Tag Archives: pee
Snorts – From One of Mom’s Favorite Movies
Mom can watch this movie over and over and over and – well you get the drift. I kind of like it too. I think it’s the sound of the dinosaurs. It comforts me and mom. Almost every time we watch it, we will fall asleep together. When I saw this funny, I had to share with you my friends. Hope you got a chuckle. Happy day! XOXO – Bacon
Bacon’s Show and Tell
Welcome my friends to my Bacon’s Show and Tell. Today we are discussing embarrassing moments from childhood. Trust me. I have a good one to share today. I thought long and hard and have to tell you about my daddy. Snorts – yep poor dad. Are you ready for this? Here we go.
When dad was a small boy – I’m going to say around 6-7 years young, his mom took him shopping with her at a local store. This store had big tall windows all across the front of the store. Daddy and his mom was in the store shopping for a long time and finally got to the front registers overlooking the windows. Daddy told his mom that he needed to go to the bathroom and he was jumping all around – you know like some little boys do. So his mom told him to go out front and wait for her there. You know back in the day when you could actually do that with no worries that someone might take your child.
So there daddy was in front of the store and his mom was waiting patiently in line to buy her items. That’s when it happened. What do you ask. Well there were snickers, then rolls of laughter and then came the pointing outside the front window. You see, there was the cute little boy that was standing outside peeing. Not just peeing straight into a puddle. Oh no, that wouldn’t be my daddy. My daddy was outside peeing on the front windows and making designs with his pee. Shaking my piggy head. Yep, his mother was so proud.
His mom quickly paid for her purchases, stomped outside and without missing a beat picked daddy up under her arms and continued to the car. All the time…. daddy was continuing to pee freely in the air. Well, he did tell her that he needed to go to the bathroom, right?
Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?
My mom and dad – shakes piggy head. Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud. It’s the truth. I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble. I will never learn. But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.
You see, they out for dinner last night. Nothing wrong with that. They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s
Bacon’s parents”. Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore. They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left. Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other. I’m sure you know the one. It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty? It’s a long ride home.” Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.” Famous last words huh?
So they get into the Jeep for the ride home. About mid way home, mom c
an be seen behind the wheel starting the dance. Oh you know what I’m talking about. The pee-pee dance. The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush. Yeah right – it never does. This is when mom challenges the hamsters in the motor to go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’. All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement. Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.
Then daddy goes to the next step to
irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance. He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?” See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that. All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.
So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling. Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point. Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it. Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.
By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in. So I do what I do best. I get excited and start squealing. What? It’s what I do – snorts. Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson. Why? Because she really, REALLY has to go now. If she moves, well you know what will happen. And of course by this time, Houdini is on play mode intertwining around both of mom’s legs. Way to go bro!
So she stands there. I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?” Then I jumped on her. Not good. Not good at all in her situation – snorts. Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy. It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes. Now my friends – that is a visual. She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room. I go to the door to listen.
So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble. They do just fine here at home – snorts. And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂
Changing…
Yawns. What was that noise? What woke me up? I lay here in my bed and stretch. Oh my – either my legs are getting longer or my bed is getting smaller. What is up with that. Surely I can’t still be growing.
Oh yeah…what woke me up? I opened one eye and looked around. It’s still dark in here. Surely it was just my imagination. That’s when something strange happened. I had this strong urge – kind of like an internal clock ticking to wake up mom for breakfast. What? When did that start happening? The urge was strong too. I opened the other eye, sat up and stretched. Okay – this has to be a dream. Where the heck am I? I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and looked around. No wonder my feet kept hitting the bottom of the bed. What is this – a toddler bed? Where am I? This is not my bedroom. I look over at a wall – what does that say? It’s a picture of a pig wearing cow house shoes and states “Moo Shoe Pork Palace”. Que diable?!
