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Dear Bacon

20121106-070748.jpgDear Bacon,

This is my scary pose.  Does it work?  I’m trying it out on different people but all they do is laugh.  What am I doing wrong?  Signed Vicious

Dear Vicious,

I hate to say it little fellow but that is so not scary.  The only thing scary in that pose are those huge claws – now that’s scary.  You doing that pose – I just want to tickle that little belly.  I’m sure as you get older, that pose may have more of an impact.  Right now though, you’re just a cute little thing… especially with that sunlight shining on you.  Maybe lose the pose and learn to bristle up that fur a bit.  That might be scary.  Let me know my friend.


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Dear Bacon,

I need some help.  I’m not sure what is going on.  Everyone that sees me starts singing some theme song of Star Wars.  I don’t get it.  Signed Ewok

Dear Ewok,

You don’t get out much do you?  You  need to go through your master’s video collection and find one marked Star Wars.  Watch it.  Watch it closely my friend and see if you notice anything in that movie that you’ve seen before…anything that looks familiar…. anything that maybe has the same name as you.  Love the look!


 

20121106-070855.jpgDear Bacon,

I get picked on all of the time.  You’re slow they say.  I can run faster than you they say.  You’re slower than creek water running down stream they say.  Well, I have found the light and the answer!  These days, I just use my handy dandy skate board.  What do you think?  Signed Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

Dear Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

I think you look fantastic little man!  What an awesome idea that you came up with.  Can’t wait to see you television racing the big guys!  Be safe!


20121106-070939.jpgDear Bacon,

Those pesky cats in the neighborhood were running through the trees.  I thought I would chase them.  You know, just to keep up their exercise.  They got me stuck between two trees.  Have you ever seen such misery?  Signed Woody

Dear Woody,

I would not have believed it if you didn’t send a picture to me.  WOW – you are stuck between two trunks and a hard place.  Hope you got unstuck fast.  Don’t be too hard on those purr things.


20121106-071118.jpgDear Bacon,

This is us, the TMNT, in the early days.  Even then we had style.  Never give up man and always dream big – it can happen to you like it did to us.  Signed Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello

Dear TMNT,

Love you guys!  Mom said that you are making another come back.  I’ve watched some shows from the past.  I would love to be like ya’ll – can you use a pig in the mix?  I want a cool name too – just like ya’lls.  Keep safe and live prosper my new friends!

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6 Comments

Posted by on November 21, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Spiders eeww.  Nobody likes them man.  I’m sorry little dude.  I saw one on the floor.  It was huge.  There was no other place to go.  The evil thing was in the doorway threatening my manhood.  I jumped on the first thing I could to get away from it.  Sink be it.  This is how my master found me.  This doesn’t make me less of a dog does it?  My fear of spiders?  Signed Sweetness

Dear Sweetness,

Well, it might take you down a couple of notches.  You’re name my take you down a few more.  You are my fellow friend are a dog.  A big dog at that.  You could have easily walked over that little spider and saved you some grace.  Unless that spider is as big as you, you are the bigger person.  Start dogging up.


 

20121120-062145.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey dude.  I read your blog all of the time.  I see people talking about yoga and I’ve seen some of the positions.  I gotta lot of stress in my life.  I thought I would try it.  WOW – it works great!  This is my zen trunk position.  It took me a long time to get the balancing together but it’s great now.  Have you tried it yet??  Signed Stingphant

Dear Stingphant,

That’s amazing!  I’m going to have to try some of these positions in my room when no one is looking, especially that Hemi.  It helps out in stress huh?  I really don’t have that much stress but I think over the holidays I’m going to try it.  I’ll keep you posted.


 

20121120-062543.jpgDear Bacon,
Who says zebras can’t be fast?  I’m tired of being the underzebra in the bush getting chased all of the time. I bought me a bike and it is the bomb!  Those pesky little cats can’t catch me anymore.  Whatcha think?  Signed Einstein

Dear Einstein,

I’m amazed!  First of all, you have the talent to ride a bike.  Second of all, I would have never thought about doing that to escape the cat.  But I do have a question.  How are you going to feel that thing up with gas when it runs out?  Just a thought to think about.  Stay safe my striped friend!


20121120-062701.jpgDear Bacon,
I love the water.  I just can’t get enough of it.  My favorite sport is water skiing.  Everyone said that due to my size that I would never be able to participate.  Well, I proofed them wrong.  Don’t let anyone say that you can’t do something.  You can.  Signed Geoffrey

Dear Geoffrey,

I’ve got to admit that if you can do that, I can do some of the things that I want to do in my life.  There’s nothing that can hold us back.  Thank you so much for the inspiration!


20121120-062807.jpgOkay pig –

You think *you* have problems with those pesky purr things.  I have problems.  My master has pet mice.  You know where I’m going.  You can’t eat the pets.  But this, this is taking things a little too far and asking me too much.  What am I to do?  Signed Heathcliff

Dear Heathcliff,

WOW – mom does walk around telling me not to eat the cats.  I don’t.  I may tug on their tails a little but it’s all out of love.  But mice hanging around the head.  Oh buddy, there’s got to be a line somewhere and that’s pushing it.  You might need to leave the room when the master has those play things out wondering around.  I can hold back a lot but that – no way!  Be strong!

 
5 Comments

Posted by on November 14, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20130601-000208.jpg
Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though.  My human dresses me up.  I let her.  Do you know why?  Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it.  It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time.  Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly.  I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend.  If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right?  🙂


20130601-000233.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time.  It’s what we do.  We would love for you to come out and visit.  We would make room for you.  What do you think?  Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends.  I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it.  Ya’ll look so happy!  I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance.  It will happen.  Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!


