We are in receipt of your letter from yesterday. We apologize for the way you think the service has fallen on the weekends at the Hotel Thompson. We appreciate you taking the time to contact us to let us know of our fallen ways. We have taken great thought to some of your remarks and we have a few of our own, as we should since every story has two sides.
First of all, Sunday cleaning day. Everyone at the Hotel Thompson pulls their weight around here at this establishment. Just be glad that you don’t get the bathroom detail – that goes to Princess Mouse Girl and she doesn’t complain. And Hemi with his huge paws, he gets dusting detail – he doesn’t complain. You in fact my dear, are a little pig headed. You like to fight clean day. Let’s talk about bath nights at the Hotel Thompson. You neglected to tell everyone how bull headed you are in taking your bath. You don’t mind stripping down to naked world and running through the house but you try to avoid the tub like there’s no tomorrow. We’re not asking for a bath every week, but once a month on bath night perhaps you can be so kind to actually help and not cause a fuss. Sometimes it sounds like we are killing you here and what would the neighbors think then? I’ll tell you what they will think. That you are a wussy. Yep, we said it little man. Bath up okay.
Second of all, do you know how much you enjoy mommy/piggy time? Well, daddy likes to enjoy mommy/daddy time too. It’s only fair since mommy gets shared with all of you – you, Hemi and Mouse Girl. Daddy deserves some time as well. Especially since he keeps you in the life that you are accustomed. If mom and dad want to go out and have a ‘date night’, then they should. And before you go eeeww, just remember one day you will be dating too. You have to do everything to keep it fresh and romantic.
Third of all, Bacon sweet Bacon – you have more mood swings sometimes than a pharmacist has pills. Not that *we* are complaining. We take the good – we take the bad – it’s the facts of life. Regardless of your behavior, we still love you and cater to your every little need. You seem to be the apple of your mom’s eyes.
Fourth of all, you may have less snacks on the weekends, but tell the truth about your meals. You actually get cooked to order pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit and actual tacos or pizza on the weekends. WOW – figure that. Less snacks but more home cooked meals. And you always get a treat on your pillow during turn down service. You’ve never go to bed hungry.
Therefore let’s discuss your accomodations here at the Hotel Thompson shall we.
Needless to say Bacon, we think here at the Hotel Thompson you need to re-evaluate your issues with us. It seems to the management, that you have it made my friend. I don’t believe other piggies that live in nature have it made like you do. But, if you have anymore complaints, please feel free to write.
Management – Hotel Thompson