Oh Dear – I Need Help My Friends

This isn’t good.  This is not good at all.  I need help my friends- LOTS of help.  I need to make mommy better.  She is having what she calls a ‘magenta’ kind of day.  You don’t know what that is, do you?  Mom is a huge fan of the Golden Girls and that’s where it comes from.  This is what it means:

“Magenta…that’s what I call it when I get that way. All kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves. Well you know, you’re not quite blue, because you’re not really sad. And although you’re a little bit jealous you wouldn’t say you’re green with envy. And every now and then you realize you’re kind of scared but you’d hardly call yourself yellow…I hate that feeling. Just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That’s why I named it that. Magenta. No way to really explain it but, fortunately between friends you don’t have to.” ~Blanche Devereaux

You get it now?  Plus she had to go to the worky place today.  Magenta, Monday and work equals not a good combination.  Not one particular thing can be the reason for Magenta.  It’s lots of little things snowballed into one giant I need to shout it out like the kid from Home Alone.

Perhaps that would work for mommy?  But then again, she’s at work and I really wouldn’t advise that in her industry.  So, what do we do to get mommy out of the Magenta mood and into say a blue colorful happy color?  Suggestions my friends?  Anything you can help me with?

 

Response from the Hotel Thompson

Dear Bacon,

We are in receipt of your letter from yesterday.  We apologize for the way you think the service has fallen on the weekends at the Hotel Thompson.  We appreciate you taking the time to contact us to let us know of our fallen ways.  We have taken great thought to some of your remarks and we have a few of our own, as we should since every story has two sides.

First of all, Sunday cleaning day.  Everyone at the Hotel Thompson pulls their weight around here at this establishment.  Just be glad that you don’t get the bathroom detail – that goes to Princess Mouse Girl and she doesn’t complain.  And Hemi with his huge paws, he gets dusting detail – he doesn’t complain.  You in fact my dear, are a little pig headed.  You like to fight clean day.  Let’s talk about bath nights at the Hotel Thompson.  You neglected to tell everyone how bull headed you are in taking your bath.  You don’t mind stripping down to naked world and running through the house but you try to avoid the tub like there’s no tomorrow.  We’re not asking for a bath every week, but once a month on bath night perhaps you can be so kind to actually help and not cause a fuss.  Sometimes it sounds like we are killing you here and what would the neighbors think then?  I’ll tell you what they will think.  That you are a wussy.  Yep, we said it little man.  Bath up okay.

Second of all, do you know how much you enjoy mommy/piggy time?  Well, daddy likes to enjoy mommy/daddy time too.  It’s only fair since mommy gets shared with all of you – you, Hemi and Mouse Girl.  Daddy deserves some time as well.  Especially since he keeps you in the life that you are accustomed.  If mom and dad want to go out and have a ‘date night’, then they should.  And before you go eeeww, just remember one day you will be dating too.  You have to do everything to keep it fresh and romantic.

Third of all, Bacon sweet Bacon – you have more mood swings sometimes than a pharmacist has pills.  Not that *we* are complaining.  We take the good – we take the bad – it’s the facts of life.  Regardless of your behavior, we still love you and cater to your every little need.  You seem to be the apple of your mom’s eyes.

Fourth of all, you may have less snacks on the weekends, but tell the truth about your meals.  You actually get cooked to order pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit and actual tacos or pizza on the weekends.  WOW – figure that.  Less snacks but more home cooked meals.  And you always get a treat on your pillow during turn down service.  You’ve never go to bed hungry.

Therefore let’s discuss your accomodations here at the Hotel Thompson shall we. 

• You have free roam of the facility.  You have air conditioning and heat in a temperature controlled environment. 
• You are guaranteed 3 meals and usually 2 snacks during the week.  Sometimes on the weekends, it might be 3 meals and possibly 1 snack. 
• You have your very own bedroom…. all to yourself.  Not even the purr things here go into your room unless you invite them in.
• You have your own television, DVD and Netflix account in your very own bedroom.
• You get mommy/piggy time on the sofa in the front room watching television.
• You get piggy massages and rub downs.
• You have your very own piggy toys.
• You have your very own pet – Bashful.  He should keep you company now on the weekends when mom and dad have date night.
• AND, you have your very own computer with internet access.

Needless to say Bacon, we think here at the Hotel Thompson you need to re-evaluate your issues with us.  It seems to the management, that you have it made my friend.  I don’t believe other piggies that live in nature have it made like you do.  But, if you have anymore complaints, please feel free to write.

Sincerely,

Management – Hotel Thompson