Pineapple and Daddy

As some of you know, I have a love/hate relationship with my daddy.  I mean he loves me and I love him but it’s nothing like the love me and mom share.  Can you relate?  We tolerate – yeah that’s a good word – tolerate each other.  He takes care of me during the day and I like to think I take care of him during the day too.

Well, this weekend we were outside playing around.  I was down in the yard of the magical back yard and he was with me with mommy up on the deck.  Just for a moment, deviled ham came out in me.

  I tried to hide him back inside of me… you know sweet bacon.  But, it just wasn’t going to happen.  Sigh – deviled ham came out full force.  I looked at daddy and all I could see was a target.  I know I shouldn’t but it happened.  I stomped my hooves, ran around the magical back yard and at full force slammed into daddy who was kneeling over weeding.  For a big ex football player, he fell hard with a good thump.  Maybe that’s because he wasn’t expecting me… you think?  Then that old meanie deviled ham did something terrible.  He grabbed daddy’s pant legs and started pulling.  I thought for a minute deviled ham was going to pull off daddy’s pants in the backyard.

But then, daddy did the strangest thing.  He said really loud, “Safe word is pineapple – PINEAPPLE”.  He kept repeating pineapple.  Shakes piggy head.  Can you believe that?  Even when deviled ham is trying to play, daddy still thinks of food.  And mom says my mind is a one track way with food.  Snorts.

With daddy screaming pineapple and deviled ham snorting, this got mom’s attention on the deck.  Mom said those words that everyone hates to hear.  The full name – shivers.  She yelled out, “Bacon Porkchop Thompson, you get up here NOW”.  Oh snap.  That’s right – deviled ham snapped right out of my inner body and sweet bacon came out pronto.  I stopped, put my tail between my legs and slowly stomped up the board to the deck.  Man, I was in trouble.  The full name followed by NOW.

I got up on the deck and mom fussed at me.  I mean really fussed.  What was I thinking?  I can’t play rough like that, etc.  I tried to tell her it was deviled ham.  She didn’t have any of it.  She sent me to my bedroom… you know pay the time for the crime.  Shucks… it was all in good fun.

But, I went to my room.  I hope mommy fed daddy some pineapple.  He seemed like he really wanted some.  And don’t worry, dad wasn’t hurt.  He thought it was kind of fun too.  We made apologies later in the day and all is good now.

But you see, that deviled ham is evil.  Do you have a deviled ham?

 

Finally Found in my Magical Backyard

There you go my friends.  My magical backyard – booyah!  Pictures don’t lie, right?  I mean this would no way be photoshopped.  Nope no way.  I couldn’t get a clearer picture than this.  It was that perfect off of my backyard camera.  Yeah that’s it.  Move over friends.  I can’t give you the exact locations because well you know for obvious reasons – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

 

My Magical Backyard

Oh friends, I’ve been telling you for the longest time that here is magic in my backyard here at the Hotel Thompson.  Frequently when we are in the backyard, we here grunts, groans and things moving in the woods behind us.. And trust me, there is lots of woods behind us.  And did I mention there is also a creek?  See the makings of a perfect storm.  Lots of woods to play and hide in and a drinking creek.  That means there has to be wild things in the woods.  Right?   I mean you know other than Journalist Rocky the Squirrel, there *has* to be other wildlife in my magical backyard.

Well at the end of December, a friend of mom’s put up a camera.  We did tell our friend that if he caught my Bigfoot or mom/dad dancing naked in the moonlight, he couldn’t share those pictures.  You know for obvious reasons… someone might try to take my Bigfoot.  Snorts with piggy laughter.

The camera was left out during the Christmas holidays.  And guess what – we have pictures of wildlife!  Check out these deers… or were they Santa’s deers just getting a snack while Santa was at the Hotel Thompson.  You decide.    

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
What? Don’t hate. You know you want a hat just like mine so you can play outside with it. Right? Signed Scooter

Dear Scooter,

Yeah, sure. I would absolutely LOVE to have a hat like yours to wear outside and make the funny thing on top go around and around Maybe if it was real windy, I could fly. I like the sound of that! So, yes two please my friend 🙂

---

Dear Bacon,
This is just me telling my friends on how to get more seed and nuts from the humans. Any suggestions for us? Signed Cute as Can Be

Dear Cute as Can Be,

Well you can also take tips from Journalist Rocky the Squirrel. He knocks on our back door frequently asking for a cup of nuts for him and his family. Mom even throws leftover bread out to them to help them out. You know, you do what you have to do. This economy has hit us all! Take care my friends. If you are ever near the Hotel Thompson, knock on the back door. 🙂

---

Dear Bacon,
I’ve read about your adventures in your magical back yard. Now this is what *I* consider a magical back yard… with drink in hand! You’re mom promised you a pool. Make her pay up pal. Signed Simple Puss

Dear Simple Puss,

I like the way you think my friend! My mommy made a lot of promises to get me outside. Although its only happened once so far, I think I need to make her pay up with one of the promises being a pool. Do you think I would be pushing it to be able to lay in a chair with a drink and food like you have?

