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So here I am this past weekend listening to the news on television about this Pokemon Go craze. I’m just shaking my head about some of the stupid things that people are ending up doing just to catch a Pokemon. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I overheard mom/dad talking about the craze and they were just shaking their heads too.
So knowing that mom/dad thought it was crazy, I acted like any other kid in America. I had to try it myself – snorts. So mom put me to bed last night. While she and dad were getting ready for bed, I downloaded the Pokemon Go app to my iPad. Now this is where I have my first issue with Pokemon. Why don’t you have animal players? Why do you have to have either boy or girl. Shame on you.
I finally settled with a boy and of course named myself BaconPigLove. What else would I name myself, right? So then I listened at my door intently waiting for mom/dad to go to bed. In the meantime, I looked around my room. Nope – Pokemon Monster Free just like I like it. I snorted – stupid game.
Then I heard mom/dad walk down the hall – awesome. Now was the time for me to make my move. I silently pushed open my bedroom door and went down the hall holding my iPad. Now I was so intent on getting to the doggy door that I didn’t see the stupid monster before I got right on top of him. This stupid Rattata appeared out of nowhere. And trust me friends, it’s just like it sounds – a stupid rat of some sorts that’s been eating too many science projects left in the fridge for too long. I didn’t know whether to squeal or take a snort or what. So I flung this ball at it and it said I captured it. Thank goodness because that thing could have carried Houdini off. And speaking of which, I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake him up so he would yip-yap and give me away.
I got to the doggy door and scooted through… okay okay – I wedged my pudgy piggy butt through the door. And then there I was in my magical backyard. Surely, nothing would be found in my magical backyard. I started walking around holding my iPad up looking for these supposed monsters. Then I saw this thing happened on my iPad like something was jumping in a bunch of leaves. It was weird so of course I carried on towards it. Slowly I tiptoed on my hooves and then this stupid bird like thing jumped out at me. I think it said it’s name was Pidgey. Trust me. That’s not what I called it. I caught it with my ball and scored some points.
By this time, I was deep in the woods. Did I mention all by myself? Then I saw the leaves moving again on my iPad. This time it was further back in the woods near the tree line. So again I tiptoed down the woods silent like the hunter I am – quit laughing. I turned the corner and jumped out to get what only God knows was next. That’s when this kid yelled louder than I was squealing. OMP! I peed on myself right there in *my* backyard… in *MY* woods and this kid was back there hunter Pokemon too. He yelled pig and I yelled kid and we both took off running in opposite directions. Trust me it was so much easier getting back into the house through the doggy door.
I’m never going Pokemon hunting again…ever.
Dear Bacon – Rolls my eyes. Do you ever have that one sibling that just will not leave you alone. They are always beside you, around you or heaven forbid like in this picture on top of you. You just want to shake them off but the humans are always watching. What can I do to make this pest go away? Signed Big Brother
Dear Big Brother – Oh my pigs – that is one hilarious picture my friend. I see your human in the background. I know you are so doing your best not to go ballistic on your little friend. Let me tell you something – I *know* your pain. Houdini here is that pest. He jumps on me, around me, under me, on top of me – like I’m his personal trampoline or something. And the humans are always watching wanting to know what I will do. I’ll tell you what I do. I go to my bedroom and slam the door so he can’t come in with me – snorts. Just take it one day at a time my friend. In fact, I say although sometimes they get on your nerves, enjoy these little moments. The little pests grow up so fast before your eyes.
Dear Bacon – OMD – OMD – OMD. Look at that bitch on the dog show! We all had to stop and run over to the television to watch. I say she needs to win for our breed. She’s beautiful! She is representing us so well – go girl – work it! Signed Dog Show
Dear Dog Show – Snorts – look at ya’ll so intent on watching her walk. Dudes, I would think you were a bunch of construction workers whistling at girls going by the way you are looking at that classy lady. I just love it! I hope she won on your dog show for your breed. There’s always too much bad news going on about your breed – it’s about time something nice is being done!