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Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.


20130601-000258.jpg
Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


20130601-000309.jpg Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right?  Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark.  Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature.  Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend.  You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on July 4, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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The Great Cookie Caper

Call Scooby Doo.  Call Sherlock Holmes.  Heck call my cousin Sherlock Bones.  We have quite the mystery here at the Hotel Thompson.  This is cookie season – you know Girl Scout cookies.  We here ❤ the Girl Scouts.  Our front door has a sign that reads, “No Soliciting… unless you have Girl Scout Cookies”.  That sign is fully enforced – snorts and rolls with laughter.

So mom buys boxes of Girl Scouts cookies (I’m ashamed to say how many but I can tell you they freeze well for during the year in emergency cases).  She gets her box of gold and brings them home.  Dad’s all time favorite is Samoas.  Dad’s mouth has been watering all day long since mom called and told him she had him a stash.  He gets him a tall glass of milk and he is going to have him a few while watching Jeopardy – which is another post for another day.

He reaches for his box and what the pig?  The box is light.  Maybe it’s a new formula – light? Snorts – no really the box is empty!  What the cream cheese he says followed by where are my cookies?!  I need cookies in my belly.  He bellows for mom to come here.  She does and he hands her the box and says, “Are you playing with me?”  That’s when she feels the box which is EMPTY.  The box is sealed, stamped and still intact.  Mom takes these pictures for proof.

 Someone had ONE job to do and guess what?  They failed miserably!  Snorts.  Mom called the person she bought the cookies from and explained what happened.  Even he was like what?  Mom did bring the box to the guy the next day and the box was replaced but…the mystery is still there.  What happened to the cookies?

Were they not put in the box to begin with?  Were they invisible for people on a DIEt?  How many other people got empty boxes?  Has this happened to you before?

And let me just nip the rumor going around – snorts oinks – me and Houdini did NOT – repeat DID NOT – have anything to do with the mysterious disappearance of dad’s cookies.  There was no Mission Impossible music playing and there was no ninja moves being done by either of us.  For real.  Innocent the both of us.

 

 

 
37 Comments

Posted by on March 9, 2015 in Bacon

 

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Mission Accomplished

Do you remember last week when I had a BOLO (be on the look out) and an APB (all points bulletin) out for Twinkies Chocodiles?  You can read about it here if you don’t remember.  I told you that my mom if not anything is very pig-headed (snorts) when it comes to things that she wants.  Now you know where I get my stubbornness from – I don’t fall too far from the tree.  This weekend, she was determined to find these little treasures somewhere within a fifty mile radius of the Hotel Thompson.

Insert Mission Impossible music now.  Nana called my mom on Friday at her worky place.  Mommy told her of these delectable little treasures and gave Nana a mission of looking for them at store she was going to that day.  Nana  went to the store and even got the store manager involved to no avail.  Bummer.

Then mom/dad went grocery shopping at another chain store Saturday morning.  Again, nothing.  Bummer.  Now, it was getting to mommy.  She is not a quitter – especially with chocolate on the table.  Mom called Nana and they were going to meet up for lunch on Sunday to come up with another plan.

Sunday, mom/dad took Nana out to lunch.  Lunch was great but the thing still dancing in mom and Nana’s heads were these chocolate Twinkies – oh yummy!  So after dinner, a trip was planned to Wally World.  It was like humans gone wild when they entered the doors of old Wally World.  Fist bumps commenced and then it was ready, set and GO off they went in their separate ways to find the elusive Chocodile who some called Bigfoot – often talked about but never seen.

That’s when mom saw it out of the corner of her eye.  A blue stand filled with what you might ask – Chocodiles – THUD.  I think mom actually dropped to her knees in front of the display and thanked the heavens above.  She then called daddy who then called Nana and they all met in front of the alter of chocolate covered Twinkies.  You would have thought they had never seen chocolate before.

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I can’t tell you how many boxes mom and Nana bought.  I *can* tell you that they freeze well – snorts.  And I can tell you that mom had one last night.  As she was moaning in satisfaction, I picked up a few choice words from her like the following, “Spongy cake goodness with a white cream in the middle surrounded by a chocolate heaven”.  Okay, after that I kind of left the room quietly so mom could have a moment.  I’m guessing that they are mom approved.

 

 
36 Comments

Posted by on July 28, 2014 in Bacon

 

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The Great Pig Escape

Insert the theme music to Mission Impossible.  Insert the Bond music.  Insert any kind of secret pig music you can think of – snorts.  I’ve thought long and hard about ‘The Great Pig Escape’.  Let me explain and tell you the plan.

Nana lives TEN houses up from the Hotel Thompson.  Nana *always* gives me treats and LOTS of them.  I took an aerial view of my hood – don’t ask how cause I’m still dizzy from it.  I can wait until mom tucks me in for the night.  I can wait until I hear daddy snoring.  I can then sneak out of the Hotel Thompson at night and blend in to the outside.  I can take the pink arrowed path up to Nana’s and ring her doorbell. Of course she will let me in.  I mean it’s only dark, she can’t see me through the peep hole but if I snort she’ll recognize me.  I can get my share of treats and be back home in bed before mom and dad know I’m PMIA (Piggy Missing in Action).

I don’t need a costume.  With my black fur, I can blend into the night and be one with my ninja skills.  I can take the road therefore my hooves don’t have to touch grass.  I can wear my fanny pack and put my house key in it as well as other snacks that Nana sends me back home with.

What could possibly go wrong?

 
62 Comments

Posted by on June 19, 2014 in Bacon

 

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