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Dear Bacon

20121106-070748.jpgDear Bacon,

This is my scary pose.  Does it work?  I’m trying it out on different people but all they do is laugh.  What am I doing wrong?  Signed Vicious

Dear Vicious,

I hate to say it little fellow but that is so not scary.  The only thing scary in that pose are those huge claws – now that’s scary.  You doing that pose – I just want to tickle that little belly.  I’m sure as you get older, that pose may have more of an impact.  Right now though, you’re just a cute little thing… especially with that sunlight shining on you.  Maybe lose the pose and learn to bristle up that fur a bit.  That might be scary.  Let me know my friend.


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Dear Bacon,

I need some help.  I’m not sure what is going on.  Everyone that sees me starts singing some theme song of Star Wars.  I don’t get it.  Signed Ewok

Dear Ewok,

You don’t get out much do you?  You  need to go through your master’s video collection and find one marked Star Wars.  Watch it.  Watch it closely my friend and see if you notice anything in that movie that you’ve seen before…anything that looks familiar…. anything that maybe has the same name as you.  Love the look!


 

20121106-070855.jpgDear Bacon,

I get picked on all of the time.  You’re slow they say.  I can run faster than you they say.  You’re slower than creek water running down stream they say.  Well, I have found the light and the answer!  These days, I just use my handy dandy skate board.  What do you think?  Signed Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

Dear Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

I think you look fantastic little man!  What an awesome idea that you came up with.  Can’t wait to see you television racing the big guys!  Be safe!


20121106-070939.jpgDear Bacon,

Those pesky cats in the neighborhood were running through the trees.  I thought I would chase them.  You know, just to keep up their exercise.  They got me stuck between two trees.  Have you ever seen such misery?  Signed Woody

Dear Woody,

I would not have believed it if you didn’t send a picture to me.  WOW – you are stuck between two trunks and a hard place.  Hope you got unstuck fast.  Don’t be too hard on those purr things.


20121106-071118.jpgDear Bacon,

This is us, the TMNT, in the early days.  Even then we had style.  Never give up man and always dream big – it can happen to you like it did to us.  Signed Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello

Dear TMNT,

Love you guys!  Mom said that you are making another come back.  I’ve watched some shows from the past.  I would love to be like ya’ll – can you use a pig in the mix?  I want a cool name too – just like ya’lls.  Keep safe and live prosper my new friends!

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6 Comments

Posted by on November 21, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20121120-062013.jpg
Dear Bacon,
Spiders eeww.  Nobody likes them man.  I’m sorry little dude.  I saw one on the floor.  It was huge.  There was no other place to go.  The evil thing was in the doorway threatening my manhood.  I jumped on the first thing I could to get away from it.  Sink be it.  This is how my master found me.  This doesn’t make me less of a dog does it?  My fear of spiders?  Signed Sweetness

Dear Sweetness,

Well, it might take you down a couple of notches.  You’re name my take you down a few more.  You are my fellow friend are a dog.  A big dog at that.  You could have easily walked over that little spider and saved you some grace.  Unless that spider is as big as you, you are the bigger person.  Start dogging up.


 

20121120-062145.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey dude.  I read your blog all of the time.  I see people talking about yoga and I’ve seen some of the positions.  I gotta lot of stress in my life.  I thought I would try it.  WOW – it works great!  This is my zen trunk position.  It took me a long time to get the balancing together but it’s great now.  Have you tried it yet??  Signed Stingphant

Dear Stingphant,

That’s amazing!  I’m going to have to try some of these positions in my room when no one is looking, especially that Hemi.  It helps out in stress huh?  I really don’t have that much stress but I think over the holidays I’m going to try it.  I’ll keep you posted.


 

20121120-062543.jpgDear Bacon,
Who says zebras can’t be fast?  I’m tired of being the underzebra in the bush getting chased all of the time. I bought me a bike and it is the bomb!  Those pesky little cats can’t catch me anymore.  Whatcha think?  Signed Einstein

Dear Einstein,

I’m amazed!  First of all, you have the talent to ride a bike.  Second of all, I would have never thought about doing that to escape the cat.  But I do have a question.  How are you going to feel that thing up with gas when it runs out?  Just a thought to think about.  Stay safe my striped friend!