Dear Bacon – Barks! Do you remember that movie called The Shining? You know the favorite saying in it, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”? HA! Well, the humans were watching the movie last night and totally freaking out about that part where Jack takes an axe and somewhat breaks down the bathroom door and says, “Here’s Johnny”? So I’m taking care of a little surprise for the humans when they come sit on the couch. What do you think? Signed Johnny in Training
Dear Johnny in Training – OMP! Your humans will pee all over themselves when they see you there in between the cushions. You look just like Jack in that seen – the facial expression is down pact. Oh my piggy heavens – to be in the room when your humans sit down – that will be priceless for sure. Do me a favor and let me know how they react okay. Can’t way to hear.
Dear Bacon – There I was in the neighborhood. I was dressed in my jacket because it was a little cool outside. I decided to go visit my pal next door to see if he wanted to go for a walk in the hood. I knocked on the door like this and can you believe his human did nothing but stand there and laugh at me. What was up with that? I mean heck I was just being sociable. After a while, I guess they got the meaning and let Skippy out to walk with me. Weird huh? Signed PB
Dear PB – Rolls my eyes. Humans are so weird at stuff like that. I don’t understand why she would laugh. I mean don’t anipals go over for play dates like this all of the time? The guy here Houdini never leaves the house without being dressed. Why can’t humans understand that? Anipals have feelings too huh? Hope ya’ll had fun kicking grass.
REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue emailing me your letters and pictures ❤
Dear Bacon – I have the perfect plan my friend. Oh barks – it’s the best! Here’s the plan. I plan on going door to door in my neighborhood. When humans come to the door, I plan on telling them that I’m and Inspector with C.M. across the country. You know C.M. = Canine Meals. And that I’m there to sample their canine meals for originality and taste. Dude, I think I have a chance. What do you think? Signed Inspector Husky
Dear Inspector Husky – Oh dude! I think you do have a plan there. I can see it now – canines from all over the world will be catching on in their neighborhoods all in the honor of YOU. Might I suggest you get a badge made up as well. You know humans these days won’t let you inside unless your official. Be safe and keep us posted.
Dear Bacon – There we were me and my human going for a walk here in the Spring – rolls doggy eyes. Yeah Mother Nature has a twisted sense of humor. Snow in Spring. Yeah okay. Back to my story. We were walking and all of a sudden this snow came drifting off of the roof. I moved but guess who didn’t? Barks! Where’s Lassie when you need her to let peeps know my human fell and can’t get up? You know I did what I could. I stuck my head in the snow to make sure they were breathing. They were. Signed Lassie in Training
Dear Lassie in Training – Well priorities my friend. At least you made sure that your human could breathe. We all know that their hearing and reflexes aren’t like ours. This is just proof in the pudding – snorts. You did dig him up, right? I hope he’s not still there.
Dear Bacon – Well there goes my political career. I was going to run for President however this picture has now been circulated by the other candidates. I knew they were afraid of my charisma and they knew I would beat them. Darn it. I missed being President by just a cat’s whisker. Signed Nip Ready
Dear Nip Ready – You know my friend this doesn’t mean the end. As long as you didn’t inhale, you may have a chance. Really – check it out in the past history. I think you still need to run. Heck, even with the nip history you still have a better running campaign than some. Honestly.
