Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I need some help.  My master continues to dress me in this silly outfit.  I’m not a big fan.  When I wear it and we go out on the town, everyone is really sociable though.

They always say, “Hello Kitty”.  They’re really nice about it.  I on the other hand just can’t stand the outfit and I don’t get it.  What can I do?  Signed – Purr in Distress

Dear Purr in Distress – You don’t get it do you… Hello Kitty?  Do you ever surf the net?  Do you ever google Hello Kitty?

You know what – go for it.  Wear it with pride.  You look really darling and I caught myself saying, “Hheelloo Kkiittyy.”

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Dear Bacon – See, I have talent too.  I love to ride my bicycle around our little village.  People see me rolling – they know I’m hip.  So it’s got training wheels – you gotta start somewhere and I love this thing.

You ever thought about riding a bicycle little pig?  Signed – Hip to the Hop

Dear Hip to the Hop – Have you looked at me lately?  My legs are a little challenged.  My front legs are shorter than my back legs.

My tushy is made for comfort not speed.  I’m not into exercise unless it involves putting food into my mouth.  But, hey more to you dude.  Ride it with pride!

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Dear Bacon – Every morning we get up and look at the window.  It’s our time to sit and reflect with each other.  Here lately, this stupid bird gets right in the window and puts his tail feathers in our faces.  What is up with that?!  What is this birds gone wild or something.  We are minding our own business and this chick has to do this?  What can we do?  Signed – Purr Things of Reflection

Dear Purr Things of Reflection –  You have to admit that’s kind of funny.  You know, I’m not saying ya’ll do, but a lot of purr things chase after birds.  Maybe this bird is “pigeonholing” ya’ll into one little category.  Thank you – I thought that was funny too.  Maybe try a different window in the house.  Maybe try ignoring the bird.  Reflect on my purr things and be the better kitty!

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Dear Bacon – Every morning my adopted father comes out of the shower naked.  I can’t help to look like this every time I see him.  I mean, why would you shower naked?  I don’t take my fur off, do you?  Will this shocked look ever stop?  Signed – My Face May Freeze

Dear  My Face May Freeze – Hang in there little man.  Humans do weird things like that.  My mother likes to sit in the water full of bubbles in the dark with candles.  Now that is strange to me!  Seeing your parent without clothes is natural to them.  Be tough little guy.  It’ll become second nature to you soon.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

After reading your column last week about a cat that does yoga, I thought what the heck. My master has a room for meditation so I tried it.

This position is called my sitting dog pose. I really does work on calming your nerves. Thanks little pig. Signed Peaceful Pal

Dear Peaceful Pal,
I’m glad it worked out for you. You do look really grounded in that picture. Keep up the great work!

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Dear Bacon – hiccup,

My humans tell me that – slurred – I’m spending too much time with my close friend Jose. Hiccup. They don’t complain about me catting around on the streets anymore. They just don’t like my choice of friends. Hiccup. What should I do. Can they pick my friends? Signed Frisky Fiesta

Dear Frisky Fiesta,
You do understand that your friend Jose is not really ‘real’, right? Instead of having a problem with your choice of ‘friends’, you’re humans might want to look into some classes for you… With TAA (Tomcats Alcohol Anonymous). Perhaps you should lose the hat, get a new friend and start listening to the humans. Take care my friend.

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Dear Bacon,

Are baths really necessary? They freak me out. Signed Wet Purrbie

Dear Wet Purrbie,
I love baths. They’re very relaxing. Especially when mom puts bubbles in the water. Instead of fighting it, embrace it. My purr things here love the water. We all do. After a bath, we all get our hair done – that is heaven. Find your happy place during bath time and learn to enjoy it.

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Dear Bacon,

Just wanted to let you know man that we enjoy your posts. Happy Friday. Signed Don’t Worry Be Happy

Dear Don’t Worry Be Happy,
Thanks so much. It takes support and encouragement from fans like you to keep it going. I appreciate that. Happy Friday back to you.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Wwaattzz uupp? Hey we all gotta have some fun in life my friend. Take it from me, don’t sweat the small stuff. Turn it around and have fun. Life is WAY too short. Signed Monkey Man

Dear Monkey Man,

Hey, you’ve got the right view in life. I like that. Here’s a Waahhhatt’ss uuupp back at you. Keep cheerful Monkey Man!