Again, the strong urge to wake up mom. I don’t wake up mom like this, especially before the birds start singing and it’s still dark outside. But for some reason the pull is strong to my bedroom door. That’s when something so weird happened. I opened my mouth to bark and it didn’t happen. Instead of a bark it was a squeal and an oink?! What in the world!
A few minutes later, my bedroom door opened and I heard a voice say, “Thanks Bacon, time for breakfast.” Okay, something weird is going on. First, a cheerful voice telling me it’s breakfast time? But the voice called me Bacon… then again who cares because they mentioned food.
I take off down the hallway and stop in my tracks. What? Where are my stairs? There’s nothing here but a long hallway. I go into the living room and look around but my nose tells me there is food coming from the kitchen. I poke my head into the kitchen and walk through sniffing. That’s when the voice tells me, “Hey Sunshine.” I tell you, I had to look around. Who is Sunshine? I’m Easy. That’s when the voice puts down an amazing looking array of food – eggs? Oh yeah – I like this room service. Eggs with spinach and some kind of nuggets. I quickly snarfed it down and looked up. Now to think of it, the call of nature is like calling big time. I was at the point of crossing my legs by this time. Can’t this woman see the whites in my eyes floating? I need to use the facilities BIG time. I walk through the kitchen and see the back door. I brush up against it and plead to this woman. Finally she gets the drift. “Oh Bacon, you want to go out and play this early?” No woman – I need to PEE – let me out – let me out – let the weimaraner out!
I run out the back door and almost fell down the stairs of the porch. Where am I? This isn’t my backyard. Although it does look magical – what is that over in the corner? Is that a squirrel? I gotta go meet him and I take off running towards him. Can you believe the guy doesn’t move. It’s like he knows me or something. He even talked! “Hey Bacon, how’s it going this morning?” Who is this squirrel? Before I could say anything he further said, “Well have a great day pig, I gotta go work on some important holidays for your blog.” What? Who does he think is, Journalist Rocky the Squirrel – barks atcha my friend.
A talking squirrel – now I’ve seen everything. I shook myself, marked some territory and went back to the door. What the heck did I eat last night to give me these illusions? Those mushrooms had to be psychedelic mushrooms – yeah that’s it. Remind me to never eat those again – ever!
I went back inside and the woman said, “Time for snuggle time” and kept looking at me. What? You think I’m a trained pup or something? Darn this body – where are these guttural movements coming from? Before I could stop myself, I jumped up in this woman’s lap and started oinking. Shaking my head. I gotta stop eating after 8pm. It definitely had to be the mushrooms last night?
After a while, she said she had to go to work and did I want my television on in my bedroom? What a television all to myself in a room all to myself. You have got to be kidding. Now this part of the nightmare I could get used to… snorts – I mean barks. I gotta get my barky thing checked out. I’m going back to bed.
Something is definitely wrong.
But before I could go back to bed, this man appeared all magically delicious and said, “Hey Bacon, you want a snack?” What? I tell you at least my dreams have great room service. The man gives me this piggy plate full of goodies.
Okay – what is up with this? I mean there’s all kinds of bacon and piggy stuff. Sure I know my brother across the pond but why give this kind of stuff to the weimaraner?
If anyone figures out this freaky stuff, please let me know okay and thanks!
Dear Bacon
Dear Bacon – Every night I get into my giant bed, cover up and the most amazing thing happens after that. Can you believe that my humans try to get in bed with me? What is up with that? Sometimes, I let them sleep with me – of course on their own side. While other nights, I try to push them off. I mean after all, this is my bed. Signed Kittybed
Dear Kittybed – How dare your humans try to get into your bed. Do they at least make the bed every day for you? I mean heck you know you should be pampered like that. And it is awfully nice of you to let them in your bed every once in a while. I wouldn’t make a habit of it though – snorts.