REMEMBER my friends. Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to send me your letters and pictures to my email address. ♥
Dear Bacon – No. That’s right No. Our doorbell rung in the middle of the day. We weren’t expecting anyone so mom looked out the peep hole. She didn’t see anyone. We all sat back down and again the doorbell rung once again. Mom went to the door, looked out the peep hole and nothing. So she opened the door… of course keeping the security chain on the door. Then mom squealed – I’m sure she squealed louder than you. This is what she saw. What in the world? He wanted to borrow a cup of chicken – as if. Mom told him that she wasn’t the local Kroger and to take a hike. Have you ever had guests like this wanting to borrow food? Signed Uninvited Guests
Dear Uninvited Guests – Oh dear piggy heavens have mercy! Now we all believe in neighborly hospitality here at the Hotel Thompson. Journalist Rocky the Squirrel often knocks on our back door asking for a cup of nuts. And once, the neighbor asked to borrow a cup of milk. But *never* have we had such a guest wanting a cup of chicken. Did your friend leave? I mean who you goin’ to call in this circumstance? Be safe my friend – and keep that door LOCKED.
Dear Bacon – I scored BIG time for Christmas. I asked Jolly St. Nick for a cool pair of bunny slippers. And let me tell you something, he delivered!! I am jumping all over my crib in bun-bun delight. Aren’t they the cutest things you have ever seen my friend? Signed Bunny Times Two
Dear Bunny Times Two – You are *almost* right my sweet dear friend. Those slippers are *almost* as cute as you. I think you are pretty darn cute to begin with and YOU make those slippers even cuter. Wear them with pride and stay warm my little friend!
Dear Bacon – I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait and had to go. And I hear my mom tell my dad all of the time, “Better out than in.” I think this is what she was meaning. I’m sorry. But what better way says I’m sorry than to leave my poo in a heart shape, right? Surely mom wouldn’t be upset over that on your new rug… you know of course add in my pleading don’t-be-made look. What do you think? Signed You Gotta Go – You Gotta Go
Dear You Gotta Go – Well dear, my mom says there is no way she would be mad if I made that mistake and left something in a heart shape. Like you said, sometimes crap happens. Keep being cute and give mom extra snuggles today – she will forgive you.
Dear Bacon – You see, we got new neighbors over the weekend. We heard that she’s a cute little poodle. We were just trying to take a peak and see. That’s when our master caught us. Can you say busted? Signed Caught in the Act
Dear Caught in the Act – One question my friends. Did you see her? Was it worth it? Why have you not gone over with some biscuits and welcomed her to the hood. I think that would be a grand gesture from the both of you. You know, meet her first before anyone else does. Let me know how it works.
Dear Bacon – No one and I mean no one will ever be this cool. How cool? Me a mere lizard standing on some good stuff in a posture that just screams, “I’m the lacertilia!” Ha! Now, I need to pour me another and get this party started! Signed Fred
Dear Fred – Well I must say you do know how to party my friend. And well I have to admit. I did have to look up the word lacertilia to see what it meant – snorts with piggy laughter. You are one of few words. Loved it my friend. Now remember something important. Don’t drink and drive. Stay home to party and keep it at home. Have a great time and oh – don’t forget my invitation. But I’ll take some koolaid on ice – no alcohol in mine okay.
REMEMBER my friends. Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please remember to keep sending me your letters and pictures via my email.
While Bacon is a camp this week, I want to focus on a few things that as adults we have forgotten about when we were children. LOL – this only makes sense since my little guy is away at Camp. He grunted like he didn’t want to go but I think he secretly loved getting away and traveling like his pet rock.
It seems like when we were younger, that was the more simpler times in our lives. As children we didn’t have bills or a lot of toys but it seemed like we had the world at our feet. We went outside and played. I mean ran around and played ball, climbed trees and searched for bugs and watched the moonlight. We played hopscotch and hide and go seek. We socialized with other kids, screamed outside and had a blast. As long as we were in ears reach of our parents when they called, we were rich with our nature. Do you remember staying out late and catching lightening bugs? Or do you remember chasing frogs?
And oh should we discuss riding in the family car with our parents on long trips. We didn’t use seat belts and look – we all survived which was amazing. I remember going on vacation and we would leave at night and drive to our destination. Us kids would be sacked out in the back of the car. One of us would lay across the floorboards, one of us would get the seat to stretch out and one of us would sleep in the back window The horror of not wearing seat belts! Now *those* were the days. And what about going to the lake. You would throw a bunch of blankets in the back of the pick up truck so that you had a place to lay down after swimming all day so you could watch the stars in the sky.