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Dear Bacon,

My friends are really mean squirrels. We all decided to play hide and go seek in the neighborhood.  I jumped up, closed my eyes and began to count nuts to 20 thinking that everyone would be hiding.  What I didn’t know was that instead of hiding, they all surrounded me and watched me counting nuts.  One of them actually took this picture and has spread it all over the internet – the nerve!  What’s a little guy to do my friend?  Signed Cheated

Dear Cheated,

One word – Retaliation.  I can hook you up with two of the finest – Journalist Rocky the Squirrel and Evil Squirrel here on WordPress.  They can help you come up with the best way to get back at those tricky little friends of yours.  Hey – it’s all fun and games, right?

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Dear Bacon,

I’ve been reading your blogs for sometime now and wanted to tell you how much I appreciate them.  You give away some really sound advice and seem very caring.  I like that.  Sorry for the bag over my head.  I’m in the doggy witness protection program so I can’t show my face.  I hope you understand.  Carry on my friend.  Signed Underbagcover

Dear Underbagcover,

Thank you so much my friend for the words.  I really do appreciate them.  It makes this little piggy feel good that I really get to touch some lives for the better.  I have to ask though and I know others are going to think the same thing… what does a dog have to ‘see’ or turn over evidence on to get in the doggy witness protection program?  hhhmmm

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Dear Bacon,

Yep, it’s me the Hemi… your purr thing at the Hotel Thompson.  I know you talk about me and the paw that hits your hiney at times.  I thought I would show your friends the size of my hand.  Maybe then they will understand why you cry like a little girl when I do it.  Meow – Master Hemi

Dear Master Hemi,

Stay away from my computer and room.  After my loyal followers see the size of that paw, they will then know what a little bully you are – snort.

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❤ Thanks for your submissions friends.  Remember Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to email your letters/pictures ❤

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – I made the mistake one day of showing my human that I had skills.  I know my way around under the hood.  And, I’m small so I can get into all of those hard to reach places.  Well since he found out, he’s put me to work at the garage.  I’m his ‘secret weapon’ that no one sees.  So the next time you get your car worked on, think about me.  Signed Monkey Wrench

Dear Monkey Wrench – Oh my piggy heavens!  Now the secret is out.  No wonder it always costs mom/dad and arm and a leg when they take their Jeep in for service.  The secret weapon is working on it.  WOW – I think you do have skills my little friend.  AND I do hope that your human knows that the price is high to maintain an excellent worker of your caliber.  You enjoy your tinkering!

 

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Dear Bacon – After a while, one gets tired of waiting for the master to feed us.  Sometimes we have to take matters into our own paws.  I did just that.  I started a garden in the backyard.  Most dogs hide their bones but I on the other paw want to make food.  All kinds of delectable tastings so when I get hungry all I have to do is take a walk.  And don’t worry about watering – I have that covered if you know what I mean – barks!  Signed Farmer Pooch

Dear Farmer Pooch – hey I like the idea of having my walking grocery store in my own backyard.  I agree with all that you say… except for maybe the personal watering part.  I do hope that you wash that food before ingesting… just sayin’.  But in the meantime, do you think you can grow me some strawberries and watermelons?  I would really appreciate that my friend.  Thanks!

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 Dear Bacon –  There I was romping around the farm minding my own business.  That’s when my human picked me up to go shopping.  Heck I don’t mind.  I was already dressed and not doing much anyway.  So we went to our local hardware store so that they could get some material for the fences.  I sat in the kid seat minding my own business like a good little toddler.  So nothing to see here – just a kid in a buggy.  Do you like going out on field trips like this?  If so, where have you been?  Was it fun?  Did you sit in the buggy?  Signed Romping Kid

Dear Romping Kid – Now that is a vision to behold my friend.  Just a kid riding around in a buggy at the local hardware store.  What’s to see, right?  You look good and let me add that you probably acted better than some two legged kids in the store.  Am I right?  Snorts with piggy laughter.  Once when mom took me to the vet, we stopped by our local Home Depot store to pick up a few things.  Mom had my Radio Flyer in the Jeep with her.  She pulled it out, helped me in it and pulled me through the store.  It was also a vision to behold.  A pig being pulled in a Radio Flyer through the Home Depot.  I met a lot of people like I’m sure you did this date on your visit.

