I have a tendency to dish on daddy a lot here at the Hotel Thompson. He’s okay with that. It’s what I do – shrugs piggy shoulders. What can I say? But today, snorts, today I want to dish on mommy – yep that’s right – MOMMY. I love her. She’s my mom. But she does this one thing that scares me every.single.time. It’s been almost three years and it still gets me. I know you are dying to know what it is, aren’t you?
Yep, her sneezes. I know it’s a natural bodily function – just like poots – snorts….I said poots – double snorts… PRAOL (Piggy rolling all over laughing). But I get sidetracked. We are talking about mom’s gigantic volcano sneezes. Yep, they are H.U.G.E. I’m not talking ca-choo small mouse sneeze (that would be my daddy). I’m not talking cute little Sneezy from the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I’m not even talking about a cute purr thing sneeze…. or me for that matter. I’m talking Puff the Magic Dragon out of the water sneeze.
You think I’m joking but I’m not. Mom’s sneezes are so bad that everyone hears them…. even down the street in the next zipcode. Yesterday she was in the shower using her favorite shower gel which is a honeysuckle smell. It made her sneeze. I thought she was coming through the shower wall.
And let’s not forget about the other day at the worky place – snorts – this is a good one. She was sitting at her desk being all productive. She took a sip of coffee and a sneeze snuck up on her. Coffee.went.EVERYWHERE – both computer screens, desk, calendar, fan, light fixture, cabinets and all over her shirt like she was performing a wet t-shirt contest (not that *I* would know anything about that kind of activity – looks around all innocent). She told daddy that it took her an hour to clean up everything. That’s what kind of sneezing I’m talking about.
So my friends, I need to know. Do you have a Puff the Magic Dragon sneezer in your crib?