20121120-062701.jpgDear Bacon,
I love the water.  I just can’t get enough of it.  My favorite sport is water skiing.  Everyone said that due to my size that I would never be able to participate.  Well, I proofed them wrong.  Don’t let anyone say that you can’t do something.  You can.  Signed Geoffrey

Dear Geoffrey,

I’ve got to admit that if you can do that, I can do some of the things that I want to do in my life.  There’s nothing that can hold us back.  Thank you so much for the inspiration!


20121120-062807.jpgOkay pig –

You think *you* have problems with those pesky purr things.  I have problems.  My master has pet mice.  You know where I’m going.  You can’t eat the pets.  But this, this is taking things a little too far and asking me too much.  What am I to do?  Signed Heathcliff

Dear Heathcliff,

WOW – mom does walk around telling me not to eat the cats.  I don’t.  I may tug on their tails a little but it’s all out of love.  But mice hanging around the head.  Oh buddy, there’s got to be a line somewhere and that’s pushing it.  You might need to leave the room when the master has those play things out wondering around.  I can hold back a lot but that – no way!  Be strong!

 
5 Comments

Posted by on November 14, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20121127-003745.jpg
Dear Bacon,
I’ve read your column recommending yoga and how everyone thinks its the best thing since sliced bread. I’m not a fan. I’m not sure what this position was suppose to be but it’s not natural. I guess it’s not meant for everyone.

Signed Pretzel

Dear Pretzel,
Well, you do look like you’re a little tied up there. What’s it like to be able to kiss your own butt? Snort


20121127-004839.jpg
Dear Bacon,
So I walked into a bar and ordered a beer. What’s wrong with that? I’m of age. Why not think its strange that the bartender served me?

Why does it have to be me with a problem?

Signed Cheers

Dear Cheers,

I don’t see a problem with that. If you can (A) walk into a bar; (B) order your own beer; (C) sit at the bar and (D) drink it, I say you deserve it. I salute you!


 

 Dear Bacon,20121127-005658.jpg
Do you ever have one of those days that you don’t know if your coming/going? If you need to eat or go wizzy? I had a moment and of course my dad had to take a picture. Who knows where it will show up next on the Internet. Signed Two Birds With One Stone

Dear Two Birds With One Stone,
Hey little man, no worries. Sometimes life happens. You’re hungry and you have to go. I’ll tell you a little secret. At times when I go wizzy for mom on my piggy pad, she will feed me a carrot while I’m going. Hey, whatever you gotta do my friend for food, do it.


20121127-005153.jpg

Dear Bacon,
I’m like you. I have a short leg challenge. There’s lots of things I can’t do either because of those challenged little legs. I found the perfect solution – stilts. They do take some getting used to but hey no more short legs. You gotta get a pair of these things and try them. Signed Vertically Challenged

Dear Vertically Challenged,
You do look a lot taller. Mine would have to be taller. You know, to make room for my garage of a belly. 🙂 snort They do look like fun. I’m wondering if I could get mom to make me some for fun? I’ll keep you posted.

 

 

 
14 Comments

Posted by on November 7, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20130601-000208.jpg
Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though.  My human dresses me up.  I let her.  Do you know why?  Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it.  It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time.  Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly.  I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend.  If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right?  🙂


20130601-000233.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time.  It’s what we do.  We would love for you to come out and visit.  We would make room for you.  What do you think?  Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends.  I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it.  Ya’ll look so happy!  I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance.  It will happen.  Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!


20130601-000248.jpg
Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.


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Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


20130601-000309.jpg Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right?  Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark.  Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature.  Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend.  You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on July 4, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.

 


Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


Dear Bacon,
I read about you watching television all of the time. I love to watch my shows too – especially the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They fascinate me for some reason. Do you like them? Signed Raffie

Dear Raffie,
I just can’t understand why you would like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. . I mean really, they’re turtles. It blows my mind to figure that one out. And yes, I do like to watch the show as well my friend.

