The Paw Time with Houdini

   Hello my friends to another great week of Paw Time with Houdini.  I hope that you’ve had a wonderful week – and a great holiday weekend.  We’ve all been trying to stay cool here at the Hotel Thompson.  We are ALL over Summer now and ready for some cooler weather.  And no we are not like those peeps in the winter that say we are ready for Summer and vice versa.  We all kind of like it a little cool.  This heat just makes it so miserable to do anything.  And living in the south, you add in the humidity with it and yuck.

There are some things going on here at the Hotel Thompson that will be interesting in the next couple of weeks.  One of them has to do with Bacon – barks!  He doesn’t know yet but I know the secret – secret evil smiles.  I overheard mom/dad talking about it and no I can’t tell you what it is … yet.  But it’s going to be hilarious.  Okay maybe not so much for that spoiled oinker but amusing for everyone else here.  Just wait.

And mom took some great pictures of me this week.  The first one is me wearing my pink shirt – nods head.  Real men wear pink 🙂  I just woke up so I still had some bedhead going on with that picture.  But it’s still cute.  The other picture is of me and Mouse Girl.  She’s my partner in crime.  My partner in having fun.  Isn’t she hubba hubba cute?

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Well that’s all for me my friends – yawns – I hope you had a wonderful week as well.  Happy weekend!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Hey dude!  With all of the soccer craze going on right now, I thought I would hop along and be a professional athlete as well.  I love soccer.  There is nothing more relaxing than kicking the ball around. I think I’m just as good as David Beckham or Pelé or even Cristiano Ronaldo.  What do you think?  Do you think they would count my front feet as hands?  Do you ever play ball?  Signed A Beautiful Mind

Dear A Beautiful Mind – Awesome.  That’s what I say.  I think it’s awesome that you love to play soccer as much as you do.  I can see you in the Olympics and at the big game.  And yes I can see you next to the greats that you mentioned.  I myself have snouted a ball around the backyard here from time to time.  I think it’s a great way to relief some stress.  I don’t care what any other peep thinks, you do what you love my friend.  Go score BIG TIME!

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Dear Bacon – Can you guess who my hero is?  Go ahead guess.  I bet you can’t figure it out?  I know you can’t!  I’ve gotta go now and find my brother Luigi and that gorgeous Princess Peach.  Signed Mario

Dear Mario – Snorts!  Good one my friend.  You are awesome.  You look just like that guy.  No doubts in my book at all.  And yes we guessed right off who you were.  You see my mom loves Mario and Luigi and all your friends.  She says she grew up with them and gave them a run for their money playing arcades.

I think you need to work your look for as long as you can and make it work for you.  Perhaps you can go on a nationwide tour and promote Mario and Friends. Wouldn’t that be fun?  If you come to my neck of the woods, I would love to see you in person.  Take care and safe travels!

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Dear Bacon –  I told everyone I would be back and here I am.  I’m back and ready to take over the world.  This time I’m coming back as a pooch that is deadly… that has secret weapons of destruction.  Don’t get in my way.  Signed Poochnator

Dear Poochnator – WOW!  Does your humans know about this?  And I have to ask.  Do you know my friend Easy?  Are you secretly Easy in disguise?  A pig has to know these answers my friend.  And hey, does your mother know about your late curfew while you are out saving the world?  And my mom says to tell you to remember to wear clean underwear… you know just in case something happens.

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Dear Bacon –  I’ll do anything for a carrot.  I’ve heard you are the same.  What would you do for a carrot?  Signed Tony “The Pig” Hawk

Dear Tony “The Pig” Hawk – You go my friend.  You ride like there is no tomorrow.  Hit those decks, do those tails, ride those carves and hit some air.  I can see you doing all of these tricks and getting all of the carrots you could wish for.  And have I done anything for a carrot?  You betcha.  I’ve given Mouse Girl here back scratches and washed Hemi’s feet.What? That’s as adventurous as this pig gets!

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Dear Bacon – Oh my pussy cats.  There I was in the house walking around like I normally do.  I went into the bathroom and there was a beautiful bubble bath in the tub.  I looked around and no one was there.  So I decided to take a little dip thinking that humans left it for me, right?  I’m laying back enjoying the suds and then have mercy – the human master walked in naked.  What has now been seen can not be unseen.  I’ll even be honest with you. I’m not sure which one of us screamed the loudest.  Signed Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub

Dear Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub – WOW!  Now first up.  That is a lovely ‘scared’ picture of you in the suds.  It does look like you were enjoying yourself.  Second up, I gotta ask.  Did you give up your luxurious bubble bath and give it to the human or did you share?  Snorts – I know I wouldn’t have gotten out!

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FRIENDS – Please remember that Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please email me your pictures and letters 🙂

 

Spring Harvest – Oh Dear Piggy Heavens!

