Let’s Play a Game

Okay my friends – Let’s Play a Game.  Mom/dad went out to dinner the other night to a local hamburger place.  They sit at a table and mom always faces the door and looks around like a sniper – hilarious.  She sees this older gentleman – probably in his 60’s – sitting at a table across from them.  He has older clothes on, he has a beard and mustache, long hair and he’s using an iPhone.  Now mom said that picture didn’t look right in itself.  It was like he was trying to ‘look old and out of place’ but yet he was hip enough to have an iPhone.  That was what caught mom’s eye.

Then, mom saw him tell the waitress that he was leaving his briefcase on the table, he was going to the bathroom and would pick it up on the way out.  Now look at that briefcase.  Really?  Awkward looking huh?  Clue two that caught mom’s eagle eyes.

Mom watched the guy go to the bathrooms, come out and walk right beside his table, look at the briefcase and proceed to pay his bill at the register.  Then, the man left the restaurant.  He walked right out the door and left…. without the briefcase.

Did you hear the bells going off in mom’s head then?  Odd – very odd.  Of course mom is giving dad a play by play of the activities.  Mom calls the waitress over and tells her that the guy left and to bring the situation to the manager’s attention.  You would, right?  Mom sees the waitress walk over to the manager, tell him something, the manager laughs and then the waitress comes back.  The waitress says that the manager was going to give the guy a couple of minutes to come back.  W.T.H.  Really?  Then the waitress says, “He looked like a nice guy”.  DOUBLE W.T.H.  Nice guy?  Well heck Ted Bundy looked like a nice guy too.  And??

So by this point mom is shaking her head and ready to call in the bomb squad herself.  Then something more mysterious happened about 15 minutes later.  This woman came into the restaurant.  She was holding one of those huge refillable drink cups like you would get at 7-11 or some gas station.  She stops the waitress and asks her to fill it up.  The waitress does it and gives it back to her.  On the way out of the restaurant, this lady picks up the briefcase and leaves.  This woman is walking – she didn’t drive to the restaurant.

Now you tell me what this is all about.  With everything that is happening in today’s society, what could this had possibly been?  AND to top it off, the management here didn’t have a care about it.  So let’s discuss – put on your investigator hat and let’s play a game of what (A) was in the briefcase and (B) what was going on.

 

Response from the Hotel Thompson

Dear Bacon,

We are in receipt of your letter from yesterday.  We apologize for the way you think the service has fallen on the weekends at the Hotel Thompson.  We appreciate you taking the time to contact us to let us know of our fallen ways.  We have taken great thought to some of your remarks and we have a few of our own, as we should since every story has two sides.

First of all, Sunday cleaning day.  Everyone at the Hotel Thompson pulls their weight around here at this establishment.  Just be glad that you don’t get the bathroom detail – that goes to Princess Mouse Girl and she doesn’t complain.  And Hemi with his huge paws, he gets dusting detail – he doesn’t complain.  You in fact my dear, are a little pig headed.  You like to fight clean day.  Let’s talk about bath nights at the Hotel Thompson.  You neglected to tell everyone how bull headed you are in taking your bath.  You don’t mind stripping down to naked world and running through the house but you try to avoid the tub like there’s no tomorrow.  We’re not asking for a bath every week, but once a month on bath night perhaps you can be so kind to actually help and not cause a fuss.  Sometimes it sounds like we are killing you here and what would the neighbors think then?  I’ll tell you what they will think.  That you are a wussy.  Yep, we said it little man.  Bath up okay.

Second of all, do you know how much you enjoy mommy/piggy time?  Well, daddy likes to enjoy mommy/daddy time too.  It’s only fair since mommy gets shared with all of you – you, Hemi and Mouse Girl.  Daddy deserves some time as well.  Especially since he keeps you in the life that you are accustomed.  If mom and dad want to go out and have a ‘date night’, then they should.  And before you go eeeww, just remember one day you will be dating too.  You have to do everything to keep it fresh and romantic.

Third of all, Bacon sweet Bacon – you have more mood swings sometimes than a pharmacist has pills.  Not that *we* are complaining.  We take the good – we take the bad – it’s the facts of life.  Regardless of your behavior, we still love you and cater to your every little need.  You seem to be the apple of your mom’s eyes.

Fourth of all, you may have less snacks on the weekends, but tell the truth about your meals.  You actually get cooked to order pancakes, omelets, fresh fruit and actual tacos or pizza on the weekends.  WOW – figure that.  Less snacks but more home cooked meals.  And you always get a treat on your pillow during turn down service.  You’ve never go to bed hungry.

Therefore let’s discuss your accomodations here at the Hotel Thompson shall we. 

• You have free roam of the facility.  You have air conditioning and heat in a temperature controlled environment. 
• You are guaranteed 3 meals and usually 2 snacks during the week.  Sometimes on the weekends, it might be 3 meals and possibly 1 snack. 
• You have your very own bedroom…. all to yourself.  Not even the purr things here go into your room unless you invite them in.
• You have your own television, DVD and Netflix account in your very own bedroom.
• You get mommy/piggy time on the sofa in the front room watching television.
• You get piggy massages and rub downs.
• You have your very own piggy toys.
• You have your very own pet – Bashful.  He should keep you company now on the weekends when mom and dad have date night.
• AND, you have your very own computer with internet access.

Needless to say Bacon, we think here at the Hotel Thompson you need to re-evaluate your issues with us.  It seems to the management, that you have it made my friend.  I don’t believe other piggies that live in nature have it made like you do.  But, if you have anymore complaints, please feel free to write.

Sincerely,

Management – Hotel Thompson

 

Dear Management at the Hotel Thompson

Dear Management of the Hotel Thompson,

It is with great sadness that I feel the need to write this letter.  Room service and snacks have been a great disappointment on the weekends.  It seems to me that the entire weekend service has gone down.  During the week, I have no issues.  It is strictly on schedule and you know how I am about my little piggy routine.  On the other hand, the weekends seem to have no routine.

I’m fine with breakfast being late.  Heck, we all like to sleep in a little on the weekends.  However, it seems that with a late breakfast, there is no room service of a mid morning snack.  The shock of that!  My little piggy system can’t take a missed meal.  With this rate, I’m going to shrivel up to nothing soon. 

And with weekends, I’m suppose to get a lot of piggy/mommy time.  What’s up with leaving this pig all alone for a couple of hours?  Am I going to have to report this establishment to PFACS (Pig Family and Children Services).  I don’t think I’m old enough to be left all alone.  What if something happens?  My hooves don’t help me when I need to push buttons on the telephone.  Maybe you need to get me a lifeline medical alert just in case something happens and I need to push a button.  What if I fall and can’t get up? 

Also, what’s up with this manual pig labor on Sundays?  I’m being made to help ‘clean’ my room.  I thought that was what turn down service was all about.  I actually have to pull my blanket to the laundry room to be washed.  The horrors of that.  That’s free piggy labor.  I don’t even get an allowance or anything. 

Please management of the Hotel Thompson, can you please address these issues and take them to heart.  Just make a few changes?

Signed, You’re well behaved pig – you’re favorite pet – you’re baby, Bacon