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Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  Mom put some milk in her cup.  She set the cup on the counter in front of me.  It was like she was inviting me to take a sip so I did.  Then she started snapping pictures like a Chinese tourist here at Walt Disney World.  I don’t get it.  And laughing – oh my gosh – I thought the woman was going to hurt herself she was laughing so hard.  Shaking my head – humans are weird.  Signed Nosey Kitty

Dear Nosey Kitty – Oh my goodness my friend.  I have to admit that *I* almost hurt myself snorting so hard looking at that picture.  Look closely – you can almost smell the fun factor – oh my gosh – I’m killing myself here.  It’s a great picture my friend.  Don’t worry.  Your human was just having fun – of course at your expense – but I have to admit it was hilarious.

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Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your letters and pictures ❤

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – People come and see me at the zoo all of the time.  They take my picture and always say, “Smile”.  Well my friend, this is my happy face and I am actually smiling.  In fact in this picture that someone took of me, I am meditating.  I’m concentrating on thinking perhaps I am taking their pictures and they are posing.  What do you think?  Signed Happy Monkey

Dear Happy Monkey – I think you are thinking along the right path.  I tell you what.  I’m going to send you a camera so that you can do just that.  Take humans pictures when they try taking your picture. Can you imagine the look on their face when you tell them to smile?  Snorts!.

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Dear Bacon – Dude, what’s up?  I’m like feeling the nature man.  I’m rocking with the inspiration of Marley and others.  You know, keeping it real and much love to all.  Peace Bro.  Signed Bob

Dear Bob – WOW!  I feel the love all over my friend.  You keep rocking it and sharing it with everyone.  How could anyone not be happy with you?  You have to be the most even mannered pooch I’ve ever met – and the best dressed one to boot.  Peace, Love and Rock n Roll to you.  Keep it real and love to all.

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Dear Bacon – I have to admit that my ears usually are down but on this date I saw something so totally scary that those ears shot straight up and haven’t went back down yet.  I saw my humans naked… butt naked… without any clothes.  Oh my eyes!  Signed Pete

Dear Pete – I’m so sorry my friend.  I know it’s hard to get over that.  What has been seen can not be unseen now.  It does get better though.  After a while, it seems second nature and it doesn’t scare you as much.  I should know.  Daddy lives in naked world when mom is not here.  Rolls piggy eyes.  He says he cleans better.  Now that is a thought you can’t get out of your mind isn’t it?  Snorts with piggy laughter.

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Dear Bacon – I’m here to answer the ever lasting question – how do you make panda bears.  Well, as you can see from the picture you know have the answer – 🙂  You are so welcome.  Signed Pan Family

Dear Tongue – Oh my piggy heavens.  I have always wondered about that my friends and I’m sure others have as well.  Ya’ll are awesome to let us know the secret.  What a beautiful family you have there!

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REMEMBER my friends – these weekly Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without YOU.  Please email me your letters and pictures – thanks!  ❤

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – They know me in the wild as the guy to go to for back adjustments.  We all have problems with our backs from time to time.  You know with all of the jumping, running and playing with our buddies.  So I’m here to offer you my services dude.  When your giddy up has gone and went, give me a call for an adjustment.  Signed Crack Doctor

Dear Crack Doctor –  WOW.  I’m at a lost for words.  Really.  By the looks of that purr thing that you are “adjusting”, I would take a gander and say they are as well.  Back adjustments… hhhhmmm… I think I’ll pass.  You know the little tyke here Houdini has great paws for massages.  I think I’ll call him for a massage.  But hey, I appreciate the offer.  You carry on and flourish with your business my friend.

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 Dear Bacon – Let’s understand each other okay.  You show respect to us purr things and I won’t have to call that elf of yours Don Juan.  Capice?  We have ways of making our communication brutal.  Just one phone call from Hemi or Mouse Girl and I will drop a line to elfy.  We wouldn’t want that now would we?  Signed Enforcer

Dear Enforcer – gulps.  Understand my friend.  I understand completely.  No reason to call Don Juan.  We are all family here.  Love your coloring and by the way have I told you that purr things rock?  They really do – honestly.  Creeps out of this letter….slowly and silently.