---

 

Dear Bacon,
I love to play music. I can bang that keyboard with the best of them. This is me practicing, “Unleashed Melody”. It’s a sad and soothing song to us pooches. Have you ever heard of it? Do you play any musical instruments? Signed Wolfgang Pooch

Dear Wolfgang Pooch,

You do have some talent – way to go my talented young friend. I haven’t heard of that song yet but I will be sure to Google it on the internet and listen to it. I know it has to be amazing! As for this little piglet’s talent. Let me see…. I’m thinking…. mommy says I rip some good ones… but I don’t think she’s referring to a musical instrument for some reason 🙂

I’ll keep thinking about that answer. Take care and maybe we shall see you soon in the Hollywood lights!

---

Dear Bacon,

Don’t even say it. I know – I know. Yo Quiero Taco Bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s really funny. Ha Ha. My humans think it’s funny to dress me up as a taco. How would they like it if I dressed them up like a hot dog? BOL (Barking out loud)! Signed TB

Dear TB,

First off, tell me they didn’t name you Taco Bell – TB for short. Now that would be funny. Oh, I’m sorry. But look on the other hand. You are cute. AND, I bet if they took you to a Taco Bell in the drive thru, you would get free food. Free food – that’s good, isn’t it? Be proud little guy. Wear it with pride.

 

Texts from Bacon

Oh friends.  Thanks so much for the suggestion of hiding our evil Elf on the Shelf in the litter box.  Houdini captured the little twerk and we bagged and tagged him throwing him in the litter box.  It didn’t work out as we expected.  First off, Hemi didn’t appreciate the trespasser in his quarters.  Then when the little guy got his powers at night time, I paid the price for this entrapment.  How do you ask?  Rolls piggy eyes.  Check out the text below.  I think you can figure out what text comes from who.  I’m now on phone restriction here at the Hotel Thompson.  Anymore suggestions my friends?

---

 

 

 

No Daddy

 

Over the weekend, mom/dad went Christmas shopping.  They wanted a jump start to the season and wanted to look at stuff before it was all picked over… their words.  I’m not sure what they meant.  So they are hitting the shelves and daddy found a new friend. All mom heard was, “Honey I want”.  When mom turned around she saw this… where was daddy?  There was a muffled voice behind the horn faintly saying how much they wanted to come home with us.  Mom of course said no.  It’s too big.  Put it back.

Well, daddy never gives up.  I think we all know that by now, right friends?  A few minutes later, daddy said, “It has to be smaller right?’  Of course mom has her back to daddy and is kind of half listening and trying to shop.  She mumbles, “Yes”.  That’s when daddy gets a grin on his face and says loudly, “Welcome home my new friend.”

Now mom knows before she even turns around that this is not going to be good.  She slowly turns around and sees daddy with a new friend that is half the size of the original.  She puts on her best mom voice and says, “Why?  Why do you need a pink unicorn with a horn?”

Dad says, “Well it’s magical.  I don’t want him.  My inner child wants him.  He never had a magical unicorn.”

Okay, so how can you say no to that?  Well mom did.  Snorts with piggy laughter.  She explained to daddy that we were shopping for ‘others’ in our lives not for ourselves.  And you know, it’s much more fun to buy for others.  That’s when daddy pulled out his trump card and mentioned a certain someone here in blogville that he bet his inner child was wanting one of these special unicorns.  Now Evil Squirrel – I’m sure you would love said awesome unicorn but could you imagine sending this to you?  Heck, it would probably be better if I delivered it in person.. 🙂 right?

So mom had to explain that difficulties it would be in mailing the said wonderful, amazing, magical unicorn with a special horn and dad said he agreed…. especially when mom said if he put it back and behaved the rest of the time, she would buy him a drink after shopping.  Amazing how fickle my daddy can be.  One promised drink and Evil Squirrels unicorn went out the window.  Sorry about that my evil friend.  My mom is a hard-ass when it comes to shopping.  Snorts with piggy laughter.

 

I Gotta Know Friends

Go ahead.  You can be truthful with me my friends.  This is a picture that mom took of me playing in my magical backyard.  Do you see it?  Do you think I have too many fat rolls/!  Daddy called me chunky monkey this morning when he was scratching my back.  He even went as far as to say I was – are you ready for this? – pudgy.  What the pig heavens.  Me pudgy?  Surely, he is mistaken, right?  That’s not fat rolls.  That’s gotta be extra hugging material – extra loving – extra heat – extra storage space for my tummy.  Right?

 

Noises at Night

As I lay in bed at night sleeping, I have to think about the different sounds I hear coming from outside my bedroom window.  Now that we are in the Summer months, it seems like everything is coming alive, especially at night.  So there I was last night, tucked in and waiting for Mr. Sandman to visit.  I listened intently.

I could hear grasshoppers.  One I’ve nicknamed Sensei because he is so very loud and seems to hang out right near my window to the right every single night.  It’s like he tells me goodnight.

I could hear kids laughing and yelling.  Heck it’s almost 9pm – why are there kids still outside playing in the dark?  They better be chasing lightening bugs and not chasing trouble.