Dear Bacon – I read last week on Paw Time with Houdini that his football exploded all by itself in the living room of the Hotel Thompson. Oh I can relate to that problem. See, I was sleeping on the sofa and when I woke up my bed had exploded all over the living room floor. Honestly, how do we survive these blow ups? Shaking my head. It’s hard being a dog. Signed Bed Blow Up
Dear Bed Blow Up – WOW! I’m surprised that you survived this blow up my friend. Look at all of that in your living room. I would be screaming your name to make sure you were okay. And perhaps you need to take a sleep study my friend. If you slept through all of that, you might have a sleeping problem for sure. Be safe okay.
Dear Bacon – Help. This barky thing is highly confused here at my crib. See, that’s me on the top of *my* cat tree. Yep, you read that right. CAT tree. Why pray tale is there a mutt on my CAT tree? There is the entire floor for him to lay upon. Get off of my TREE. Any advice to get him down? Signed Cats Rule Dogs Drool
Dear Cats Rule Dogs Drool – What the cream cheese is he doing on your tree? Even I know that a CAT tree is made for purr things and not barky things. No way! I guess you could come down and scratch at him to get him off your tree… maybe some well placed kitty nails will make him think twice about knowing who is really in charge of the tree. Maybe drop a couple of bombs – hey – whatever you need to do my friend… evil snorts.
Dear Bacon – Rolls doggy eyes. I hate this situation my friend You gotta help me. Okay, I admit that I was caught peeing… on the cat. But hey the cat started it. But the cat didn’t get caught – I did. So I had to sit on the sofa and listen to the ‘talk’ from my humans on how not to pee on the cat. Really? Don’t they know that the problems all started with that purr thing being brought into the house? Signed Dog in Trouble
Dear Dog in Trouble – You poor thing. I do relate to this look and almost the same position on the couch. Those darn purr things are always the vain to our existence. I really can say that having the two here at the Hotel Thompson. Don’t worry. I’m sure you will think of an awesome pay back for your beloved purr thing there… call me if you need help.
Dear Bacon – I don’t understand why my humans were all up in a roar. I was hungry. I thought I would fix myself a sandwich. I can do amazing things with my tongue. I think personally they are just jealous. They walked in and caught me in action. Heck, I offered to fix them one too. Signed Hungry Hungry Lizard
Dear Hungry Hungry Lizard – Oh my piggy heavens. Shaking my head my friend. I just don’t understand why your humans didn’t find your gesture overwhelming. Really. What’s a little lizard juice on their sandwich? It’s so unappreciated for sure.
.
.
Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please remember to send me your letters and pictures to my email address. ♥
Everyone Needs a Good Laugh
Sometimes we just need a good chuckle, a great laugh – something that starts in your belly and makes your snort. With that in mind, let me see if I can make you laugh, snort or pee on yourself just a tad little bit – snorts with piggy laughter.
Are you ready? Okay – here they come. 🙂 ❤
- Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it “Ham Hocks”.
- Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party.
- Why did the spotted pigs run away? They thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put his name on the dotted swine.
- What’s that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head? Didn’t you tell me to put out a stop swine?
- Why did the pig run away from the pig sty? He felt the other pigs were taking him for grunted.
- Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly? They squealed on each other.
- How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep? She reads them pig tales.
- What was the name of the hog who was knighted by Sir Arthur? Sir Lunchalot
- Farmer asked the pigs, “Who raided my vegetable patch?” Piglet says,“Beets me.”
- What is a pigs favorite ballet? Swine Lake
- What do pigs drive? Pig-up trucks.
Oh friends. I’m not sure if your post office is like our post office but you gotta enjoy a great hide and seek game. Oh wait a minute, you don’t know the whole story of The Great Post Office Drama – snorts. Pull up a chair, get you a drink and some popcorn. This is the mystery.
So mom/dad jump in the Jeep and go to our post office. All the way daddy is telling mommy that package is gone like the wind never to be seen again in these parts of the South. But mom, she has the patience of a saint. She goes into the post office and explains the dilemma. What do they say? “You are at the wrong post office. You have to go to this post office”. Which might I add is a bit further. When mom says the paper said this one. Are you ready for it….. the post person laughed and said, “Oh, those are old papers. We changed a while back.”
