As some of you know, I have a love/hate relationship with my daddy. I mean he loves me and I love him but it’s nothing like the love me and mom share. Can you relate? We tolerate – yeah that’s a good word – tolerate each other. He takes care of me during the day and I like to think I take care of him during the day too.
Well, this weekend we were outside playing around. I was down in the yard of the magical back yard and he was with me with mommy up on the deck. Just for a moment, deviled ham came out in me.
I tried to hide him back inside of me… you know sweet bacon. But, it just wasn’t going to happen. Sigh – deviled ham came out full force. I looked at daddy and all I could see was a target. I know I shouldn’t but it happened. I stomped my hooves, ran around the magical back yard and at full force slammed into daddy who was kneeling over weeding. For a big ex football player, he fell hard with a good thump. Maybe that’s because he wasn’t expecting me… you think? Then that old meanie deviled ham did something terrible. He grabbed daddy’s pant legs and started pulling. I thought for a minute deviled ham was going to pull off daddy’s pants in the backyard.
But then, daddy did the strangest thing. He said really loud, “Safe word is pineapple – PINEAPPLE”. He kept repeating pineapple. Shakes piggy head. Can you believe that? Even when deviled ham is trying to play, daddy still thinks of food. And mom says my mind is a one track way with food. Snorts.
With daddy screaming pineapple and deviled ham snorting, this got mom’s attention on the deck. Mom said those words that everyone hates to hear. The full name – shivers. She yelled out, “Bacon Porkchop Thompson, you get up here NOW”. Oh snap. That’s right – deviled ham snapped right out of my inner body and sweet bacon came out pronto. I stopped, put my tail between my legs and slowly stomped up the board to the deck. Man, I was in trouble. The full name followed by NOW.
I got up on the deck and mom fussed at me. I mean really fussed. What was I thinking? I can’t play rough like that, etc. I tried to tell her it was deviled ham. She didn’t have any of it. She sent me to my bedroom… you know pay the time for the crime. Shucks… it was all in good fun.
But, I went to my room. I hope mommy fed daddy some pineapple. He seemed like he really wanted some. And don’t worry, dad wasn’t hurt. He thought it was kind of fun too. We made apologies later in the day and all is good now.
But you see, that deviled ham is evil. Do you have a deviled ham?