Dear Bacon – Darn that pesky cat. She dared me to stick my head under the privacy fence to look at Bob. Well you know I’m not one not to take a challenge so I did it. Well guess what? My head is stuck. Bob tried everything he could to get me un-stuck but nothing. I know I heard that pesky purr thing clicking pictures to post on line. This does mean war. Any suggestions? Signed Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place
Dear Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place – Here’s what I would do… not that I’ve done anything like this before – looks innocent. When the purr things goes to sleep, find the camera and change your face picture of being stuck to the purr things face. Then put that picture all over the place. Fair is fair, right? Snorts.
Dear Bacon – OMC – Make the winter go away please. It is so cold in my part of the world – this is how you will find me every night – trying to touch the heat waves. Is it still cold there in your part of the world? Signed Stretch
Dear Stretch – Shaking my piggy head. I am so with you my friend. Some days are great – perfect temperature and skies. While other days, the rain is falling and it is cold. Hopefully soon Mother Nature will make up her mind and pick one season to stick to… I hope.
Dear Bacon – What’s up?! I just know you are eating or drinking something wonderful on the other side of this fence. Just put it right there okay… right there on my tongue. Many thanks! Signed Beggar
Dear Beggar – If only I had something my friend, I would surely share with you. Heck, if you lived closer, I would go get you an poochie ice cream. Mom always makes sure that Houdini has some in the freezer. They don’t taste that bad at all – I know cause I’ve had one. Hope you get something soon. Hang in there… well don’t hang. Maybe take your tongue out of the hole.
Dear Bacon – I tell my human this all of the time. “Oh no don’t stop. I love hearing all about your break ups and fights with your boyfriend. You have my solid attention – do go on. I’m sitting here just totally enthralled. I would give you a hug but look – I’m caged.” Signed Attention
Dear Attention – Snorts with piggy laughter. Does this work? Does your human take you out for a little hug? I mean heck they should because you do look like you are giving them your full attention. I’m really touched – snorts.
Dear Bacon – My human thought he was dreaming last night but it really was me in person scaring him. Evil Purrs. I dressed up like a doctor and put a light over his face. Surely he thought he was going into surgery. It was really hilarious. For a human, he can’t jump pretty high. Have you ever fooled your humans like this? Signed Mischief
Dear Mischief – I like the way you think my friend. Every chance I get it, you know I pick on my human father. Our relationship is deep and has many levels. Both of us think that we are the alpha here at the Hotel Thompson. But we all know who that really is, right? Keep up the great work my friend. I’m highly impressed with your young abilities.
REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please keep sending me your letters and pictures to my email.
Okay all of us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson are writing this to mom as an open apology for our misbehavior this morning. We apologize and will try very hard not to let it happen again. Really. We will. So let us explain our behavior my friends.
First up. Mom is not a morning person. Not at all. We are talking zombie before coffee – no coffee no talkie. Well this morning, rolls piggy eyes and looks innocent, someone set the alarm to zero five hundred dark in the woods time to get up… something about trying to be the first to check in with cousin Sammy’s Tuesday Teaser. (And no I wasn’t first – darn it and shuffles hooves). Well after I checked in, I went back to sleep in the big bed – see me here in the picture. Mom was not amused. She got up, went to the bathroom, mumbled about who in their right mind would change the alarm clock and then went back to bed for a few minutes. Unfortunately that’s when she fell asleep and that’s bad. Bad because today is a worky day and she has to go that worky place. And the alarm clock already went off. This is not good.
A couple of hours later, mom wakes up because Hemi is rolling around on her side. That’s when she notices that it is awfully lit inside of the room. She sits up and oh.my.gosh.it’s.a.run.for.your.money because it’s almost 8:00AM. What the cream cheese? What happened? I know – I know – “someone set the alarm to zero five hundred dark in the woods time to get up”.
She jumps out of bed, tells daddy she’s running late and starts the marathon. But of course we are all standing there looking at her like, “Hey, remember us?” You know that pitiful look of we have never eaten before and are starving – snorts. And did you know there is a reason why we anipals get up in shifts in the morning for feeding. You see, I need to eat first. It’s just the way it is. Once you satisfy my rumbling belly with my piggy chow and Cheerio’s, I’ll go back to sleep. Then there is Houdini that gets fed. If you don’t feed him by himself and watch, the purr things try to eat his food. And then lastly, it’s the purr things. We all like the purr things food – snorts. Try feeding us all at one time – snorts with piggy laughter. Let’s just say that it didn’t go too well and mom still had not had any coffee.