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 Dear Bacon – Sometimes the best things in life is just sitting back to watch the animals and humans.  You can see some amazing things in the household when you do this.  Just be quiet and observe.  Have you ever done this?  Signed Voyeur

Dear Voyeur – YES I agree 100% my friend.  One time, I watched daddy come out of the shower.  My eyes!  What has been seen can not be unseen.  And hey, he jumped pretty high when I snorted – rolls with laughter.  Carry on watching and let me know what you see next. 🙂

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 Dear Bacon – I *almost* got caught in this picture.  I mean dude it was a close call for sure!  The barky thing is so loud and loves to pick on us purr things when the humans aren’t lucky.  I had it with that mutt up to my forehead.  So, he came by and I was just about to flick my nails out when I saw the humans out of the corner of my eye.  Thank goodness I saw them looking so I did what all cats do best – I looked disinterested and innocent.  You know the look I’m sure.  But it definitely was a close one.  Have you ever been almost caught in action?  Signed Wolverine

Dear Wolverine – Squeals!  That was a close call my friend.  Thank goodness your spidey senses were working and you noticed the humans.  I hope that you did get even with the barky thing when it was more convenient – snorts.  I’m sure he had it coming his way.  Snorts – have a great one!

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 Dear Bacon – Really?  This is the juvenile behavior I have to put up with at my own castle.  My little brother doesn’t get his way so he acts like a small person wearing diapers and sticks his tongue out at me.  Really?  What is he two?!  What am I to do?  Shakes head.  Signed – Beyond Irritated

Dear Beyond Irritated – Just walk away.  My best advice my friend.  Unless you want to contact the Enforcer up above or Wolverine from up above.  I’m sure they can tell you a few pointers.  I certainly couldn’t.  Cause you know I’m just so cute and would never do anything to anyone. 🙂  Right Enforcer?  Snorts.

 

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Remember friends – keep your pictures and questions coming.  Send them to my email address.  Have a great day!

 

By Popular Demand –

By popular demand, we have snagged pictures of daddy holding Monkey Man.  You know Monkey Man that was posted last week trying to escape in Albert – mom’s Smart car.

Let me set the scenario up for you my friends.  Mom/dad went grocery shopping in Albert.  Of course after they put all of the groceries in the back ‘hatch’ of Albert, there was no room for Monkey Man.  Monkey Man *always* travels with mom everywhere.

Since there was no room in the back ‘hatch’ area, daddy had to hold Monkey Man in his lap all the way home from the market.  Now, here you go.  You’re driving down the street in your car.  You get stopped at a red light.  You happened to gaze over at this Smart car because it’s so small.  While you are laughing hysterically, something catches your attention to the front passenger side.  That’s when you see it.

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This man is holding a giant sock monkey that is looking out the window.  Now, what do you do?  Do you point?  Do you laugh?  Do you bring out your camera phone to snap a picture?  Do you call the authorities because Monkey Man is not strapped in to his safety belt?  You know I’m waiting until a police officer pulls us over thinking it’s a small child – It will be hilarious!  Snorts.

 

The possibilities are endless my friends.  What would you do?  I took two pictures for your review.  One from the passenger side window and another straight from the front of Albert.

 

Monkey Man Has Done it Now

Monkey Man has done it now – he has climbed into the front seat of Albert and tried to make an escape – snorts.  Personally, I think (1) he needs to buckle up – safety first Monkey Man and (2) his feet although long don’t touch the pedals.

How would you feel if you were in a shopping center or parking lot and walked beside a small car like Albert and saw Monkey Man in the drivers seat?

Actually, he was left in the front seat by mom/dad.  He usually sits in the back area with me when I’m in Albert.  But mom/dad went grocery shopping and had a lot of bags in the back cargo area.  Therefore, daddy had to hold Monkey Man all the way home in his lap.

Then again, maybe that is funnier than just seeing him in the front drivers seat.  Him sitting on dad’s lap in the Smart car – snorts!

 

Dear Stuart – SPECIAL ISSUE

This week, we have a wonderful guest helping out with our Dear Bacon issue.  This week, my pal Stuart is stepping in for me to do a special edition of Dear Stuart.  Be sure to visit him at his blog and check him out – let him know what a great job he did – thanks Stuart!