I could hear the faint sounds of a radio from the people next door.  Those neighbors are Asian so the music had a chime-chime affluence.  It was soothing to me.

I could hear dogs barking – it must be that pesky little Chihuahua across the street hanging out with his posse and being bad again leaving nuggets on everyone’s front yard.

  I could hear frogs.  They sounded like enormous frogs with giant legs and deep guts.  There are LOADS of them in my magical backyard due to the creek that runs behind it.

Then the most deep sound of them all started.  It’s enough to shake our little house and it comforts me enough to rock me to sleep.  What is it you ask?  Of course, its dad snoring. ❤

What sounds do you hear at night when you are trying to go to sleep?

 

Cow Kitty Space Travel?

  So mom was in the kitchen messing around the other day.  Something caught her attention in my magical backyard.  She went over to the window and then started oohing and aahhing like a crazy woman.  She went and grabbed her camera because she said she had to take pictures.

Of what me and dad kept asking her. She kept telling us, “I’ll tell you in a minute.  This is so cool!”  We kept at her though – what is so cool.  Please share your discovery.  It is *my* magical backyard and nothing and no one should be in it… except for maybe Journalist Rocky the Squirrel and perhaps my Bigfoot – but that’s stories for another day – snorts.

.

Finally I put down my hoof and demanded begged for an answer – who or what was in my backyard.  That’s when she said two words – Cow Kitty.  What?!  Cow Kitty from Canada?  You know Cow Kitty that visits my friends Shoko and Kali from Canadian Cats.

How in the world could Cow Kitty get all the way down here in Georgia?  Was there a mysterious space travel?  Did Cow Kitty come via a space ship?  Oh my – look at the resemblance to Cow Kitty.  What do you think – how did Cow Kitty get here in MY magical backyard?  So weird.  I’m off to ponder this for a bit and think about space travel now.

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – I am the All Mighty Magical Hare.  That’s right – I’m a magician.  I got tired of the human pulling me out of his hat.  It was dark in there.  Now I do the tricks.  What?  You never saw a magical hare before?  There’s lot of us out there that are famous.  You’ll see.  Signed All Mighty Magical Hare

Dear All Mighty Magical Hare – I say go for it my fuzzy little friend!  Why play second fiddle when you can be the main star.  And with that charming red coat – who could see nothing but a STAR?  There are lots of rabbits out there that are famous – the Trix Rabbit, the Energizer bunny, Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh, Roger Rabbit, Bugs Bunny and now YOU – the All Mighty Magical Hare.  I can see your name in spot lights.  I can see you in sold out theaters.  I can see David Copperfield shaking in his expensive shoes.  That makes me wonder.  Who are you going to pull out of your hat my friend?  Snorts and oinks.

.

---

 Dear Bacon – You see nothing here.  Nothing at all.  There is no dog under this pillow.  Nope. Nada.  Walk on my friend.  Nothing to see here at ALL.  Signed Walk the Line

Dear Walk the Line – You got be faster than that my furry friend.  The evidence is now in the picture.  I suggest you shred these pictures and delete them from your computers.  If you can’t see it, it didn’t happen. Remember those words and tread lightly.

---

 

 Dear Bacon –  Who says that the little miniature humans are the only ones to have fun on toys?  Is that a rule set in concrete?  I think not.  I made it not.  When everyone went to bed, I jumped and rode a horse.  It was fast.  It was fun.  It was the time of my life until…. I forgot about the motion sensor camera the humans put in the front room.  Can you say busted little guy?  Signed Caught in Giddy Up

Dear Caught in Giddy Up –  Hey, don’t sweat it my friends.  You can only imagine what that camera catches the humans doing.  I’m just sayin’ do a little research for some blackmail in case they decide to put your picture on their Christmas cards this year.  Snorts – Giddy Up!

---

 

 Dear Bacon – The possibilities are endless.  My brother has the cone of shame.  Sure I feel for him.  Who wouldn’t, right?  But for all of the crap he has given me, does this look give you any enlightenment to the torture fun I’m going to have with him?  Evil barks!  Signed Some Doggie?

Dear Some Doggie –  Oh no!  I’ve heard about you recently my friend.  You are the one that does all of these bad things to doggies and then dogs get blamed for it.  Some Doggie – you are famous.  I gotta admit that your bro looks a little pitiful.  Maybe go a little easy on him… just a little okay.

---

 Dear Bacon – My humans forgot to feed me tonight. Something about they were tired and sick.  They went to bed early without a second thought to little me and my needs like FOOD.  That’s okay though.  I’ve been sitting up here watching them sleep for a couple of hours.  I don’t plan on moving until they wake up and see me here.  That should give them plenty of nightmares for the rest of their lives and they should never forget about me again.  What do you think?  Signed Pissed

Dear Pissed –  Oh.my.pigs.  Remind me to *never* piss you off my friend…. or to piss off the purr things here.  They may get instruction from you.  If I woke up to you staring at me from above…. I think I would wet myself right there and then in my piggy bed.  Squeals!

.

---

REMEMBER FRIENDS – We can’t have Dear Bacon issues without YOU.  Keep your pictures and questions coming to me via email 🙂