Friends – friends – friends.  I’m shaking my piggy head.  It was quite the weekend here at the Hotel Thompson.  OMPH (oh my piggy heavens)!  My mom – sometimes there is just no help for her.  Really.  I’m not exaggerating.  Really I’m not.  You see she is feeling so much better.  Her cough is almost completely gone as well as the bruises she got in the emergency room from her IV’s a couple of weeks ago.  She has energy and strength.  I’m telling you all of this to set you up for what happened.  Wait for it – you won’t regret it I assure you.

You see mom also signs up for this business that send her different products to try out.  It’s all free of charge.  She tries the products out, writes up some reviews on if she liked/didn’t like it, etc.  Well she got one in the mail a couple of weeks ago for a waxing product.  Now guys and fellow anipals, waxing products are to remove hair.  Spring is coming up and mom says it was time for the Spring Harvest.  You see where I’m going with this now?  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

On Saturday’s mom and dad go out for their hot date – oohhh.  So mom decided that Saturday morning she was going into the bathroom with her product, the instructions and a glass of wine.  Something about doing her legs.  I’m looking down at my legs and I think personally they look wonderful with hair.  Don’t you agree as well?  These humans are weird.  Okay I admit these hairy legs aren’t my mom but hers are not that bad.  Probably about the same.  She says it’s something about being winter and wearing long pants that no one sees.  Shakes head – I don’t understand that.

So we all hung out in the living room watching television.  Then we heard some bumps.  Then we heard some grunts.  Then we heard, “You got to be kidding”.  Then we heard the door open and she called for daddy.  Then daddy went to the bathroom, went to the kitchen and returned with more wine.  Then we heard four lettered cuss words.  Then we heard a loud bang.  You see I’m telling you all of this from OUR point of view.  After a while, mom came out stomping and cussing – bottle of wine in hand (I’m not sure what happened to the glass) and disappeared into her room to do her ‘write-up’ she called it.  I snuck in her bedroom later when her and dad went out and copied this off of her computer.  Oh dear piggy heavens – I’ll take my hairy legs any day!

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Dear XYZ Company,

In a word, NO.  NO I don’t recommend your product.  NO I would never, absolutely never use it again. I can not recommend it.  I will not recommend it. Why do you ask?  Because I know you want details, so here you go.

I’ve been sick lately and I’ll give you that the instructions said to make sure the hair was grown out enough to see.  Check I have that down pact.  People get waxing professionally done all of the time – I’m a big girl.  I can do this!    I took a glass of wine into the bathroom, got as comfortable as humanly possible on the porcelain throne and read further.  It stated to take the stick swish it through the gel in the bottle and to slowly spread in an even pattern small enough where you could then apply the wipe.  Seemed safe enough.

Sip of wine for encouragement.  Stirred the product with the stick.  Then proceeded to spread the product on my leg in a place in the front lower portion.  Something I could ‘try’ out at first.  It spread smoothly – like butter.  I thought so far so good, I’ll go ahead and do a small part on the other leg.  Then I took a ‘wipe’ smoothed in on top of first leg and slowly stroked back and forth until even.  Once done, I did the other leg in the same way.

I felt pretty proud of myself.  I took another sip of the wine.  I then read further in the instructions.  “Hold down one corner and in a quick fashion, pull towards you.”  Uumm… WTF?  Basically your telling me to rip off the bandaid.  This may be a problem.  I didn’t think about the pain level.

I took another sip of the wine and finished the glass.  So there I was stuck on the throne with two evil ‘wipes’ on both legs tossing around the possibilities of what to do.  You know those white wipes really wouldn’t be noticed if I left them there.  I almost look as white as them.  Then I thought about fungus growing up under them with the ‘product’.  I decided to call in for back up.

Once the hub unit brought me the entire bottle of wine, I forwent the glass and just chugged out of the bottle.  It’s now or never I thought.  I picked up the corner of leg A, held down the bottom part of my leg and just ripped.  That’s right I said ripped.  Ripped because that’s what if felt like I was doing – ripping my entire leg’s first layer of epidermis away.  Holy hell!  Are you guys kidding me?  Hobbling on one leg, bouncing around and praying to the Gods above to just come and take me right there.  I took another swig of wine and that’s when I lost my balance falling into the bathtub hitting my head.

I didn’t even care!  Mr. Grim Reaper could come for me now because I was so close to death.  In fact, then again he might not want to mess with me because I’m in so much pain.  I looked down at my other leg.  Oh dear God, what have I done?  I actually cried at the pain which was worse than pulling fingernails off of my hand.

There was only one choice to make.  Rip the other one off, get over the pain, get MORE wine and never, absolutely NEVER EVER use waxing products again.  Do you understand what I’m saying?  If you EVER send me another waxing product, you will know first hand what it’s like because I will do your leg whether you are man or woman.  Capice?