And then there was the incident with the front room carpet mat near the entrance. Someone was caught gnawing on it like it was a puppy treat – not mentioning any names little guy. There’s now a hole in it and mommy might have blown a gasket because of that…. or maybe it was because I butted my head through the baby gate into the kitchen and ate some of the purr things food?… or maybe it was the purr thing Hemi chasing Houdini around the house knocking over the water dish? I’m not really sure what exactly it was that threw mommy over the edge this morning but I think she sure was glad to go to the worky place this morning. Sorry mom.
Hello my friends. As you know, I put together a contest for the adoption of a captured Elf on the Shelf that I have here at the Hotel Thompson. My captured Elf is a distant relative of my Elf on the Shelf – Don Juan. Although they are relatives, who knows how the captured Elf will act once he is released and gets his powers the day after Thanksgiving.
We thought here at the Hotel Thompson, we would have a contest to see who would like to have the captured Elf. Your mission was to send me an email of why you should have him in your house. I got several submissions and we thank you for them. Today, I’m going to highlight the submissions we have received.
Submission 1 – Evil
Submission 1 comes from my friend Evil Squirrel. WOW. That’s really a lot in that WOW. He didn’t email a request. Instead he did a blog about why they deserve the Elf at the Evil Squirrels Nest. You can read all about it here. Some of his favorite tenants on his shelf to include: Swing Squirrel, Rain Gauge Skunk, Buster Possum, Snuggle Bear and others you have to read to believe voiced their opinions about the Elf.
Submission 2 – Sammy
Submission 2 comes from Sammy. Get your Kleenexes my friends. This is what Sammy and his mom sent:
“Dear Cousin, well I think you’ve come up with a pawsome contest and OF COURSE I have to enter – what self-respecting Cousin wouldn’t enter his Cousin’s contest anyway? Huh??? HUH?????
So, why should I win? What can I do to make my very own Elf on the Shelf “at home” here with my folks and me? Well, it’s simple really. My Mom is pawsitive that elves do exist – for real. They live in the woods and we can hear them talk about us when we go down into our woods for walks…….I get glimpses of them down there too. We just know that we could give one of them (the one you’ve got trapped in a box right now) a good home INSIDE our house instead of outside with those other elves. He could sit inside in the nice warm house (or cool house in summer) and make faces at the others who are jealous of him living in the lap of luxury (or shelf of luxury).
I’ve had a rough time lately with my thyroid mess so I’m going to play the “poor pitiful me” card here and say I deserve the elf because I’m old, tired, and taking medication that makes me sleep all the time – when I open my eyes up I’d like to see a happy little elf staring back at me. Yep – that’s the truth of the matter…….I just think he’d make a fun friend for me in my retirement years. Now get out your hanky and blow your snout – I know I’ve got you in tears right about now………….HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hugs, Sammy the Elderly. Here’s the woods where the other elves live. They spy on us all the time! You can’t see them but they’re there! Trust me on that!
Submission 3 – Sue Brandes with Katsrus
Can you say aaww – look closely at the box my friends. This is what Sue says in her email:
“t gets pretty nosy when the lights go out here at night. I think my kitties are up to something they don’t want me to know about. When I get up to look everyone is always sleeping and acting all innocent. As soon as I lay back down I hear stomping and running around. I really need someone who could spy on them for me and tell what they are doing? Or is it something else and not the cats? I did catch this but; all I could see was a box. Can you see anything?”
“So even though WE are sending this submission we need you to know that it is actually for our mom…you see mom is a Christmas FREAK! She LOVES Christmas like no-one else in our family. Now living in South Africa means that we don’t really get to have the full Northern Hemisphere Christmas experience. For starters Christmas time is summer time here in South Africa so no white Christmas for us. Also, we don’t have Elf on a Shelf here in SA. In fact mom only learnt about Elf on a Shelf 2 years ago when she joined Pinterest and started coming across all these pins dedicated to little the guy and the mischief he gets up to. Now we can assure you that if you were to send us one of your Elves he would be the ONLY Elf on a Shelf to be getting up to mischief in the WHOLE of South Africa…let us repeat that…THE. WHOLE. OF. SOUTH. AFRICA. Put another way, WE NEED A SOUTH AFRICAN ELF ON A SHELF (pleeeeease). Ok, so we’re gonna let you ponder our pitiful plea and we’re keeping our paws crossed that you and your readers will take pity on our mom and grant her this special Christmas wish…an Elf on a Shelf of her very own. BIG licks your pals, Wally & Sammy
Submission 5 – The Pigs
Another heart tug in the right direction from my friends The Pigs (Dusty, Billy, Pip and Cocoa). Here’s what they had to say in their emotional email:
“It wasn’t very long ago that whee began to muse on the thought of not only being a pet, but having one too. Whee piggies know very well how to BE pets but whee’ve never actually had the chance to look after a little chap or chap-ess of our very own. Of course our ‘one’ couldn’t be any old Tom, Dick or Harry. After putting our heads together whee decided that whee would need somebody very special to be our own.Then came the thought: what if it wasn’t a pet? What if it was a little terror that ran around and tried to eat all our veggies! For a while whee squabbled over this then Cocoa pointed out that whee share the hoomans veggies for don’t they eat carrots too – all chopped up and boiled though, yuck! So whee promptly decided that whee wouldn’t mind that either. There were many questions that whee had to discuss:
Would whee be able to afford it? (Luckily Mop has a wealth of Carrot Coins so whee’re safe there.)
