Boo! Cue Scary Music – It’s Friday the 13th

You know, normally this day would not bother me.  BUT, thanks to daddy I’m a nervous wreck this morning.  For some odd reason, mommy gave him control of the television remote last night thus he picked movie night.  He picked – you got it – Friday the 13th.  Mommy tried to warn me that it wasn’t pig rated and I should go to my room and watch my television.  I didn’t listen because I’m a big pig.  Why didn’t I listen??  After the movie, which I might add is oh so scary!, dad gently reminded me that today is Friday the 13th.  Gee dad, thanks so much for that wonderful and so caring reminder.

Today’s not scary.  It’s just a date, right.  Repeat after me.  It’s just a number.  Numbers are not scary.  Numbers are our friends.  Right?  I’m trying to convince myself you that there is nothing wrong with today being that evil Friday the 13th.  Really… it’s just a date.

There’s lots of Fridays in the month.  There’s a 13th in every month.  It happens every month.  So what’s the big deal?  Who am I trying to convince?  Today is a scary day.  It’s Friday the 13th!  I’ve watched the movie and what has been watched can not be unwatched.

And dad, he is milking this day for all of what it is worth.  He is SO not helping.  I know you are just paying me back for all of the times that I have ‘barked’ and oinked at you.  For all of the times that I wouldn’t share mommy with you.  I know pay back is bad.

But really, I woke up to this mask hanging on my bedroom door.  Are you trying to give this little pig a heart attack so early in the morning?  You knew I was already flipping out with the date and the movie.  Bad daddy – bad!

Then daddy, if you really are my daddy – snorts, you fixed me breakfast this morning.  I should have known you were up to no good by doing that.  You never fix me breakfast – always mommy.  And everyone, you’re probably thinking that was real sweet of ole dad doing that, right?  Until he called me for breakfast.  “Jason, your breakfast is ready.”  Really?  You’ve gone just too far with that one dad of mine.

And then dad said to mom, “Hey, let’s go to Camp Crystal Lake this weekend?”  Thud – piggy down.  Dad, I will pay you back with this date.  Really, I will.

Happy Friday the 13th my friends.  

 

 

 

Dear Bacon

  Dear Bacon –  Get three of us they said.  We would all get along they said.  Brothers have a great bond together they said.  Yeah right.  Let me assure you though, the middle kid always gets picked on to the end of the days.  The first born is special and the last born is always the baby.  The middle kid – well they get it from both ends.  I should know.  That’s me in the tank.  Any suggestions?  Signed Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck in the Middle – WOW – that is a predicament to be in my friend.  Sometimes being stuck in the middle can be hard.  But you know what?  You gotta stand up for yourself, be strong and take charge.  Your brothers want to be stuffing you in the pot – well you might just need to stuff something in their beds – winks.  Or you can always leave a little puddle in the kitchen and accidentally blame them of course.  I’m just saying.  Stay safe okay.

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Dear Bacon – My humans are the bomb.  They brought this box home for me and I was so excited.  That is until they started laughing and then took this picture of me.  I don’t get it.  Signed Grumps

Dear Grumps – Gulps.  Okay – trying to keep a straight face here.  It’s kind of hard to figure out why your humans would be laughing.  Really.  You are so beautiful and happy in your new found kingdom.  Shakes head – I just can’t imagine.  You just have fun in that little box and let your humans have their moment.

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Dear Bacon –  My dad said walk and of course I was already at the door ready to go.  That’s when he did something to my back captains quarters.  I didn’t get it but I tell you something.  We met some of the happiest humans on our walk today.  Everyone was so nice and kept coming over to talk to us and pet me.  It was almost like I was a movie star or something.  So great.  Signed Happy

Dear Happy – I think it had to be your outgoing personality, how handsome you are and how you smile at everything that passes you by.  Yep, that has to be it.  Keep passing the happy along my friend!

