and questions to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
77 Comments

Posted by on 05/27/2014 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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What? We were playing really hard outdoors. My friend Tinker got tired. I thought I would carry him back indoors to his mommy. I wasn’t hurting him or anything – honestly. We are just good buds. Signed Friendly Coon

Dear Friendly Coon,
aaww – Isn’t that very nice of you. I bet ya’ll have a great friendship. Tinker must love and trust you so very much. It’s nice to see that kind of friendship these days.

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Dear Bacon,
Have you ever just stopped and had a great time? Sometimes life is just way too complicated. Every once in a while, we just need to stop and pounce in the leaves to let go of a little steam. It’s great therapy. Have you ever played with the leaves and let go of a little steam? Signed Pug Happy

Dear Pug Happy,
OMP (Oh my pig!) You look so happy there jumping in the leaves and letting go of your ‘steam’. I have played outside in the leaves once or twice. Now that I think of it, it was a great way to have fun and let loose a bit. I did have a great time playing with mom. You are right – carry on my friend and have a wonderful time!

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How humilating. My human not only took this picture but pinned it on Tumblr. Good grief. Will this humiliation ever end? Trust me, I’m two steps from going hostile back there with my human daddy. It may not look like it to you, but inside I’m steaming up like a volcano. Signed Dash

Dear Dash,
You know I like to look at the bright side of problems my friend. For instance, look at you – you don’t have to walk when you can be carried. 🙂 No, not buying that one huh? Okay, think of the brighter picture. Instead of pinning it on Tumblr, your human mom could have made Christmas cards out of that picture. 🙂 You gotta see the good in that, right? I say go for it and think positive. It could always be worse – really it could.

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Dear Bacon,

I’m not really eating my dad. I’m waiting for him to give me some positive reinforcement. You don’t believe me? You see, I watched a special documentary on National Geographic this past weekend. Lion fathers let their children do this to them and in return the dads scream like they are being hurt. This teaches the young on what to do. I was just testing this theory. I guess it doesn’t work on pooches. You think? Signed Toughie

Dear Toughie,

No my friend. I don’t think it works on your kind. But you know what? I think you look so cute and adorable. Really I do 🙂

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Dear Bacon,20140217-041843.jpg
I.am.so.done with this weather. I live in Georgia for Pete’s sake. It’s not suppose to snow here. And this year, it seems like Mother Nature is trying to make up for it. I’m so ready to hit the water and do what I do best – bask in the sun and fish. Are you with me? Signed Captain Sulley

Dear Captain Sulley,
Snorts. I know you in real life my friend. I’m game for ‘basking in the sun’ anytime you and your family go out. I’m just …. tapping my hoof… waiting for my invitation. And of course by invitation I mean to bask in the sun not for the main meal – snorts. Carry on my friend and have fun!!

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Remember my friends – keep your letters and pictures coming. Send them to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
20 Comments

Posted by on 03/18/2014 in Dear Bacon

 

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