We played so hard as children that when we went to bed we would have ‘growing pains’ in our legs from running all day. Do you remember those? But hey it was all worth it because the next day we would be out doing it all again.
And we watched the *good* cartoons like Scooby Doo, the Jetson’s, Tom and Jerry and the Flintstones. Cartoons that actually made sense and are still fun to watch this day. And after dinner, we watched television with the parents until bed time. Awesome shows like Happy Days, Fantasy Island, Mork and Mindy, Chips, Wonder Woman, the Facts of Life and Alice. Who could forget Alice? “Kiss my grits!”
What do you remember from childhood. What did you do that you don’t see children doing these days?
Welcome my friends to my monthly Bacon’s Tales of Terror.
Today we have a great one for you. You see this is something that I saw. Me and mom were going through some neighborhoods in her Smart car. You know just driving around hoping that the flow of the car would make us sleepy. What? Yes we do that. Mommy needs help sleeping sometimes – snorts.
So there we were on a back street and that’s when I saw this. I started snorting… of course after I ducked down from being scared. What the heck was that? Mom had to make a circle and come back for a second look. That’s when she saw it. She would have ducked too but being in the Smart car there wasn’t much room. So then we had to make a third circle. You know to get it on camera.
What the heck were these people thinking? What the heck is that? A bird bath? A head? A head in a bird bath? Who lives at the house – Satan? The Munster family? The Adams Family? Do birds really “drink” from that fountain? All great questions. What would YOU do or feel if that was in your neighborhood? Would you walk by the house during the day? What about night? Would you be brave enough to walk to the door on Halloween?
Dear Bacon – I’ve been hiding most of the day from my brother. I ate his breakfast. There I admit it. I ate his breakfast. So what. He snoozed and he lost. Now though, I feel like he’s been stalking me all day. Every time I turn around, I can feel him watching me. He’s watching me right now isn’t he? Signed Big Trouble
Dear Big Trouble – Oh my friend. There are just certain things in life that we don’t do. Eating your brother’s food is one of them. There will be something to pay for this. You might as well just push your bowl of kibbles his way tonight to make up for it. Trust me, with the evil look he is giving you, it might be the right move.
Dear Bacon – There’s a standing rule in this house whether your are anipal or human, when one is sleeping you do not wake them. I have to go wizzle. I’ve had this strange feeling for a LONG time. But, as you can see kitty is sleeping on me. If I move, she will wake. If I wake her, she will be in a bad mood. So I wait with this pained look on my face. Signed Helpless.
Dear Signed Helpless – I know the feeling my friend. Well personally I don’t know the feeling but my mom knows the feeling. She has been in your position numerous times with one of us in her arms. Just keep your head up and those legs tight.
Dear Bacon – Who says that humans can be the only ones with teddy bears. Here is mine. He’s my buddy. We go every where together. We are playing patty cakes here in the picture. He’s slow in catching the patterns but he will learn. Signed Bear Times Two
Dear Bear Times Two – Hey my friend. Nobody can say anything bad about this. It’s totally cute! You always have a friend with you. Keep teaching him the patty cake song – he might just catch on soon. Did you see the movie Ted? It could happen!
Dear Bacon – What? It was Curious George and I am Curious too. I want to know what made George so Curious. He was totally full of fluff – I knew it. Nothing between those ears but white fluff. Guess he won’t be curious much longer huh? Signed Curious Too
Dear Curious Too – Now the world knows. White fluff is what put Curious George together. Hilarious. Looks like he might need some reconstruction surgery there. Does your house have a BooBoo Facility like here at the Hotel Thompson? If so, get him in surgery STAT.
