Oh NO – Elf Porn

Are you kidding me?!  Don Juan is really up to no good this year.  Mom heard noises last night around midnight.  She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom.  The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan videotaping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’.  Talk about mad!  Are you kidding me Don Juan?!  Making porn tapes is one thing.  But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens.  It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you.  You are so on mom’s hit list now.

 

Oh NO – Elf Porn

Are you kidding me?!  Don Juan is really starting up BAD this year.  Mom heard noises last night around midnight.  She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom.  The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan video taping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’.  Talk about mad!  Are you kidding me Don Juan?!  Making porn tapes is one thing.  But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens.  It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you.  You are so on mom’s hit list now.

 

That Freaky Elf – Busted!

Our cable bill had extra charges on it this month.  Mom was blaming daddy but he kept telling her he wasn’t doing it.  Now we know.  Don Juan – you are a little FREAK!  If we could find him during the day – he would be so be buried deep in the ground… in a box… tied up.  Shivers.

 

Insert Porn Music

Okay I’m not sure what that means, “Insert porn music”.  That’s something that daddy said.  I don’t understand dad’s crazy thinking.  All I know is that mom went to give me some of my favorite treats – my animal crackers.  Then she started laughing.  Dad asked why she was laughing like a crazy person and she told him what she found.  Then dad went Chick-a-bow-wow.

Again, I think daddy has overstepped the fine line of being crazy.  I mean, do you see anything interesting in my animal crackers?  They look delicious to me – snorts with piggy laughter.

 

Bacon’s Show and Tell

Thank you so very much my friends for making Bacon’s Show and Tell a great place to be every month.

This month for Bacon’s Show and Tell we are going to highlight what else but something embarrassing on your humans – snorts with piggy laughter!  Has your humans ever did something so embarrassing to each other that to this day it still stands out?  A joke?  Something that was suppose to be serious but turned out hysterical instead?

This month – I’m giving it to my mom for her tale – hope you enjoy it my friends – snorts with evil laughter.

This happened many, many years ago when I was still single and I was living in my first apartment.  After years of throwing rent out of the window, I decided that it was time to invest in buying my first house.  Jim of course said he would help me with the packing – so nice of him.  He came over after work one day and as I boxed items up, I would tell him what was in them so he could tape the box and write on the outside the items enclosed – you know the typical moving fashion.  He would then stack all of the boxes in my living room awaiting to be moved to their new home.  This went on all day long and we finally got everything boxed up – I was so happy!

The day of the move came and one of my girlfriends husbands owned his own company.  He got his staff to come over and move me down the road to my new house.  As they were moving the boxes, I heard snickers and laughs but I didn’t think of it.  As we got to the new house and was unloaded the boxes, I had them place them all in one of my spare bedrooms so I could unpack them at a later time.  Again, here was the snickers and laughter.

Finally my girlfriends husband took me to the side and he was laughing.  He asked me if I had packed the boxes.  I said that I did and that my boyfriend at the time taped them and wrote was in them.  That’s when my girlfriends husband bent over laughing so hard that he farted.  Yep he farted.  What in the world?!  He finally got himself together and said come here.

He took me to the spare bedroom where his workers were standing around laughing and pointing at my boxes.  My ever so helpful boyfriend instead of writing kitchen items, bedroom, bathroom, clothes or dining room had written such things as porn, soft porn, whips, leather, dildo’s, sex toys, lingerie, etc.

 

Mom/Dad’s Food Porn

  Sometimes with all of the stress and worries that come with being an adult, you have to take a step back and revert back to childhood.  This has been a tough month for a lot of people – not just here at the Hotel Thompson – but all over blogville.

Last night, mom got home and just gave dad one of “those” sighs.  You know the one I’m talking about.  The one where you are done.  Empty.  Totally wiped out.  Feeling uncherished, unwanted, unloved and miserable.  Nothing particular sparked it but everything attributed to it.  You know that feeling?  Mom calls those feelings feeling magenta.  Shrugs piggy shoulders.  I’m not sure why magenta but she picked magenta.

Well daddy told her last night that was it – it was time to go back to being a kid without adult worries.  Mom/dad loaded up in the car and went down the street to the local Dairy Queen.  Once there, they ordered two of these delectable peanut butter parfaits, laughed and joked while eating their treats.  And guess what?  It did the job.  Both mom/dad came back home more lighter with worries.

So, have you had your kid treat lately?  I think tonight they are meeting the local ice cream truck at the curb.  Maybe I can get in on some of that action – snorts with piggy laughter.

 

Food Porn – A Southern Breakfast

  The other morning after Christmas, mom/dad went out for a true Southern breakfast.  Mom/dad said they had to get this out of their system to start the year off right.  Shaking piggy head – I don’t get it.  Mom/dad wouldn’t tell me where some of this food came from… they said it was best that I didn’t know.  Snorts – we *all* know what that means huh?  So, let me give you a breakdown of a southern breakfast:

Of course, buttered biscuits, eggs (scrambled and over easy), sausage, streak o’ lean (a southern delicacy – look it up – gulps), pancake, southern gravy and real grits with shredded cheese.  Now tell me my friends – which item do you want to try first?

 

So That’s What He Does All Night

Our cable bill had extra charges on it this month.  Mom was blaming daddy but he kept telling her he wasn’t doing it.  Now we know.  Don Juan – you are a little FREAK!  If we could find him during the day – he would be so be buried deep in the ground… in a box… tied up.  Shivers.

 

Oh NO – Elf Porn

Are you kidding me?!  Don Juan is really starting up BAD this year.  Mom heard noises last night around midnight.  She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom.  The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan video taping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’.  Talk about mad!  Are you kidding me Don Juan?!  Making porn tapes is one thing.  But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens.  It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you.  You are so on mom’s hit list now.

 

Food Porn

  Okay I’m going to give you just a few moments to look at that picture.  Go ahead… I’ll wait.  Lick you lips.. wipe them.. listen to your tummy growl and your inner munchie monster say, “I need….”

This is a southern biscuit covered with cheddar cheese and then popped into the oven until all of that gooey cheese is melted all over that huge buttery biscuit. This happens to be one of dad’s favorites.  Mom got up and made these for daddy before she went to the worky place.  It’s not hard really.

You see we had some biscuits leftover from dinner last night.  Yep, here in the south we serve biscuits all day long 🙂  It’s one of the great things about living here.  Mom cut a biscuit in half, shredded some medium cheese from the block and put the biscuit in an 350 degree over for about 12-13 minutes… just long enough that all of the cheese is melted.  I wish you could smell the picture 🙂