They couldn’t find it either! Talk about your customer service and don’t get mom started on the attitude everyone was having with their attitudes like mom was just plain crazy.
brother!!
Dear Bacon
Dear Bacon – I’ve been hiding most of the day from my brother. I ate his breakfast. There I admit it. I ate his breakfast. So what. He snoozed and he lost. Now though, I feel like he’s been stalking me all day. Every time I turn around, I can feel him watching me. He’s watching me right now isn’t he? Signed Big Trouble
Dear Big Trouble – Oh my friend. There are just certain things in life that we don’t do. Eating your brother’s food is one of them. There will be something to pay for this. You might as well just push your bowl of kibbles his way tonight to make up for it. Trust me, with the evil look he is giving you, it might be the right move.
Dear Bacon – There’s a standing rule in this house whether your are anipal or human, when one is sleeping you do not wake them. I have to go wizzle. I’ve had this strange feeling for a LONG time. But, as you can see kitty is sleeping on me. If I move, she will wake. If I wake her, she will be in a bad mood. So I wait with this pained look on my face. Signed Helpless.
Dear Signed Helpless – I know the feeling my friend. Well personally I don’t know the feeling but my mom knows the feeling. She has been in your position numerous times with one of us in her arms. Just keep your head up and those legs tight.
Dear Bacon – Who says that humans can be the only ones with teddy bears. Here is mine. He’s my buddy. We go every where together. We are playing patty cakes here in the picture. He’s slow in catching the patterns but he will learn. Signed Bear Times Two
Dear Bear Times Two – Hey my friend. Nobody can say anything bad about this. It’s totally cute! You always have a friend with you. Keep teaching him the patty cake song – he might just catch on soon. Did you see the movie Ted? It could happen!
.
Dear Bacon – What? It was Curious George and I am Curious too. I want to know what made George so Curious. He was totally full of fluff – I knew it. Nothing between those ears but white fluff. Guess he won’t be curious much longer huh? Signed Curious Too
Dear Curious Too – Now the world knows. White fluff is what put Curious George together. Hilarious. Looks like he might need some reconstruction surgery there. Does your house have a BooBoo Facility like here at the Hotel Thompson? If so, get him in surgery STAT.
Dear Bacon – Am I the only dog that has a snake for a sister? I mean, I know we both have the same body type but this doesn’t seem natural to me. I don’t think we look alike at all. I’m so confused and a little scared. Signed Confused Dog Brother to a Snake
Dear Confused Dog Brother to a Snake – WOW! First off, we need to talk about you my friend. Wipe that scared look right off of your face. Dude up right now. You are a MAN doggy. Ssnnaakkee – is a girl. You need to set up your area – start marking your territory. Don’t let her know that you are scared of her… because personally I would be too but we are men anipals. Show no fear. Then work your sister to your advantage. Treat her as such. Most men take care of their sisters. And in turn, they take care of YOU. Who in the neighborhood is going to mess with YOU now? If they do, bring your sister along. I can assure you, you will be king of your hood. Now, off you go to make nice with your ssiisstteerr. Let me know how things work out for you okay.
.
REMEMBER my friends – these weekly Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without YOU. Please email me your letters and pictures – thanks! ❤
PPPSSTT Heads Up
I’m giving you a heads up my friends. You do NOT want to miss my blog posting for tomorrow morning. I guarantee you, you will laugh until your tummy hurts. Here’s a warning now – do not be in the process of drinking or eating anything while reading my blog tomorrow morning. Oh my pig! It’s hilarious. It’s priceless. I wet myself a little when I saw it actually happening – but sshh – don’t tell anyone that part okay. It’s something that happened to us here at the Hotel Thompson.
See you here tomorrow morning.
Piglove 