Dear Bacon – Am I the only dog that has a snake for a sister? I mean, I know we both have the same body type but this doesn’t seem natural to me. I don’t think we look alike at all. I’m so confused and a little scared. Signed Confused Dog Brother to a Snake
Dear Confused Dog Brother to a Snake – WOW! First off, we need to talk about you my friend. Wipe that scared look right off of your face. Dude up right now. You are a MAN doggy. Ssnnaakkee – is a girl. You need to set up your area – start marking your territory. Don’t let her know that you are scared of her… because personally I would be too but we are men anipals. Show no fear. Then work your sister to your advantage. Treat her as such. Most men take care of their sisters. And in turn, they take care of YOU. Who in the neighborhood is going to mess with YOU now? If they do, bring your sister along. I can assure you, you will be king of your hood. Now, off you go to make nice with your ssiisstteerr. Let me know how things work out for you okay.
REMEMBER my friends – these weekly Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without YOU. Please email me your letters and pictures – thanks! ❤
Dear Bacon, Our parents are so funny. We are brothers born on the same day in the same litter. Our personalities are like twins though – we both have separate ones. Our parents thought it was funny to put is in these contraptions. But don’t worry. I’ll be showing them what I think about this set up shortly. Barks! Signed Sitting Pretty in the Booth of Shame
Dear Sitting Pretty in the Booth of Shame – I have to admit something my friend. Think of the originality that your humans came up with on this set up. It’s outrageously funny. Okay may not so funny from the side you are sitting BUT from the other side of this computer where I’m sitting – it’s hilarious! I say play it for all it’s worth and have some fun. You can always leave something in your humans shoe for payback later 🙂
Dear Bacon – I had surgery and as you can see I had to wear the cone of shame. Shakes dog head and whines. The cone of shame! But look I’m not sad – I’m happy! My master – he’s the best. He made a game out of it and threw in all of my closest friends. See, I even thought about you with Super Piggy in the front. He reminds me of you. What surgery? I know no pain here. Signed Happy Doggy
Dear Happy Doggy – Oh pal! Where were you when the little guy here had surgery. This would have been fantastic for him to wear his cone of shame and have some fun. Your master is tops in my book my friend. I say when he has surgery, you do the same for him!
Dear Bacon – What? I was tired from working the hood the night before. See I’m on the neighborhood watch. I gotta make sure I protect all of the humans from the bad peeps that come out at night. The local diner takes care of me. I need coffee STAT – and hey why don’t you make it a double and serve it with some eggs and a steak? Signed Neighborhood Watch
Dear Neighborhood Watch – You are the DOG my friend. I like how you take care of your hood and they repay you at the neighborhood diner. I gotta get a gig like that. Where do I sign up? PIGGY POWER!
Dear Bacon – Using Facetime on these i Phones are the bomb! See my girlfriend and me were talking. We could see each other and it was a blast. Neither one of us wanted to hang up. We both fell asleep like this. Isn’t she adorable? Signed Beef Cake
Dear Beef Cake – hubba hubba. She is a dish my friend. I know exactly what you mean about Facetime and talking to friends not wanted to hang up. My pet rock here Bashful has been doing a LOT of that lately with some of his friends. Modern technology has come so far, hasn’t it? Just remember to block the picture when you go wizzy. No one wants to see that – it doesn’t matter how much in love you are.
Dear Bacon – Please explain something to me. This yellow ball – why do the humans throw it and then expect US to retrieve it back to them? I mean heck if they want to play fetch, shouldn’t “I” be the one throwing it for them to fetch? That would help in their exercising… right? Signed Confused
Dear Confused – You know what friend. You have a wonderful point on fetch. I understand this completely. Humans do say they are playing ‘fetch’. I think we should try it your way. Throw the ball for the humans and let them fetch it. We shall see how long that lasts. If it’s my dad, maybe 2 minutes tops – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!
REMEMBER friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to send me your letters and pictures via email. Snorts and thanks!