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Dear Stuart,
My brother never misses a photo opportunity. People think he’s so happy. What they don’t realize is that during these happy times, he is letting out gas. Sometimes they’re SBD’s (silent but deadly). What’s a dog to do on the receiving end of this happiness? Signed Not So Happy

Dear Not So Happy,
Relish in the smells of life my friend!  You never know what funny memories you might conjure up as the four-legged ones try to figure out whodunit.  Just be sure they don’t think it’s YOU who’s passing along these little morsels of love.  Think of it this way:  perhaps Pharrell passed gas when he was H-A-P-P-Y.  That made him lots of money.  Smile along with your brother and maybe pass some gas of your own!  That’s what I do and I don’t even have a brother!  ArOOO, Stuart

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Dear Stuart,
Is it safe? My human was riding their electronic broom around the house again. You know what I’m talking about. It makes a lot of noise and they say they are cleaning. I’m afraid if I get too close it will suck me up. Are you afraid of that thing? Any tips for me. Signed Scared in Black

Dear Scared in Black,
Be afraid.  Very afraid.  The electric broom goes by many aliases – Vacula, Vacooom, The Bad Machine…. they call it these things for a reason.  It WILL suck you up.  Steer clear.  I do.  Vrooom, Vrooom Stu

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Dear Stuart,
They see me rolling and they’re hating. Can’t help it that my humans trust me behind the wheel. It’s a great way to pick up chicks. Do you know of any other way? Signed Boat Magnet

Dear Boat Magnet,
Well now, you’re looking mighty macho there Boat Magnet. Sweet. Too bad I’d sink like a bag of cement if I were to accompany you on your maritime hook-up runs. One wrong move and I’d be overboard. And not in a good way. Otherwise, I’d be right there beside you. Helping you navigate toward the more demure of the feminine species.   Funny you ask if I know of any other way to attract the fair sex. Well, actually, my Shepherd friend, I don’t have to do anything at all. Just be me. That’s all there is to it. Try it. You’d be surprised. Just show your belly and they come running. Let me know how it works for you, K?  Your friend, Chick Magnet Stuart

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Dear Stuart,
I’m just not that kind or monkey. I don’t like to get wet. I wanted sushi and thought I could use this bamboo stick. Is there anything you don’t like that’s typically normal? Signed Sushkey

Sushkey! Stay outta those trees! Squirrels fall from trees sometimes where I live. I’d hate to have you take a tumble and hurt yourself. Nothing’s worth that my near-human-mammal-furiend. Not even sushi. Which I don’t like, by the way. I’m more of a vegetarian. Like you. Perhaps we should dine together in the near future? Since I don’t travel from limb to limb, you’ll have to do the Tarzan thing and swing over to my place. Green beans all the way around!  To answer your question….I typically don’t like things that others do. Guess I’m not a normal scottie?  ArOOO, Stuart

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Dear Stuart,
Why? Why does this happen to me every single time. The cat takes my bed and leaves me with something I can barely put my fanny in. What’s a pooch to do? Help please. Signed Distressed Doggy

Oh Distressed Doggy,

I feel your pain. When I have visitors sometimes, I get pushed out of my own comfort spots. But, here’s what I do. I let the intruders know that I’m NOT HAPPY. Bark at them. Nip at them. Stuff like that. The idea is, to get your peeps to think you’re going t devour the cat. And you know that’s not gonna happen. Then, you’ll get your bed back. Trust me. And if that doesn’t work? Then, well, then really eat the cat. ArOOOO! Stuart

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Remember friends – send your pictures and questions to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

We can’t have a weekly Dear Bacon issue without YOU!

 

I’m Monkeying Mom Out –

I would say ratting her out but well – you see – it’s more like monkeying her out – snorts.  Mom got a onesie for the cold weather here in the south.  Okay I have to snort really loud on that because it’s like an oxymoron.  We’re in the South mom – we don’t get that kind of cold weather, not really.

But she saw this onesie pajama outfit, tried it on and took a selfie of it in the dressing room.  First off, mom you are not two.  Onesies look so adorable on babies.  Second off, what’s with taking a selfie in the dressing room?  Isn’t that *my* job to take these pictures of you and embarrass you?  I had to find these pictures on your cell phone when you weren’t looking.  You didn’t even tell me about them.  I’m going to have to start going through your cell phone pictures more often mom.

And do you notice friends her feet?  They are sock monkeys.  Mom is taking this whole entire sock monkey too far now.  First it was Monkey Man and his team in the back of the Smart car and now she is wearing a sock monkey.  Snorticles.

I know I’ll probably pay the time for posting this of mom but hey – it’s all in good fun and a couple of chuckles, right?  Remember that mom when you read this 🙂

And I know you are just wondering if there is a hidey flap in the back of the onsie.  You were, wasn’t you? Snorts – there is.