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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’ve made a grave mistake here.  I thought I could jump over the little seat thing that kids swing on… I really did.  I jumped and mean old Mr. Gravity said, “Nope, not today”.  I really hate that guy.  So I guess you can say I’m stuck between a swing and hard place.. .namely the ground.  Any suggestions cause apparently my human who thinks it is hilarious is too busy taking my picture to lend me a paw.  Crazy human.  Signed Swinger

Dear Swinger – You know that’s the problem these days.  When anything happens, humans want to pull out their cell phones and take videos or pictures instead of lending a helping hand.  I don’t get it?  Burning car on the highway – no problems let me video tape it first before checking for survivors.  House on fire – oh yeah this will be good on my Facebook before putting the fire out.  Dog caught with his kibbles and bits up in the air – no worries.  Let’s get this picture first before the pooch passes out or by all means gets unlatched himself.  I definitely feel you my friend.  Can you bounce up with your front paws to get your back paws back on the ground and then wiggle out from that contraption?  Let me know if I need to call someone…. I’m hoping you are free like the wind now 🙂


Dear Bacon – I *know* I saw that darned squirrel on this tree.  I know I did.  He was running around on the ground taunting me.  I know he’s here somewhere.  If you see him, let me know okay.  Signed Hunter

Dear Hunter – Oh my friend, I’ve seen him alright.  He’s a sneaky sly little fellow.  I would go as far as to say that he has skills of unnatural means.  Put your paws down on the ground silently.  Now just as silently and be careful of the crunch of the leaves, slowly walk around the trunk of that massive tree.  Quiet now.  You don’t want to scare the little fellow.  You may find him around on the other side watching you… waiting for you to leave.  Smart little guy huh?  Enjoy playing tag my friend.


Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  I found this wonderful food on the ground.  It’s awesome!  So much chocolate.  There I was sitting in my tree enjoying it.  That’s when the weird stuff happened that I don’t get.  My friends kept walking by and saying, “Georgia eat a Snickers bar.  You know you’re not you when you’re hungry”.  Shakes head in confusion.  I don’t get it.  Do you?  Between you and me though, that Snickers bar did hit the spot.  Signed George

Dear George – Snorts with piggy laughter.  You don’t watch television much do you my friend?  You see there were some wonderful Snickers commercials out some time ago that had the saying, “You’re not you when you’re hungry”.  Okay, maybe the better thing to do here is to show you one of them…. one of my favorites.  Then it will ALL make sense.  Enjoy my friend.


Dear Bacon – I think the purr things here are pranking me.  They said they had a surprise for me.  They then told me I had to put my paws over my eyes and stay that way until they came back.  That was three days ago.  Do you think it’s save to go to the bathroom.  I really, REALLY need to go now?  Signed Waiting

Dear Waiting – Shakes head.  Oh my friend.  Don’t you know yet that purr things are horrific for doing such things to us?  The two here try to do these things to me as well.  But I don’t fall for it.  You can never trust a purr thing – sorry my cat friends.  But you know it’s true to.  Ya’ll are beyond devious and you have so much training from years and years of taking care of yourselves.  I bow down to you.  I really do.  So why don’t ya’ll do all of us a favor and leave us alone.  And Waiting – by all means go to the potty before you explode like a balloon.


Dear Bacon – My humans are wickedly bad at this torture.  They really are.  There we were watching some superheros on our television.  I was minding my own business and just enjoying the company on the couch.  My dad said that all superheros need a mask.  He was eating a sandwich so well you can see what he did.  Why?  That’s all I really need to say, right?  Why?  Signed Masked Bandit

Dear Masked Bandit – Oh my friend.  You have to give your dad something on creativity.  And you have to admit that it is pretty cute.  No one would ever guess that’s you behind the bread.  Nope not at all!

 

 


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Posted by on 08/11/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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