Yawns. What was that noise? What woke me up? I lay here in my bed and stretch. Oh my – either my legs are getting longer or my bed is getting smaller. What is up with that. Surely I can’t still be growing.
Oh yeah…what woke me up? I opened one eye and looked around. It’s still dark in here. Surely it was just my imagination. That’s when something strange happened. I had this strong urge – kind of like an internal clock ticking to wake up mom for breakfast. What? When did that start happening? The urge was strong too. I opened the other eye, sat up and stretched. Okay – this has to be a dream. Where the heck am I? I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and looked around. No wonder my feet kept hitting the bottom of the bed. What is this – a toddler bed? Where am I? This is not my bedroom. I look over at a wall – what does that say? It’s a picture of a pig wearing cow house shoes and states “Moo Shoe Pork Palace”. Que diable?!
Again, the strong urge to wake up mom. I don’t wake up mom like this, especially before the birds start singing and it’s still dark outside. But for some reason the pull is strong to my bedroom door. That’s when something so weird happened. I opened my mouth to bark and it didn’t happen. Instead of a bark it was a squeal and an oink?! What in the world!
A few minutes later, my bedroom door opened and I heard a voice say, “Thanks Bacon, time for breakfast.” Okay, something weird is going on. First, a cheerful voice telling me it’s breakfast time? But the voice called me Bacon… then again who cares because they mentioned food.
I take off down the hallway and stop in my tracks. What? Where are my stairs? There’s nothing here but a long hallway. I go into the living room and look around but my nose tells me there is food coming from the kitchen. I poke my head into the kitchen and walk through sniffing. That’s when the voice tells me, “Hey Sunshine.” I tell you, I had to look around. Who is Sunshine? I’m Easy. That’s when the voice puts down an amazing looking array of food – eggs? Oh yeah – I like this room service. Eggs with spinach and some kind of nuggets. I quickly snarfed it down and looked up. Now to think of it, the call of nature is like calling big time. I was at the point of crossing my legs by this time. Can’t this woman see the whites in my eyes floating? I need to use the facilities BIG time. I walk through the kitchen and see the back door. I brush up against it and plead to this woman. Finally she gets the drift. “Oh Bacon, you want to go out and play this early?” No woman – I need to PEE – let me out – let me out – let the weimaraner out!
I run out the back door and almost fell down the stairs of the porch. Where am I? This isn’t my backyard. Although it does look magical – what is that over in the corner? Is that a squirrel? I gotta go meet him and I take off running towards him. Can you believe the guy doesn’t move. It’s like he knows me or something. He even talked! “Hey Bacon, how’s it going this morning?” Who is this squirrel? Before I could say anything he further said, “Well have a great day pig, I gotta go work on some important holidays for your blog.” What? Who does he think is, Journalist Rocky the Squirrel – barks atcha my friend.
A talking squirrel – now I’ve seen everything. I shook myself, marked some territory and went back to the door. What the heck did I eat last night to give me these illusions? Those mushrooms had to be psychedelic mushrooms – yeah that’s it. Remind me to never eat those again – ever!
I went back inside and the woman said, “Time for snuggle time” and kept looking at me. What? You think I’m a trained pup or something? Darn this body – where are these guttural movements coming from? Before I could stop myself, I jumped up in this woman’s lap and started oinking. Shaking my head. I gotta stop eating after 8pm. It definitely had to be the mushrooms last night?
After a while, she said she had to go to work and did I want my television on in my bedroom? What a television all to myself in a room all to myself. You have got to be kidding. Now this part of the nightmare I could get used to… snorts – I mean barks. I gotta get my barky thing checked out. I’m going back to bed.
Something is definitely wrong.
But before I could go back to bed, this man appeared all magically delicious and said, “Hey Bacon, you want a snack?” What? I tell you at least my dreams have great room service. The man gives me this piggy plate full of goodies.
Okay – what is up with this? I mean there’s all kinds of bacon and piggy stuff. Sure I know my brother across the pond but why give this kind of stuff to the weimaraner?
If anyone figures out this freaky stuff, please let me know okay and thanks!