Exercise? (Pip is a mad house. He really could use something, or someone, that can help him to work off all those beans with a walk each day, or perhaps a kick-a-bout of a football.)
What would our pet eat?
Where would it stay?
Would whee be good pet owners?
Each question whee slowly went through, making sure that whee would fully be able to provide for our little friend. In the end, whee decided that whee would be able to for whee have been shown lots of love and have had a good example with which to pass on. Then was the biggest dilemma. Who would whee like to give a home too? Whee searched website after website after website. Then whee came across a little elf. A little chubby cheeked elf with bright eyes and a funny little smile. Could he be the one?
In order to stand a chance of giving him a home whee need to explain to you, Bacon, why whee would be a good home to such a little chap. Guinea-pigs, as a breed are very social animals. Out in the wild whee live in small groups and here, in captivity, whee like to have at least one cagemate though some places have many! Here there are only six of us. Whee have been thinking and have decided that whee would like to expand our group. Upon adopting this cheeky chap, if whee are chosen, whee promise to embrace him into our home. Our bed will be his bed. Our food, his food. Whee are ready to take on a little friend and, after many long months of preparation have finally, hopefully, made our decision. It was a hard choice to make, there were so many choices from fae to fairies and pixies but now whee really believe that this little elf is the one for us!
Now a little bit about our family. Whee range in age from five years to only 4 months old. This means whee have a range of different skills. Mop is retired from her job now but does enjoy going to the local Little Library where she reads books to all the pups, kittens and other baby animals that come there regularly. She also knits a range of different clothing and objects for a range of different reasons.
Dusty is an astronomer. He spends a lot of time gazing up at the stars. You might think that this would make him distant but it his income and Mop’s former income that has provided us with the means to look after our little boy, or girl.
Billy is a sportsman. He plays an attack position in the local rugby team, the Peel Pigeons. This has turned him into a very dedicated individual. Despite this he is very gentle, as was demonstrated when his young friend, Cupcake, gave birth to her children. He was very happy to babysit, showing how patient and caring he is. (Plus, he enjoys the games that children like to play – such as throwing a ball around!)
Pip is a children’s entertainer. He dresses up as clowns, knights, dragons, lions. This little ginger pig is perfect to help our elf, should we be allowed to have him, develop his imagination. Whee really do want to give him the best start in life. Nothing will be too good for our little boy!
Cupcake is a teacher at the local primary school which Cupcake now attends. She works there part-time as she is also a house wife and needs to be there for her young daughter, Cocoa.
Cocoa will be the friend to the little chap. Whee hope her and him will have a fantastic relationship!
So, here it is. Our petition to you. Whee hope that whee have answered all your questions and if a more suitable home is found for him, whee will continue our hunt for a pet. Our decision is made and we’ll make sure that some little chap or chap-ess, somewhere, will get a new start in our home.”
**LET’S VOTE NOW**
You’ve read all of the submissions. Now it’s time for *you* to judge and post your vote. The winner will be announced at a later date. Who do YOU think the captured Elf needs to go and live with for his adventures? NOTE: Voting will end midnight on Wednesday, September 10, 2014. This gives everyone plenty of time to post their submissions on their blogs and encourage voting. Good luck my friends – let the voting begin!
Information has been received over the wire reports this morning that a random act of mischief has taken place at a local Walmart in Rocksville. A juvenile rolling stone was caught causing mayhem by riding a blue skateboard throughout the store carelessly. The juvenile rolling stone was overheard shouting, “Whee, whee” and “Catch me if you can”. The rolling stone was observed skateboarding down aisles of the store in the toy department in between humans feet. No one was harmed but authorities are looking for the juvenile rolling stone for counseling. Skateboarding throughout the aisles of the Walmart is greatly frowned upon for the safety of its customers.
A video has been released of the juvenile rolling stone in his time of mishief. If you recognize this juvenile rolling stone, please comment on this posting. All comments will be strictly confidential. Thank you for your help in this grave matter.