 


Dear Bacon,

Just the facts little guy.  Nothing but the facts.  We’ve been watching too many repeats of the movies Men in Black.  Don’t ask me which is which.  We just like to dress like Kay and Jay.  You know, just for fun and giggles.  The neighborhood doesn’t know how to act when we roll into it – bark.  What do you think?  Do you like to dress up like any of your favorite guys?  Signed Kay/Jay

Dear Kay and Jay,

Oh dudes – I love the look!  That is so neat.  I’ve seen those movies and ya’ll kind of look just like the two.  I think it’s the ties and sunglasses.  I would love to roam around in my costume too.  I secretly want to be a piggy super hero.  I keep asking mom to make me a cape.  I know with a cape, this little piggy would have special powers and be able to fly.  Stay cool barky things!


❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to email me your letters/pictures ❤

 
12 Comments

Posted by on December 20, 2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Decorating for the Holidays

 Happy day my friends.  We finally got everything together here at the Hotel Thompson and finished decorating for the holidays.  We don’t put up a tree here for obvious reasons – the two H’s – Hemi and Houdini.  That tree wouldn’t stand five minutes being decorated in our living room.  Trust me on that.  Between the purr thing climbing it and exploring, the puppy watering it and chewing on the bottom branches and well me – looks innocently – head bunting it, it would get tired and fall down to sleep.  I’m just saying and being realistic here.  It’s a good thing mom and dad agree.

So no tree here.  But don’t frown.  We have a Mickey Mouse lamp pole.  That fits in perfect here at the Hotel Thompson.  You know my mom LOVES that mouse with the gloves and we still get the pretty lights from the pole.  And the pole is sturdy.  I mean really sturdy like 20-25 pounds.  Hey, it’s gotta be sturdy to hold that huge Mickey Mouse head – snorts.

 We also put out my stocking for Christmas.  What?  You think it’s too small?  I told mommy I needed a bigger one.  One can never be too big for all of the goodies that dear Santa might leave in my stocking.  You know – like fruits, vegetables, Gold Fish and Animal Crackers – snorts.

I just have to find the perfect place to hang my stocking.  For some reason, daddy says we can’t put it on the fireplace mantle this year.  Something about it pulling down on the mantle last year.  One heavy stocking and your scarred for life huh?  Bummer daddy.

So I have to find a place for my little stocking.  I’m thinking on the back of the front room door.  That would surely be a nice place to put it.  And also Santa won’t miss it, right?  What do you think.  Any suggestions?

So who wants to kiss the Bacon?  Snorts

 
22 Comments

Posted by on December 6, 2016 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Bacon’s Show and Tell

 WELCOME

Hello Friends – Wasn’t last month Bacon’s Show and Tell full of fun and misadventure – snorts with piggy laughter.  I think it was a snort of a great time – especially seeing my daddy taking a potty break.  I mean heck, he’s caught me in film in plenty of embarrassing moments.

I think that since last month was a hoot with all of you too, let’s do a repeat.  Find another embarrassing picture or story of your humans and share with us on

This month the story is about mom and dad.  Hold on my friends – it’s hilarious.

You see mom and dad dated for a long time before they got married.  We all know that.  But this story happens when mom had been together say about five years.  Daddy’s mom/dad took mom/dad out to lunch one weekend.  So there they were at a local Bennigan’s.  They had finished dinner and was fixing to order a dessert.

Bennigan’s at the time had this dessert called Death by Chocolate.  Something so delicious looking – full of frozen ice cream and chocolate and whip cream.  Now as kids would do when they are dating, mom/dad were making goo-goo eyes at each other and flirting.  That’s all they did during their courtship days – rolls piggy eyes.  Out of the blue, dad says to mom, “That whip cream sure would look good on your nipples.”


What in the h-e-hockey sticks did he just say in front of God and everyone?!  I’m telling you my friends.  A mouse could have farted from the kitchen and you would have heard it from the silence that overcame at the table.  Bless mom’s heart because she wanted to be beamed up by Scotty right there.  Dad turned fifty shades of red when he realized that he said that out loud.  And poor dad’s mom/dad – they had to whip their tongues back into their mouths over their son’s sudden lack of judgment.

Of course, there was some explaining to do and years later we can all laugh about it now… somewhat.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on March 25, 2016 in Bacon, Bacon's Show and Tell

 

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