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Dear Bacon –  Oh dear doggy heavens my friend.  My human mom was in the bathroom doing her ‘nightly’ rituals.  I’m usually asleep when she does this but tonight I had stayed up.  OMD!  When she came out of the bathroom, I didn’t even recognize the alien that she had become.  She had green stuff all over her face, her hair was in some kind of sling and she was talking like a mummy.  Has your mom done anything like this before?  It was kind of scary.  I think I might have passed out.  Signed Passed Out

Dear Passed Out – Oh friend, the humans they call this beautifying.  I don’t get it either.  I mean, you wouldn’t see us putting that stuff on our faces.  Although one time, mom did talk dad into trying what she called a mud pack.  Shaking my piggy head – that did kind of look fun.  She told me it was similar to me playing in the mud in my backyard.  I was hoping dad would roll in the mud with me later but he didn’t.  Weird huh?

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Dear Bacon – Sometimes when one has to wear the cone of shame, you just need a happy friend to help make the days go by faster.  I was feeling kind of down.  You can only imagine – you know people in the hood making fun of me, not being able to drink my water with this contraption on and just not being able to lick myself while wearing this cone.  That’s when my buddy Clampet came and napped with me.  Just for a few moments, life was normal again.  Signed Jedd

Dear Jedd – Hopefully your cone will only be temporary my friend.  And hey, don’t you care what others say about your cone of shame.  All of us have to wear it at least once in our lifetime.  You and your friend just continue bonding together and happy mending.

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REMEMBER friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and letters via my email.

 

31 Days of Spook – Halloween the Movie

 

Cue Scary Music – It’s Friday the 13th

You know, normally this day would not bother me.  BUT, thanks to daddy I’m a nervous wreck this morning.  For some odd reason, mommy gave him control of the television remote last night thus he picked movie night.  He picked – you got it – Friday the 13th.  Mommy tried to warn me that it wasn’t pig rated and I should go to my room and watch my television.  I didn’t listen because I’m a big pig.  Why didn’t I listen??  After the movie, which I might add is oh so scary!, dad gently reminded me that today is Friday the 13th.  Gee dad, thanks so much for that wonderful and so caring reminder.

Today’s not scary.  It’s just a date, right.  Repeat after me.  It’s just a number.  Numbers are not scary.  Numbers are our friends.  Right?  I’m trying to convince myself you that there is nothing wrong with today being that evil Friday the 13th.  Really… it’s just a date.

There’s lots of Fridays in the month.  There’s a 13th in every month.  It happens every month.  So what’s the big deal?  Who am I trying to convince?  Today is a scary day.  It’s Friday the 13th!  I’ve watched the movie and what has been watched can not be unwatched.

And dad, he is milking this day for all of what it is worth.  He is SO not helping.  I know you are just paying me back for all of the times that I have ‘barked’ and oinked at you.  For all of the times that I wouldn’t share mommy with you.  I know pay back is bad.

But really, I woke up to this mask hanging on my bedroom door.  Are you trying to give this little pig a heart attack so early in the morning?  You knew I was already flipping out with the date and the movie.  Bad daddy – bad!

Then daddy, if you really are my daddy – snorts, you fixed me breakfast this morning.  I should have known you were up to no good by doing that.  You never fix me breakfast – always mommy.  And everyone, you’re probably thinking that was real sweet of ole dad doing that, right?  Until he called me for breakfast.  “Jason, your breakfast is ready.”  Really?  You’ve gone just too far with that one dad of mine.

Dad got mom up for the worky place this morning.  Can you believe that dad had the nerve to bring up sending me to piggy camp?  What, my head went up fast.  What did I hear?  Why?  I gave dad the one eyed slant glare.  What was he up to?  I’ve barely made the outside back yard and you have piggy camp in mind?  Mom was hesitant as well.  I’ve trained her.  And then dad said where.  Camp Crystal Lake – thud – piggy down.  Dad, I will pay you back with this date.  Really, I will.

Happy Friday the 13th my friends.